Week 9 Title Match: (6-1) (c) Timeless vs. (5-1) Artifice (ARTIFICE WINS 4-1)

[Adonis]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due Monday 5/2 11:59 PST

Voting ends Wednesday 5/4 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.




Topic: Naturally there will come a time, when I will have to say goodbye, but I've soul-searched and this is not the time.



G/Luck timeless Artifice

[Artifice]

only had time to write 32, if you wanna go longer it's fine by me...




he sets his glasses next to his bed, crawls in & lays his head
slowly waiting for the effects from taking his last array of meds
his eyelids close tight, consciousness sealed inside
primed to deal with thoughts his unconscious mind reveals tonight
lying between wrinkled sheets his mind keeps thinking of sheep
he's down for the count without a sound... silently sinks into peace
reaches the brink of the dreamworld, his light slowly awakes
beholden to fate as he aims straight & strolls right for the gates
on these roads with memories each moment seems heavenly
revisiting each year because in one he knows he'll be seventy
old & decrepit with bad knees, used to needing a cane
here he's young & spry with much delight in the scenery change
skippin' rocks on the pond where summer's spent until twelve
caught a glimpse of lost innonce in his younger reflection of self
the ripple effect carried him through his adolescent years
where a second set of ears helped to better hear the lessons reared
relives his scholarships to college... a good job's the result
fresh pressed suits & ties since the first time he's called an adult
signals exchange, kinks in his brain make changes to history
a second existence refrained from it's pain, shame, or it's misery
leaves a different impression of kids & the love of his life
dreams sketch a wonderful wife with whom he never struggles or fights
the facade lasts decades played through a happy marriage
false memories are eventually the only ones he actually cherished
for in truth he was never really viewed as a sappy guy
stuck with a crappy life so at night he designs delusional happy times
tries to deny that in his real one nothing is left
he lives alone in an old folks home, only visited by the cousin of death
reverting back to birth from old age, keeps living these days up
while figments of his own thoughts keep insisting he has to wake up
the same path that abstains fear, veers into denial
but this lucid dreamer's sick of the real world so he'll stick in here for a while

[timeless]

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It takes a gentle heart to properly nourish the brain.
Educated with a guess, carved her scholarly courage with flames.
Master of her own domain. Plenty camaraderies, servants unchained.
Escaping their surroundings were the true workings of age.
Drawbridge unlocked, boat docked in the moats of our imagination.
Kingdom run! Life's one and done for hope 'til we unlatch the nation.
Breath sputtering while I choke as she unmasks her fragrance.
Aces high when the heartland folds like a retracted statement.
Dreadful eyes sensitized, but we have fun more than not.
The doubters have all been told to run north and stop.
To untie the end of the map where the sun forms a plot.
Steadfast, a stone's throw away from this seeming so unorthodox.
Before you go, remember that angels use their own wings to fly.
Footsies forever, until the last dance watching toe-rings collide.
Memory shut out, new visions she witnessed sewing her eyes.
End of our fabricated days come when we know when we'll die.

[Adonis]

Lego

Fice - I love the concept of reliving an entire life through small images and I wish you stuck with this angle through out. As is, you completed the life and ended up in an old folks home. Loved the concept of "his only visit is death". You gave this character a lot of depth man, I love that. You painted clear images, and though I can't say the rhymes per are the most crisp due to a couple spots, for the most part your flow was butter. I really enjoyed this read and, you executed what you wanted on a fairly consistent level. This old man, withered by time. Solid readings



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Le$ - These were good line, individually flowed and rhymed extremely well. You even squeezed in a little bit of knowledge that proves to me you were thinking while writing. However, I don't like the concept in general, but that is on the execution or brevity. When matched with a concept writer, if they are able to complete the concept, the amount of depth they can squeeze into a single verse will vastly out weigh a short take, albeit dope, and done well. It is for that reason

v/ artifice

Depth and fine execution on concept

[NYCSPITZ]

