Week 1: Jesodist (0-0) vs. Timeless (0-0) - JESODIST WINS 6-0

[Frank]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 7

Verses are due Thursday 12/15 at 11:59 PST. EXT 12/16 11:59 PST

Voting ends Sunday 12/18 at 11:59 PST

Verses may not exceed 64 lines

Voting on 3 battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will not receive a victory. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension.

Topic: If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it.

Good luck to both participants JESODIST timeless

[timeless]

Time lapses crash as he ages gracefully with each day's passing.
Tragic. Manic, lashing out to each passerby. Replay ; magic.
Asshole. Deprived of a sense of direction through this glass map of life.
Given a mop and broom with a lesson ; "lf you clean half assed, you'll die."
Boss half blasted and high, drooling on his peppermint button up tie.
A veteran with heavy stress and steadily second guessing his pride.
What's triggered the downward spiral the human population is facing?
Nations in stasis, pacing back and forth losing occupations and patience.
Drama painted, waiting for my father to tell me I've finally made it.
A man unearthed, uprooted and he's shooting to find all his graces.
Time needs a facelift, we can't keep counting down 'til the end.
Trial and error paired with failure waiting for common grounds to rescind.
Witnessing the pavement bloom, surrounding the roses in patterns.
Making room for improvement in life daily hoping it matters.
Coping with laughter as we happen to be purged into a system of hate,
Cant lead when we steadily learn that we're all missing some traits.

[JESODIST]

WHERE
From the heights of heaven they Descended to Earth,
Harnessing energy from ancient creatures that Ferment in the Dirt,
Children of the giants with chakras that spark so Radiant and Gleaming,
The only ones to bring total silence in arks like when the entourage of Satan is Speaking,
The Strangest of Beings Enabled and Excreting the type of Knowledge which Aliens are Seeking,
Meditating and Speaking Sacredely Bleeding scriptures so benign that the Angels are Weeping
tears of joy to engulf to drown all the Pagans Receding in the depths of hell where Hades is Sleeping,
THERE
Those that were Critically Slain wonder about in a Dispicable Drain that stretches for miles down an Invisible Plain,
till they day that they soul is purged in Visible Flames and vanish away all the Spiritual Pain,
Just to next be overpowered, Physically Slain and devoured by the beast with a Mythical Fame,
Let others Harness a Light from the Candle since their Life is in a Tangle,
Find the Right Angle Inside your mind where the ultimate Fight will Unravel,
Traitors to the cause will be strained after a Smight of the Gavel,
HERE
Everyone knows the story about who Created Men,
Let knowledge be an alter with enough Space for Them,
We live in an absurd world where pieces of stones are Compared to Gems,
The original place of origin where they initially Designed the Mode Subliminally Inscribe the Code
Where we will witness the Crime Unfold proving not everthing that Shine is Gold,
A world closer to the end of days there is the Simple Truth
this battle happening here is Living Proof that we are free but doomed like Adam and eve when they Ate the Forbidden Fruit,

[Razah]

Interesting battle. I came in here predicting timeless to get my vote, but after reading both verses, I'm not so sure.

timeless, smooth verse. It flowed nicely to me, and I don't have any major critique about it, it just didn't really grab my attention. Jesodist has a certain style, 95% of the time it's about angels & demons, spirituality & Ancient Aliens type shit. Usually I'm not a fan of it, and I think his diction doesn't help either, this time around it was bearable, even enjoyable. There's so many things I would change about his verse as far as wording goes, but the overall idea behind the verse actually really fit the topic. Also, he had some lines in there where I liked what he was saying & the wording didn't take too much away from that.


Meditating and Speaking Sacredely Bleeding scriptures so benign that the Angels are Weeping
tears of joy to engulf to drown all the Pagans Receding in the depths of hell where Hades is Sleeping,

The original place of origin where they initially Designed the Mode Subliminally Inscribe the Code


I feel like you got a little bit of that Frank syndrome with the wordiness, he just has a better grasp on diction than you do. There's so much critique I can give you about the verse, as far as what I would have taken out, sliced it up, added certain words in certain places, and most likely would have meant a smoother read, but I feel like that critique would be asking you to switch your style, which I won't do.

