Week 2: 2tripple0 (0-1) vs. Coup (0-0) - COUP WINS 5-0

[Frank]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 7

Verses are due Tuesday 12/27 at 11:59 PST. EXT 12/28 11:59 PST

Voting ends Sunday 12/31 at 11:59 PST

Verses may not exceed 48 lines

Voting on 3 battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will not receive a victory. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension.

Topic: "The Fall Of The Damned"

http://www.brushwiz.com/images/paintings/t/The_Fall_Of_The_Damned_by_Peter_Paul_Rubens_K14.jp g


Good luck to both participants 2tripple0 Coup

[2tripple0]

you quick to jump at a line holmes
back garden style filled with gnomes
a verse get picked apart yet from some lines
not one rhyme ya first life stay trying to rise
picked apart ya whole style like some burger with fries
you like some dope that aint come with no dice
holmes im rippin a hole out of a line from this verse
you the holy grail way people aint got nothing to search
a site with no meaning as if it was sumn out of stone henge
i was johnny depp im trying to get naughty but aint got no pen
shit holmes that was easy now ya try it again
a lion in a den a fire from this depth of its origin
It never really started to begin with
im like candles way i leave you smoking like wick
it was like but no you really didnt
im like an engine but you missing ya ignition
a storyline with lines that were coherent
you aint know the truth so you cover it up with secrets
you never find the one you love
you cant force people to enjoy what this was about
You end up so different from the way you pictured him
he was like a deck in a mix that had no record to flip
and they were interested in what he believes
coulda been a fierce warrior indian chief
he was like biggie way he made lyrics that were deep
his land was vast big and wide and far and long
ended up fading while they stood with an army forty strong
so they entered the dwelling
and as soon as he start singing the song he was telling
They decided these people werent ready for the ending
there were still so many parts of this world we were forgetting
everything end up just depending on its settlements
as resourceful as these people think they are
they decided if they were to start following the stars
they would end up building themselves quite a construction yard

[Coup]

Western Christian logic. The mind to body narcotic.
It's nadir in forms of tonic. Ticking like a bomb. Can't stop it.
It's all toxic. Coming out bibliographic, filling the Pastor's pockets.
There goes the fall of the damned, all agnostics.
It's escapism hooked on phonics. Some summer once; something from those Catholics.
Some summer murder.
Words and sense. Sticks and stones. And bones.
And some summer murder tomes.

Western Christian logic. Long ago left prophet Jesus for composite.
Bent a hardened revolutionary into the oddest gossip.
All that's promised, all that's honest: packaged into product.
Gospel is now misty comet. Blasted into space by solid rocket.
Man's relief is now a fantasy and off the earth.
Bible and birth are now in a galaxy curve.
Words and sense. Sticks and stones. And bones.
This is how the Western Christian murders.

[Insanevillain]

2triple0-

Reading your verse.... I didnt see anything in this verse that related to the topic... Your rhyme scheme ended in all single rhymes... And it felt like you were trying to battle in a TOPICAL battle... advice... try to add some multisyllables to your rhyme scheme and some inner bar rhyming.. and try to stick to the topic that is given to you... at least focus on the topic, cuz you will not win trying to diss your opponent in this league... unless you do it clever in a story based around the topic that is displayed

Coup -

Short and sweet... on the topic... showed a useage of rhyme scheme... great imagery... i agree with the your message in this verse as i am an atheist... i think western christianity has led to the dumbing of society... You write like my boy coup d etat :P...

Anyways... Vote Coup.. Even tho it was short... his quality outshined triples quantity... And most importantly... Coup was on the topic

[Adonis]

Coup with a dope concept. It was a bit muddled, but I get the gist. Profiteering off Jesus, monopolizing religion= religion kills. You brought it full circle conceptually, you just spoke in darkness in terms of revealing the meaning of the verse. Good read, highly poetical and true.

Crip, I did not enjoy this verse. It read as a flex, which is cool from time to time, but two seasons plus of the same song is just that, repetitive and dull.

V. Coup

[asylum]

2k - damnit 2k, write to your image! this is definitely an open mic or cypher piece.

Coup - hey this was a great piece, it definitely worked well with your image. I enjoyed this segment in particular,

Western Christian logic. Long ago left prophet Jesus for composite.
Bent a hardened revolutionary into the oddest gossip.
All that's promised, all that's honest: packaged into product.
Gospel is now misty comet. Blasted into space by solid rocket.

those lines were a great transition from observation to assertion. great work Coup! very happy to see you back. the ending of your first stanza was impeccable as well. very direct work from you here, a change of tone from what I remember. but it has been a while, indeed! Happy New Year to you good sir.

MVGT - Coup for writing to his topic, and doing quite well in fact.

[Frank]

2tripple0G

You're writing like the runt of the litter again, holmes. Don't disregard the topic out of pure ignorance. Take a moment to interpret it deeply and hone in on your coherent qualities. Lines like these demonstrate your distinct writers voice;

Eg:
"a site with no meaning as if it was sumn out of stone henge
a lion in a den a fire from this depth of its origin
coulda been a fierce warrior indian chief
his land was vast big and wide and far and long
ended up fading while they stood with an army forty strong
so they entered the dwelling
They decided these people werent ready for the ending
there were still so many parts of this world we were forgetting
everything end up just depending on its settlements
as resourceful as these people think they are
they decided if they were to start following the stars"

This season I want to see you snap out of that jobber mentality and start approaching your verses with a sense of seriousness like how I quoted you above. Continue to compare with similes, like this, like that, like this, like that, but develop an encapsulating concept first. There is a certain gimmicky vibe that these type of verses give off; jestering around like a headless chicken waiting to be decapitated for the sole entertainment value of the readers. Never has there been, to my knowledge, across the net, a more easy pickings type character such as yourself. I mean, talking Nasif or PT got or ra ill. Characters who were known to lose and did so famously. I don't know, holmes. Shape up or ship out.

Coup

Probably one of the better voters around. Glad to have you aboard once again dropping knowledge. I picked up on the word summer sticking out. Struck me paradoxically because we're in the dead of winter. Strange how the seasons have such a drastic connotation depending on what season you're in while reading. I liked the reiteration of "Words and sense. Sticks and stones. And bones." Especially before the final line. Added a profound depth to an otherwise unlengthy verse. The premise was very strong. The flow was interesting, although not technical nor polished by any means, but it had purpose. Your interpretation of the picture was unique and provocative. Interesting in seeing your progression and how your style pans out against different topics.

Voting Coup

Thanks for the read

[Maximus]

TRIPPLE - i dunno man, this was a painful read honestly.. not on topic, just way too off with no direction at all, poor interpretation of the picture, poor similes, just meh writing in general. its bad seeing this from you, for a dude who once beat Godcomplex, we all know you can be better than this dog..

COUP - on point man, pithy and poignant..
Western Christian logic. Long ago left prophet Jesus for composite.
Bent a hardened revolutionary into the oddest gossip.
All that's promised, all that's honest: packaged into product.
Gospel is now misty comet. Blasted into space by solid rocket.
^^^^
my fav section, that was dope as fuck.. beautiful imagery and interpretation of the picture, props.

vote COUP