Week 2: MMLP vs. Maximus (MMLP WINS 6-2)

[asylum]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/12
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.

Voting ends MONDAY 3/14
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.

32 LINE MINIMUM

Verses may not exceed 48 lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: Every Saturday Night

Good luck to both participants. MMLP (0-1) Maximus (0-1)

[MMLP]

Start putting ink to paper to produce a story.
Become an innovator and you’d soon applaud me
but now you ignore me and its sending me mad.
This viewing audience should collectively gasp,
I’m setting a standard you’re refusing to see.
This is meant to be rap. Be fluent in speech,
try muse to a beat and make it project.
I mean I used to compete when we played with content.
Where creative concepts were admired and praised
their basic objective to try and inflame.
So your mind was engaged to the subject at hand.
We’d rhyme at a pace you would struggle to grasp
with a structure intact, we’d rap with intent.
It come to us naturally on a path to its end.
I start planning ahead and picking a shirt.
I anxiously text whilst thinking of words.
Fifth can hitting the turf as the evening darkens.
So I quit with the verse and proceed with the lagers
feeling disheartened, I start changing the beat.
My wisdom has sharpened as I’m painting a scene.
I’m gaining belief that the method I have
is the way it should be and your all set in the past.
Contesting what’s bad and disputing what’s hot.
I'm ending my draft and moving along
Cuz it’s not proven or wrong and that is the difference.
The true beauty of hop, a craft we enlist in.
Whether graphic or written our mind’s engulfed
where one man’s opinion can divide a cult
For me it defines the culture I'm glad to be by
reignites a hunger that's trapped in my life.
Another Saturday night and the rhymes are done
I'm happy with mine, think the time is up!
The deadline is coming and the bottom is reached,
add the final touches and my topic’s complete,
Log off Netcees so I can catch the bus,
jog on to meet the lads at the pub!

[Maximus]

I lay reclined on my sofa, no concubines I'm a loner
That's cloistered like patients showing signs of ebola
Or priests in monasteries chanting psalms to Jehovah
An old fashioned geek out of alignment with culture
I'm withdrawn in my shell, deeply absorbed in my self
If there were plaques for being reserved I'd have awards on my shelf
And I barely got the digits of a broad in my cell
They say my aura repels just like a horrible smell
As far as relationship goes I got a torrent of L's
No lady to bone when my cock engorges and swells
And so I keep masturbating viewing porn on my Dell
Another weekend yet I have no rapport with Adele..
that's the name I call my crush, she's gorgeous as hell
We should be on a date tonight, enjoying ourselves
But Solitude's my comfort zone and in this fortress I dwell
Its cold out there, I'm used to the warmth of my pelt
.
.
I grab my pen, my hymn-book and head for the temple
A holy ground I love to be to hear that heavenly tempo
When my heart gets heavy like the lead used in pencils
These symphonies soothe my soul, every melody's gentle
I walked through the church entrance feeling grateful and joyous
Flipped the leaflets of my hymn, on page two there's a chorus
I join the choristers in worship as we raise our voices
Profusely praising His Lordship like angels, its glorious..
Stanza after stanza, we mastering the lines
We take time to inscribe the verses on the tablets of our mind
I'm uplifted when I'm here, enraptured and blissful
Elated by the sound of drums and clashing of cymbals
These sequence of rehearsals is more than a practice session
Its a therapeutic process that diffuses massive tension
Once the vibe is perfected we round up with prayers
And when we sing on Sunday morning we're drowned by the cheers

[2tripple0]

Okay this battle was alright but not the best I thought that parts of mmlps verse was hard to read my mind kept wandering and it was difficult to stay focused on his piece I realize it was about some guy who was insecure about this that or the other but I just didn't think it as very interesting enough to get my vote whereas I enjoyed the first half of maximus' piece he was much simpler and easier to read imho he could have done better with the second half but I still felt his verse was stronger and mostly because he stayed closer to the topic and what not so yeah.....vote: Maximus

[symetrik]

MMLP's PIECE

I’m setting a standard you’re refusing to see.
This is meant to be rap. Be fluent in speech,
this has good flow. The simplicity of the rhymes and whatnot make it easy to read, and the content in entirety is extremely human. not my type of style, but the straight forward, human aspect of this could sell the writing.