Artifice dope verse, I thought the concept was cool. Ending was nice, and it started off tight. I think even though you lost a little momentum IMO toward the last 1/3rd of the verse it still worked. Especially enjoyed the thought about fear morphing into denial - very true my friend. This was accentuated by a line earlier in which you say he wanted a wife with no problems at all. No women will give you no problems at all, that's the man's job to love his woman back into love out of her dark mood. As a man grows, his woman's testing grows, and that's part of life and living into your edge as a man. It seems pretty indicative of the fact that he wanted more play as a youth or a more submissive wife...not taking into account that this is an unreality. In the case of a submissive wife, or rather too submissive, she has low self-esteem and that tends to cloud and warp her man's reality as she doesn't test him as much as he needs to be tested. Men need to live into their edge. The other details were pretty gripping too. Lucid dreaming has always been an interest of mine, so this gets a thumbs up from me...

Timeless it was poignant. Life's one and done until we unlatch the nation...I interpret this sort of as - A young person's perspective is built on limited awareness irrespective of perceived intelligence, because even if a young person is exceptionally bright she lacks the insight that an equally bright person has later in life. It had a really earthy vibe to it that I can kick to. Living hope in the face of other powerful forces which don't mesh with it. Our human urge is toward positive experience but we often don't understand that our subconscious minds fuck with us in this regard. People want the best but don't live the principles necessary to produce the best, because their subconscious mind has been co-opted by years of misleading thought beginning in childhood which breeds inertia and clouds judgement in the present time. Would have loved to see something about her use of the conscious mind, as it controls the subconscious...and how this guard at the gate led to her view of reality. Most people want the dreams in their minds to become reality but their conscious mind is on auto-pilot and not dictating at all the strong emotions that are etched into this wellspring of the subconscious. It was a strong verse, but not as conceptually to the point and fleshed out as Art's.

V/ artifice.

[Razah]

primed to deal with thoughts his unconscious mind reveals tonight

The wording on that was very slick. Alright, so, here I am deciding who one, and I think I might be one of the few people who feel like this. I like reading stories and whatnot, but sometimes, they have parts that bore me and just want the story to continue at a faster pace, and I find myself disliking certain parts because of that.

I enjoyed the story you told, and you have very good wording where lines transition smoothly and technically, a great piece. I feel like some parts drag & get stretched out when they shouldn't be, and that's where my boredom kicks in. Maybe I have a short attention span, who knows. *shrugs.


It takes a gentle heart to properly nourish the brain.
Educated with a guess, carved her scholarly courage with flames.

Drawbridge unlocked, boat docked in the moats of our imagination.

Memory shut out, new visions she witnessed sewing her eyes.
End of our fabricated days come when we know when we'll die.



I liked those lines. I enjoy the shortness of this verse. Short & sweet. This is weird, but I feel like if Artifice would've shortened his verse, he might've bodied you. But, that's why Im'a have to vote for you. Kept my interest through out the whole verse as opposed to me waiting to get interested in the verse again.

vtimeless

[Frank]

MVGT Artifice

Grats. Pardon my brevity. Artifice wrote more lines, therefore deserves the W more here. Plus Artifice issued a 32 line challenge that Timeless 16 lines couldn't counter. Obvious win here. Props to Artifice for dropping a big boy verse in a big time battle.

One of the more non prominent championship battles in the history of the AOWL


edited by Adonis: Frank this vote needs more explanation then just line length. You have not proved you read a single line.

[Adverse]

Time - I liked the direction you were going with your piece, It caught my attention and you do a great job with descriptiveness and imagery, but this one felt a little lackluster compared to your usual, I don't know if you took Fice too lightly or what but this just didn't seem like it commanded you full effort and thought. Your bars are strung together beautifully though,

Fice - Nice piece, I liked the imagery and the depth here, felt like a more complete piece than Timeless's. I liked your topic because I think we've all been there where you'd rather sleep than have to deal with the real world, you put me in the shoes of the old man in your story and I really like when a writer can do that, well done.

Vote/Fice, a better story altogether with more depth and just a better put together piece in general.