Week 5: Just Write vs. Mr. J (JUST WRITE WINS 6-1)

[asylum]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due SUNDAY 4/3 11:59 PST

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/5 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic:

http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uuuploads/powerful-photos/powerful-photos-7.jpg

Good luck to both participants. Just Write (4-0) Mr. J (3-1)

[Just Write]

Journel log I:
"Just touched down in queensland, it's wetter than expected,
After a 17 hour flight, gotta sleep. I work better when I'm rested.
Hopefully tomorrow i can settle in, and meet with our investors,
Need to remember key points on how this species is neglected."

-Dr. Steven Jacobs


Journel log II:
"The meeting went great, even better than I'd hoped
They agreed to our terms, and offered to rent our team a boat
Our expectations & goals are to find a herd of these creatures
If all goes well national geographic wants our work to be featured.
For months I've immersed into research, more eager as I gather facts
I've also found surprising news regarding this species habitats
If you could Imagine that, koala's are the most snobbish of mammals
The last few months I've documented some common examples
They only thrive in environments they're use to, usually eating leaves
That's why they're so dominant amidst thick brush & eucalyptus tree's
In turn i think their populations are, well.. dependant on each other
So i guess our real goal is to help this near endanged species to recover.."

-Dr. Steven Jacobs

Journal log III:
"It's Seldom you discover something as beautiful as this..
Had our first sighting today, a mother koala, hugging on her kids.
They snuggled up a bit, then scurried, well within the forest,
We rowed in quick, & parked ashore.. couldn't help but to explore it
We headed north, followed a creak, deep among the tree's
the way the sun glistened through the leaves was something like a dream.
We found a whole community. Their unity is truly something special
as we approached them, i could see another group, playfully they wrestled
The way that they nestled down to sleep was also quite amazing
But we are required to get a permit before we try to engage them.
So tomorrow I will do that, then I need to restock our supplies
for now, I'm tired & can barely open my eyes..
so I'm logging off, goodnight.

-Dr. Steven Jacobs


Journal log IV:
"Got our permit today, also the supplies that were desperately needed,
Unfortunately, that left the account from our investors depleted
But we don't necessarily need it as we'll be camping indefinitely
Or at least long enough to survive until the next check's released.
we set up with ease, to be honest it was rather impressive
We even scattered leaves across our tent, to help us be less detected
I don't know if they felt our presence, if so they didn't seem to mind
We walked through maybe twenty of them, most didn't even climb
They just sat there with a curious look in their eyes, examining us
It was like the more we were there, the more we gathered their trust.
Right now it's just after dusk and most have retreated from sight
Now im just sitting around the fire trying to stay warm through the night.."


Journal log V:
"I don't know what happened, i fell asleep, & the fire got away from us
I thought we were safe, being at least twenty feet away from brush
But something erupted, maybe it was the propane from our lanterns
All I remember are the flames & the screams they made as they scattered
Not that it matters but im so sorry... I just cant help but relive it
whenever i close my eyes I just can't seem to shake that image
And not to dwell on specifics, but honestly the smell was horrific..
I wish I never came here.... why was I so compelled to visit?
we only managed to find one, I'll try my best to nurse it back to health
Meanwhile I feel like I'm stuck in my own personal hell
I just wanted to help, maybe make a difference along the way
Instead Im responsible for wiping out these beautiful creatures..
in less than a day"

-Dr. Steven Jacobs

[Mr. J]

http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uuuploads/powerful-photos/powerful-photos-7.jpg
Alan Pottinger, 47, shares a drink with a new friend

The CFA are overkoalafied
Written by Michael Jenkins




San Diego-The fire season begins as does Summer.
Escondido's Wild Animal Park, a place full of wonder.
Skies darkened, thunder rumbled & lightning struck.
Families were rushed out as the flames spread from
brush to brush. the fire raged upon the dry landscape.
As 500+ employees were urged to quickly evacuate,
Director Jonathan McKay, oversees the 1,800-acre
preserve. Mr. McKay handled the parks major concern.
Animal Safety. Temporary homes were found for the
wildlife. Allowed to return as soon as order is revitalized.
Emergency Response Teams operated expeditiously.
"Fires tend to break out & spread quick" says Victor Lee,
48. Victor Lee is the Incident Commander in charge.
"Several fires continue statewide & remain at large."
Victor stated "Our main focus is to keep the fire contained."
Fire crews from neighboring states were still on their way.
John Jacobs, 36, father of two, witnessed the fire start
firsthand. "I saw the lightning strike while riding the Africa
Tram." Jacobs says. "I told the driver & he radioed it in."
"The response was immediate, crews arrived as we left."
Jacobs & others were refunded at the Parks expense.
Due to a lack of manpower, ERTs welcomed volunteers
the Commonwealth Forestry Association leader Collin
Leer, 57, sent several groups to help in the evacuation.
Alan Pottinger (pictured above) issued a statement.
"The ERTs were able to push back the flames allowing us
to do our job, its admirable seeing how hard they fought."
Pottinger stated, Several exhibits still remained unaccounted
for. Excessive smoke inhalation left Pottinger sounding coarse.
"Our biggest concern was the newest Outback exhibit" McKay
stated. "Our tree-faring marsupials caused the most
complications. Instinct causes most to attack when they
sense danger." McKay concluded. "Its in their nature."
As fire crews continued to battle the oncoming flames,
Pottinger & company contained each area at a stunning pace.
"Our last objective was to keep the animals somewhere safe."
Pottinger stated, "Mr. McKay warned us to keep our distance
for our own safety. But I had no problem in fact, I had a koala
thank me." CFA members were shocked by what happened
next. A friendly visitor approached Pottinger & a CFA
associate was able to snap a picture of one of their new friends
"The lil' fella approached me & I shared a drink with the
nuisance. I guess I met all of his koalafications" Pottinger concluded.

