View Full Version : ROUND 1 MAG FT: MMLP & SRAL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKCNXhrvIqU
symetrik
Witty
Genocide
timeless
Ullr
Ness
Destroyer
Mr. J
Diablo
YDK
Bags
sound dead man trapazoidal
Enjoy.
just a white rectangle with a black border, can't see/hear anything
Ghost1
10-07-2017, 11:15 PM
Lol this shit hilarious
Mmlp plays the face to lars heel to perfection
says movie not loaded, haven't seen how this normally works so idk what to do about troubleshooting, definitely interested in peeping though
Ghost1
10-07-2017, 11:23 PM
Yea worked fine for me idk hommie
got it lol for some reason embedding youtube on here doesn't work on my chrome, I switched to firefox and it worked for whatever reason
watching now :P
Wait, when was I a dick to either of you? If I was I really apologize, I have no idea what I did lol, if it was my bailing on this site a while back that wasn't anything on the site itself nor either of you, that was 100% because I was upset I had an opponent who preferred denying an extension rather than actually battling me, I have no ill will or ill feelings toward either of you and respect you both. Btw Baron best of luck in the SS! We both took risks haha, I don't think either of us ended up in the loser's bracket because we got outclassed, I thought you wrote a very solid verse for what it was it just wound up taking a hit because any emotion was traded for a pun which was clever and well written but your opponent was able to milk that and that's why he took the win imho, I don't think you got outwritten at all lol
Waaaait, when did I ever deny an extension? I literally don't think I have ever done that in my entire career battling lol, I need some links or whatever here because I literally have no clue haha
dope work gentlemen! Quite entertaining, I don't know most of the backstory behind these battlers so it's really cool getting a glimpse into NC culture through the lens of two dudes just chilling over some brews
Diablo
10-08-2017, 02:57 AM
Wait, when was I a dick to either of you? If I was I really apologize, I have no idea what I did lol, if it was my bailing on this site a while back that wasn't anything on the site itself nor either of you, that was 100% because I was upset I had an opponent who preferred denying an extension rather than actually battling me, I have no ill will or ill feelings toward either of you and respect you both. Btw Baron best of luck in the SS! We both took risks haha, I don't think either of us ended up in the loser's bracket because we got outclassed, I thought you wrote a very solid verse for what it was it just wound up taking a hit because any emotion was traded for a pun which was clever and well written but your opponent was able to milk that and that's why he took the win imho, I don't think you got outwritten at all lol
Waaaait, when did I ever deny an extension? I literally don't think I have ever done that in my entire career battling lol, I need some links or whatever here because I literally have no clue haha
dope work gentlemen! Quite entertaining, I don't know most of the backstory behind these battlers so it's really cool getting a glimpse into NC culture through the lens of two dudes just chilling over some brews
LMAOOOOOOO
in retrospect I don't think it actually was you.. I think it was like Shoguncrosse or something hahahahahhahaa
you've just become guilty by RR association in the drunken stupor of it all
Pinot Grij
10-08-2017, 03:32 AM
Needed this in the first round!! Awesome shit boys. Thank you
Subtitles are well off at times haha!
Hahaha I feel that but I don't even remember being on a tag team with Shoguncrosse lol and I don't see how would get that name mixed up with mine it seems pretty different Shogun Baron I mean you're called Baron too so it seems like something you would remember hahaha as far as I know the only people I have tag teamed with r z stone who lives in Albany near me who I actually convinced to join the site just to do the GSL tag team topical and we wound up winning the season I have tag teamed with walking keys and he and I won the GSL season as well actually via no show in the finals vs Vlad and nemean but I don't recall ever being with Shogun for him to deny you an extension I would have had words about that because I would always rather Grant an extension than to take a free win via denial of an extension lol
It's all good either way man haha thanks for doing this mag btw sraL and MMLP btw expect errors in this post I was using voice recognition on my phone lol
symetrik
10-08-2017, 10:56 AM
lol'd.
yeah, consistency is always my weak point, I was gonna ask Ullr (or whoever) what makes a line flow in text? I'm audio, so I try to avoid 4/4 but can't always succeed.
it hurts me that sraL thinks I'm an alias
Subtitles are well off at times haha!
