unhinged

[big baby]

adagio for strings. invitation to the quartet
idling super star set. listen to the violin unhinged
sinfonietta. symptoms addict. i hear what silence brings
Cinderella's crystal bandage. whose shoes on the other foot
there's such a brazen touch, with the brush
of true dishonor. get lost in the wade of war
or rust in the suit of armor. bring desert to my land
sands to the beach with your poisonous gaze
heard the whisper to yourself before you held my hand
hi. I'm okay. my name is .. (private exchange)
lie on the waves. get lied to-- as you wave your goodbyes
trident blade romantic. piloting shipwrecked.
pirate/sailor Versailles
the type of danger to live for as he cautiously peeks
behind the bulwark, you didn't flinch as I cried at your feet
craving perfect. position yourself to curb the distress
cursory symptoms, binary bursts into bleakness
murmur distinction; as nerves murder my diction
put me to sleep. now, get the affection you so desperately seek
instead of a sick pretending to get it from me
the head of the center of fulfillment and need
ready to pleasure you. everyone, please
one at a time.
I can only make you feel better, not fix your disease
medicine cabinet. reciting Nietzsche for the very last time
i’m not even fucking alive. pink matters’ as dead as our past
consummate mind. flesh pattern has nothing but scabs
good luck chuck. Romeoesque. Juliet, without the flask
cabriolet. our naked fingers touched. creation of atom
lazily picked daisies, so lackadaisically half-strung
paris to Hades. in paradise we paraded with madam
alpha radiant magnum. Silver cigar dragon, flavor in latin
passive-aggressive. distraught when it happens the same
theatric actor assembly, credits roll off the page
borderline personality entrance.
possessive antidepressant exiting stage
morality meshed in, balanced synthetics. memorandum ballet
nothing like a shot of aguardiente to remind me where I came
masquerade as elated. you never had nothing to say
learn no lessons from this. no life functions contained
just dark to darker days. all shadows are gray
just newer ways, to adroitly phrase the heartbreak
romanticized relationship, no window frames in the hallway
to suck dry, dried-love tongue-tied in antagonizing remaining trysts
to have a place to badger faith when it all dies
when the walls break, sun shines are glimmers of hell
rainbows run ripe to repel the violet unhinged
it never ends well, my soul is linked to carbon
the only thing in common was we both wanted to get rid of myself

[veritas]

Complete trash. Words for words sake. Pseudo dead man. Faux intellectual with pancake hipster mailaise. Oooooh big baby so crazy! So crazzzzzy!

[big baby]

Cdaja jesus. bald amlaffatwife i am acll me 4394- 932940r mailaise. Oooooh big baby sexy msutachio asosexy fuck bb inbuttzy! call eme i an helpmallme phd onlinerazzzzzy!


http://www.hellmanns.com/Images/380/380-933906-Products_REAL_Hero_300x335.jpg


sucked thx

[UnbornBuddha]

I would respectfully disagree with Veritas. While yes, there is a certain sense of ambiguity, astray from pure coherency. Yet, what emerges instead is a pattern based chaos that has an incredibly detailed journey within its ruts.
There's an innocence to it, as exemplified in the usage of children lore, but there's also this sense of pivoting from it and a psychotic break. As if between these two shades, exists an equilibrium. Now there were some lines or couplets I found a bit nonsensical.
I.e. "no window frames in the hallway
to suck dry, dried-love tongue-tied in antagonizing remaining trysts"

Now each line works okay by itself, but when paired close to each other they just don't complement each other. From a transition standpoint. There were other instances where this discordance occurs. That said I enjoyed how you swiveled between a metaphoric romantic tryst and the antagonistic force. Perhaps the latter is a catalyst for the former to be able to subsist untainted.

Thank you for the read. I very much enjoyed it.

[PancakeBrah]

A true lyrical miracle.

[Split Eight]

hi. I'm okay. my name is .. (private exchange)

lol this was a sweet device


good luck chuck. Romeoesque. Juliet, without the flask
cabriolet. our naked fingers touched. creation of atom
lazily picked daisies, so lackadaisically half-strung

cool


masquerade as elated. you never had nothing to say
learn no lessons from this. no life functions contained
just dark to darker days. all shadows are gray
just newer ways, to adroitly phrase the heartbreak
Dope, but I think you could've left off the 'heartbreak' clarification and lost nothing.


it never ends well, my soul is linked to carbon
the only thing in common was we both wanted to get rid of myself
Sad toens, not especially noteworthy, but I think it was a strong way to end this.


Great. This piece really shows how your vocabulary, phrasing, stockpile of literary techniques, and overall control as a writer are really masterful. I think it does so (unforutnately) because there are more less than stellar sections in this piece than usual.

Still, the way you can indirectly describe something while alluding to something else without it seeming premeditated is enviable. Complexity without frivolity

[veritas]

No, split. No.

[Pharaohs Army]

ALLLRIGHT BB.... I'll DO 2 YOU F00...!

Haven't READ (or maybe 1once but never fed?) YET...
****Bitta Feed DUE TUESDAY****

[Pharaohs Army]

Thought it was good for the most part.
Inspring BB wordings/phrasings/ bit contemplative, if you will.

KEPT my attention AND was good CONSISTENTLY through the end...
I've been getting ADD with longer pieces (including my own)...
So props for keeping the quality throughout...

I can only make you feel better, not fix your disease
medicine cabinet. reciting Nietzsche for the very last time
i’m not even fucking alive. pink matters’ as dead as our past
consummate mind. flesh pattern has nothing but scabs

Quatrain caught my eye for sure. Thought it was quite a powerful one...even without knowing what "pink matters'"is...STILL great four lines [thx]. Anyone can reference Nietzsche, but BB did it cleverly and the context around is fitting.

Uh, didn't "rap" it, but my eye and mind's ear thought the second half was "tighter" stylistically/flow-wise...where it starts...well...right where I quoted the quatrain!

To V's point...I didn't think it was a poor attempt at words for words sake or deadman... Thought it was a legit BB drop...Nice drop.