MAXIMUS'S PIECE

I lay reclined on my sofa, no concubines I'm a loner
That's cloistered like patients showing signs of ebola
a little lag in the flow but I got it and I love this line. this battle wasn't very interesting to me, just due to subjects.
this piece comes off as a little less real than the last one but ONLY because MMLP's piece was just straight raw talk.
the first part of this one was pretty raw though.


When my heart gets heavy like the lead used in pencils
These symphonies soothe my soul, every melody's gentle
GRAPHITE YOU FOOL.

MMLP came off as a little cocky, despite the realness. Maximus's piece came across as forced in some places, but deeper imagery.
MVGT Maximus, but honestly eh.

[timeless]

Mmlp, enjoyed how easy going this was for such a cop out of a concept. Everyone usually tries to twist netcees into their concept once or twice and more often that not they fail. I enjoyed the emotion you displayed, had it all building up good but the ending failed. Def seen it coming after the first few bars tbh

Max, after reading this twice I just see a slab of different ideas thrown into a pigpen of forced wordplay. You definitely have some of the best potential out of anyone in this league that's "new", you just need to piece everything together more accordingly.

V. Mmlp for the smooth read and complete thought. Almost let it go tho feel u underestimated max. Max def will be a threat soon if he keeps it moving.

[Mr. J]

MMLP, where do I start upon reading your verse...
I thought you were going in a different direction at first
as I kept reading though I was no longer concerned
I understand your frustration & I know being misunderstood hurts
when I started catching on this felt like a great spin on your topic
the love you have for what you do shines through, its honest...
its rare seeing a piece like this & after last week I feel haunted.
you are one of the most consistent & most original since you started
its great watching you flow so smooth & watching you progress
the way you wrap your rhymes into the next line left me impressed...
this was nice breh....


Maximus, your verse was one I had to read again...
though the wording felt kind of weird I liked how this begins
you find a scheme that works for you & it all makes sense
you season the verse with funny concepts & then it ends..
Im unsure if you meant to switch it up the way you did
because the second verse doesnt feel like your smoothest..
the wording felt rushed & you toy with your religious influence
which is cool...but I felt the first verse was so sick it was stupid.
not stupid in a bad sense but stupid the way you played with each line
the whole cell/well/L/Dell scheme made me want to push rewind...
aside from that though...the second section was alright...
nice work bruh..


v/MMLP, I thought his train of thought was on point throughout
he touched on some key moments that most writers seem to do now
we all have lives outside of the league & he expresses that nicely
Maximus had a smooth start but the ending hurt him with his rhyming...
his word choice felt forced & it sucks because that first verse was smooth
both had some impressive verses & I enjoy it when new writers come through
the future looks bright for both of you...
nice work....

[Just Write]

Mmlp, you must be from the uk because a lot of your word choices do not rhyme, I noticed it last week but couldn't say anything because we were battling. For instance your opening bar, story and a applaud me do not rhyme, neither does darkens and lagers, and project (the way you used it) doesn't rhyme with content... you were using it as in projecting your thoughts, which has a hard O sound.. at least where im from, project as in a school project has a soft o sound. also on another battle I read you telling someone that something didn't rhyme with glorious (can't remember what it was but it definitely rhymed to me) I actually have a LOT of friends from the uk though so I understand how you say certain words so it works for me. also the whole putting down the voters because you don't think they pick up on certain references ect is a little distasteful. Certain people have different styles so not everybody is going to like your pieces, just like you're never going to like someone else's pieces. That's just the way the cookie crumbles my dude. As far as this piece is concerned I feel it was well written but I didn't like the fact that you were basically attacking the aowl because you lost a battle.. idk, maybe I read wrong but that's what I came away with.


Maximus,
I really enjoyed your first verse, I myself am definitely a hermit of sorts, i'd rather be home doing my own thing than out and aboutx I also get very tense in compacted placed with an abundance of people (disneyland is vicious for me) you definitely grasped some of my feelings which leads me to believe you really are a loner... well maybe a homebody, loner might not be the best word. The second verse seemed very rushed to me, almost like you were in a panic to finish before the deadline, I mean the topic was about Saturday night and now we're at church on Sunday morning singing hallelujah hymes!? Lol I just couldn't connect the two verses no matter how hard I tried, if you would have kept in the same zone throughout your second vote as you were in the first you would have easily taken this but the connection was just too much of a reach for me.

Mvgt= MMLP despite all the negatives I said I feel your piece was more coherent throughout and although I don't think attacking the league for vote is a good route to go seeing as the league members are the ones voting, I've been there in my mind as well. Cheers guys

[Razah]

MMLP, from the jump, that opener didn't rhyme to me. That also happened when I was reading Baron's verse, I'm going to say it's your guys accent. Lagers/darkness doesn't rhyme to me either.