This would be welcomed lol
Lmao ive beaten mmlp but he beat me most recently, i jus asked if hes up for a rematch i never said he turned it down
Diablo
10-08-2017, 01:20 PM
Hahaha I feel that but I don't even remember being on a tag team with Shoguncrosse lol and I don't see how would get that name mixed up with mine it seems pretty different
Alcohol.
Diablo
10-08-2017, 01:20 PM
Lmao ive beaten mmlp but he beat me most recently, i jus asked if hes up for a rematch i never said he turned it down
lmao forever instigating
lmao forever instigating
I know right lmao gonna have mmlp thinkin i been talkin shit over battles that never happened
I know right lmao gonna have mmlp thinkin i been talkin shit over battles that never happened
Lol I think you beat me in the poetry league and I got two wins in topicals if memory serves me correct. I could wrong. I don't care who I battle really. I just find moments throughout the year when I feel like writing. I'll probably get fed up of this in 2-3 weeks time. It's hyped now, probably should rematch
Lol I think you beat me in the poetry league and I got two wins in topicals if memory serves me correct. I could wrong. I don't care who I battle really. I just find moments throughout the year when I feel like writing. I'll probably get fed up of this in 2-3 weeks time. It's hyped now, probably should rematch
That sounds about right to me lol im down for whatever man i havent really been motivated to write a topical in a year or two tbh but its still fun to throw somethin together occasionally
Hahaba so dope.
U2r fucki. Hilarious
You fagots should stick around for the AOWL REVIVAL !!
lol'd.
yeah, consistency is always my weak point, I was gonna ask Ullr (or whoever) what makes a line flow in text? I'm audio, so I try to avoid 4/4 but can't always succeed.
it hurts me that sraL thinks I'm an alias
I was going to PM but I'll post just in this thread so others can read and comment
At least by my view on it flow is just how effortlessly the verse is read, how consistent the schemes are and how little the reader gets tripped up by things changing unexpectedly and just creating a bad time for the reader
For example
This line flows 'cause as time goes it's not hard to read, but a bar for me is in my arteries, it's art for me to rip apart the schemes - I shred the excess, so anything that X says is sex affects your senses intentions of dense trends of text flows bend and flex -- etc etc
I keystyled that trying to use the line itself to explain a bit, basically, for a line to flow optimally it must have the following things:
Strong prevailing rhyme scheme
line flows/time goes A A
hard to read(b)/bar for me(b)/in my arteries(B)/ art for me(b)/ rip apart the schemes(B)
the next bit is a little harder to break down because it is doing what I refer to as "cresting" because the schemes and internals interact and affect one another and the result is a more rhyme dense but more difficult to define scheme of the line, you'd have to analyze that element looking at the actual sounds I introduced for the internals but the prevailing multi here was
X says is sex/dense trends of text/(flows) bend and flex
the (flows) was added because it allows me to hop to the next scheme without needing to change the entire thing, you can preserve a multi chain in this manner, and the flows was different enough that it punctuates it as something different
so like, it might continue
I shred the excess, so anything that X says is sex affects your senses, intentions of dense trends of text flows bend and flex those tend to stress ---
hereafter you could change the scheme entirely or lock into the multi and have a section where it is just the multis with literally no filler words
flows bend and flex those tend to stress November depths coal embers drenched prose rendered wrenched --
since the way the line is written prior it locks you into that very punctuating scheme repetition you as the writer can choose to utilize that to create even more density, but be careful you're not just throwing fluff because people will not like it if you're like cat hat mat pat fat rat!!! #barz but in the line prior there is still meaning intact despite the disjointing nature of the scheme I chose, so it results in a more rapid but more punctuated section of the verse
so as an aside, this is also helping your verse in that it creates different flows for sections rather than just adhering to that one flat flow that is pretty much synonymous with basic topicals
okay so this was a longer post than expected but yeah, this is at least an intro into what flow is on a text piece at least by my crazy definition, hope this helps and if you have questions feel free, I am actually thinking of doing a video series on this stuff because fuck man we spend so much of our lives perfecting it someone should learn from it tbh, I could invite guests and stuff and we can introduce the world at large to topicals as we each see them and our special brand of methodical madness lol
symetrik
10-09-2017, 10:29 AM
You fagots should stick around for the AOWL REVIVAL !!
