Week 2: Timeless vs. Asylum (TIMELESS WINS SHUTOUT 7-0)

[asylum]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/12
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.

Voting ends MONDAY 3/14
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.

32 LINE MINIMUM

Verses may not exceed 48 lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: Lets Go Get Stoned

Good luck to both participants.@Asylum (0-1) timeless (1-0)

[timeless]

A mirage of sorts, more teeth than a piranha stores.
Devil has his flashbacks only when nostalgia forms.
Moment of triumph, line up to accept your fate in hand.
Roped in and tied up, death for every time you escape the plan.
I was too beautiful to die, ruthless yet suitable for life.
My husband was a ghost in a nation of usual decline.
At most we're creating a new road to travel on,
Even if my final hour shows that my soul is sold in Babylon.

I met a new man, who's plan was to show me the world.
Grew tired of seeing me form into the loneliest girl.
Just a year ago, I was unfortunately forced into marriage.
Opposite of Christian, wishing for a morgue and a parish.
The white man tried to bring democracy to our land,
A plan worth dying for, yet hypocrisy lent its hand.
Two evils do not make it safe even in the pouring rain,
Where each droplet represents hope, until it spreads into a morbid chain.

Each apple of my eye grew ripe under the disguise of moonlight.
So I mutter a prayer, huddle my hair to stand in line to unite.
Eccentric dementia, my dimension is glued to transparent thoughts.
I'll be glad for one day, when I leave behind what my marriage bought.
A fine line I'm scared to cross, especially with no destination.
My new friends only specialties involve stress, no patience.
Please allow me to be sedated in tranquility.
Only if life were easy, it all ended on my man's guilty plea.

Adultery was a choice for a better state of mind and peace.
A crime of ease, in my country, it was always time to flee.
House of life at my fingertips, they didn't let me sign the lease.
Bull painted red going berserk trying to find the green.
Since leaving my husband was illegal, there is a deep message I hold.
We will both be killed by force, so my stress knows it's role.
So the next time you're so quick to send a text on the go,
Know that my lover and I are hand in hand saying, "Let's go get stoned."

[asylum]

Our position isn’t a gift humans received,
it’s built on the back of everything we’ve achieved.
Written in rock, in monuments and buildings of granite,
inscriptions listing lasting depictions, visions from hell.
Perhaps even one’s from which our existence was built,
images of benevolent Gods with wrathful hands,
they laugh as we bend to their will,
while their statues patiently understand.
Watching our every move, “Don’t test me dude,”
the Ten Commandments, bringing back the best of grooves.
Scratch out the infestation with vermin scratching tooth and nail,
set the recorded pattern repeating in different soothing scales.
The rat race moves slowly through drifting ages,
lets the basic decree stay and repeat.
Layers of our different stages lay buried deep,
baring the weight of all the lakes and beaches,
from the highest peaks,
to the deepest seeps found beneath it.
Life begins and repeats,
forges a spade to dig the way and succeeds in the end,
it’s the way you carve the beast that marks the meaning of friends.
When the laymen rise against you with bits of holy stones in their hands,
they misuse undisclosed quotations most don’t even understand.
Suffocating by this fate isn’t done without a punctured lung,
our worlds being torn to pieces by hoards that lunge forward,
with dangerous steps and swords for tongues,
hungering to witness the final moment of our plunge.
Hoard the crumbs after it's passing and prepare for the onslaught,
explore every rung of the ladder you climb before the weights dropped.
Tightening the hangman’s noose.
He's watching the veins in your eyes pop.
As a silhouette sits on the side of Stonehenge,
it's past perception of time stops.

[breathless]

Vote - timeless

Timeless - the piece was near perfect, consistent, complex unorthodox multistage that weren't forced have for an smooth read despite all that was going on. Great story, easy to jump into the narrator girl's head and visualize the story. At times it became a bit to adjective laden, but it worked still

Asylum - great piece, I wasn't entirely sure what time setting I was supposed to imagine until about half way through, but after rereading it does come through a bit. More wordplay heavy than rhyme scheme, and at times some of the lines were a little stretchy. Great piece as usual but could have been epic with some more polishing

[MMLP]

Time – dark, dark twist on ‘lets gets stoned’. Very good I thought, a Romeo and Juliet feel to it. Didn’t like the phrase, ‘opposite to Christian’, that’s not correct at all but besides that, this was very good, enjoyed reading!