Anyways, timeless already has his mechanics on lock I just wasn't a huge fan of how the topic was attacked, and actually enjoyed Jesodist' verse more.

vJesodist

[Sammy]

Timeless, technically speaking, shits fire. Flow was insane, rhymes were fresh and imagery was varied with ksome nice poetics. What I didn't like was the lack of creativity. It was pretty boring. You had nothing going new or fresh to offer In your social commentary so I had to take point take away.

Jesodist, cool verse my man. Your concept and voice ompletely overpowered your opponent. Was this shot about God or Ancient Aliens? I wasn't too clear that but the schemes and progression made up for that bit of ambiguity.

This is a cool battle. At the end of the day I gotta go with jesodist for operating on a higher creative scale. I will say, tho, the boy timeless had some nice wordinguy th rough touted. But it wasn't enou b to knock Jeso off the winner platform.

[Frank]

MVGT Jesodist

Jesodist - Total domination from an approach standpoint: You bodied the topic more thoroughly. Was not enthralled by Timeless's lackluster flurry opening rhyme scheme... rushing amateurishly into battle... Jesodist, wonderful wordplay. You peaked my interest much more, especially, after concentrating on the topic at hand while differentiating these two pieces... Jesodists presentation, in terms of the aesthetics, capitalization, as well as the angle, mechanics, and overall enjoyability were all superior this week.

Jesodist
Let others Harness a Light from the Candle since their Life is in a Tangle,

Everyone knows the story about who Created Men,
Let knowledge be an alter with enough Space for Them,
Time will tell if Timeless can rebound from this. Will talk indepth about the battle in the week 2 mag.

[2tripple0]

right so usually i am a big fan of timeless verse' but for me he just didnt come with something real special this time.......uhhh jesodist on the other hand dropped something that was familiar to his style and i enjoyed it more than timeless' verse..... timeless was a bit redundant and i just felt all around his verse was very bland.....i am a huge of timeless' verses though so i do not doubt that he will be able to bounce back from this.....anyways....vote: jesodhist

[Inno]

Timeless

This felt scattered as the intro rolled along to the middle. Your flow was off and it felt like you half assed it at first no pun intended. Towards the middle and you got your feet under you and managed to write so good stuff. You the story nicely and kept the focus on the topic nicely. But I feel like your intro was slow to pick up. Tbh it was boring. But overall this was a cool read bro. Nicely done.

Jeso

This was cool. You took the topic and made it your own. From the jump I can see you took a little more time with topic witch in turn made your wording and flow a lot more clean and crisp to the ear. You definitely shined in the flow and kept it that way through out your verse. I saw a lot of spelling errors that took away from your overall diction because I thought you had nice wording through out.

Overall

Good battle both had there moments to shine and flicker. But I feel like overall jesodist brought a lot more to the table for me. I enjoyed his twist on the topic a lot more.

Vote jeso

[Adonis]

Time, I enjoyed the premise, but the fluidity lacked. I read about a war vet who is grumpy and down on life, going through the motions, realizing humanity is failing. This story did not fully blossom or mature, but for what it is, it's enjoyable, just not amazing writing.

Jez, I loved this read, start to end. Your story contains many thoughts and theories that I've pondered and researched myself. A verse about our creators will always tickle my fancy, essentially guarantee my vote, if down proper or some what proper. You touched on programming as reality as well as human want of "valuable" materials as in gold or diamond. The programming theory is most intriguing and one where there is enough evidence to support it. Creator and God being similar.to us, just came into existence before we did, which then returns to the loop of, which came first, chicken or egg? The answer being, parallel reality.


V/ jesodist

Had the more thought provoking read of the two.