Battle Rap Verse #3

[JESODIST]

From the depths of hell i arise with an army of Diabolical Sorcerers,
Harnessing energy from the pain and suffering unleashed by Psychotical Murderers,
An Abominable Herder commanding the grandest fleet with chakras that Cover all Beings,
Even giant monsters that inhabit the Fiery pits where the Ogres are Breeding,
Brother in Dealing, I suggest you get Sober an Listen to the Orders i am Giving,
Or become food for scavengers in the core where the Locust are Feasting,
While I am Using forbidden scriptures to hypnotise and Conquer a Demon,
Quenching my thirst by drinking the tears of those Hopeless and Pleading,
When i speak the major feeling is fear dont fall asleep because I Come while you Dreaming,
Sleep on my verse its Confort Reliefing my shoulder is a pillar where the whole World is Leaning,
More than Reaching to Solve the mysterious riddle and break the curse like a Ghost Revealing,
Tonight you struggle to gain Composure Dwindling in the fight while my Punches Speeding,
Constantly Hitting till your throat Overflowns and you Drown from Bleeding,
We can battle from now to infinity when you Down and Feeling that your Soul is Leaving,
My ungodly spirit comes to life after drinking the blood of a Hundred Siblings,
Prepare the Longest Scriblings when I am Unto Teaching on a Conquest Breaching
Propelling to new heights when the test is just Beyond and Reaching,
Regaining enough power to enter the forbidden temple and break your Bones for Kneeling,
Twisted in Rage actions can be So Unforgiving, Engaging entire brigades of Soldiers Teaming,
I am the Forger Seeking to blind you with the sharpness which my Sword is Revealing,
Feeble ass clown acting all funny but without a decent Purpose for Speaking,
Just keep feeling Worthy and Breath in while Punctually Reveiving this Ominous Beating,
My body absorbes hits and immediately begins a Miraculous Healing,
I am that undead from a Tabernacle Peeping at you Moaning and Weeping,
Know that this time its all about money we no longer Come for the Feeding,
So you can Keep on playing the hero Underground while i am Up on the Celing,
Think about me as a no name scientist Scripting a Letter,
that send shockwaves to a brain for just for Thinkin its Better,
Battling with me is a wrong idea youll get Ripped Beatened and Severed
Locked in a Big ugly Cellar Mistreated by Beggars and Completely Dismembered,
you have more luck circling the globe and Searching for Hidden Treasure,
Those with vile dreams and Seaking Adventures
can now peacefully gather around and recite the Unreal and Wickedest Lectures,
My opponents end up brutakly Beatened and Bleeding in Stretchers,
In A Real life Dream with Emperors Wielding Scepters
my eyes light the night like Gleaming Embers monitoring the Scene like Inspectors,
Storming the valley of deceased like a Fleet of Spectres,
With characteristics that have never been Seen on your Sectors,
I am a Wierd Connection with a Derange Intention
Similar to Wierd Inventions whatevr is stated on this Hate Convention,
Is managing to get complete control of every Reign and Section,
Every Spit is monstrous and Contain Infections,
Transport your being to a Rollercoaster of Strange Dimensions
I am the key and there is no way Through Security,
Victim trapped in Doom Inpurity, Witness pitch black True Obscurity,
The commander in battles Nuking Brutally,
Locates opponents and Start the Schooling Beautifully,
Every move unravelled is Executed Skillfully,
Knowkedge is power but none can Use it Truthfully,
What i say give some a Bone like Shooting Nudity,
People hear your raps and begin Booing Rudely,
I bring new styles Unusual So you Can See
The freak who devised is the world Spookiest of Eulogies,
My flows weigh a Mega Ton, Cage you in a Hexagon,
No one can escape the werewolf and Make a Run,
The moon rays change his true Shape like Megatron,
No One Clone the Battle Rappa Don
My style is so old it should Come with a Mastodon,
Reading a verse like this will make your lung feel like it is Running a Marathon,
Like you are riding the shadow dragon steel and burning the Coast of Aragon,
If you think you can contend you are Misinformed like Paragon,
And shall be sent to the dreadful place where the Ghostly Phantom Burn
over fouly radiactive waste and Moldy Scattered Germ,
I unleash a fire storm to first Attack your Firm, There is no going back and you Had your Turn,
I am the Anti Unborn who manifest in Baffling Forms,
Stabbing the core of your chest after Unravelling Horns,
Dragging your carcass in darkness after its Mangled and Torn,
The Flows I Pitch will cause the ghost of a Soul Extinct to Verse a Witch,
Nuke the scene with lines that resemble a Corrosive Itch
Eating through the screen like a Explosive Glitch
Before the battle I Dug a Ditch
where i will plant your dead body and call it Earth Enrich,
Talk to me when no one to help you Out the Ridge
Everyone sees you as an alternative Route or Bridge,
My brain is a Tool to the Wise, A timed and ticking Dooming Devise,
The Truth is not Nice they see me as just another Loon in the Strife,
But very soon I shall be awaken to a Blooming New Life,
I am Apocalyptic in Nature invoking the Spirit of Vader,
To expose a giant fist and give his neck a Grip like its Paper,
Then throw punches till his chest is ripped and Sink in like Crater,
I am Simply Greater and Think like a Major,
These Lyrics are Tailored by an Invincible Savior Killing Invaders,
Patrolling the oblivion like the Swifest of Sailors,
Satisfaction guaranteed and Bleeding in Wagers,
So at Ease my Trailer and follow the Wickedness Trainer,
any other decision will just drive your Business to Failure,
I am a Tie Breaker, My rhymes tower you like a Sky Scraper...
