In the depths of the Coal Mine rests an Old Mind

[Mr. J]

Paradise is ours in the form of hard work & dedication
We escalated from our lowest point of degradation..
Seven days in a world built upon shoulders of segregation
the youngest were used as tools that set the pacing
at this elevation with the amount of dust we were slated...
to be dead.. therefore we were treated unjustly & hated.
But we made it. Our eyes tortured by the morning sun
blessing ourselves & dirtying the spout the waters pouring from
when you think your time is up theres more to come.
Seniority breeds despair as they push aside the sorest ones
Foolish pride creates these monsters who no longer supported us...
the less fortunate who were fortunate enough to still stand strong
we grew with these skills cause back then we were real hands on
we still had God. we still had hope & worshiped this invisible man
Our union was built on a foundation where the indivisible stand
Now we look down on present youth with their minuscule plans
those who dream of stardom & fail to see their frailty
Foolish pride...I see now how betrayal sleeps with their gaiety
I started working at 8 and still made it to the divine age of 83
if you haven't suffered as much as I have there isnt much you can say to me....



hey dog.......way to free...

[Artifice]

I thought this was pretty dope. Don't know why it hasn't gotten any feed yet, but it was solid from start to finish. The flow was smooth throughout, I had some instrumentals playing and it read nice to a beat.

at this elevation with the amount of dust we were slated...
to be dead.. therefore we were treated unjustly & hated.
But we made it. Our eyes tortured by the morning sun
blessing ourselves & dirtying the spout the waters pouring from
when you think your time is up theres more to come.
Seniority breeds despair as they push aside the sorest ones

That part right there stood out to me. Everything about it worked. Flow, vocab, imagery, conceptual content. I also like how you thread several notions together: segregation, the elderly, disparity in generational work ethic...

The only criticism I would give is the use of 'tion' rhymes for the first three lines of the verse. They've been so done to death that they almost always come across as bland to me. Other than that, I have nothing but things I like about it.

Thanks for the read.