Week 10: Jesodist vs Witty [JESODIST WINS 6-2]

[asylum]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due MONDAY 5/9 11:59 PST

Voting ends WEDNESDAY 5/11 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: "Money Don't Matter 2 Night"


Good luck to both participants.
JESODIST (2-6) vs Witty (0-0)

[Witty]

Fucking deleted my original piece :( don't think dude's showing tho.

Trust me baby, hold my hand
And walk with me through moulded lands
Sculpted from the dreams we made
Before we knew that dreams could fade
A hurricane came crashing through
And left us broken, black n blue
The hope we laid on mounds of trust
Revoked - replaced with clouds of dust
The rain is grief, and soaked, we cry
And pray to see that golden sky
The one we always heard about
From tales of old - from word of mouth
If love could speak, I'd ask her why
Her touch can be so fast to die
There is no check, no price to pay
Cash rules all, besides today
Tonight all that we think about's
The price of every single shout
Of every yell and painful cry
The grace that fell, we say goodbye
I release my grip of your troubled hand
And walk alone in rubbled land
But even when I'm old and die
Just waiting for my soul to fly
I'll breath my last and close my eyes
Still hoping for those golden skies.

[JESODIST]

Money Don't Matter Tonight

Its the Death of a Traitor Coveter of Neighbors with an Infectious Behavior,
This calls for the Meticulous Slayers of the most Conspicuous Players,
Hope he said goodbye ti his peeps and recited his Ridiculous Prayers,
Cause Money don't Matter Tonight its the day when they slaughter his Type,
I am a Monser in Site devouring this imposter who lie between all the Laugher and Hype,
Should be stupid of me but a Note to the Wise, He bullied me for Most of my Life,
The Demonic Murmurs aren't Right, Send his Soul to the Light on a Tour with the Christ,
"Slit his Tonsils with a Knife infront of Hundreds on Sight for Fucking your Wife"
while you worked under the Hot Sun just to buy her that lovely Dress that she Saw at the Store,
I'm Hopelessly possessed by malevolent spirits that want the crime to be Raw and Gore,
Been holding the feeling inside of Murderous rage for so long so its Not just a Chore,
To watch the traitorous bastard Gasp and Implore implale by a lance on the Sands and the Floor,
The Siren will Sound, By then he is already dwelling in a place where its Silent and Cold,
With a Pole of Titanium Puncture a Hole in his Cranium leave it Opened like Sadium,
The invisible giant ho will Tie him down to an electric chair where His skin will fold and then Burnt to a Toast,
The fire will keep blazing violently spreading till his Bones are Roast,
His ashes will be spread in cold winds of the South, His Lips clamped with Pins on his Mouth,
This is what the price he pays, what the real Sinning is About,
Manipulate the life of his mates n all the Siblings that Sprout,
For Crossing those unbound with the Deadliest of Minds,
Puffing horific crimes one in a while just for the crown to Replenish the Shine,
A Military General whose actions are Cynical Infernal,
There were no second thoughts when the blunt object was Splitting his Internal,
This was not for the fame or the fortune it was the End of the Road,
They Got rid of his accomplice and even the Friend that he Told,
Steady and Rogue His body wasn't even Sent to the Morgue...

[Inno]

Witty this had potential bro to bad you deleted yoir piece i havent read pne pf yours in a while.


Jesodist

Yeah bro this was ok. Tbh i dont know what to think of it. You gave me so many scenes packed into each line i dont know which one is the main focus. Your saying so mich bit at the same time nothing at all. One line urked me. And tbh i shouldn't be one to take, ask around lol....but

This calls for the Meticulous Slayers of the most Conspicuous Players,

None of that really made sense. To much rhyming bruh, and on top of that. Did you mean to use slayers just to rhyme with players? Cuz i feel like SLAYING OF THE MOST. Makes a lot more sense.

Dunno just my opinion bruh.

Vote. Jesodist because wittys verse is clearly a no show verse.

[UnbornBuddha]

Obviously Jesodist got this, Witty did not hit his stride due to whatever misunderstanding occurred. Jesodist won his because he wrote something complete.

Nevertheless, Jesodist there are some blunders that I think you ought to consider. There were spelling mistakes, there were times when you used wrongly verb tenses, and at times you ended your thoughts with double adjectives "cynical infernal". While I also saw a notion in your verse, there was no cohesive substratum. If we compared your piece to matter, it simply divided and divided, but never coalesced to something with greater meaning. My advice is to not focus so much on rhyming, and more on developing a more sequential train of thought, maybe with less demons and gore. This theme impedes you from exploring other avenues.

[Mr. J]

Witty, you put together a decent key.
the flow is what made it such an easy read
my issue is that it wasn't really drawn out
its nice to see you come through & throw some bars down
but even if your opponent doesnt reply but that work in.
this was pretty cool though, especially for one of your sober verses.

