Week 6: Unbornbuddha vs. Timeless (TIMELESS WINS 6-1)

[asylum]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due SUNDAY 4/10 11:59 PST

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/12 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic:
"You just lost your greatest asset and gained your worst enemy."



Good luck to both participants.
UnbornBuddha (2-2) timeless (2-2)

[timeless]

.
..
...
....
Soft spoken with her thoughts broken, soaked in rum and misery.
Humming symphonies, fought hope and won with liberty.
Sunken sympathy, a cutthroat left drunk and jittery.
Love lost and forgotten so she has no luck with synergy.
Finally she waved goodbye, a clean sweep, a crushing victory.
Mean streets with a ton of trickery still tonguing history.
Her name was Silence. Full of regret, into the past she lunges wistfully.
Clues to forget, many eyes shadowed as they hunt mysteries.
Awaiting a flashback, or a simple answer to her questions.
Masses need a lesson as fast as a panther in progression.
No adrenaline left for the fight, pedaling West through the night.
Landscapes changing so she settles in and rests with the sight.
Can't smile without the sun, she prays for the clouds to open.
Bound to focus in and swim until she drowns the ocean.
The moment you question yourself, you lose your first entity.
That's when you lose your greatest asset and gain your worst enemy.

[UnbornBuddha]

For so long,
I considered myself an indestructible being,
An adrenaline driven testosterone beast
Obsessed with making life into a perpetual delight.
Thought I was forever divine, a beautiful sexual design.
Illusions of grandeur had my head in the sky
Never resting my eyes, thinking death isn’t alive.
Making night into day, staying up as a test of the mind.
Awake when I shouldn’t be, always questioning time.
Until that moment came, where my health declined.
Toxic cells divide, contemplating self-demise.
Now, pitying my existence even my devils cry;
I’m on a hellish plight trying to find any measure of light.
I keep telling myself this adventure isn’t mine.
My quasi-immortality was truly the treasure of life
But, I forsook it by letting it pass by.
No matter how much I desperately try
I can’t prevent the pathogenesis inside
Infected alive,
I spent my time expelling pain from senses that cry,
Forced to reveal my sentimental side.
But, by that time it’s too late, homeostasis collapses.
This self-regulating life form turns into a fatal contraption
That spurs unbearable flames of anguish;
So painful, the only recourse is to embrace the casket.
If only I hadn’t neglected my body
But, I was too subjectively godly.

[Mr. J]

Timeless, I feel with each week you show some compelling improvements
the rhyme scheme you chose to start out with was one of the coolest...
I was really drawn in to your story but half way through you lost me.
perhaps the scheme was too much but that switch up was quite costly.
regardless it was like a touch of nice rhyme & a touch of the poetic side
the fact that you did so much with so little is what really kept it...nice...
I didnt like the second half though because the switch up was so sudden
but I like the use of settle in...nice way to build somethin out of nothin..

Complex, I thought the idea you presented was a great interpretation
the way you lay out the beginning & build up to these certain stages...
its a perfect statement. I enjoyed the flow of your piece for the most part
but you seemed rushed to put this down before the ext had worn off...
not one of your most impressive verses imo, but your style is changing
the smoothness after the first 3 lines was cool, but the rest seemed basic..
I enjoy a majority of your work because you weave an intricate story
but after seeing demise, devils cry, adventure isn't mine didnt do it for me
nice work regardless.

v/timeless, I feel like timeless put more effort in this week
Complex came through but seemed like he couldnt pick up steam
I was hoping this would be a great battle because one is a champ
& the other is growing as a writer, timeless was ready to attack.
Complex seems stuck in a rut & although the verse was cool...
it wasnt up to par with what he would normally do...
nice battle regardless

[Just Write]

Really good battle here guys,


Timeless,
I really enjoyed the cadence you brought into this piece, your first four lines just read super smooth to me. At first when reading your piece I thought it was gunna be about the woman going first from girlfriend or whatever and breaking up and becoming the worst enemy ect but I was happy with the outcome you had. I didn't understand the landscape changing so she settles in and rests with the sight line though. It just didn't make sense to me. Regardless though I enjoyed it.



Buddha,
This entertained me... and reminded me how much it sucks getting old lol. Nah but for real I enjoyed this verse, you took us down a path of a man who in his younger years is physically fit without a care in the world who eventually succumbs to the inevitable breakdown of one's body and you did it with pizazz, good job man.



This could go either way, I really enjoyed the way timeless started his piece but I was more engaged by Buddha's overall piece so this week he edges it out. Sorry for the brevity of my vote, it's been a long day

Mvgt=Buddha

[Adverse]

timeless, I liked your verse, it was simple yet effective, and had a lot of cool imagery, I second that the ending wasn't the best, but I think the strength of the beginning is enough to carry you through that defect.

Buddah, i've never read anything from you prior to this but this verse was mad decent, I just didn't feel connected to it all, whether it be as a story or on a personal level, doesn't make it a bad verse, but I thought your focus was more on the rhymes than the description, idk just my opinion, but I feel like timeless got this one, just a better read overall.

V- timeless

[Adonis]

God - Short verse from you is strange, but I will admit you faired better then I thought you would. This is not the first verse this season where you went deep, emotional and first person all in one, a bit depressing. I liked the read and felt you allowed your cadence the proper amount of space to weave you a story. Enjoyable verse that went introspective at times, solid outing.


Less - Damn near perfect flow my friend, shit was butter. I'm not certain what happened in the verse, but I feel like what I did pick is somewhere in the ballpark. An addict of anything harmful to the body. She eventually cleans up the act, where you lost me is after that. I'm still unsure if she relapsed or if she was just looking back at the past with a smile. Either way, this was one of the better flowing verse of the entire season, so that counts for a lot.


This is a close vote, I think each of you had errors, but the pros far out weighed the cons. In the end, the verse I most enjoyed was


v/Timeless

[symetrik]

timeless' piece
hawt
Soft spoken with her thoughts broken, soaked in rum and misery.
Humming symphonies...
No adrenaline left for the fight, pedaling West through the night.
Landscapes changing so she settles in...
love the flow on these parts. I guess I have a specific way my inner voice reads things and this made it happy.

nawt
Awaiting a flashback, or a simple answer to her questions.
Masses need a lesson as fast as a panther in progression.
just, a weird phrasing to me for that last bit.

unbornbuddha's piece
hawt
Thought I was forever divine, a beautiful sexual design.
Illusions of grandeur had my head in the sky
really wanted "a beautiful sexy design" :'3

But, by that time it’s too late, homeostasis collapses.
This self-regulating life form turns into a fatal contraption
I don't usually like big words but it was nice.

nawt
Until that moment came, where my health declined.
dunno. me no likey.

mvgt: timeless for a more… my kind of cadence.

[asylum]

i'm glad I came back and read this a second time before i voted with a clear head. both writers had excellent takes on their topic but I feel like timeless piece his finishing lines felt more like finishing lines. (something i need to work on myself) This was a hard decision for me because I liked both. MVGT: Timeless. breakdowns in mag.

[Artifice]

sorry for the rushed last minute vote, but i'm exhausted. Cool reads from both, but timeless piece just had more of all the pieces... buddha u had a cool take on the subject, just felt like it didn't come together as well.

v/ timeless