Asy – on second read, im still lost here man. Im struggling to grasp exactly you’re talking about. I hope to be enlightened and maybe im being completely dumb. But this didn’t work for me. Rhyming was solid throughout but flow was off putting at times! With more time I might of got this but im rushing through these atm.

v/ Time

[2tripple0]

Yeah I got timeless as well more polished and a lot of asylums piece lacked as much passion and imagery it was pretty obvious who won this battle really impressed with both drops though good work to both writers

Vote....Timeless

[sral]

Hmmmmmmmmm...

timeless revered me with the more engaging storyline, I liked the idea behind it and thought he executed it reasonably well even though it felt a bit short. It could have used some more character background building to make me "feel" for what was happening to the couple other than it all just being resolved and them getting high like every day could be their last etc. I liked the concept, just felt the execution didn't do it the full justice it deserved this week, for me, at least.

Asylum: I think although your take wasn't as "creative" as timeless' here, in that he almost transcended the topic (I said the same about Echo this week, go figure) and really made a whole story around it rather than let it dictate where his story should go, but you had the by far execution and wording here IMO.

inscriptions listing lasting depictions, visions from hell.
Perhaps even one’s from which our existence was built,

That's deep, yo. All the materials come from space stardust. I love the connection. I've wrote on it myself.

I admit, Asylum lost me at a couple of points where the end rhymes didn't rhyme. I don't like that. All in all, Asylum seemed to go for a more "topical" route up against the "storytelling" or timeless' piece. This match was a stylistic clash to me, both could probably learn from the other in what they do well and what they don't so much. timeless was the more entertaining overall, even though I think Asylum maybe is the more flare writer here. It's a weird one to vote on, in truth, but I'd give it to timeless.

[Just Write]

Sigh.... I was hoping someone would take the obvious route and talk about getting high

Timeless, this was very well written man but I don't think you were anywhere near the topic besides the obvious last line, but besides that nitpick I believe you utterly crushed the verse, I couldn't really see anything I didn't like about this besides not really being connected to the topic. Good work man


Asylum... buddy, pal
I wanted to love this so bad but some of the things you write totally throw me, I mean like over my head shit, at first I though you were talking about getting stoned as in biblical days of getting rocks thrown at you, and then you started talking about Stonehenge and what not, I just really couldn't get into this man :'(

Mvgt=timeless for a more completed piece and an enjoyable read overall

[Razah]

timeless, very solid piece. This is probably the best verse I've seen from you, very enjoyable. No complains here.

asylum- Complains everywhere. I don't know, I really couldn't grasp where you were going with this, and I just read it twice. Ehh, I dunno man, just not very intrigued by it. The second time reading it, it felt like I was just going through the motions of reading it to see if I understood it more but I just wasn't very interested by that time. Although, I thought this couplet was very sickkk.

inscriptions listing lasting depictions, visions from hell.
Perhaps even one’s from which our existence was built,

Besides that, very difficult read for me. Not difficult actually, just, it didn't really connect for me. Timeless on the other hand, was the complete opposite. Kudos, very dope verse bruh.

vtimeless

[Echo]

Timeless, i liked the take on the topic because you built a world and brought me to it. i also liked a lot of the imagery and the level of good quality phrasing was very consistent. at times the rhyme pattern was very rigid and there were awkward phrases to keep it going. overall i enjoyed the story it just coulda been fleshed out a little more to really transport me

Asylum, i loved a couple of things about the verse but there were times when your abstract style made it hard for me to connect with it as a reader. i dig the style a lot but it's just that this verse came up against a story driven verse. there were one or two gems in there but it just fell short in terms of really drawing me in. your writing itself was very very good and the wording was wekk crafted throughout

it's hard to vote on this because asylum probably wrote at a higher level throughout but i enjoyed the story driven aspect of timeless' verse

i will edge this battle to timeless but only because I resonated with his style and delivery more