JESODIST, perhaps you been away for far too long?
there were spelling errors & the rhymes were a futon.
you folded underneath your own weight & fell hard bruh
I thought the story was ok but it seemed like a card bluff.
you bet it all on black & you ended up in a twisted world
I was confused by the small piece of dialogue, but...get it girl.


v/Witty, although Witty had a lighthearted piece it worked.
Jesodists style is a breath of fresh air but not his best verse.
both had their issues, Witty wrote short, Jesodist went wild
Jesodist took the darker route & Witty left me with a smile.
Jesodists errors are just too vast for me to brush off...
from sadium to traitorous bastard gasp & implore comes off...
well it comes off kind of odd...my vote goes to Witty...
his verse was proper & the structure wasnt too shitty

[Razah]

So uh, this is Baron's prodigy huh.

I'll take your word for it being a 'key' but still.. Anyways, not a big fan of Jesodist style honestly. The words he uses, his 'hell & demons' being his go to ideas, his syllables being off.. eh, not my cup of tea.

Nonetheless, I felt he had the stronger verse.

Should be stupid of me but a Note to the Wise, He bullied me for Most of my Life,
The Demonic Murmurs aren't Right, Send his Soul to the Light on a Tour with the Christ,
"Slit his Tonsils with a Knife infront of Hundreds on Sight for Fucking your Wife"

His internals kept that flowing smoothly. I think his 'dark' ideas can one day be a great verse, as long as he made sure all the other technical aspects were on point.

vJesodist

[NYCSPITZ]

I mean witty basically put together a casual key which comes across as slightly profound and aphoristic because he's generally a smart dude and a good writer, but it was a key pure and simple, thoughtless and lazy as fuck. Just cuz you can key some shit with undertones of what lao-tzu would have written if he were english doesn't make it good it makes you lazy. You had the verse written out so you might as well have tried to replicate it better than you did it was cool but obviously a rushed key...

Jesodist this was fragmented and all over the place. It sounds like something eminem would've written at 25 years old, drunk and barely visible in Kim's hazy clouds of Meth smoke. I don't really understand wtf you were doing here but some rhymes were cool. It doesn't really follow the rules of english too well but sounds like the type of violent incoherent rhyming material that would sound savage if it was freestyled in an off the dome cypher with your favorite pals from your favorite low-class neighborhood. I hate to do it but I'm gonna have to give you the vote because witty didn't even try.

V/ Jesodist

[Adverse]

I know everyone is saying Witty's verse is a "no show verse" and he even admitted himself it was just a keystyle, and everyone is praising Jeso for having a complete product but i'm going to have to go against the grain here.

Witty, I thought the story you told was short but also sweet. I read each line and could vision it in my head, it read more like a poem than a hip hop verse, it was very fluid from each line to the next, the overall topic was dope, and I think it's something we can all relate to, the pursuit of happiness and what not.

Jesodist, you're not bad at rhyming man, but I think you overkill it with multis, sure multi-syllable rhyming is good and can really piece a verse together, but it can also destroy a piece. There's just too many unnecessary rhymes in here to tell a coherent story, I think you should focus more on your plot elements, vocab and just your descriptions rather than your rhymes, we know you can rhyme but this is a topical league, so I think if you worked out those kinks you'd be a lot better off.

Overall, Witty told the better story in my eyes, might have been short and simple but it really served its purpose and was good enough to win here.

V/Witty

[Frank]

Witty
Poignant writing. In a nutshell, in the most limited scope, in the shortest sentences posssible you went grandiose. This cadence you brought was noble and reminded me of a scroll like reading in a medieval setting. Good old Irish ancestry homage here kid. Lullaby flow. Always write in microsoft word or notepad at all costs avoid writing it in the thread. Wonder what a real witty verse looks like these days, been a minute lad. Be current and never rest on laurels. Show and prove no matter if they sign in or not. Do it for you kid. Do it for you. After a quick gander, I am convinced you didn't perceive a threat and got lazy or unmotivated or you didn't actually delete the piece and just threw that in their for a sympathy vote? Lars the dirtiest in the game, and you are his protege. Extraordinary piece.

Jesodist
Consistently the most violent typer. Astonished at all the different ways you can express the same message. Description game is detrimental. A beheading approach consistently warlock with it. Just lighten up, could ya? Few writers can see you in this horrorcore category kid. Feeling how although all your work is cynical and dark, your interpretations to the topics always have a slightly different moral even though your content doesn't vary at all.

Overall
Jesodist snatched a win from a weary witty. Wasn't pretty. Refs had to stop this one though. Witty just didn't intelligently protect himself and Jesodist wailed on him.

Witty slept. Voting Jesodist

[asylum]

Witty – obv no show verse. Jesodist never checks in, fyi. To tell you the truth, check ins really haven’t been as mandatory as they should be. Thanks for pointing that out.

Jesodist – If we put necros gory days instrumentals on repeat and sat down to write an album.. it would be a cool cd. Anyway, you really went with a story kinda here. I’m enjoying your progression.

/v jesodist for the more complete piece. this was pretty close tho. i'm going to chalk this one up to effort in what was put forward. witty will be a force to be reckoned with tho. watch.