There is absolutely no way to stop the Eternal Everlasting Infernal Assasin,
Verbally Bashing till every organ inside your Internal is Crashing,
Targetting the Neck when Slashing sucking the blood of every Contender i am Gashing,
Upon deciding to challenge Death Unimagined you become a chained slave Set for the Lashing,
Infected these Has Beens that belong in Trash Bins, so tell me now who is Next for the Trashing?
Jump in the Trenches for Major Action against the beast with teeth like Razors Gnashing,
Communicate with ancient Spirits from a Shielded Tavern
Drilling in you Anthems that amaze like weapons Wielded by Lantern,
Hack your DNA and cerebellum Split the Pattern
scripting Ballad that leave mind stranded near the Rings of Saturn,
I am Invisible Creature with Invincible Features,
A malevolent fighter Writing Dispicable Scriptures
that leave those Peeping from Bleechers
shaking with Feelings of Seizures,
Demon Preachers Emo Reachers Melting the Skin and Physical
with venom secreted from a Lethal Cerebral,
Serve more Kicks than Fifa these twisted cheaters Hanging by the Strings like Libra,
You against me is like watching a pride of lions that Kill Hyenas engaing a herd of Limping Zebras,
MY marvelous wife is a Real Diva photographing stomped opponents under my Feet like Shiva,
With Skills that will Give you Shiver, He is the Giver,
A Slithering Creature Spitting Ether, Splitting Speakers,
I am Adrift and Clueless swiming with shark in the Vivid Blueness,
trying to Compete is Useless, these Emcees are Clueless,
The secretely funded writer that you are too Stupid to Know
Is decoding cyphers walking the dessert Looking for Snow,
My flow is a boiling geyser that is Cooking you Slow,
Protected by a Buddhist Scroll, the Truth I Plow,
The boat was there and you Couldn't Row,
You are the type of seed that just Shouldn't Grow,
I throws knives at your Face like Kano,
Drown your throat with a Case of Draino,
Throw you in the middle of a Raging Tornado,
Then burn you inside a Blazing Volcano,
Dwindling Un Appreciated, your Value has Simply Depreciated,
A battle with me can leave your mind Feeling Emancipated,
To earn a chance you must Tangle with the Witty Emcees I Created,
Repetedely bashed Beatened and Strangulated
Now in the astral plane trapped and repeating in your ears the words
"Come dangle with Me don't be Lated"
I am not picky you are more than invited to be Decapitated,
After being Deceased and Cremated Prepare to be Reencarnated,
Then come the moment which you been Uneasingly Waited,
To be Inniciated with Me and the Demon Related,
Postulated beyond your Reach Elevated,
With auras that siphon energy upon contact with the Scene where you Faded,
The heavens will pour if the bars in my Speech is Debated,
Degrees Escalated, Dreams Inundated,
Anyone that dares to challenge the law will Be Terminated,
After months of Being Incubated your work is about to be put infront of a Teacher and Graded,
If your ideas Seem Outdated you Fail and become part of the other Team and are Traded...
I share a putrid Cell with the Devil, Executing the most Hellish of Rebels,
Savagely Smashing These Whack Emcees, Battle axes swing Rapidly Slashing Sealed Arteries,
Dont be fooled on scene by the Art you See, I battle you till you Being is a Part of Me,
The Living nightmare Seen as a Ball, ready to smash your Teeth with a Mall,
Sinning for All, Don't be scared to Give me a Call,
With the help of a Demon I Shall resurect the spirit of any Sibling that Fall,
I am unavailable training Deep in a Stall thats the reason you might never See me in a Brawl,
I can shake earth off its axis and make you Stick to the Wall like a Creature that Crawl,
Now to you baby Disrespected by every Guy you Greet,
The thoughts that come from your Mind are Cheap,
Time for dreams to come Alive in my Sleep,
So lets escape together the next Time we Meet drink after Hi and Greet
I am a lawyer who manufacture Rhymes Discrete, Type? Deep,
Surprise Geek, There is no one higher feast your Eyes on the Peak,
When my Lines Leak your Minds Tweek, step and become a Fried Treat,
To engame me in a battle you're gonna need more than Hundreds of Goons,
Armed with Bronze Harpoons to Dig Multiple Tombs,
I am a principal Haunting Schools, An author of Dark Disturbing Books,
Who has killed more than a Dozen Dudes in Multitudes
with hand Crafted Molded Tools for Ignoring Rules,
My rhymes are more valuable than a Stack of Golden Jewels,
You are like a racehorse with Broken Hooves,
You against me is like a wounded sheep against a Pack of Hungry Wolves,
The only protested battle rapper with a License to Kill,
Constantly blessing the sacred alter with Rhymes that are Ill,
Every Line Instill give your Mind a Chill,
I will stop writing when hell Freezes Over... Check It
After years of training with the Invincible Tenebrous Sargents,
He was ready to be thrown into a pit Riddled with Venemous Serpents,
Only the spirits adrift had the right and honor to Witness thefat wifeSpontaneous Emergence,
Of the one who is ready to die like Suicidal bombers and Viciousfat wifeRaging Insurgents,
React to the drill and Fire a Dope Rhyme, I thirst for flesh from a Lycan Blood Line
These characters are real so don't Try and Provoke Mine,
I keep it personal while you need Mediums and Messengers,
To alert the government colsely tracking the Illusive Expenditure,
while you struggle to gain my attention Shouting from Afar
prepare to be Instructed by a Star general who is Corrupted by the War,
Not wasting time with the farse that are Coming for a Spar,
Immediately cutting their balls and leave them Floating in Jar,
Cause while they willingly fry under the Sun like a Gar,
I am thinking of violently Shattering their Skull with a Bar,
So that the Monsters can pop out of the Open Scar...