hurry up
Ullr cool thanks, helps a bit I think
The biggest thing is just be ruthless and remove excess words, clean it up, read it over 10x and make it read smooth like butter
Diablo
10-09-2017, 12:15 PM
lmao that example was horrid though
it makes zero sense as a complete sentence
I find that to be a huge problem with RR members, a lot of you are so caught up in the mechanics your content suffers and makes the verses unreadable/unejoyable and I think this is in part due to you guys using "category" based voting rather than simply saying who's you enjoyed more and why. I've literally seen people lose battles at RR because of grammar and punctuation LOL
I was just keystyling for the sake of the example, I wasn't trying to make it meaningful, it was basically braggadocio because the actual words and content were not the focal point nor should they be regarded as such, I'd have done it in just vowel sounds like ah eh oh ooh ih ee ah ooh ah if that didn't look ridiculous, the whole purpose was just showing how you can modulate flow using phrasing and multi spacing
Grammar and punctuation is important though haha, if we're trying to make our writing more than just battles and leagues and really be able to call a topical its own form and stand as essentially the pioneers of a new form on the same level as a sonnet or a haiku the attention to detail is going to be what does it ultimately, we need to be able to do both dope lines and make it presentable to an arbitrarily large audience, we all want our work to be seen on the largest stage we can manage, you can't do that if half the people are turned off by the very first line with typos and shit
Okay so I just had lunch allow me to elaborate on some of the things I was thinking about
first, yes you're 100% right my example wasn't meaningful and that makes it a bad example of what a topical is, I focused entirely on mechanics as you pointed out and that is something I will work to address and improve in myself because we as writers must do more than put words together in a beautiful flowing manner but must also make those words compelling and gripping and really invest the reader in them deeply and emotionally, if not they are hollow parlor tricks and cheap, I 100% agree with you on that and I am going to dig deep to improve upon that.
That said, pertaining to my last post about being ruthless removing unnecessary words:
A quote from the 1858 "Methodist Quarterly Review" on the subject:
"It is the sculptor’s power, so often alluded to, of finding the perfect form and features of a goddess, in the shapeless block of marble; and his ability to chip off all extraneous matter, and let the divine excellence stand forth for itself."
We, as writers, are much like Michaelangelo's David as it was carved, we must carve away all the excess marble that is not "David" - the only difference is, we invest ourselves in our writing, so really, we are the marble and we must carve pieces out of ourselves to craft something greater. That means painful reworks, lines we love for our own reasons being sacrificed for the piece's sake. We only have a limited amount of words in each topical, if not every one of those words directly adds to the overall idea and intent of the piece it must be removed to make room for ones that do.
Also, in my original post I was offering up to anyone else to make examples/explanations of the idea of flow because I was just going to spitball some haha, I know a brilliant writer such as yourself would certainly be able :)
symetrik
10-09-2017, 01:39 PM
I've literally seen people lose battles at RR because of grammar and punctuation LOL
someone touched on my grammar, maybe it was ullr. I know there's no ONE way for text to be "correct", but I'd love additional input on the question of what makes a piece come across through text, etc.
Also 100% agree about category voting, I think it is robbing us all and have voiced my opposition to it on numerous occasions on the board. That said, the reason for the categories is to ensure that the average feed is going to be more detailed. That is a criticism I would lodge about some votes here, it really feels like
"Nah bruh this was nice but I'mma vote for this guy yo" no explanation why, just "I liked this verse better", nothing to learn from, nothing to allow the writer to elevate. I think while categories force us to focus on the wrong things at times they are useful in at least that respect because they give guidelines for us all to focus on, maybe they're the wrong things to focus on but the end result is at least something to work on instead of just blindly tooling about and hoping our changes are good.
Also, that is not to say all feed is like that, just some - there are some really great writers here and some really great feedback given but certainly not all, though the same can be said about ANY site just saying we've all got our own issues haha
someone touched on my grammar, maybe it was ullr. I know there's no ONE way for text to be "correct", but I'd love additional input on the question of what makes a piece come across through text, etc.
sym I'm going to do some videos on the subject coming up, you had a really fucking dope verse man, just some little things to tweak to improve
think of how you say your verse, add punctuation to make the verse read exactly like you say it, read it out loud try different ways and experiment, that makes a difference.
