asylum
03-27-2016, 01:48 AM
http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png
Season 6 Magazine IIII Edition
Due to complications regarding mag volunteers, I'm going to drop what I've produced and worry about my verse and the rest of this league.
Next week will involve less complicated topic requirements.
No Show Shine
Echo- Echo chose a picture of man leaning out to kiss a woman from a train as it departs. I want to start this off by saying I enjoyed these stretched bars from the start. Your second stanza really heated up with the flow, bringing some fresh rhyme and clean progression. The fact you decided to drop the hints about Lynnette’s passing so late in the verse added an absolutely tragic effect to the piece as a whole. One might assume this was meant to be a love story between a soldier who returned home and a nurse who was tragically killed in action. Incidentally, in my opinion this was the most finely crafted part of your piece.
I miss you. I miss the curve of your nose. Imperfect and whole. I miss the grass-stained dirt on your clothes from laying turf for a Rose and how your back hurts in the cold but you're full of mirth when it snows.
These easy to relate to words were so full of emotion and energy, you could feel the sadness of the man alone in his home. Absolutely powerful writing. You truly made your character come to life. I knew you were good, but I didn’t know you were this good. Dropping in paragraph form is a feat few dare, you pulled it off well. Excellent drop.
Pinot Grij – Hilarious work last week, absolutely killed the picture. A love story from a k9’s point of you, full of dog references I’m sure all of the pet owners in your audience enjoyed. Full of good humor and dog cliché’s you couldn’t have done a better job. Although it was a short drop, I’m not holding that against you at all. Pinot packed a lot of humor in a small package and it worked well for him. Nice drop. I think your best lines were your opening bar,
If anyone say you’re not a good girl, that shit is false
Baby, you're the only one I think about when I'm licking my balls
That pretty much set the tone for the rest of your piece and you nailed the picture effortlessly. It’s a shame your opponent didn’t show and I hope most of your peers have read it.
Symetrik – Symetrik dropped more of a staccato flowing piece to the dog picture that had an interesting feel to it. I haven’t read anything like this before, but I’ve hit it off the top and it would sound catchy on wax. If people were into songs about dogs. Who let the dogs out was really popular, who knows what might happen? In the end you introduced the fact he was a seeing eye dog, so that was a cool turn around that I enjoyed. Going back through on a second read it appears you were simplifying the thought process to mimmick that of a dog’s a time. Like here..
soft foot pad make a hand come back
rat-a-tat-tat and the left leg spaz…
but they bolt fast, feet like rain
pitter pat slap on the stone brick lane
I particularly enjoyed that couplet and it does a great job of capturing the essence of your piece. Nice work.
2tripple0- 2k chose the horse picture this week, and his story begins from the viewpoint of a troubled jockey, who sometimes doubles as a jeweler. The jockeys thought process was all over the place, that’s a fact. Anyway, besides the scattered content, I’m noticing a distinct improvement in rhymes. (notice how I didn’t say attempt at, this week?) I thought this was by far the best part of his piece,
I need to stay deep dropping this piece while I get blazed in the street
They hate it like beef face full of heat stalking in a green jeep
Stumble over a shape in my screen and its reflection
Arranges fifth dimensions like giving an out of towner directions
That’s ill 2k! Then your second stanza started off great, and getting into the middle of the piece you really started dropping fresh. Your rhymes were definitely on point this week. I’m going to double quote you so everybody reads this..
I ran outt ta room as the stags head jerked
She said the sauce needs a stir like a housecat purred
That was on point. Undoubtedly fresh. You did a great job of telling your story from the viewpoint of a jockey and pretended to be one. It worked for you throughout the piece, I’m admiring your fast progression. I wish I learned as fast as you. Nice drop this week buddy.
Battle Reviews
The Law vs. Breathless, Breathless 6-5
An extremely close battle, The Law wrote an amazing verse about a homeless man who was a scientist. His work was only appreciated until after his passing, which added to the tragedy of his piece. Breathless went with an emotional approach that tugged at the heartstrings of his audience well enough to give him the vote in an extremely close battle. I think the honesty of Breathless’ language last week gave him an edge over his opponent.
Artifice vs Asylum, Asylum 7-2
Artifice wrote a story a piece about a cowboy with lots of great word choices and turns of phrase. His audience truly ate up what they all knew to be his first drop, and nearly every last bit of it. After reading it a few times, I’m 100% certain he’s one of us in disguise. I matched my opponent’s brevity last week and wrote the only slightly embellished story of the first woman American photojournalist killed in action, Dickey Chappell. The verse pulled a victory by her merit more than my own and I take zero credit for my win last week. Nice debut, Artifice.
