Deprivation

[UnbornBuddha]

Rorschach’s ink blotches. The quill pen’s conscious
Comes alive. Moving inanimate object
Striving possession of sentient process.
Geppetto’s creation on an omnipotent conquest.
Gestalt’s holistic absurdity. Materialistic uncertainty
Vaster than the Nihilistic eternity. Pixel deformity.
Barbiturate overdose, clinic emergency.
Alchemist performing Homunculus surgery.
Observe the phenomenalist doing sorcery.
Humdrum existence, spiritless corollary.
Exploring the red herring for clues to my heart
Discovering the muse of the gods
Magna cum laude excellence.
Infected with Immanuel Kant’s restlessness
Transcendental idealist intuiting peace.
Rationally subduing a fool's convoluted speech.
Negating in a split second every frivolous human belief.
Luminous fiend proposing ludicrous scenes
The divine’s silhouette subsumed in my dreams.
An anti-hero conjugating lyrics for evil,
Vignettes delivered in different rhythms and meters.
Villanelles and Vedic hymns brimming with grim reapers.
A smiling child coloring outside the line
Unknowingly designing ultraviolet sunlight.
An outline of clouds divides the sky
Filling in the void my eyes despise.
Avalokiteshvara hearing a tirthankara’s psyche cry.
Why confine sensory stimuli with life?
Aphrodite and her concubines deprived of wine.
Turning off the chandelier lights to dine
So not to attract moths and flies to die. Lullaby time.
A free thinker locked away in an asylum’s mind.
Dreaming introverted plights of the silent type
Mesmerized. Memorizing the patterns in a tiger’s stripe
Depression’s lows and highs. Colored tiles and lifeless dyes.
Driving sleepily by what appear to be upside-down signs.
A vacuous black hole quantifies Newton’s lies
String theory explanations with the square root of pi.
The planet imploding as told in the stanzas of Ovid
Magma filled coffin.
Canvassing spring blossoms with pollen
Manipulating the stingers of hornets and bees
Using it to write about evergreen forest and trees.
Involuntary release. Splashing vivid pigments
Onto caricatures of miniature little piglets.
I’m not the most exemplary existent model
Daily habit of scotch and whiskey to follow.
A corsair spending his days building his ship in a bottle.
Basically inept. Gazing into the depths
Of Nietzsche’s abyss for monsters.
There’s the jester ***kling at others
Emitting a gigantic echo into the darkness
Laughing himself heartless.

[Split Eight]

Rorschach’s ink blotches. The quill pen’s conscious
Comes alive. Moving inanimate object
I liked the interconnectedness here

Striving possession of sentient process.
Geppetto’s creation on an omnipotent conquest.
Gestalt’s holistic absurdity. Materialistic uncertainty
Vaster than the Nihilistic eternity. Pixel deformity.
Barbiturate overdose, clinic emergency.
Alchemist performing Homunculus surgery.
Observe the phenomenalist doing sorcery.
Humdrum existence, spiritless corollary.


Exploring the red herring for clues to my heart
Discovering the muse of the gods
Interesting, but I'm unsure about the meaning here

Magna cum laude excellence.
Infected with Immanuel Kant’s restlessness


Transcendental idealist intuiting peace.
Rationally subduing a fool's convoluted speech.
Negating in a split second every frivolous human belief.
Luminous fiend proposing ludicrous scenes
The divine’s silhouette subsumed in my dreams.
This section was doooope

An anti-hero conjugating lyrics for evil,
Vignettes delivered in different rhythms and meters.
Villanelles and Vedic hymns brimming with grim reapers.
A smiling child coloring outside the line
Unknowingly designing ultraviolet sunlight.
An outline of clouds divides the sky
Filling in the void my eyes despise.
Avalokiteshvara hearing a tirthankara’s psyche cry.
Little overboard on the imagery and references for my tastes

Why confine sensory stimuli with life?
Aphrodite and her concubines deprived of wine.
Turning off the chandelier lights to dine
So not to attract moths and flies to die. Lullaby time.
A free thinker locked away in an asylum’s mind.


Dreaming introverted plights of the silent type
Mesmerized. Memorizing the patterns in a tiger’s stripe
Depression’s lows and highs. Colored tiles and lifeless dyes.
Dope!

Driving sleepily by what appear to be upside-down signs.
A vacuous black hole quantifies Newton’s lies
String theory explanations with the square root of pi.
The planet imploding as told in the stanzas of Ovid
Magma filled coffin.
Canvassing spring blossoms with pollen
Manipulating the stingers of hornets and bees
Using it to write about evergreen forest and trees.
Involuntary release. Splashing vivid pigments
Onto caricatures of miniature little piglets.

I’m not the most exemplary existent model
Daily habit of scotch and whiskey to follow.
A corsair spending his days building his ship in a bottle.
Favorite section, by far

Basically inept. Gazing into the depths
Of Nietzsche’s abyss for monsters.
There’s the jester ***kling at others
Emitting a gigantic echo into the darkness
Laughing himself heartless.

This was really cool but I'm not well-versed enough on psychology or some of these other references to really comment on it all.

I think the two things I can contribute most:
>I really wished your rhymes rhymed more fully. At places I found myself skimming, because I was a bit lost on the discussion- not because it was badly written. And you can't expect everyone to understand references, but I think with a more structured or cleaner rhyme scheme you can keep the attention of idiots like me even if we're a bit lost.

>Your wording is really excellent, and I like how you employ words with strong connotations rather than using a basic verb+ colorful modifier


And lastly, while it was all very good, I think making your verses more compact than you're comfortable with might let you see that you can accomplish just as much with fewer lines. I feel that you are capable of faster pacing, and your writing style is so full of descriptives and imagery that you won't undersaturate your stories

[Mr. J]

will feed in the morrow