growing pains.

[Saint]

hasenfefer:

sound logic weighs heavily, now left poised in traction
sadly i lost the ration trying to parse my poisoned passion
inner voices captioned, steady my course of action;
employed a fraction; a mild interest is all i give to my debt
used to dwell with my soul's mate...now i live with regret
can i forget? i gave some of me, let the rest off to wander
thought i took the right path but even the best often ponder
now life seems petty and cold where loss is steadily sold
thought i'd come around, now routines seem empty and old
life tempts me to fold but i stay perched upon a hollow root
when casual is all the fashion, i'm still not one to follow suit
I swallow truth with every breath along with youthful pride
left bruised inside and creeping from shadows I used to hide
as the tempest heads to sea I see reflections in the slowing rains
remember the face of my other half and curse life's growing pains

enticing and vibrant; zipped tight, drawn close
my concerns are verbose, still silence I mourn most
searching for new feels like old coats not worn in ages
born in cages, curiosity taxed more than garnished wages
comfort and safety both distant foreign concepts
turn and face most of my days with a boring contempt
painfully content, lackluster days leave me uninspired
age has grown bitter round me, still cold under fire
my wonders mire me in pits where i remain in stealth
at a loss for words, still i struggle to explain myself
mundane is wealth to a man who cant give his pain away
and lifes a game persay one you must be insane to play
so hit stop, who's gonna be there when the shit drops
too many times seen my friends dip like skipped rocks
so i fight the tides of hate with fists full of scar tissue
and hold you at a distance, cuz I'm afraid that I'll miss you

iLLite

[ACTIVATE SELF]

This was dope. Flow, content, emotion, etc...

Favorite line: "born in cages, curiosity taxed more than garnished wages"

^^^Nice.

[Diablo]

It's interesting to see a predominant text battler try their hand at a more topical piece. The flow in this is pretty easy to catch, there's a couple of spots right at the end of the first verse (final couplet) where the lines are like a syllable out with the meter in the rest but that's easily remedied. I'm just pedantic I guess. The "now I live with regret" line was by far the standout for me, but your more punchliney type style works well here, and I tend to enjoy that in these pieces as you don't see it used so much by the topical guys on the whole. The battlers wording is easily their strong suit, I always think, they know what pops and how to deliver it to that effect - so transitioning into topicals and writing stuff that could easily be quoted, with creativity and originality, isn't all that far a stretch to see work. Hell, I was a predominant text battler long before I tried my hand at the topical side. I often wonder why more cant, or won't, give it a go and I always enjoy reading those that do. If I was to look at this with a more critical eye, I'd probably tell you not to try so hard early on at making it sound poetic or pretentious, this was especially noticeable at the very beginning and really you should just stick to a more natural writers voice - like you would in battles, it doesn't have to be so flowery in the topical realm. But hey, I'm not trying to discourage you from writing here, I enjoyed it and want you to continue so props on that front and don't take what I've said any other way than an attempt to give you pointers.

You should write more.

Keep that pen moving!

[Saint]

D, this is like a decade old, lol
reposted and revised a bit..

[Diablo]

Yo, real talk, I thought that!

I googled a line from it and hit search but it only came up with a link to it here so I figured maybe it was a new one after all and dropped you some feed haha!