[2tripple0]

Okay this was a bit confusing I thought you guys did a great job and I'm trying to think what wasn't appetizing in your pieces and for me just write had a more common verse that didn't feel as scrambled as Mr j so for me because Mr j's verse was hard to follow along as the story progressed because of its length I think it could have tied into topic more visably I am might have given you my vote but because it was harder to find his pieces faults I'm giving it to just write



Vote.....just write

[Artifice]

Just Write

Really enjoyed this piece. Well written from start to end. The only thing I would've liked was for a better rhyme scheme for the last quartet of the verse. Other than that I thought it was extremely well-rounded.

Mr. J

Once I found the flow, I enjoyed your piece. A fun read, mostly well executed, but the flow wasn't the easiest to find with the way you've broken it up. I thoroughly enjoy terrible puns and your closer was heavily groan-worthy. I salute you.

That being said, I think Just Write has the better of the two verses. Fun reads from both.

v/ Just Write

[Razah]

More stories huh. Just Write, you misspelled journal, repeatedly. Anyways, the story was on point. I liked the ending at the end, it was unexpected to say the least. I liked how you broke it up into logs, made it seem shorter than it was. Good shit over all, smooth wording & a good story.

Mr. J, whyyy would you break that verse up like that? You could’ve just kept it like a regular verse and it would’ve flowed so smoothly. I dunno, over all it was cool, I just really hate that you purposely made it difficult to find the flow. I mean, once I knew what you were doing, it flowed well, it was just annoying to read.

So yeah, in a league where most (if not all, just mine) votes are based on how much you enjoy a verse, I don’t see why Mr. J would annoy me, on purpose. *shrugs*

vJustWrite

[Adonis]

Jdub, you did really, really good with that opening stanza, the journal entry portion. Not only is it a clever angle to start a verse, giving you context right off the bat, but you wrote it in natural conversation if you will, but in rhyme form. And I believe that is the biggest compliment one can receive. *"used to"*. This was a fantastic read on many many levels. As I said, the cadence you were able to conjure while keeping a predominately natural conversation or "journal entry", was most impressive. In the fourth entry, I could hear my brain yelling, "I hope he doesn't bring in poachers and ruin the read", but you did not. You have no idea how appreciative I am for that though. What else? You had a lot of detail in the beginning, before the and after the permit was obtained. This detail gave me stock in this species, so before shit went down I legit could feel some emotion, which is mad hard to do. This is a top notch verse though, best I have read in this young season, though I have read like 8 total, but it is a top verse from the last season I modded as well, start to end.


Jay - First off, overkoalafied killed me bro. Two thumbs way up. This news article like format is a valiant effort in trying to overcome Writes format. I have been very vocal about my dislike of the "run-on, rhyme scheme" structure. Where you have an end rhyme mid sentence, I think it's simplistic in essence, so there's that. The read was a good one though, and of all the verses I read this week, so far, your verse would win one on one... Except one.



V/ Just Write

His verse was top flight, no contest

[asylum]

mvgt just write because j couldnt help but say koalifications in his verse. no, jk, j your flow was a little off and i just never got into it. Verse breakdowns to be included in mag.

[Frank]

MVGT Just Write

Kudos to both pieces. Creative story lines that required absolutely original approaches. Just Writes tale was heart warmingly dope. Great attention to detail. Highly enjoyable read due to a formidable combination of natural story telling and his versatile ability to bring the picture to life like a pixar movie. True topical writing. A far cry from last weeks "played out" appeal, this idea was totally fresh and all your own. Hats off. Mr. J followed suit and I commend his worthwhile effort that ultimately felt like an inspired spin off of his opponents verse. It was going to be tough to take down Just Write using a similar approach as him. Just Write basically embodied the concept. After reading Just Write piece, Mr. Js verse felt like a continuation, rehasing and summarizing points his opponent already made. Mr. J went as far as to individually count out each of Just Writes lines, which leads me to be believe he was doomed from the beginning, falling victim to the curse of reading your opponents work before hand.

[e11even]

JW- very cleanly written piece here. Your fundamentals are pretty much on par with your signature rhyming style- matching your short bars syllable for syllable. There were a few missteps in that department where the length was a little awkward in some lines, but the narrative journal entries carried you well. The turn of events felt kinda thrown in and, for me, messed up a good flow to the piece. It came off as rushed and not fully imagined, so to me it seemed just for the sake of. I'm guessing you had to cut the drop short. Regardless, I enjoyed the other 85% so great job.

MJ- remain at large? lol. This was really cool how you wrote your drop in news column structure. Very brave and very original in my book. The most surprising thing about your approach is that it reads like one too, aside from the mandated rhyming. Speaking of which, it wasn't at all flashy, but the angle was daring enough to keep me reading. No twists, no unnecessary blunders. That last line was adorably stupid though. Was that line verbatim? Good job.

MVGT MJ for the more original and daring approach to the narrative. Thank you guys for showing.