Greetings brothers its been a while all feedback appreciated while i am Obnoxiously Rapping,
To be honest i don't know if i can beat that writer called Deadman on the Tournament netcees is Currently Having...

[Giga]

I stopped reading like 4 lines in and picked back up at like the last 10, I don't feel like I missed anything tbh

[JESODIST]

Who needs foolish negative feedback like the above
when you have from readers like these that make you sound like a hater
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

FEEDBACK 1 SELF ACTIVATE Quote

Sooooo this was pretty MASSIVE to say the least.

Word of advice: if you're going to drop a 100 lines or more try breaking up your verse into sections so that it's not so daunting on the eyes or to read. Also, even tho you had all the essential components (i.e.; internals, multis, and couplets) necessary to make your rhyme scheme flow ... for some reason ... it just didn't. Well, it did, but it became monotonous after about ten lines. You paid A LOT of attention to imagery, but not nearly as much to delivery.

And, the problem with not having a fun, intricate, or creative flow is -- that verses as long as this one was -- will ultimately fall flat and become a chore to read all together. I mean, you can have all the lyrics in the word, but if you fail to combine them with a suitable rhyme scheme then all you've effectively done is merely half the job of a topical writer and or rapper. Remember, rhythm & cadence are just as important as the words you're actually saying. After all, it's the flow/rhyme that separates a rap/topical from a poem or an essay or just talking in general. Feel me?

Now, none of that is to say this wasn't a nice read, because it was. Your style is somewhat reminiscent of my own. You had a lot of literally, historical, mythological, fabled, and martial arts references littered throughout the read. I tend to incorporate many of the same elements into the verses that I write. You also told a story that bobbed and weaved in-and-out of concrete narratives and sporadic braggadocio lyrics. Real Wu-Tang style and also an approach I sometimes dabble with. However, I did notice that for every dope reference used correctly and impressively, I could find at least ten others that seemed undeveloped or lacking proper cohesion. I would normally give you an example of what I mean, BUT I don't currently have the time to dissect this joint like it deserves to be examined.

