dead man -- fly on the wall.

[dead man]

i can

actually taste it.
whiskey wedding night, tobacco engagement
symptomatic, i label it to practice restraint
lift me past it, i'm passive and aggressive the same
traumatized to see you leave but grow depressed when you stay.
it destroys me to build. a trove of treasure, a cave
who wonders why it's wanderers adventure in vain
misremembering names. zeitgeist a sign of the aegis
pulling gears into makeshift. this sapphire diamond harangue
inhaling oxygen, anxious. stay at home, go away
misses May, you're a beauty in your own special way
but you're only a phase. a turn of delicate language
to perfect this decay. corpse corridor to window-glass stains
common conception. our composted composition combined
with compassionate camaraderie we've rationalized
monocle shine. opalescent magnum oculus prime
robotnik sonic system saga genesis, dive
genetic Sega samurai. syntax sensationalized
now hang me out to dry. you can't wring out what's inside
ringing out into silence. i can't hear when you cry
tearing out my arteries one tear at a time
it's all for the better. springtime orchestra. we watched it together
laid a blanket on the grass and felt the fall of forever
sunflower cinderella. simple and sensual. stellar
how we walk together wordlessly but talk to remember.
upmost reflectional dwelling on the past to preserve it
through psychobabble and bourbon. branching out to battle inertia
scratching cursive in the stylings of a secretive person
it takes a lifetime to burrow but a step to resurface.
organic occurrences. inspiration accidentally on purpose
like Daniel Day Lewis when he's late to rehearsal
make me nervous. salt and cigarettes and coffee at night
my family dressed in black although my coffin was white
car-lighter carbon delight. tar heel marlboro light
lakeshore i walked for hours down to 79th
sidewalk, silent solitude. footsteps echo the street
contentment is the only goal i've yet to complete
lady leech, cheri petite. if we happen to meet
know that you will never measure up to any of these
sad romantic beliefs i've preconceived. you are She
who knows me well enough to love but never to read
c'est la vie, mon ami. we're a droplet of rain
spiraling eachother towards a watery grave
metropolitan slave. shoe polish, saint laurent, CTA
homicide and happy meals. it's all on display
just the same. my friend sat me down and told me tonight
he'd scribbled down a note to us one saturday night
saying sorry for the mess. put his cigarette out
put a dent in his svedka. put a gun in his mouth
sat and waited it out. cried, collapsed in his chair
i asked why he didn't call. he said i wouldn't have cared.
sometimes i overshare. worry, joy and despair
is all the same from a distance if you're comfortable there
let me stare. don't mind me at all. that fly on the wall
is only passing time until it's time to withdraw





deadman

[big baby]

enjoyed it a bunch. Will edit

[boof]

ridiculous

[NYCSPITZ]

My wigga...You phrase shit in a way nobody can touch and it annoys me when they copy it tbh bc u created it. Imitation is a form of flattery i guess but when people say they do what you do better than you it's laughable bc they didn't even CREATE your style!!! Lmfao...


i can

actually taste it.
whiskey wedding night, tobacco engagement
symptomatic, i label it to practice restraint
lift me past it, i'm passive and aggressive the same
traumatized to see you leave but grow depressed when you stay.

Sup family. I'm on some firestone union jack IPA right now. shit is flames. It's clever how you use sensory cues to engage readers, it's a more intellectual and advanced form of rap cliches like "ayo listen" to start a verse. Just a slight permutation but still, you were the first to think of it and it's uncanny how that type of opener pulls the reader in...I enjoy all they layers you bring to your writing. It's loaded with meaning I can't even begin to see from your perspective, but that grey pulse of ambiguity is constant in all of your verses. Delving further, I sense an unresolved conflict of subpersonality here, but that's just me. You're traumatized to see them go but depressed when they leave...it's impossible to know the nuances behind this to a T but it's obviously an inner conflict, which often can be a battle between various compartments of the psyche. Often trauma felt during the burgeoning years can hold weight or even overpower the weaker convictions formed in adult life, and I think that's what this is hinting at here. We are dealing with a personality, IMO, which has unresolved issues with the a subpersonality and its tendency to appear at critical junctures in order to somehow jar or frighten the conscious mind. Ingrained, repetitive behavior and probably a neurosis. Probably modeled after your own mind. Written beautifully though I might add. Lift me past it line; signals this character is ensconced in his behavior, not because he wants to be but because he's repeating a cycle of tug of war with his emotion in this relationship and the accompanying thought patterns and alcoholism. There has to be some payoff there even if it's not for his greater good, or why would he want to repeat this behavior? Has to be a conflict between his subpersonality and his current self, and his younger self and the emotional impact on his younger self is still extremely powerful, powerful enough to break this man from a strong conviction. Be glad the person's gone or sad they're not there? Dunno. Ambiguous.

