Week 9: (1-3) Innovator vs. (0-1) Cereal_killa (INNOVATOR WINS 3-1)

[Adonis]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due Monday 5/2 11:59 PST

Voting ends Wednesday 5/4 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.


Topic: You can almost taste the pressure now




G/Luck Cereal_Killa Innovator

[Cereal_Killa]

Topic: You can almost taste the pressure now

Rape crisis centre
in
Elm street on gridlock
-----
Little ol me turned inside out
It's the same old song

Earch answer
-----

Drooping trees overlapping
a paradime of gropping sold to me as grouping babbaling
sewn
through my baby fruitless scented skull in senses, bruising with the
lapping droven dry..

With your own
NO
DEER SAPPLING

Electricity does it exists
in a wait,
my arms are numb batting
woven clapping in flutters..

restricted in that's a fucking tragedy yet..
Only in splatters
.. off of you, at me merely Napping busted busting still standing in assumption..
(without what's in my mouth my tongue it is is it)

-------------
Yes, I do know
I can turn my head as the same..
At the same time
already..
adjust frames of light and pollen aged/guilded fine holed
in compfort of I
In shattered to silence to find your steady..
of the next child and the next and the next child and next child..


Kicking in through statics flickers persist
of
We where always sitting here
in your
bladder high voltage pulse of each pupil filmed and sealed to hear..
Trust me..
IS
Pet will become pat in clutch that child wrist with flush..
their there your *no*

Visuals of missing..
No they are quiet clearly there *almost sewn*

In my own powders disgrace off a scab or scrape
Of the dumpster I sweat to prey
for the water fountain to be made of coloured paint
And or
of stretched skin pattycaked tickled pink twice made with
The smiles fuzzed back in the tears you know..

Possibly..
as you cross before me with speech tasted straight
to if
a tick is a tick
(.......)
and my automatic reponse has your we got it
As a fence of languages in bricks paved in did
You bath
Me to groome
the whole hole in eye follow
Yes yes
You I move to swallow same senses swallowed
as if I was shattered shells
in plastic cells desolving slides of my own wombs of missing reflections
Between your I better YOUR legs moved
Upon IT IS for a fact a clear passage..

Do you her
Do you his
Justified it
Devided and
does it hurt was it this
once we're all strung together..
upstaged where like yes/no
that
You turned I in my sleep
in each of us awake for later for whom

And all I'm thinking is..

WHOM
stole my..
Goldilocks and Black Rainbow Starbrite
Everytime I hold my breath
sold with bubbles unkept for you whom..
Yet me too..
THE ACTUAL point of yet me too..

with your eyes and fingers aimed and sent
in my throat with isn't your tongue fluffy

(That's all it was)
------------------
SAYS the boy customer,
TO me the GIRL, the girl I am..

whom by the way lil man looks like a
bear trap stepped in a flower
sketched on his toenail shook dryer
as the flower it was
When it was..
looking at each strand as yours point of view on notice
me

Because she likes ruge blush..

http://cdn.rsvlts.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Sara-Underwood-GIF-058.gif

[Inno]

She salivates through her teeth smearing jealousy on her lip
Her heart palpitations jump off her shoulder sleeves with each skip.
Shes a cornered tornado in ballroom dress and 6 inch heels
White knuckles, sweaty palms and a nervous feel
High stockings with a slight cut and an elegant appeal.
Spft cheeks and a rose colored soul, her eyes so enticing
Her iris, so blue you could sea the horizon...
From across the gym she captured my full attention
But i welcomed the tunnel vision with full perception
The dance floor a jungle of bodies between the both of us
Thumping bass lines and moving feet cohesively compete
For my attention as i seek to find what will make me complete
Fighting through the crowd the dance floor seems like miles now
Now running through my head in the rain among the clouds
Feeling doubt, unsure with low confidence i start to question myself
What would she want from me shes high among the gods
Shes a saint to a thief, my queen to my pawn. Checkmate.

But i press on heart in sleeve hoping to be her suitor
Stitching our souls to a perfect fit hoping for a future
Walking through the crowd wiping the sweat pf my brow
Capturing the moment to give my queen her crown
As i get closer the air thin and i start to brief heavy
Suddenly tunnel vision kicks in and the room gets empty
And its just me and that blue horizon, i get lost in the depth
And just as i almosy lose my chance and i almost forget.

"Excuse me would you like to dance?"

.....ok.

[Adonis]

inno - Good fuck at those first two opening line idioms, bravo. You were successfully able to tell the reader to read excited. lol at "sea/brief/almsy/pf/pf" etc. Mad typos, but aside, this verse is just dope man. Clear images and a story that's just clean as fuck. This verse is legible, but in all honesty, just barely. Does Not Matter. You executed your goal and vividly painted the image of this encounter between a creepy guy in all honesty, just staring and captivated by this baddii. In the end, she approaches the perv, which was you in this scenario, just saying hahaha. Solid writing, would be prestine if you cleaned it up, as is, just solid.


KC - Yeah, not as good as last weeks verse. Incoherent in spots. Hard to follow and a true headache to attempt. I love the progressive thinking, but I believe this style to be widely unsuccessful in all fronts. sorry.


v/Innovator

dude really killed his verse if you can overlook his numerous mechanical errors and simple typos

[Artifice]

Yeah, I can't get into Cereal Killa's style. Sorry man, I just don't get it. I can kind of see it from a certain poetic angle, but it's not even poetry I really enjoy. No hate, just my take on it.

Inno, this was a cool piece. You executed your flip on the topic from start to finish. The only thing really is the spelling errors you made, although I think the see/sea was an intentional play on words personally.

One thing, and it's small...

But i press on heart in sleeve hoping to be her suitor
Stitching our souls to a perfect fit hoping for a future

if you changed 'for' at the end of the second line into 'to see' it becomes

But I press on heart in sleeve hoping to be her suitor
Stitching our souls to a perfect fit hoping to see a future

You get an extra syllable rhyming without changing the content of the line imo. Small but those are the kinds of things to look out for that can increase the smoothness of the read.

v/ Innovator

[Razah]

Couldn't get into CKs verse. Honestly, only got like 3/5ths into it & stopped. Couldn't do it. I tried to find a rhythm, rap it different, faster, and at times I thought I found a pace and then, nope, I didn't. I don't fuck with this verse

Inno, solid drop.

She salivates through her teeth smearing jealousy on her lip

Her iris, so blue you could sea the horizon...

Dope lines. Easily won it with the opening bar to me, but having a solid drop overall helps. Cool shit bruh

vInnovator

[Frank]

MVGT CK

Eroticly erratic. Little homie Innovator attempted a story which ain't the little homies strong suit. The homie needed spell check something serious.

Voting Cereal Killer for what I think is the more interesting usage of the topic. Pardon my brevity.