Frank vs Timeless, Frank 6-0
Last week Frank and Timeless agreed to write to the same picture, and they both took completely different approaches. Timeless’ piece was brief in syllable count and wasn’t nearly as developed as his opponents. That gave him an L last week. He gained some steam in the second half of his piece and had some great flow. Frank really let out the big guns this week and dropped six lines more of an opponent. However, he stretched out his lines like he normally did and told a riveting shot by shot of a fight of the legend Ali. The momentum of the verse wound down to a close finishing with a miniscule 22 syllable count line, if that gives you an idea of how hard he went.
Razah vs. Mr. J., Mr. J 8-0
I personally expected a much closer vote tally from this battle because it was the hardest decision I made last week. Razah’s story was an involving monologue from the viewpoint of a homeless man. He hit his picture very well. His confused tone eerily matched the bewildered look frozen on this face of his photograph’s subject. Mr. J wrote a funny story to an odd picture about a con artist who uses online dating websites to acquire his targets. The story was straightforward and cleverly worded with plenty of turns of phrase for the reader to find on a second read. Also, his rhymes were absolutely immaculate. Great drops from both, a little closer in my mind then the votes read.
Just Write vs. Vividlyvague, Just Write 8-0
JW dominated VV last week with an epic tale about a soldier and his nearly complete life story. His character fought in WW2 and came home to a hard life. Just Write’s piece seemed very real and flowed smoothly as always. Great piece. I’m pretty sure Vivid was running out of time last week because his piece about some coal miners was a little brief. However, he did make some great points about social issues that are still topping headlines today. Just Write won with a more complete piece this week, had VV written more it would have been a much closer battle.
Jesodist vs. Godcomplex, Godcomplex 6-1
Jesodist got lucky, considering his usual approach, and was able to choose the picture of a badly scarred individual for his topic. As usual his rhyming was immense. Immense might be an understatement, he was rhyming to the point it was ridiculous. Frank cast him his only vote and pointed out how dope Jesodist actually is, making a great point about bars like his being the standard at one point. Godcomplex brought his style to the sharpest, cutting deep into his topic with a poignant examination of how modern societies and economies interact. He wrote to the picture of impoverished looking people who were likely in a mental hospital. Right where the powers that be want to be able to put us if we notice there is something terrible going on with this world. For that, he got the W this week.
Final Word
Lets put our best together, drop some verses, bang out some votes and keep moving forward. That's all folks.
Season 6 Magazine IIII Edition
Due to complications regarding mag volunteers, I'm going to drop what I've produced and worry about my verse and the rest of this league.
Next week will involve less complicated topic requirements.
No Show Shine
Echo- Echo chose a picture of man leaning out to kiss a woman from a train as it departs. I want to start this off by saying I enjoyed these stretched bars from the start. Your second stanza really heated up with the flow, bringing some fresh rhyme and clean progression. The fact you decided to drop the hints about Lynnette’s passing so late in the verse added an absolutely tragic effect to the piece as a whole. One might assume this was meant to be a love story between a soldier who returned home and a nurse who was tragically killed in action. Incidentally, in my opinion this was the most finely crafted part of your piece.
I miss you. I miss the curve of your nose. Imperfect and whole. I miss the grass-stained dirt on your clothes from laying turf for a Rose and how your back hurts in the cold but you're full of mirth when it snows.
These easy to relate to words were so full of emotion and energy, you could feel the sadness of the man alone in his home. Absolutely powerful writing. You truly made your character come to life. I knew you were good, but I didn’t know you were this good. Dropping in paragraph form is a feat few dare, you pulled it off well. Excellent drop.
Pinot Grij – Hilarious work last week, absolutely killed the picture. A love story from a k9’s point of you, full of dog references I’m sure all of the pet owners in your audience enjoyed. Full of good humor and dog cliché’s you couldn’t have done a better job. Although it was a short drop, I’m not holding that against you at all. Pinot packed a lot of humor in a small package and it worked well for him. Nice drop. I think your best lines were your opening bar,
If anyone say you’re not a good girl, that shit is false
Baby, you're the only one I think about when I'm licking my balls
That pretty much set the tone for the rest of your piece and you nailed the picture effortlessly. It’s a shame your opponent didn’t show and I hope most of your peers have read it.
Symetrik – Symetrik dropped more of a staccato flowing piece to the dog picture that had an interesting feel to it. I haven’t read anything like this before, but I’ve hit it off the top and it would sound catchy on wax. If people were into songs about dogs. Who let the dogs out was really popular, who knows what might happen? In the end you introduced the fact he was a seeing eye dog, so that was a cool turn around that I enjoyed. Going back through on a second read it appears you were simplifying the thought process to mimmick that of a dog’s a time. Like here..
soft foot pad make a hand come back
rat-a-tat-tat and the left leg spaz…
but they bolt fast, feet like rain
pitter pat slap on the stone brick lane
I particularly enjoyed that couplet and it does a great job of capturing the essence of your piece. Nice work.
