Week 7: Mr. J vs. Artifice (ARTIFICE WINS 7-0 SHUTOUT)

[asylum]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due SUNDAY 4/17 11:59 PST

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/19 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: The Gathering Light


Good luck to both participants.
Mr. J (4-2) Artifice (3-1)

[Artifice]

in the beginning there was eternal darkness... nothing
strange that this abyss of nothingness germinates the start of something
from an infinite vacancy births a miniscule point
quite quizzical that time & space came to exist in this mystical void
at first the universe fits within a single co-ordinate
the laws of physics along with other natural laws & limits born in it
from heat & density, energy crafts matter's invention
& inflation doubles its size ninety times in fractions of a second
a few minutes after birth the universe is a cosmic soup
fogged by plasma trapping subatomic particles zooming on the loose
balloons in darkness too for hundreds of thousands of years
until the temperature cooled down enough for fog surroundings to clear
rivers of photons flow freely & stream through space
shaping images, tracing growth from its own extremely youthful state
in that instant all future history establishes presence
past inceptions of the present forever etched to last in the heavens
matter congeals & forms as masses attract with gravity
electromagnetic spectra reveal swarms of stars packed into galaxies
rich, luminious shine inscribing movement through time
an illusion designed to be seen as static through the crudeness of eyes
such beautiful skies as dusk darkens, sparkled with glitter
which part of the picture to start with, way too many stars to consider
parts of space seemingly vacant & empty, hellish & hostile
are found to contain spectral remains of dead stars... relics and fossils
size of the looking-glass decides the distance back we see
flashes of supernova blasts, galactic collisions & cataclysmic catastrophes
lenses in space placed to evade atmospheric haze & flicker
snap shots from when the fog faded, taking the universe's baby picture
we've spent centuries crafting these many maps of the sky
like frames in a movie our eyes are viewing the heavy traffic of time
cosmic history encoded in its ever-glowing magic at night
translated through the lens of a telescope as it focuses the gathering light

[Mr. J]

Im battling stability with a straight shot of whisky
a blunt rolled tightly. spark another 8th off. Im drifting
gripping my 6 speed handle bars en route to Julies
a year ago she never knew me, and now Im a cutie
we live the rural part of the country where life is pleasant
nothing happens here, upon reflection its kinda depressing
I turn off on the road less traveled, a long stretch of dirt road
the woodlands cause distress but beyond that is her home.
my sweatshirts closed concealing my fathers hunting knife
Jacobs dont run & hide. they prepared to come & fight.
thats what my father says, says we are better off dead
placed his faith in my talents to help settle our debts...
Its been a year & a half since I started attending Madison High
As a running back I fly, plus my grade point average is nice.
Crazy how quick things turn around as you earn the crowd
for a moment...I stopped riding, then started hurling, loud...
amidst the silence I heard a buzzing, some kind of whirring sound
thinking its only my buzz, I wait & continue to observe the ground
I checked my phone only to see that the damn things busted
popped the battery out & in, it started overreacting...fuck it...
I left at quarter past 8, so now it should be closer to 9...
my mind feels overwhelmed by the vomit & Ponderosa Pines
by now my vision doubled & the buzzing still continues.
at first it wasn't a problem but now its becoming an issue.
with each passing second I continued to lose strength...
I could stand fine, but no matter what I couldn't move. Great.
my best guess is that it seems better to wait & sit down
with the way my head is whirling its prolly best to lay in the sticks now.
just another Autumn night looking up to the starless sky
which seems odd because tonight is one of the darkest nights...
I rub my eyes hoping to make sense of this weird paradox.
as I begin to focus, the sounds that ailed me became an arid thought.
all I could see were red & blue lights circling around me..
then the lights sped up & in my head I heard profoundly...
No need to stress human they said they were learning about me...
they reminded me all life is special especially the earth where they found me
I know you probably wont believe me, but you will in a matter of time
this is just what I can remember from meeting the gathering lights...

