Week 8: Adverse vs 2tripple0 (ADVERSE WINS 5-0 SHUTOUT)

[asylum]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due SUNDAY 4/24 11:59 PST

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/26 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: https://ajklijs.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/01-twisted-nicholas-kennedy.jpg


Good luck to both participants.
Adverse (2-0) and 2tripple0 (5-2)

[Adverse]

Twisted World
I'm from an abstract city, geographically impossible
Landmarks illogical, improbable, implausible
My footing hard to chronicle, topple over my steps
Searching the twisted world around me as a bottomless wreck
Streets are at silence and peace, sliding my feet
Vile and discreet, got a smile cheek to cheek
Pedestrians playing espinoge
To me trying to make these broken pieces mesh into the best collage
I stumble down the avenue, nervous as all heck
Angst burned into my face, liquid courage on my breath
Not a shred of respect left not a penny of my check
I quickly surrendered to my habits got that Hennessy on deck
Loosening up the tie around my neck, conformity's choking me
Self loathing, manager gave me the axe after scolding and scolding me
I pass the shop windows, greeted by my face peering back
But I'm unable to recognize the beast in the glass
Stained in my reflection is a faint recollection
Of how I can never change bent by my pain and transgressions
Lost in the city that I've spent my entire life inside of
I've consciously got every corner mapped out but my mind's a liar
The audience watching while I stumble through a providence of offices
As I pass, parents grabbing their children and pushing em back and guardin them
Without even knowing the kind of monster I am
Don't judge a book by its cover..
I must have a short summary printed on my worn out cardigan.
And a warning label slapped on my bottle of gin
I hobble down a corner, right down near Washington
Hop to a parking lot, start pissing on my bosses' Benz
Curled my hand into a boxers fist, denting up the bod with it
Mixed in with soccer kicks, approached the windshield then threw a rock through it
Glass shatters, crimson tears surface on my knuckles meeting oxygen
Alarms commenced, like a forbidden song being played
The whole world grew still, the company door opened swung with a rage
And here comes the man who fired me, the anxiety
Waves of stomach acid crash inside of me like tides on the beach
He's screaming but I can't hear a word he's expressing
My fingers creeping to the back of my belt, gripping some sort of weapon
His face's color retreats, he fumbles his speech
Tongue in his cheek as I rose the gun up to his teeth
The moments of humiliation and suffer that I've come to redeem
Are seconds away from being fucking achieved
But before I could get the stomach to squeeze
I'm hit with a heavy force in the back, impact buckles my knees
It's the security rushing, they pummel and strap the handcuffs to me
Before I blacked out, the last thing I seen, I looked up at the street and -

https://ajklijs.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/01-twisted-nicholas-kennedy.jpg

[2tripple0]

Well I don't really understand how to flip this topic
But I'm gonna set up a meeting as if I was an alcoholic
I don't think none of y'all will give me a legit vote
But since I'm floating on water you could call me a boat
I like to set up my bars before I write them
But just like some hydro I ain't have any stems
And maybe you could suggest more meaning
But I'm hard to put down like a good book your reading
Gotta continue to come up with dope concepts
But just like the deep end of a pool I'm full of depth
And just like indians I need to have reservations
Cuz the price keeps going up like inflation
I'm not into symbols but still hanging a flag
And just like tits that sag I'm all-over the map
Not sure if this verse makes complete sense
But my nuggets is dense surrounded by barbwire fence
I'm dope though and just like sunflowers
I turn towards the light and never cut any corners
Gotta fulfill this verse with my ambition
Cuz the frenetic value is full of conditions
As I'm reiterating the value of my lines
And being martyred on a cross like Jesus Christ
Have I written enough yet
Or should I be like NY one yard and you jet
Gotta dip like some chewing tobacco
Cuz I figured y'all out like twenty years ago
And all of you bitch about how sore your asshole is
But it's just your slow as some molasses
Gotta finish this quick
But you ain't neslee and nothing like a brick
Life is full of conditions
And I'm just interpreting like I left a description
Good luck like some four leaf clover
I'm the engine call myself a motor

[Adonis]

V/adverse

2k- no clue how your verse connected to topic, but the verse wasn't horrible. You had a few decent lines sprinkled around mostly simple concepts that were executed in a very simple manner. All in all, you've produced much worse, but this weeks fell a bit short in my eyes.


Adverse - first let's start with the ending. The main character walked into a parking lot to destroy his ex bosses car and kill him. But your closer was the same character looking down the street. I don't see many parking lots here that are connected to the street, we have more parking structures, and I guess I'm being a stickler but I didn't like that part too much. I did enjoy the verse though. You told a decent story and incorporated really good details and imagery and character background. I thought you did your thing when I take a step back and see the verse. Good flow as well. Solid outing, should be a shut out win imo.

[MMLP]

2K – lol, this is as real as it gets. I did a similar verse a few weeks back. Whilst feeling a little disheartened so I can relate. Therefore I cannot judge. That being said some of the metaphors were a bit ludacris, and you didn’t relate to topic. You might’ve beaten yourself this week, shame after your run of wins

adverse – this is a good solid verse, technically I liked it. The story whilst not being original enough was well told. The whole last scene was executed and read smoothly but the ending was a miss. Theres good tale happening here but seemingly an even bigger one in the background (a city collapsing) that you’ve failed to touch on. Unless it’s a scene from a film or something. It pretty cool thinking of it but it leaves me wanting more and that’s my only beef with it!
But overall I enjoyed reading and thats what I want from doing this. Good job!

v/Adverse

[symetrik]

2k, tf? I honestly don't know anything about you so I'm just assuming you're some 13 year old just getting into this and treating everything like a freestyle. keep it up, it'll be a good source of material eventually but in a topical league it will defeat you every time your opponent shows.

adverse - weaker than your last piece that I gave props too but more than solid enough to get the w. liked the start a lot, and was interested that the character didn't even get the kill off.

mvgt - adverse

[NYCSPITZ]

Adverse shit had some cool moments. POV of a drunk man, I can feel that. Had some nice lines like conformitys choking me, hennessy on deck. I like hennessy. Would buy some now if I had cash on my person but nope.

Tripple don't know what you were going for here. It's incoherent, nobody wants to read things that start off stating that you don't know how to connect to a topic. Weak shit tbh.

V/ adverse

[Frank]

Adverse...
Killer verse. Superb writing. Phenomenal showing. Excellent storytelling. Stick around.

2Triple0...
You are entertaining the angle of mockery openly and honestly. Enough is enough? Or is that your shtick now?

MVGT Adverse. No brainer 2tripple0