2tripple0- 2k chose the horse picture this week, and his story begins from the viewpoint of a troubled jockey, who sometimes doubles as a jeweler. The jockeys thought process was all over the place, that’s a fact. Anyway, besides the scattered content, I’m noticing a distinct improvement in rhymes. (notice how I didn’t say attempt at, this week?) I thought this was by far the best part of his piece,
I need to stay deep dropping this piece while I get blazed in the street
They hate it like beef face full of heat stalking in a green jeep
Stumble over a shape in my screen and its reflection
Arranges fifth dimensions like giving an out of towner directions
That’s ill 2k! Then your second stanza started off great, and getting into the middle of the piece you really started dropping fresh. Your rhymes were definitely on point this week. I’m going to double quote you so everybody reads this..
I ran outt ta room as the stags head jerked
She said the sauce needs a stir like a housecat purred
That was on point. Undoubtedly fresh. You did a great job of telling your story from the viewpoint of a jockey and pretended to be one. It worked for you throughout the piece, I’m admiring your fast progression. I wish I learned as fast as you. Nice drop this week buddy.
Battle Reviews
The Law vs. Breathless, Breathless 6-5
An extremely close battle, The Law wrote an amazing verse about a homeless man who was a scientist. His work was only appreciated until after his passing, which added to the tragedy of his piece. Breathless went with an emotional approach that tugged at the heartstrings of his audience well enough to give him the vote in an extremely close battle. I think the honesty of Breathless’ language last week gave him an edge over his opponent.
Artifice vs Asylum, Asylum 7-2
Artifice wrote a story a piece about a cowboy with lots of great word choices and turns of phrase. His audience truly ate up what they all knew to be his first drop, and nearly every last bit of it. After reading it a few times, I’m 100% certain he’s one of us in disguise. I matched my opponent’s brevity last week and wrote the only slightly embellished story of the first woman American photojournalist killed in action, Dickey Chappell. The verse pulled a victory by her merit more than my own and I take zero credit for my win last week. Nice debut, Artifice.
Frank vs Timeless, Frank 6-0
Last week Frank and Timeless agreed to write to the same picture, and they both took completely different approaches. Timeless’ piece was brief in syllable count and wasn’t nearly as developed as his opponents. That gave him an L last week. He gained some steam in the second half of his piece and had some great flow. Frank really let out the big guns this week and dropped six lines more of an opponent. However, he stretched out his lines like he normally did and told a riveting shot by shot of a fight of the legend Ali. The momentum of the verse wound down to a close finishing with a miniscule 22 syllable count line, if that gives you an idea of how hard he went.
Razah vs. Mr. J., Mr. J 8-0
I personally expected a much closer vote tally from this battle because it was the hardest decision I made last week. Razah’s story was an involving monologue from the viewpoint of a homeless man. He hit his picture very well. His confused tone eerily matched the bewildered look frozen on this face of his photograph’s subject. Mr. J wrote a funny story to an odd picture about a con artist who uses online dating websites to acquire his targets. The story was straightforward and cleverly worded with plenty of turns of phrase for the reader to find on a second read. Also, his rhymes were absolutely immaculate. Great drops from both, a little closer in my mind then the votes read.
Just Write vs. Vividlyvague, Just Write 8-0
JW dominated VV last week with an epic tale about a soldier and his nearly complete life story. His character fought in WW2 and came home to a hard life. Just Write’s piece seemed very real and flowed smoothly as always. Great piece. I’m pretty sure Vivid was running out of time last week because his piece about some coal miners was a little brief. However, he did make some great points about social issues that are still topping headlines today. Just Write won with a more complete piece this week, had VV written more it would have been a much closer battle.
Jesodist vs. Godcomplex, Godcomplex 6-1
Jesodist got lucky, considering his usual approach, and was able to choose the picture of a badly scarred individual for his topic. As usual his rhyming was immense. Immense might be an understatement, he was rhyming to the point it was ridiculous. Frank cast him his only vote and pointed out how dope Jesodist actually is, making a great point about bars like his being the standard at one point. Godcomplex brought his style to the sharpest, cutting deep into his topic with a poignant examination of how modern societies and economies interact. He wrote to the picture of impoverished looking people who were likely in a mental hospital. Right where the powers that be want to be able to put us if we notice there is something terrible going on with this world. For that, he got the W this week.
Final Word
Lets put our best together, drop some verses, bang out some votes and keep moving forward. That's all folks.