Week 2: Frank (1-0) vs. Sammy (0-0) - FRANK WINS 5-0

[Frank]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 7

Verses are due Tuesday 12/27 at 11:59 PST. EXT 12/28 11:59 PST

Voting ends Sunday 12/31 at 11:59 PST

Verses may not exceed 48 lines

Voting on 3 battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will not receive a victory. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension.

Topic: "Poillice Verso"

http://www.brushwiz.com/images/paintings/p/Pollice_Verso_by_Jean-Leon_Gerome_N88.jpg

Good luck to both participants. Frank Sammy

[Frank]

Ext

[Sammy]

He gauge the surrounding.
hordes of onlookers pounding the ground with stone hatchets
the coliseum, large columns of limestone standard
the crowd roared; frantic! "Kill him" chanting...
crying for blood; it was a war torn anthem
Johan stood face to face with a one sword Sampson
strength of a god; skilled in axes as the emperor cusps his chalice
his bulk recalling the girth of Atlas
holding the earth, cursed by the gods for malice.
the ground perspiring as sweat trickles from stained pits
he had one move. Hit him as his weights shifts in mid-step
he's skilled but still a stupid piece of ape shit
“as soon as he give way, i'll swing the mace...
that should lay him.”
his shoulders, laced with war memorabilia
skulls of enemies filling the armor like god instilling fear in ya
he's within reach...
"midstep"..Johann repeated. in the scorching summer heat
among a court of flesh and fleet
he took his last step,
timing it, he leap and swung. heads would meet
flesh to steel! a thrust repeated until the breath receded
a silent hush...
then a sudden rush as the crowd erupts...
he dun fuck this beast up! Who's next? lets see him!

[Frank]

The spear spiraled with a splintering twist - curving into the clouds, and whirling down with a merciless sound...
Perched in the lounge: the Emperor observes the murderous crowd - motioning to his spectators surging devout…
Golden goblet quenching the thirst from his mouth: A slave waving a leaf over the perfect crown,
Fanning the sweat dispersed from his perked up brow
The Emperor is learning about a Gladiator emerging with a certain clout
Shackled in chains: he’s worthlessly bounded to a dirt mound, furiously frowned
Behind the Coliseums curtains it's concernedly foul... the reoccurring growl of Lions, Tigers, and Bears, circling, unnervingly roused
Vermin scurry around, merchants lurking in subservient gowns, Slaves pick up on the vibration through the earths' diverging ground...
The Gladiator churned his joust into the Lion, that squirmed and pounced, its claws irkingly gouged
Blood squirting, the crowd went berserk, as the proud cat lie in the corner hurting
The howl - as the Gladiator hurled his joust into the Tiger - that purringly prowled
He purposefully ploughed his weapon into the side of the Bears neck, curbing the sow, inverting its snout
The Emperor smirked wowed, from the lofty coliseum box seats, he yearningly shouted into the turbulent sound
The Gladiator worked the crowd until the reverb astounded, twirling his joust at the Emperor, shirkingly crouched
“Slave, are you not sane!”
The Emperor sent out his soldiers, who herded around the Gladiator, converging and scowled
“YOU WORSHIP AND BOW!” The Gladiator reverses the Persians joust, jerkingly jousting into their armor suits - lurchingly slouched
Slurring with blood squirting from their bursting mouths, they gurgle and drown, blood curdling
Now the Gladiator is exerted, cursing this town, who chant his name like rehearsing a vow
The Emperors stunned by the merging affirming vouch, unanimous, the concurring house, blurts “Oust!”
The Coliseum torches burn profound in the kerosene they were doused and whirled around
The thirsty crowd repeats the Gladiators name disturbingly aloud, as the Emperor looks on, underneath the birds enshroud
The urging crowd urged aloud, as the Emperor sat through a third denouncement: impervious to the blurring slur of “Oust”
“Oust!”
The Gladiator prepares himself for the worst
“Oust”
But the Emperor assertively allows the Gladiator to fight another day, after a superb bout
Earning the clout, The Emperor still passes judgment on the gladiator with his thumb turned down

[asylum]

Sammy - you broke tone and the story's pace to talk about the armor near the end, that was a fatal flaw. memorabilia and instilling fear in ya did not work. closing line needed work too. started falling off around ape shit but the first 11 lines were pretty clean.

Frank - some of your rhymes were a bit stretched but that's just you. I enjoyed the descriptions of the animal slayings the most, very vivid. "inverting it's snout" was great, love it when the stretched rhymes use uncommon phrases that work, like that. there was also a great deal of suspense in the piece as the gladiator was encircled by the guards. nice piece.

MVGT Frank for the more solid of the two pieces, by a landslide.

[Coup]

sam- Your verse is a poor man's Frank verse. More basic, less Hollywood, less glitz, less production value. It's not bad at all. But it seems naked next to Frank's.

-Frank

I noticed you rhyme the same scheme over and over and over and over (like last week)...this makes a verse seem repetitive, repetitive, repetitive. I do the same, the same the same. But coupled with the high syllable count and with many words in each line trying to guide along a crystal clear story it really serves as a distraction and takes from the flow. I don't know why but this stood out to me more than the story itself did, thus i bring it to your attention.

Story had a good pace and was tidy and sure of itself. Good pic representation. I think in most weeks this strict story pacing, structuring, this formula if you will, is good enough.

V-Fra

[Insanevillain]

Sammy...

decent verse.... not much of a twist... the beginning of it was stronger than the second half... i think your verse was structured better than franks

frank...

your bars are maaaad stretched yooo... however, your creativity pulled you into the victory here... your vocab is im,pressive...and i can see your a writer... i think your style would be better for novels than for hip hop...

vote frank

[Maximus]

SAMMY - intriguing start, i was drawn in by the first six lines.. solid start so far but in the next line where you said cusp the chalice, that threw me off, like what the hell, cusp is not a verb but a noun which means a point or a pointed edge where two curves meet, so saying someone cusp a chalice got me lost.. dunno if it was a typo or is there something im missing?.. dunno, but it threw me off anyways.. proceeding further your verse seems to lose that 'compactness' and 'intrigue' which you began with and your ideas seem scattered in places which also affected the flow of your piece, i also felt the closer coulda been better, not a bad verse but if you had flowed with the heat you brought in the intro section i think it woulda been wayy better.

FRANK - you are a good narrator no doubt, your description was on point from the jump and i loved your verse, although the flow was off in many places, the syllables of the repetitive rhyme schemes were not even, not that that's a problem per se but it didnt read smoothly in most places, apart from that i don't really have any issues with your piece.

vote FRANK for a more solid writeup..

[Razah]

sammy, first verse i've read from ya I think.

crying for blood; it was a war torn anthem
Johan stood face to face with a one sword Sampson

that was so smooth. the rest was cool, stuck to the topic well, and the sporadic rhyme schemes kept things interesting. cool verse

Frank, typical verse. Kind of impressed you kept the 'same' rhyme scheme through out the whole verse. Even though you switch up syllable counts every now & then, it comes back to be the 'main' rhyme scheme. Hope that makes sense. Narrative was cool too.

Sammy had a great beginning, and it kind of fell apart or wasn't up to par, and Frank was pretty solid over all. Both nailed the topic but Frank's verse was a little more solid to me.

vfrank