Week 3: Jesodist vs. Coup [COUP 5-0]

[Adonis]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 7

Verses are due THURSDAY 1/5 at 11:59 PST. EXT 1/6 11:59 PST

Voting ends Sunday 1/8 at 11:59 PST

Verses may not exceed 48 lines

Voting on 3 battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will not receive a victory. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension.


Topic: Pleasures Divide or forgotten rules

[Adonis]

READ BEFORE VOTING

Due to an error on my part, these two competitors have separate topics, please note the different titles.

[Coup]

Pleasures Divide

She's
Plainly an alias. An alien kid, she always been
It's hilarious because all find her always this...
Maybe always hid. Maybe she ceased to live?
Maybe-it's-Maybelline? (Maybe it's make believe)
She's not human baby, maybe born on rocket ship
A Gray with owl eyes, wise and awful sick
She heard this all before. It's a crock of shit
Why? It's all just a drowsy hum. Just an axiom
Buzzing around, inside the mental gymnasium
Her mind:
Is a special haven; some sobriety seat
She thinks so quietly there...generates Ion heat
Warms Food. For thought, like how lions eat
It's a party. Boston Tea spilled in China Sea
Here she climbs any tree. She's any thing.
No mind fatigue...Not diva, she thinks in Dynasty

She, human bean
Who thinks of hazy sun. Painted by blazing brush
With rays that fuck the world because lack of love
So down they come. Rays, words and warmth
With Birds and worms. The thoughts and thorn
Her life now loving. Blood born and pumping
Flowing. Flooding. Rushing as it should
She sighs. It's stiff outside, hot inside
All so fucking good

This inner success, this mental picture
Are images of a sick bird. It must kill her

[JESODIST]

Forgotten Rules

Once upon a time there was a Boy name Coup,
Happy and content when he Joined the Group,
Always prancing his ass acting all Proud and Cool,
Little time had pass when he broke the true Golden Rule
The boasting fool tried to betray the Father of Slaves,
Who had Bastards and Gays torture his Ass for Days,
Carcass Burn to a crisp in an oven, His grimy ashes Scattered in Caves
There shall be no Entombing, he will be broken and rapidly Splattered in Graves,
This is only part 1 of the plan before reaching the ultimate and Other Phase,
Do a drive by with sub machineguns and put a Bullet in his Brother's Face
Smack it through All the Base till it looks like a Shattered Vase,
Months ago he was that lonely Peasant Praising the King,
Now he bringing beef trynna raise the Stakes in the Ring,
Not knowing i can have him killed without Saying a Thing,
A broken tail scropion that Fail to Sting,
Obsessed with gold and following the Glare of the Bling,
Now bound and Scared Within, Ensnared in a String,

Unworthy soul calling the Jesodist a Lap Dog
When Infact you are nothing close to a Rap God

An unskilled combatant actually, should have Stayed in the Bench,
Now we will Gradually smash through you Face with a Wrench,
Leave you looking like a world war Casualty Laying on a Trench,
So rotten vultures scavenging are able to Take the Stench,
Burning in hell till the ever blazing Flames are Quench,
With the soul of the Scale E Grinch who decided to cross the Wrong Line,
Wondering in space playing it safe not Down with Crime,
I have murdered all your Clones in Line Now its Torment Time
that means now all the inhabitants of your Town are Mine,
I will Teach you not to speak an Open Mind,
The weight i pack will leave you with a Broken Spine,
Your life is narated in songs that are constantly On Rewind,
This is your death and you are totally On Time,
Morally Incline to Search you out wherever you are Confined,
Just To feed the army your Tongue Fried,

Somehow the master thought that these these ideas did Not Astound,
He doesn't deserve all the attention he is just a Sad ass Clown,
The master needed more suggestions on how to torture this bum so he Asked Around,

Mr J said to "Throw him into the Pit with Sharks,
Set him up to be Killed by the Narcs,
Lock him up in a hole have him Stinged by Warts,
Just so the site can watch his blood Leak in Quartz,
Chopped in segments during the day, wait till its Dim and Dark,
To Shuv him inside a wood chipper and have him Ripped in Parts...