Diablo
10-09-2017, 02:44 PM
I like to think the only battles here with inadequate feedback like that mentioned only happens in battles where there's a very clear winner and loser, usually in battles where it's obvious one party failed it in with no effort
The actual battles where both tried never get votes like that, and those cast in that way are discounted.
symetrik
10-09-2017, 04:35 PM
think of how you say your verse, add punctuation to make the verse read exactly like you say it, read it out loud try different ways and experiment, that makes a difference.
for sure. is there a resource that details what punctuation "formally" gives which length of pause?
Just a space is obviously least and renders effectively no Paws aside from the normal spacing between words based on your Cadence
Hey, is the next shortest it provides a momentary pause slightly greater than that of no punctuation
Next I would say is probably the semicolon or colon depending on your usage semicolon is used for a half new sentence half, Bridge statement and a colon denotes a separate but included list
The next is probably preference in terms of how much of a space it is but I like to use hyphens dashes for longer pauses I will sometimes use more than one dash to really emphasize a hard pause that is not yet a new piece or idea
Finally we have the period hich is obviously the hardest punctuation because it completely disconnects one idea from another meaning that it is entirely distinct and separate only related in terms of its order with relation to other sentences or chunks of your piece.
You can also consider line-breaks and things of that nature to be punctuation as well and you could also consider italics and bold to be another form of punctuation but those are a little different and those are preference and in a touch of irony given that I am talking about punctuation for a verse please excuse the fact that this post will have no such punctuation because I am dictating it via voice recognition haha
this page gave me cancer.
Shame that you are a slave to it I guess, you might consider sorting that out friend
Diablo
10-10-2017, 03:27 AM
lmao we never bold, underline, and rarely italicise anything here at NC. We don't colour coordinate our multies either. Do you find it helps readers at RR if you colour code your multis so they pick up on them? Do you not think the reader has the skill to pick up on this without the need for an aid to walk them through it by the hand? I'm fairly certain the majority here have done this long enough to pick up on what's happening without a further unnecessary show and tell of what's being done.
Diablo
10-10-2017, 05:23 AM
sym I'm going to do some videos on the subject coming up
feel free to post these in the Discussion forum here so they get maximum views/replies
We don't do that on RR in Topicals either, very rarely at least but it is definitely done in text battling for example, they go balls deep using bold, italics, colors, hyperlinks even pictures and shit. The most topicals get is color sometimes, like what I personally do sometimes is I will make my verse orange by default, and if there is a section which is distinctly different and brings more resolution to the piece I will color code it as royal blue. I also have color-coded dialogue in the past to make it easier to keep track of who is saying what.
I know 100% that people are intelligent enough to pick up on stuff, but aesthetics help, if your verse looks good it will be better received than one that doesn't, that's not even a conscious decision, we as humans just prefer things to look and feel pretty, just the same reason we like to vote for attractive politicians with deep voices, it is a game of aesthetics (shout outs to Zyzz RIP)
I know here almost no formatting etc is used and that's why I don't really do any here either because it's the style on NC but on RR the default is centered, one color for the verse and nothing else, some will push the boundaries and try things to make their verse more appealing etc. The writing always comes first but in a form so competitive we must do everything we can to improve our verse once the words and lines are as perfect as we can manage in order to take the W, that means making purely stylistic choices that are definitely not necessary but have been consistently proven to help.
I will do so! I'm in the planning stages, I will definitely invite others to guest star in recordings once I have established the channel at least a bit, I really want to be able to share the form and introduce it to people who might get involved or at least find it fascinating and want to read/see more and perhaps become voters/readers etc. I'm going to also record voice readings of certain verses of mine and invite others to do the same if they have verses they particularly enjoy. That's the future, I think. A hybrid style where we must both make it look/read nice in text but also read it in a recording to accompany the verse. The way I see it we can really push the form because what we have isn't some "different" form, it's a hybrid, it's combining the best out like seven or eight different writing disciplines ranging from poetry to freeverse to lyrics and short shories, it isn't any particular one of them, it's all of them, and that means we can adapt it really easily to other venues. I would actually be really interested to have an Audio/Text league someday, we're in talks to do that already, I'd also love to do a primarily text topical league where you are given an instrumental and you must write a text topical first and foremost that must also transfer flawlessly to audio as lyrics. I think that would be really dope, it would reward those that naturally have great flow in their verses and influence everyone involved to become better as lyricists, that will 100% improve how others see our form if they see all the ways our chameleon style can adapt.
