Week 10 Contendership Match: NYCSPITZ vs Breathless [NYCSPITZ WINS 7-0 SHUTOUT]

[asylum]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due MONDAY 5/9 11:59 PST

Voting ends WEDNESDAY 5/11 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: "Purple Rain"


Good luck to both participants.
NYCSPITZ (3-0) vs breathless (4-2)

[NYCSPITZ]

.


He sat solitary in the frosty purple haze of a sick prison -
feeling the chasm of this crazed, undulating solipsism
like a dangling puppet under a bunch of strings chillin'...
watching mushroom clouds bloom - and this fallout wind's killin'
He'd been steeling his heart against the crippling greed and doom
reading all of the angry works of mister Seigfried Sassoon
He found parallels to it now during world war three
Sitting on the blackened stump of this burnt out tree...
his colleagues surrounded him - all of them dead and dotting the land
The myriad clouds...had to be ten times larger than the ones we dropped in Japan
so even from a great distance - the power this fission's blowing is wild
...the Lieutenant smiled -
fuck it, he'd sit and smoke for a while.
it was all so ambiguous - life and fate and his place on this earth
feeling kinship with those others taking their place in the dirt
The bright orange moon burned in the night sky and damaged his eyes
as the bombs' force sped forth, calling this planet's demise...
The sky turned white in a muted and angelic explosion
and the last man on earth...laid back as a relic of soldiers
thanking Earth he closed his eyes - they gave a hell of a try
life's swirling rebirth as purple rain fell from the sky

Perceptions heightened, the most alive he'd ever felt in his life
Fate had given him lightness of day and dealt him his nights
Chest heaving in total peace, hearing the bell of the light -
the strange colored mist...swirled in eddies and fell from the heights.




.

[breathless]

Messaging an old friend on Facebook…
vivid memories of what we did in the past…
waiting patiently as those three little circles came and passed
"Take a look at what I have for you" … With a picture attached…
… him holding a test kit bag as MDA percolates in the liquid…
Reminiscent of a still frame painting of purple rain in the distance.

3 am, Saturday morning, been up all night…
… since Friday, at 7 in the evening… Alright…
Slept a solid nine after rolling for 18,
Thought I might maybe take some time for recovery,
but my guy keeps on buggin me… Ah, fuckin Jesus Christ…
He's lucky I got money now… just paid… and caught up on bills.
Laid off for a month too, might as well cop a bottle of pills.
I can wait a week, just sit on em until then... Yea, right…

I thought I already had swallowed my fill… Then...
Once I had it in hand it was over… game, set, match.
I could feel my pupils prematurely open wider, how great is that?
Just an addict acting like he has it handled, never taking a chance.
Translucent capsules rattle as I hold them to the table lamp,
capturing the light, scattering waves off the crystals inside.
I hear a twinkle in my eye...
Should I pop another one, or sniff a little line?
Isn't much difference aside from the pain involved. More now or less later for longer... Ain't nothin to gain at all.
Either way, I'll feel my best while I'm on it and raving balls.
The night has barely started, and I don't care if my next day is gone.

[Mr. J]

NYC, I thought you flipped the topic very nicely
the way you set it up made the outcome seem very unlikely
you put together a very descriptive tale & smooth read
I would have never thought of such & idea & you executed it beautifully
the flow throughout was great with the multi use as well
the ending was great & the addition of the topic improved the tale
really enjoyable read.

breathless, I see you with your tales revolving around highs.
the dialogue with the pic made me feel odd, it didnt sound right.
aside from that delicate detail you craft a story that makes sense
the feeling of defeat & the need to separate from life at the days end
squeezing in your topic in the first portion felt like a good beginning
I thought you would have touched on it more upon reaching the ending
unfortunately I did not see too much focus brought forth after that
although I applaud your storyline & your drug induced aftermath.
the flow was pretty smooth for the most part & seemed to work well
the use of the dot dot dot could have been tightened but oh well...
nice work regardless...