Whether graphic or written our mind’s engulfed
where one man’s opinion can divide a cult

I liked that. That was cool. Also, your style reminds me of Baron's style, just not.. "quite there yet".. maybe cuz I just read that battle, but it's very similar, he just has it more polished. Anyways, I always enjoy the smooth short style bars. I usually like them more when they have a few lines thrown in there that make me think 'ahh this was slick', or 'i wish i would've flipped an idea like that'... This had none of that. It was just fast paced, smooth, rhymed well (except for the words that didn't rhyme to me, but that's not your fault), and it read faster than most 32+ bar verses. I like your style, I just felt like you didn't really try to do anything 'special' with the topic / your execution on it.


Maximum, I thought the first verse was hilarious. Mechanically, it was okay, it was just funny as hell to me. Now, your second verse, I have no fucking idea how that fit into your verse. I dunno, that shit made no sense to me. Lucky for you, the first verse compensates for the second verse. The second verse wasn't bad, I just don't see how it fit.

Anyways, this is the second time I read a verse from Maximus, and I dig his style a bit. I feel like he can wrap things up together nicely, but he's on the right path. MMLP had a better flow, but I found Maximum' first verse more enjoyable. Enjoyable enough to make up for having a second verse that didn't fit together nicely.

vMaximum

[UnbornBuddha]

MMLP: The direction you took has huge risk. Addressing Netcees is almost always a minus, the only thing that rectified that for me was the piece as a whole. Some readers commentated that you are mechanically in the same spectrum as Lars, but perhaps not on the same level, few are though. I think while the influence is obvious, which is adapting a straight talk, no-filler kind of style of his, there is also a sense of your own touch. But, I would really like to see you develop more your own writing, one that isn't dependent so much on your companion's legacy. I say this because I've read open mic pieces where you two collab, and while you both contrast nicely, I feel like you should metamorphosize into your own trajectory. Stylistic variation might help achieve this, but perhaps there is another way. I enjoyed the piece, even with the Netcees theme, which quite frankly is cheap. But, since the topic was Saturday night, it does add some humor that Netcees is sadly part of our weekend experience. So it didn't backfire, but I still don't like it.

Maximus: Your first verse vs. the second is so different. It doesn't contrast nicely. You went from talk of self-fornication to scriptural language that was supposed to embody the holiness experienced when you write a verse. That said I did think there was humor, something expected from another writer that has gone missing as of late, Copypat. While, there are other writers who write humorously like Pinot, his humor is always based on plot, while Copy's and yours is more humorous on an individual line basis. The problem with the verse was the very jarring contrast between the first and second stanza. I enjoyed the theme more so than MMLP, who addressed Netcees, but in his case the whole verse worked well as a unit, yours didn't. Still I enjoyed the writing, and it is obvious you are coming into fruition.

So, my vote goes to MMLP

[Frank]

MVGT MMLP

Doper verse in conjunction to the topic

Pardon the brevity. I just thoroughly liked MMLPs verse in retrospect to the topic more.

[asylum]

Mmlp – well I didn’t know you were about that life, mmlp. This is some excellent content. Usually I’m not a huge fan of including yourself and the writing process inside of the verse because I’m being judgemental or a hardass, but your topic really gave you a pass this week and you took the opportunity and hit it head on. I really enjoyed it. Nice piece man. Not anything new, but definitely well executed. I know you signed out, but on your return try and get outside of yourself. The writing process becomes more when you do so. If anything else you’ll get a bonus match with lars, till next time.
Maximus – your flow and rhyme slants remind me of action Bronson. Word choices too. If you’re him you owe me a collab track. Enjoyed how your second stanza started much more than the body of your first. the flow was nice. Favorite lines..
I'm uplifted when I'm here, enraptured and blissful
Elated by the sound of drums and clashing of cymbals
Pretty sure this is the backstory of a priest. Your story was entertaining enough, but to be honest I’ve never truly been a member of a congregation and this piece didn’t speak to me very much. But I do appreciate your angle, efficient word choices, and capacity to rhyme well. Nice piece.

Mvgt – mmlp , I simply enjoyed his piece more. They’re pretty neck and neck as far as mechanics go tbh. I’m simply a heathen. I related to mmlp’s piece more. If I went to church every Sunday I’d probably vote for max tbh.