Week 9: (3-3) Adonis vs. (3-3) Razah (RAZAH WINS 5-1)

[Adonis]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due Monday 5/2 11:59 PST

Voting ends Wednesday 5/4 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.






Topic: She may be the most energetic woman I've ever met. I just marvel at her optimism and her ability to get things done. She just can't be contained. She's bubbly beyond effervescent.




G/Luck Razah - I had my daughter pick a number 1-10 and that's how I selected my own topic FYI

[Adonis]

Her hand tightened around mine as we approached the station
A grey feeling rushed over the car with an emptying sensation
Thoma works seldom, but when she does, she’s gone for a few years
Leaving the bottle and I together; All alone, yet saying,“Cheers!”
We’ve been here before; survived, but nothing of which to boast
Fearing what’s next; we realize, what’s best isn’t always what you want most
For years our bond was one that just couldn’t be dulled
Until that is, this ride down this road in the prickliest cold
Each second is eternal, her breath blocking out white noise
Her pursed lips caught my eyes, I stare on amazed
My heart’s beating my chest, Oxygen leaves me in haste
Saying goodbye’s never fun, now imagine not being certain of a return
The real fatigues in my soul, it’s the worrying and wishing that spurns
How could this gentle being produce death with the tips of each hand?
How can two eyes as soft as those watch a bullet enter a man?
She just can’t be contained, she’s angelic and bane
Wild yet tame, silent but “POPS!” off in a brain
Sniping looks at the world, she sees it as truth
It’s kill or be killed, shoot or become fuel for the roots
So I thank my spouse for being a protector of you
My Xena, my warrior, my wife; a Colonel of youths

[Razah]

For my brothers with daughters, I call this

Waves of joy hit me when I think of a mind like yours
The essence of bliss, your smile alone can light the shore
So, what's it like with a view so bright, a life so pure
I had little doubt when I figured out it made mine obscure
As delicate as a daisy but your effort is amazing
I love how I find you in every breath that I am taking
With flesh like a pearl, the most precious of girls
Put my life in perspective; you can change the rest of the world
I've gained so much, I don't miss the life that I've lost
You could be besides me & still reside in my thoughts
For every day that I breathe my awe just increases
It's true a tear from your eyes can break my heart into pieces
When I reach, you reach right back, you belong in every dream I have
I've seen your first steps; it's only right you see my last
Now I live to see you grow, try to make you feel no limits
& I don't fear my last breath - I know you would still be in it

Although it might break your heart.. it won't break your spirit

[Mr. J]

Adonis, I thought this was a pretty cool piece but some of the wordings off
prickliest cold made me laugh & that kind of comedy really deserves applause.
carrying on I noticed that after that your rhymes start getting kinda funky.
certain of return & something that spurns seemed cool, but the lines is ugly.
on the other hand I felt that you captured a nice amount of emotion for the piece
it would take a person who understands these feelings to feed into your story's theme
I feel that even though some lines came off weird your piece was well done.
you could have added a couple foreign elements to it & would have done swell son.
but it is what it is & what you would like to add on is a spice from the higher shelf bruh.

Razah, I really do enjoy seeing you flow when you whenever you show up
you tend to attack straightforward and develop quick while holding no punch.
your lines roll up into the perfect formation that it seems utterly ridiculous.
you thrust upon the reader this conviction while the constantly feed into it.
the first couple lines are cool but is that what you really wanted to say here?
I enjoy this though because it seems simple but its a supreme display, weird...
yet supreme...I dont know maybe Im just to wrapped up in your smooth transitions
this was an interesting piece from you, good luck in the future fushnickens.

v/Razah, I enjoyed his piece for being a well weaved written
I enjoyed Adonis verse it should be titled Why Wouldn't We Listen.
I wasn't with what was wrapping up into a weird word whirlpool
but Adonis just goes with the wind whistling within the worlds ruins
building a foundation that is great but using the wrong material
Razah had a smoothness that I enjoyed & it won me here...cereal

[Artifice]

Sorry for the short vote on this one, but i'm tired as fuck and need to get to sleep.

Adonis your piece was cool, but I feel like Razah nailed the topic a little better and his verse flowed smoother to me. Good reads from both, but I got Razah taking this.

v/ Razah

[Inno]

Adonis

This felt rushed and emotion less. Though you kept my interest throughout, it was barely. I feel like you went with and easy route with predictable outcomes. You could of took this topic and just forrest gumped it. But you just sprinted. Im leaning more towards rushed. Feels like that.


Razah.

Same as well. Felt like this was bland. Could of used more content with each line. Though i do feel like your story cane along much better than adonis'. It wasnt by much.

Overall.


I got razah with am ore cohesive and consistent piece. Adonis' verse felt rushed. Almost a no show verse? Either way i dig both verses but ive seen you both dropp way better.

Razah

[NYCSPITZ]

Adonis moments of dope wording but pales in comparison to your last verse JMO that shit was hot. Xena warrior ode, Ok I got u but I think it lacked a certain clarity and structure which is typically present when you bring better focus and effort to the table.

Razah shit was cool I thought it got a little bit saccharine and cloying. IMO it would've worked better if it was more of an ode to your woman or some similar fantasy, but what you had worked pretty well. I was feeling it and I especially liked the juxtaposition you create where she's your light and joy and you're sort of a darker element being shined upon. Thought you did enough to take this, it was coherent and manageable.

V/ razah

[Vulgar]

Adonis, you've got those good soothsayer instincts. Wasn't really a fan of this one though, mainly because you didn't mention if it was a police station or train station. Threw me off on the first read. The rhyming was okay, nothing really stimulating conceptually. I'm sure you needed a warm up for more thorough odes.

Razah - You're a natural at rhyming, something you could be harnessing a lot more than you are presently. Cool read, content was a bit 'regular' but that's because I usually take an unorthodox approach to reading and analyzing, as in you chose phrases and sentences that are customary and didn't break from the norm, persay.

Vote - Razah

[Frank]

MVGT Adonis

Cool clash. Picking Adonis here for the uncontainable attitude he showcased. The Razah was too contained. The Razah came a bit too cuddly for me this week tbh. Rocking with Adonis on this. Pardon the brevity.