it destroys me to build. a trove of treasure, a cave
who wonders why it's wanderers adventure in vain

this is probably not what you were going for but this line reminds me of a buddhist concept wherein, to put it rather loosely, everybody is a buddha and has enlightenment within him, but nobody is aware of the fact. I personally have morphed this to mean that the higher self or the subsconsious mind is the cave - dark, latent, unexplored. It is a trove of treasure hidden by our torrential nonstop thinking (I guess only smart people like us have this problem) lined by contradicting and sometimes toxic emotions. The treasure is there and very accesible through timeless vehicles like compassion, self-love, etc, even being a modern day bodhisattva and just being a detatched, edgy and focused dude with perspective and conscience. But most people I think are too focused on the conscious mind and berate themselves for being unable to stop this torrential downpour of thought and control it. But being compassionate, self-loving and kind ofcourse controls it, and I'm sure most people have experienced this in spurts. The problem is we always lose sight of the treasure, and get enveloped in the darkness of the cave.

misremembering names. zeitgeist a sign of the aegis
pulling gears into makeshift. this sapphire diamond harangue
inhaling oxygen, anxious. stay at home, go away
misses May, you're a beauty in your own special way
but you're only a phase. a turn of delicate language
to perfect this decay. corpse corridor to window-glass stains
common conception. our composted composition combined
with compassionate camaraderie we've rationalized

Aight my wigga so some of this is worded beautifully no homo. I can't fuck with it but it makes me want to battle you...not sure how to take this because it can go in a bunch of directions. The zeitgeit is a sign of the, what, ruling oligarchy, trans national corporations, government, mass thought? Because the zeitgeist as I'm sure you're aware will protect any of our world's monetary king pins as long as it's sociologically manipulated the right way, but it's complicated because so many things affect the zeitgeist like political conflict and deception, the historical taint of past generations which always leeches into the current generations zeitgeist etc. It's interesting because human nature remains constant but the phases we go through mentally change with epochs. I don't think any ruling oligarchy today even if 10 people have half the world's wealth can fuck with the collective consciousness of man. It's far too powerful and has billions of years of evolution behind it at the least, from one perspective, a bit of money and one lifetime ain't really gonna put a dent in that. When you word shit like sapphire diamond harangue I'm just like wtf that's hot. Keep writing that shit YOLO unless there's reincarnation. I think from miss may, to window glass stains the window glass adds an aura of depth and spirituality to it. It sort of encapsulates mortality and the fact humans when young never think they'll die. Vicious of you to just bring up corpse decay like that but that's the dead man we all know - a smart and humble G who is IMHO the realest writer here when it comes to aggression. When you write about aggression my ears perk up because it seems real, at odds with your normal baseline and thus it screams louder. Other writers here when they write aggressive it just makes me think of how I think they would never get aggressive like that in real life but that's only because they've conveyed how soft they are irl with their posts. A bunch of people probably think I've done that too but IDGAF. Nice alliteration of C's. It seems a bit cynical yet somehow rings loudly true to me. A lot of relationships can be like that where you can have an enemy with 90% of the characteristics of a friend and vice versa.

monocle shine. opalescent magnum oculus prime
robotnik sonic system saga genesis, dive
genetic Sega samurai. syntax sensationalized
now hang me out to dry. you can't wring out what's inside
ringing out into silence. i can't hear when you cry
tearing out my arteries one tear at a time
it's all for the better. springtime orchestra. we watched it together
laid a blanket on the grass and felt the fall of forever
sunflower cinderella. simple and sensual. stellar
how we walk together wordlessly but talk to remember.
upmost reflectional dwelling on the past to preserve it
through psychobabble and bourbon. branching out to battle inertia
scratching cursive in the stylings of a secretive person
it takes a lifetime to burrow but a step to resurface.

