Black Country Woman

[Alice White]

Sandwell, 1st of June 1948

dying embers lightened up the sky today
as reprisal renders her charred path in a timeless state
where silence's presence is accompanied by a nightingale
and frightening fragments transubstantiate into tidal waves,
- as Emma's wishful thinking dissipates.. on a crimson ray.

"Is it because of the loved one I betrayed?
Or is it because I never obliged to stay?
Mama, why didn't you tell me right away!"
The home once harbouring her childlike soul,
it bore her nascent pride of mine and coal,
she would rise from the ashes with a revival of her own..
But right now..
There are tears in her eyes as she is trying to grasp the line to say,
"the..mining chamber, where my dear father p..slept away.."
- and rising embers brightened up the sky today,
in the Black Country.


* Black Country (where Sandwell's a significant part of) was one of the most industrialised parts of Britain during the Industrialised Revolution, with coal mines, steel mills etc.


asylum Adonis
__________________

[Eŋg]

if you've ever been to the black country (i worked there for a bit) you'd know how criminally the florid writing of your first stanza does not befit the place. lol. it's mostly just charred husks of former factory industry where the eventual residential areas boast butchers of the english language who keep the dumbing dampness of the old heavy smog on their tongues, it seems, for want of a better way to put it -- tbh the last bit is unfair the idiosyncrasies are mostly just displaced forms of antiquated english but sounds fucking bizarre to a modern ear. i liked some of your language, though. the mine and coal/revival of her own couplet stood out to me. thanks.

[Alice White]

thank you for the read, I appreciate it!
this was a keystyle and I really agree with you, a lot of the wording is rather "unfitting". But I'm glad that you liked a part of it.

[Mr. J]

This was decent, its not as smooth as your other pieces have been
I feel like there was a chunk of it missing that could have made the story more hard hitting
although you do set up the scenery quite nicely & it has its effects...
otherwise there isnt too much here for me to look into other than that I wish there was more to it...
keep writing though...

[Ghost1]

I wanna fight u in real life op

[sral]

LMAO YO ALICE, I JUST REALISED YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THE BLACK COUNTRY

THAT'S WHERE ME, MMLP AND Flo Real ARE FROM (FLO IS A BRUMMIE, TBH)

WTF @ 4 PPL FROM THE MIDLANDS BEING ON A LARGELY AMERICAN BASED WEBSITE

FUCK THE FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

[sral]

LMAO THIS MUST BE A TROLL

IF YOU WERE REALLY FROM SANDWELL, THE TITLE WOULD HAVE READ "BLOCK CUNTRAY WUMUN, AY I"

ROFLZZZ

[Alice White]

Just to clarify, this was my topic in the AOWL.
I'm not from the "Block Cuntray", glad you caught that, Sral.

Bags I love the dedication you have for my posts here, you never disappoint in terms of entertainment :)

[Witty]

I thought this was great. I think you are wildly underrated. I also think you over complicate things when simplicity would be more suiting.

Thanks for the read.