[Inno]

Ana have to come back to this one

Ok so I read both and neither disappointed tbh. The cadence you both had was outstanding

J

Loved the payed backed language you showcase, it smooth and refined while still holding that roughness one wants every now and then. This story for me jumped fast. Maybe it's me but I felt like you had me at these moments and then graciously take to another equally dope moment in the story, just felt like at times it jolted. But what's great about your writing is that through all that I still get the cohesive nature of your words. Each line lends itself to the next very easily.

Artifice

Don't know who you are first time Reading your stuff. Very impressive tone to your writing here. I enjoyed the diction and the flow of your piece a lot. Although your story telling is what really shines, along with that diction. It just made for an interesting read. Kept me wanting more with each line. I think I'm leaning towards your overall showing on this one.

Overall

Dope battle stop sleeping. Both came with some fire and I enjoyed reading both. In the end though I think I got to give it to artifice for his overall tone and direction of the topic. Tbh if I came back tomorrow and reread these I'd prolly flip my vote. It's a toss up for and tonight I'm going with artifice.

Nice battle peeps

[asylum]

Artifice bruh you went so hard. Great work. Hit topic perfectly wow. But Mr. J’s flow is coming mad smooth. Plot wasn’t as clean tho. TBH MVGT Artifice. His piece was just a little bit doper. Breakdowns in mag.

[timeless]

Art, I was like FUCK when I seen you started this off rhyming nothing/something. This verse is a classic example of a writer with a very high ceiling. There are so many words and ideas in this verse that can be rearranged to make it more defining. However, I'm not saying this was bad this verse was awesome. Your flow and grasp for bringing a complete feel comes natural. Unless your an alias, I've never read your work aside from what I've seen in this league, but I see you hitting your prime very soon and not letting up.

Jerry, I can appreciate your simple approach, as you do often, but it just didn't work this time. It started off slow, and never really blew up at all. 'Weird paradox' and a couple other spots made it seem like you were knew at this writing this. Seemed like a last minute keystyle with little to no planning or editing. Def seen better from you past couple weeks bro.

V. Art

[breathless]

Artifice - fuckin Neil De grasse Tyson up in the bitch. This was hot, like big bang hot. I can't really critique anything, honestly. This was super.

J - killer audio friendly flow, but the repeating words sort of mehhed me, road, buzz, etc.. I like the way you twisted the story, but, like, wtf? What happened to stabbing Julie, or whatever that first bit was about, lost me on why you even included details, but, it was still cool

Vote - art

[Just Write]

This was the best battle I've read this week.
Forgive the brief vote


Artifice (btw I think you should go back to MaGiC)
This was just a superb piece, I could see you shaking off the rust the last few weeks but this was top notch, just fully developed. Wording was crisp, vocabulary was there, a great take on the topic as well. Just great


Mr. J
Loved the whole tone I felt when reading this piece
Did not like the road/road usage in the same line, threw it off for me. Regardless this was a great read that would beat out most pieces buy art came just flawless this week really.

Mvgt= art

[asylum]

mvgt art, but let it be known I think J did a better job with his progression until about mid verse. flow was mad sleek. art's piece would have been hard to defeat. further breakdowns in mag.

[Pharaohs Army]

V/Artifice

artifice
sick man.. top notch
lenses in space placed to evade atmospheric haze & flicker
snap shots from when the fog faded, taking the universe's baby picture
bonkers^

if i was gonna nitpick i'd say there were a couple stretched frases for rhyme purposes... like zooming on the loose and balloons in darkness too
These are a lil' weak compared to the phraseology throughout.

But the piece was very dope. splendid job

J
It would have taken a lot to top artifice's verse let's be honest
your rhymes&flows are good per usual, even the "simple" ones that can sometimes garnish lulz, like the GPA line.

You kinda told a few mini-stories in this: julie, the dad, being a RB at HS...
kind of impressively annoying.
I like it...out of curiosity I wonder if you knew how this was gonna end when you started.

anyway, your development of the I-character is interesting... By the end we know some things about the person who's experiencing the alien event.
the Multiples at the end were good too.

the strange events he's experiencing, starting with the buzzing... i think you could have done more with less-- meaning you have the ability to make that section more impactful&succinct... or, 1 or the other

Good piece tho. Artifice just came too good here