Mein thats Mad Profound,
Once again not content with the punishment the master Asked Around

Adonis said "We have to make this the Craziest Rap Kill,
Sit him Naked on a Ant Hill then smash his Face in with an Anvil,
Make him feel pain that cant be relieved if they Gave him an Advil,
For entering the Forbidden temple where the master was Grazing Tranquil...

These are the results of playing with your Brother's Temper
once again the Master Ventured and Asked Another Member,

Enigma said " Let the Witch doctor now Relay his Sentence,
Recite a couple of black mantras to Drain his Essence,
Swing your mighty swords and Slay this Peasant,
He shall not Escape the Lesson, Make him feel the Pain and Stressing,
Decay his life force here till he is Needing a Soul,
Kill and then Ressurect the Spirit of this Troll
then Carve and engrave your Lyrics on his Skull...

Truth is tonight I don't know what i am going to Do with this Boy
He needs to understand than on this life he is just another Tool or a Toy...

[Adonis]

Jez- it's not stinged by warts, past tense, stung. Also I'm not positive, but it's a quart of blood, quartz is a type of rock or some shit. OK, so after all that shit, you would think you would mention rules and how coup.stepped out of them. Something of that sort to tie in the topic, but nope. This verse was mad comical though, I don't fully understand it, but that doesn't matter because I feel it was made for a deeper reason. The unspoken rules of sportsmanship shall not be bent? Either way, you approached the concept in good fun, but it's strange your standing up for Jay. I appreciated seeing my name in there given that only three were mentioned, that's an ego thing, hence the name. In any case, topical wise, OK verse. Entertainment wise, highly enjoyable because I took the entire read as a joke and I enjoy the lighter side of topicals.

Coup - hmmmm. The flow, after it picked up, which was a third the way in, flowed effortlessly imo. The poetical imagery was lovely, makes me want to write my verse again, with a different format. Anyways, I enjoyed the read. I don't fully get the concept. The bean portion in the end was dope, vivid, but I'm not sure about the woman you speak of, the alien being. I haven't made sense of it yet. I read it again, it's about a girl, whose different then her peers. Is happy while lost in her mind. The sick bird portion was more revolution, meaning, shes sad about the fact she's different and on her own. Dope image, I can literally draw you a picture of a rose budding next to a withered tree with a bird in it gazing down at the Rose.


V. Coup

His verse was far shorter, but the meat to his kick started my thinking, where Jez verse zoned me out like a movie. Both good styles, one I enjoyed more

[Insanevillain]

Vote Coup....

Jess - I/ve used peoples names in stories before, but this was just... iono... a whole lot of shit to diss coup... It was funny in parts but the story wasnt very engaging... just a list of things to do to someone..

Coup wrote a politically deeply poetic piece... that was deep... and had better flow and imagery...

Ipreferred coups piece also because it was complete... even though it was shorter... Jess... instead of a list... i think you shoulda told was what actually happened to coup... instead of telling us the things that could or should happen to coup

[Adonis]

Coup leads 2-0

[e11even]

MVGT Coup

Coup dropped a deep verse about maybe a mentally ill or deeply imaginative lonely girl that has been reduced to dreaming her way through her own existence. This verse was written well and had a lot of tidbits that begged to be reread. Jes decided to make a diss verse, but those typically don't fare well against carefully structured concept pieces. Good job guys.

[Razah]

Coup with the body bag.

Loved the flow on this, the imagery was on point, but the sporadic thoughts / rhyming really put this piece together nicely for me. Cool shit.

Jesodist, I had to force myself to read the whole verse. That's never a good sign. Without bashing the verse, it wasn't too appealing. *shrugs.

vCoup

[Sammy]

Word this ain't even close. vote coup

Coup/ dope piece. Clean flow. Interesting concept. great wording. I will be honest, some of the wordplay did little for the piece. Don't get me wrong it was done well but it drew too much attention to itself without reinforcing the piece as it should.

Jesodist/ great another self referential verse. I feel for stuff like this to work it has to be creative or at least interesting. This was neither. This was not a topical, this was an overimaginative shit talking.

Initial decision stays. Coup showed more with less and jed showed more is less.