Anyway, be back later - I'll try to at least record the first video! Hey, if you wouldn't mind, how would you define a topical in your own words? What makes a topical a topical? I will probably make a thread when I get back to get opinions/input to improve my definitions in the videos since I don't want it to just be me talking, I want it to be representative of the form itself and that means sharing the advice/views of the titans of the form haha
Diablo
10-10-2017, 07:00 AM
I'm sure Richard Corey already tried and failed to make text a relevant form of poetry/writing with his "Scrypt" shindig and this sounds like you're trying to do the same thing
I'd be interested to hear BROKE LESNAR's thoughts on your grammar and punctuation are so important in text ideas for sure
Diablo
10-10-2017, 07:02 AM
So are you saying if my verses were rainbow coloured they would have been better received at RR than me just straight up posting them?
Diablo
10-10-2017, 07:04 AM
If you could record an audio breakdown of everyone's verses here like you do at RR, that would be greatly appreciated
videos tend to work better than audio listens here at NC so maybe record a video of you doing it instead
I was going to do an audio recording then do images/gifs/clips for the video, with lyrics/screenshots visible in it since I don't think anyone cares to see my face as much as they care for the writing haha and yes I can definitely do that, it will take some time to do though as I want to at least get the groundwork/foundation laid for the channel today primarily.
Not rainbow colored, I think especially for SS presentation is almost not a factor because it is so short but for longer topicals it does make a difference, I'm not saying make every word a different color lol, but there are times where colors can influence the mood of the reader and how they interpret your piece when they read it, you know?
It's like if I wrote a verse, and this first portion was orange
the main body is orange throughout the verse
the verse progresses and imagine I kept this up for 32 lines or w/e
and finally we are about to reach resolution
and the conclusion of the verse is a different color
a color complimentary to the original so that we get a sense of resolution
on a subconscious level the verse already feels more resolved, even without anything else just that something different happened at the end
you can also write a piece where the main body is a color
let's say the color is black just I don't have to change shit
and the dialogue can be a different color
"Who knows what color it will be?"
and each time there is dialogue from a particular character
"You change the text color to match it"
and if there is a different character than that asshole SOB
"Can say stuff in a different color to denote that"
And yeah, basically that's another form where color works
Diablo
10-10-2017, 08:03 AM
Do you not think that's "cheating" somewhat and already giving you a subconscious advantage over your opponent?
Diablo
10-10-2017, 08:27 AM
lmao I'd argue that by colouring it in, you haven't done your job as a writer to a) resolve the story effectively enough on your own or b) done your job as a writer well enough that's it's clear which line of dialogue belongs to which character
it's somewhat of a get out of jail card and should probably be marked down accordingly in people's verses
I wouldn't say it's cheating, it is trying to impart the most meaning into your piece as possible using all your resources, that is really difficult to do right and depending on the verse might actually make your verse come off as worse, it's like anything else, it has to be done tastefully, reasonably, and in moderation to get the desired effect and if it's not done well it can hurt your verse. It's always a risk whether you do it or not, as writers were are artists, if you make a poor choice in crafting your piece you will not be received as well.
Beside a trickling stream, I walked and wondered,
wandering off, my course with rocks asunder
the rolling rumble of distant thunder,
I twist and stumble as I stop encumbered
a pack on my back carrying food and supplies,
fruits into slices and a sandwich for lunch
each footfall with fervor, each lands with a crunch
a hike through the mountains, such a beautiful sight
the night is surrounding, must make use of the light
my boots are in flight as I leap atop rocks
down to the lakeside, and my seat on the docks...
The sunset brilliant blood orange o'er distant hills
pop the top of my bottle, tipped to the glass until my pilsner spills
froth pouring out, a beer to relax
my pole in the water, filled with cheer as I bask
a clear night, not a cloud around
crickets chirping soft, surrounded with sound
I tilt the rod, lowered down to the ground
and brace for the tug, a fish is bound to come out...
Eyes heavy, my time to relax
Surprised with a bite, barely in time to react
the line almost snaps, but stays steady
slowly pulling the reel, already tasting the breading
imagining the grill, and the gravy I'll be spreading...
A hard whip, this sucker's tough!
clutching sharp with my grip, my thumb spinning up
finally approaching, incoming my triumph,
I can feel the fish closing, stomach rumbling with violence
with a splash, the fish breaches the surface
and lands at my feet, I see what I'd emerged with...
A boot.
God damnit.
did i do it right?
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