a lifetime to burrow but a step to resurface rings a bell for me. Everybody sees hardship in this lifetime but lots of people, you never see them above water again. Others are above water but gasping for air, trying too hard or just mad at the world or themselves for some reason. I think we're all similar in that respect. But to be sure, there's a deep strength within us that emerges to meet our greatest obstacles and surmount them with ease. There's the will to grow, to become more, to be the best always there, chased by that devil on your shoulder who wants to say that you can't do it, that you're going to fail. Realizing this to be a subpersonality however, I think you can hold conversation with it to try to work things out. It's something someone like veritas would do except veritas has too much pride and anger to do it effectively. He has a need to be validated that usurps any help he wants to give to the individual. Anyways, psychobabble and burboun, self condemning yet kind of self congratulatory at the same damn time (two bad bitches). I like your sega references street fighter II was my shit I beat it multiple times with every character. hang me out to dry line is one of those gems. Hang out to DRY but even thought the DRY [person] is ostensibly "wrung out" he is still staurated with that spark all humans have to rise above their struggle, if only for a period of time. Sounds like a testament to human strength and overall perserverance although many never manifest this quality (while it lies dormant within them).

organic occurrences. inspiration accidentally on purpose
like Daniel Day Lewis when he's late to rehearsal
make me nervous. salt and cigarettes and coffee at night
my family dressed in black although my coffin was white
car-lighter carbon delight. tar heel marlboro light
lakeshore i walked for hours down to 79th
sidewalk, silent solitude. footsteps echo the street
contentment is the only goal i've yet to complete
lady leech, cheri petite. if we happen to meet
know that you will never measure up to any of these
sad romantic beliefs i've preconceived. you are She
who knows me well enough to love but never to read

Everything comes out in conversation, and as a man you only have your word. It's what any woman needs the most, hoe or wifey. Just as much as masculine men need feminine energy, women need clarity of purpose the most in a man, and this last line sounds like a cinderella tale of a tormented man who just wants freedom, but doesn't want to have to stand strong when his woman pokes his weak spot. In reading him and testing him this way she gets to feel his strength which is one of her greatest pleasures but the man in your verse doesn't feel up to the challenge at the moment. He seems resilient though so he'll probably do his best when the time comes. A man's objective - to seek freedom. He's never free in this reality thus the lack of contentment. Death is freedom. We get to rest or see what happens next. Anything else like sports ejaculation meditation anything just a poor simulacrum for that freedom IMO. An individual who is growing into the best man he can be, resolved to grow into the man until his very last breath, will never be content, and leaning into his edge I'd say he'd never be content. In essence, I'd say the best men you'd ever meet - the brightest, most charismatic, the most gentle, the happiest, whatever - will never be content. It's good not to be content. Contentedness breeds inertia, and inertia is death. Life is movement and growth.

c'est la vie, mon ami. we're a droplet of rain
spiraling eachother towards a watery grave
metropolitan slave. shoe polish, saint laurent, CTA
homicide and happy meals. it's all on display
just the same. my friend sat me down and told me tonight
he'd scribbled down a note to us one saturday night
saying sorry for the mess. put his cigarette out
put a dent in his svedka. put a gun in his mouth
sat and waited it out. cried, collapsed in his chair
i asked why he didn't call. he said i wouldn't have cared.
sometimes i overshare. worry, joy and despair
is all the same from a distance if you're comfortable there
let me stare. don't mind me at all. that fly on the wall
is only passing time until it's time to withdraw

Rain line is a beauty. Again the concept of death looms large but there's a strong life and death tension here. In the end life and death are part of one reality so I guess the life death tension, and our ability as a cognizant species give us a unique perspective and allow us to experience an entire spectrum of emotions while being cognizant of imminent doom. Not sure if this was somewhat inspired by father's day but I was feeling this. worry joy and despair line speaks to apathy imo, numbness...same from a distance etc. In the end you have to either be a monk and mediate on these things or choose to fuck the world as hard as possible while you're breathing. I think all of us here on this board choose the latter. I'm getting my stacks up, bread is starting to flow and life is on one of those upswings for me. If I'm ever in Chicago for a conference I will seek you out my nigga.

[Geno]

Fuck dude

[Split Eight]

'Traumatized to see you leave but grow depressed when you stay'

Reminds me of the tail end of a caustic relationship. Sounds obvious when I put it like that, but emphasis on the 'tail end' description-- like where there's nothing left to do but let it crumble

'It destroys me to build... Adventure in vain'
Sounds like a lament on the futility of relationships. Great phrasing, mean that.

