Contenders Match: Mr. J vs. Adonis [Adonis 3-0]

[Adonis]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due MONDAY 5/30 (ext. 5/31) at 11:59 PST

Voting ends WEDNESDAY 6/1 at 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.



Topics Explained
This week you will receive a period in time that covers a huge range of years and events, you can pull inspiration from anything whether it be real life events and stories or a fictional one as long as it fits the time frames. Enjoy!


G/Luck


(5-5) Adonis
(7-5) Mr. J

Topic: Futuristic - Anything Beyond Today.

[Adonis]

She sat there in silence, licking her wounds
Batting her eyelids as they’re dripping monsoons
I could smell her fear, it tasted like pain
Just knowing our years were encased and in chains
We could wait for change or I could bring it abrupt
So we talked and thought the world was more then our love
Earth would be erased, but we had a last shot
Destroy a comet in space, me and a few other astronauts
We were newly weds, completely head over heels
Love at first glance, uniquely surreal
Our bond danced on a line that congealed
Solidifying our relationship as quick as “hello”
Her green eyes shot, Cupid equipped with a bow
Soulmates embarked down a yellow bricked road
A fantasy couple, made for the shows
But the big screen couldn’t contain what I know
So…. here I am, waiting alone

The mission was simple, travel light years away
At a high enough speed to keep the planet at bay
This sun sized comet was a barrel staring us down
Cocked and loaded, certain death, earth, a burial ground
This maned mission would consist of the best of the best
I was a pilot with high marks expressed through the test
We agreed, saving a billion lives was more important than ‘us’
I admittedly struggled with the choice to abandon our love
I mean, my entire life I trained for this outing
But weeks before you’re viridescent eyes chained me yet enlivened
Saving Earth became heightened as I wanted it more
But this same thought toppled my core
A world without you… What the fuck for?
This realization sprouted more from the floor
I could save them all, but all the same, I’d never return
So if I did this for you, I’d still be snuffing my flame

…

Sometime in the distant future

…

Knock Knock Knock

Excuse me mam, I’m looking for….

She held me as tight as she could
I was shocked, but soon understood
I felt her heart pummeling mine
Our love is one that has been troubling time
A continuos stream of tears came tumbling down
Eyes overfilled with emotion, words, a fumbling sound
Green eyes looked up at a man that’s been jaded
"I always knew you’d return my love, so, I waited"



















http://i.imgur.com/wR5BduO.jpg?1

[Mr. J]

My thoughts rested on a peaceful plain seeking advice
the palms were settled upon the seas of the wise...
drifting off into my recent desires of knowledge & dollar.
am I a product of authors adding the polish to mantras.
Do I bring change in the face of adversity, is there one path?
...Or many? Do I wager it all & put it down in the tub, man..
the incense is filling the room; the lights lead a crystal path.
where issues are pistol packed & greed is a great risk to have...
Im slipping back, she slapped the end of the table..
a gunshot broke my concentration, pay 10 for the ale.
another 10 for courtesy, while I gamble on the future
she lays out several cards & smiles as I pick a door...
Death how do I cash in on this pile of sick rewards..
my mind drifts back to a nightmare that I had recently.
I shake off the coincidence, arrive to a scene serene.
I see the smiles of unknowns that have faded fast...
once they see what remains they decide to change the fact
that they disliked me for who I became...I remain steadfast
more questions that go unanswered as I started racing back.
I begin to embrace the act as she draws another card out
she utters an enchantment as she mumbles her heart out.
Love her touch left me enchanted by the mysticism
that fortune alone causes more pain than it gives in wisdom.
I sit to listen about paths crossing beyond the city limits.
any story of love instantaneous is usually a silly gimmick.
my skepticism remains intact while she flips the vision.
a marriage brought on by forbidden fruit from a tainted tree
where poison hangs on the branch & wishes to escape at eve...
she rambled on & with a quick hiss she was disturbed.
her voice shook with authority & as she yelled another word...
her accent disappeared & she looked at me them scoffed...
Look kid, futures cant be told, only experienced...buzz off





O gullible youth...

[asylum]

Adonis- you really, truly went all out this week. Damn bro. great to see this fully developed piece, I know I’m already in for a treat.. continuing reading. The astronauts line had me wondering what you were getting at. Then the second stanza started.. kinda dry bruh honestly. Need more imagery. Your story line was proper and well thought out but the execution truly lacked your usual flair. I really liked your story but dude you need to take advantage of full syllable counts to go against a dude like J. real talk. Pretty sure he’s gonna /v this. My bad. Real recognize real. I was totally into this but you did not flesh it out well imho. GREAT FUCKING CONCEPT. Not enough execution, sir. Really. I say that with love. Put more of yourself into your next piece. I didn’t feel this at all after I finished it. And I liked the beginning.
Realest review you’ll probably get. Peace.
Mr. J – your story moved forward effortlessly, I liked that. But there wasn’t anything exciting happening really. Continuing through the half and forward.. this entire piece had some cool mechanics but the story never really amounted to shit. There was no crux, no .. great point. I mean this was a decent drop. Yeah, the story flowed from beginning to end. I can’t say you did bad. I mean, comparatively. But you really were not in it this week J. I can tell man. Psyche yourself up. Get excited to create something. I need that old J back. I see you man. Get at me.
MVGT Adonis this week. He did more with his concept, I was more immersed in his then his opponents. Both got me into their angle but.. I wasn’t thoroughly left satisfied with either. But Adonis definitely had the more well rounded execution, and for that.. I give him the /v this week. Great work from both I’m just being overly critical because this was an extremely hard battle to vote on. Respect.

[Razah]

Tough battle to vote on.

Alright so, I actually enjoy reading both of you guys. Just based on who's verses I usually enjoy more, I came into this battle kind of leaning towards Mr. J.

I liked Adonis' verse more this time around. His story was just better to me. It kept a smooth pace & kept me intrigued, the flow was pretty solid. Mr. J on the other hand, I kind of felt like he was just going through the motions. Like, the technique is there, it just wasn't too captivating to me. You kinda just blew my high with that verse man. Thanks a lot.

Nah for real though, Adonis had the more enjoyable verse for me, although both verses were good, mechanics had me leaning towards Mr. J but, I just couldn't fuck with his verse this time.

vAdonis

[UnbornBuddha]

Adonis: "viridescent" I like the word. Anywho, this was a romantic cosmic tale. It had elements of love, of lost, of hope, of hopelessness. It was good. There was a similar vibe to the move interstellar. Human extinction is an interesting thing to ponder. I'm a sucker for this kind of things, as long as there are done in a good way.

Mr J: As others said this flowed well, but the substance was never really fleshed out in a way that awe-inspiring. Which some J pieces do leave you with that kind of feeling. I'm sure you are a bit weary from competing even if you don't admit it to yourself. Props on competing every week it seems. I thought the rhymes of one path and tub man were bad to tell you the truth. I think this was keyed, it had elements of written J versus free-stream consciousness J, but your heart wasn't fully in it.

Vote: Adonis

Nice work both you guys though.