v/I enjoyed both pieces due to their differences
NYC took it in a direction with some great instances
the wording was crisp & the multi usage was on point
while breathless took us down a road we have all enjoyed
I recall nights when a buddy of mine would FB his dealers
& with the development involved it felt so much realer...
the clashing of styles gets better with each battle I read
but I think that NYC took this attacking the topic with accuracy
he brought a fully loaded piece surrounding the use of purple rain
while breathless barely shed light on the subject, that hurt me mayne.
your piece was dope, but NYC came correct in the first few lines
if you dont watch out for what NYC can do....hes going to rob you blind.


v/nyc

[UnbornBuddha]

NYC overpowered breathless in terms of scope and technique. Breathless your tale was already mundane in its theme. This is not a problem since it can add an element of resonance with the reader. However, if one doesn't add anything to build it up from the same tale we come to expect, then it becomes trite and unappealing. NYC while not his most magnificent rendition, it still was fairly enjoyable. I mean I don't think he gave it his all, but even at whatever percent he can still write a very formidable piece.

Vote: NYC

[Razah]

Enjoyed NYC's verse so much more than Breathless. Breathless kind of felt rush, and the only tie in I see with the topic was mentioning a still frame picture..


The sky turned white in a muted and angelic explosion
and the last man on earth...laid back as a relic of soldiers


Probably my fav' couplet from NYC. The build up was perfect if you ask me. You didn't write too much where I got bored, it was just the right amount. Good shit on that. A lot of cats write too much (for me) and I end up disliking a verse due to that. Like I said, breathless felt rushed. Easy vote in my eyes

vNYC

[timeless]

NYC, using solipsism as an entry was dope. My two cents if this were a Frank vote. Beautiful language as always to win over most that read, in such short length that only a few of us could attain how damaging it could be to an opponent. Enjoyed this through and through, haveno qualms really.

Breathless, smooth start, profession invalid. Notably forced wordplay sticks out like a sore dick, bringing your authors voice to a minimum getting shot at on Normandy by myself and a few others probably. I get your approach, it just didn't work. Your timing was crucial here obviously, but still I appreciate the effort to show and actually compile a verse worth of thoughts even if they were fried from the get-go.

V. Nyc

[Adonis]

Spitta - "Solipsism" is a dope word, vein, sort of fitting as my title under name no? Another sound read, lets see. I liked the twist on the topic, the fact that you waited for the final bar or so of the first stanza was wise. Not shock value per say, but in the same vein. I enjoyed the imagery of colors, I thought you painted very well. I loved the wording of the closing bars, very nice tough as far as precise wording goes. This verse was a bit more vague then your average story, and I prefer this type of verse over a story any day. I just feel like it gives you more room to play with line concept as opposed to telling a story, you didn't have conceptual lines though, instead focused on imagery and did so smoothly, ending up with a polished work that had the makings of classic, long winded NYC story, but I thought the brevity helped you in this case.

Less - Fucking dead at "messaging my old friend, vivid" Vividlyvague We miss you bro, we're even writing about you, come home. I will be honest though man, not a fan of this. It felt rushed and thrown together with no real direction on your part. It lacked soul.

V/NYC

the better read start to end, greater substance indeed.

[Adverse]

NYC, I really like your futuristic, post apocalyptic setting. Your imagery explained the scene and painted a great picture in my head. Kind of gave me Gears of War vibes, I'm not quite sure why my mind went exactly to that but I really appreciated your vocabulary and the way you put the scenary and plot together. Good work.

Breathless, I liked your descriptive approach as well. It was a cool little section where I almost felt like I was going on the trip for your character, alas, I thought there were things you could have expanded on more and put more of a effort into the piece overall. Wasn't a bad verse, but NYC's took the cake here. Awesome picture he painted. Good work fellas

V/Nyc

[asylum]

NYC – great end of days piece. Very nice work. I enjoyed the scenery immensely and wondered about your characters back story a bit. Not complaining, it’s a compliment. I wanted more while satisfied.
Breathless – that shit’s wicked bro you gotta stay away from that brown-brown and cop that nice lady. Gonna fuck around and have an aneurism overheating. Anyway, the piece was dope it’s a familiar malady, I enjoyed the entirety of the piece and am satisified with it as a whole.
/v nyc came a little bit stronger and his piece had a more profound effect. i think if breathless had killed off his character and gave a vivid death scene it would’ve won.