"Laid a blanket on the grass and felt the fall of forever" was beautiful description and really captures hearing an orchestra live. Visions of the 4th on the esplanade come to mind

'Tar Heel Marlboro Light// for hours down to 79th' fell together really well, kind of captures the essence of musicality without being too rhymey.


"Who knows me well enough to love but never to read"
writing is very intimate to you, isn't it? Don't mean to sound condescending, just curious how writers here are more or less open about their talents with those they know (example-- Oats)



just the same. my friend sat me down and told me tonight
he'd scribbled down a note to us one saturday night
saying sorry for the mess. put his cigarette out
put a dent in his svedka. put a gun in his mouth
sat and waited it out. cried, collapsed in his chair
i asked why he didn't call. he said i wouldn't have cared.
sometimes i overshare. worry, joy and despair
is all the same from a distance if you're comfortable there

Amazing.

Will post more in-depth feed later, going to the beach tho

[big baby]

Tags are hilarious. Tagger is clearly why my user title is what it is.

Again, pretty sloped piece here. Every first read I give your pieces - always turn out to be rollercoasters, each time after I become accustom to how you shuttle subtle nuances to be more connective.

inhaling oxygen, anxious. stay at home, go away
misses May, you're a beauty in your own special way
but you're only a phase. a turn of delicate language
to perfect this decay. corpse corridor to window-glass stains

Going about passive aggression is one of your strengths in a bulk of your writing. Stockholm syndrome. You reiterate this silent hostility over and over, and it stresses how virulent strains of certain human interactions/relationships can be. I bolded what I mean in the quote above, you caress her jawline, whispering anything but sweet nothings as you do it. It's perfect - in the sense of aestheticizing the pain, [this comes to mind]Fall of the damned (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fall_of_the_Damned_into_Hell)(Hieronymus Bosch) and cocoons a hefty portion of how you convey emotion to writing.

traumatized to see you leave but grow depressed when you stay.

is also pretty on the ball with what i said. It's great. I think we're trapped in this plaguing of constant need to be with affection. To have something mean something even when it doesn't. You create caricatures of what you want someone to be with them being entirely different. It get's lonely. So you regress. Boxcutter bonding.

sidewalk, silent solitude. footsteps echo the street
contentment is the only goal i've yet to complete
lady leech, cheri petite. if we happen to meet
know that you will never measure up to any of these
sad romantic beliefs i've preconceived. you are She
who knows me well enough to love but never to read

Oh yeah?

Again. This is just pure writing. Absolutely you. I picture glimpses of watery eyes as it's written. Sepia filter, ink blots from the pen. It's really just super interesting, intriguing writing that envelopes the reader. You develop tiny placements of emotion that open up cracks to the reader. Cracks they thought were probably closed/healed. Maybe you don't mean to do this - I'm sure you don't, but it's stylings are always refreshing.

Thanks bud.

[Otto Peighlaught]

traumatized to see you leave but grow depressed when you stay.

corpse corridor to window-glass stains

now hang me out to dry. you can't wring out what's inside
ringing out into silence. i can't hear when you cry
tearing out my arteries one tear at a time

springtime orchestra. we watched it together
laid a blanket on the grass and felt the fall of forever

how we walk together wordlessly but talk to remember.
------------

I don't generally like to quote but I feel like those are glimpses of brilliance. The distance between the watcher and the characters is eerie, realistically eerie. You've brought this relationship to life with your words in a manner that is difficult to accept as the reader. It's humbling reading something that accurate. The fact that flow of thoughts/events is somewhat scatter-brained, while the whole is fluid is very impressive. Excellent stuff here, thank you.

[slecht]

Yo on some real shit dead man,


I'm going through something and you pretty much wrote about it.


Made me tear up.


This is a master piece


I'll edit post later

[CopyPat]

COFFEE AND CIGARETTES AND BOURBON!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!

This is vintage. again. i've told you this a million times but i can't believe how smooth you are. and i love that you're complex without being overly wordy and taking away from the flow. this hits on all levels 10/10. just awesome. also really really cool to see you still outchea grindin erry day even though ur at the top of ur game u still posting mad content like a mahf.. ahahaah. im an idiot. this is dopeness though bruh. much love.real happy to still see you here