In any case, I see a lot promise in your writing. If you can trim the fat off some of your wording, condensed your content (because honestly you could have wrote everything you wrote in 25 lines without losing any of the sensationalism of your ideas), and elevate your rhyme patterns to the point that they highlights your concepts and fluidly move your thoughts alone at a reasonable pace ... if you can do those things or just a portion of each ... you'll be a force to be reckoned with because the genius behind your words is evident. It's just hidden in the clutter like a diamond in the rough.

Keep posting, bro.

Peace...

FEED 2 Crimson Juice quote

Firstly you need to put this into some more manageable structure,
my impressions at first was like WOW A WALL OF WORDS,
you could also do with some inner rhyming word or multi's to aid this,
I'll be honest i was intimidated at the size of this piece
after reading 15 or so lines,however,if it wasn't for the contents i'd probably would of
quit,you had some good wording scattered throughout this drop and overall had some decent subject matter also,I liked the many different angles you played with here,and
your vocab along with the detail was good,you clearly know your way around the pen,
and to extent Mythology,all in all I did like this,it was a good read when you ignore its
flaws..peace.

FEEDBACK 3 Rhetorical Quote

whew. . alot to cover here. .
o.k.

so basically we have a story here of a hellish creature dwelling underground who want to bring the wrath of Satan himself onto man kind. From the jump, it starts off with some pretty cool visual queues. Insides are Dark Matter. Bound to his chair. His existence to harbor this other worldly knowledge is his misery it seems. There were sections where there was some really good multis, and you have a good vocabulary at your disposal. There was some excellent lines in here to be captured, and i definitely felt the tone you was shooting for as i could easily put myself in this mystical and dangerous world you described.

so with that said, here are the areas i think you can improve on.
first off, and this is a minor one. . but proof read your verse before posting it.


next, and this one is just a suggestion more then anything. When you make a body of work this long, fat wifeyou may want to find sections to break. When its all jumbled into one big heaping serving of a verse, its really hard to follow the pace and we have no areas to just stop and take in any volume of the story. Its like getting hit with it all and having to absorb everything in one big blow ya know.. . help us out by maybe putting a break in every 16 bars or so. . then continuing


Lastly, and this is a big one. . the flow is really shaky man. You cant go from 11 syllables in one line, right into 26 syllables into the next line. The flow is not THE most important thing always. . but its the one thing that sets the delivery, scheme, and fluidity of the read. . and when your lines are this uneven, all of that is thrown off. So, i would challenge you to write a verse keeping every single line 14-16 syllables long. you would be surprised how much depth you can get out of each line count that long. .

anyway. . overall a good read here, alot to like about it, some areas in need of improvement. . and tbh, i think this verse in its entirety could have been summed up in half the length you wrote here. keep that pen moving bruh

[Geno]

yo, this joint is long as fuck. but you got some dope content. pretty raw for real. dug a lot of the lines. biggest suggestion.. if you want more feed try these 2 things. make shorter posts. not saying the quality wasnt good. but a lot of people wont come in and read something this long, especially if you havnt built a solid rep for your name yet. maybe youhave maybe you havnt, i aint been around. i mean this shouldnt get slept on imo. but also. try to drop a lot of the filler words you use in your lines. these long bar joints are cool but i feel like some of you lines if worded correctly could be more impactful and easier to read if you had made two lines out the one long ass line you dropped. i mean not all of your long lines were hard to get through cause you propperly inserted a comma or whatever. but instead of a comma, sometimes you can hit that return bar instead. idk. just my thoughts

as for the red, i thought this shit was dope. just crazy long man. try to transition a little smoother from line to line also. this is written like a an audio joint to me more so than a text piece because of the transitioning not rhyming and being super smooth. VERY WORDY writing man. hopefully that makes sense. i hope you continue to post and stick around. the more you read other shit and keep writing the more tricks of the trade youll acquire. peace

[veritas]

Stopped after psychotical.

[Mr. J]

the problem with not having a fun, intricate, or creative flow is -- that verses as long as this one was -- will ultimately fall flat and become a chore to read all together

[WRATH]

Skimmed. A lot of reaches to make rhymes that weren't worth the reach.

Go feed my stuff.

[Darker Ego]

Been reading your stuff also... Let's have a 100 bar battle if you think you are fit enough to ride with the rippers that remain loyal on the game even after the mighty Canibus was partially beaten by Dizaster

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

read the first line...

nah im good

reminded me why i don't read shits here no more

[brokenhal0]

yea thats real hiphop let em have it