[CHAMP MATCH: WEEK VI] Diablo vs Symetrik[DIABLO WINS]

[Inno]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 8

Verses are due MONDAY at 11:59 EST

Voting ends WEDNESDAY at 9:00 EST

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words

Voting on 3 battles is required.


Topic: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126253

Diablo vs symetrik

Goodluck!

[Diablo]

HATE VOTING AGAINST ME CANT SAVE YOU THIS WEEK PUSSY

POST EARLY

YOU WONT BE GETTING AN EXTENSION ALLOWED

YOU DEAD

[symetrik]

tbh

https://i.imgur.com/o4o488K.jpg

[Diablo]

https://preview.ibb.co/jrK6KG/IMG_6768.jpg




I
stand
on my own,
seldom and steeled,
overshadowed by nobody else in my field.
It never appealed to me to do like the others
as by the strength of my will, I knew that I'd flourish!
I grew in abundance, and picked up the pace,
shooting on upwards while my elders withered and waned.
Each winter would claim another or more
I used to think of as great oaks and study their form!
I looked up to them all as a prodigal seed
- the summits they soared were where I wanted to be.
The problem for me was having to show composure
when the tops of the trees always got the most exposure.
Your growth is overlooked by thickets and tree shrubs
so I chose to go and put some clear distance between us.
Here I was given the freedom to be what I was bound
one particular season when they all experienced a drought.
While their leaves were turning brown, I was beginning to climb,
appearing unannounced to match their dizzying heights!
I quickly acclimatised before blooming here with patience
not limited by the other roots my peers had taken.
In truth, the years had aged them, as the frost had chipped away
and now fewer leaves were taking form upon their fickle frames.
The wanton winds of change whistled, a nod to nights ahead,
when it would no longer sing their names but songs of mine instead.
I prolonged my rightful tenure of at least on their par
but would want to strive for better, as I reached for the stars!
See, even as far as I may have come, the focus in me -
means you'll never see me regard my own growth as complete.
I'll go on competing so long as the sun is shining down
and won't be defeated for as long as time allows!
I'll become a giant, towering, oak defining this as my age
like the strong and mighty powerhouses I'd think of as greats.
You thickets all take the same path, slowing your growth,
while only the big and the brave choose to go it alone.
I'd chosen my own trajectory until that summit was reached
rather than going unnoticed, unable to see the wood for the trees.
I could have proceeded to copy their old fundamentals,
but then I wouldn't have realised my own full potential!
I couldn't settle for less than my apogee though -
I had to do something special with the talents I'd honed.
Now here
I stand
on my
own,
seldom
and
steeled,
over
shadowed
by
nobody
else
in
my
field.


- The Champion

[symetrik]

https://i.imgur.com/o4o488K.jpg
Toe Bean Tommy and the Mean Rat

I don't think they knew - but Marbug is still a thing.
A virulent virus enough to vivisect an economy, or kill a king.
I was filled in (on that matter) moments after the discharge of afterbirth,
told that I was the last whiskered guard of a shattering Earth.
like... that's a lot to just dump on a kitty whose mum is still licking the gunk from his fur.

it took ten tests 'til I was totally trained and proclaimed to be ready,
at long last, I could hunt for the beast I've been secretly dreading.
I was sneaky and slow,
frequently checking the trail of cheese that would lead to Rodentian nose,
or, at very least, a castle and moat,
where a gate (made aware of a wary approach), would defensibly close.

I wiggled my toes. I had set a blockade on my first day!
but a siege could take weeks - the fire would fade, and then turn grey.
I shoulda gave chase through the dangers of fibreglass.
through wires and trash, or fly gut byways where spidermen pass.
a silly mistake... but hey! I did good and it's time to relax.
mad-dogged the sun 'til it locks spot for a nine hour nap.

... three years later, I woke up with the same goal.
fifty-eight kills, three missed and the fame's old.
shame. cold. two months ago when my mum got bit.
sick after six weeks, then dead in ten days and left in a roadside ditch.
rabie's a bitch. I guess I got lazy and angry at life.
I wasn't just hunting them... I was trapping then torturing mice.

but short story shorter, I bordered on crazy for maybe a year,
'til we fostered a kitten, who insisted she could play with my ears,
she would tickle my nose with her tongue while I basically sneered,
when she wanted to know if I'd help with her hunt, I was blatantly clear:

there's small mice, a quick catch, and worse things, like mean rats,
and bad acts stacked behind a cat's mask that you haven't seen past.
so listen close, little queen. I couldn't dream of letting you hunt to get hurt.
and if you even SEE a mouse, you get out and run to me first...

I've seen worse...
(I still killed the occasional mouse - like, sometimes they slipped through the walls, and into the house.)
thought it a scratch 'til I started to foam.
damn. did I teach her enough?... all that I know.
she'll be the knight of the home.
I don't want to die on my own...

[Inno]

Diablo, dope. The "idea" behind the verse is so much better than the actual verse though. With a handful of writers here, you already expect the basic mechanics, flow, rhyme schemes, etc.. to be a part of the verse. The only thing a writer at that level can do is, have a dope concept. You killed the topic. There was nothing really specific that stood out, it just all came together well. I think it's humorous how you used this metaphor, knowing you don't like this guy. Lol. Anyways, dope verse.

wanton

One thing I don't like is, random words people don't even fucking use in normal conversation. I get it, I'm a fan of words, enjoy knowing words most people don't but, as far as writing.. I like to stay in the lane where most people would read it & understand.. But wanton, don't nobody give a fuck about no wanton unless it's wonton soup.

Symetrik:

A virulent virus enough to vivisect an economy, or kill a king.

I like the whole alliteration thing, but, not like this. I'm pretty positive you can't vivisect an economy. I mean, it read cool, sounded cool, but it feels forced & doesn't actually make sense. (I might be wrong, but, I doubt it). Also, did you mean Marburg? The disease, like Ebola? It comes from fruit bats.. so I'm not seeing how this ties into cats. Maybe I'm just wrong though. Anyways, this was aight overall. The best part about this was how it relates to the picture.. the cat being a knight, & going to war.. looking at it from a human perspective, the cat's just chasing a mouse, but probably from their perspective, they're in full on war mode.. Besides that, nothing really impressed me. It was written okay, and I didn't think the take on the topic was too spectacular or anything. With that being said, this was an easy decision for me. I'm going to have to vote for Diablo

[Inno]

Diablo
I thought it was interesting that you shaped your verse into a tree. I tried something similar myself once. The story of a seed growing to be the most impressive tree around, surpassing those he had once admired, was fairly simple because this story is essentially a fable. It can also be read as a commentary on how you view yourself, having climbed the ranks in both topical and battling leagues as other veterans have either left, fallen off or failed to adapt. The verse was pretty good, and the technical aspects of the writing are solid as always, but the content didn't really grip me. It wasn't bad, it just didn't particularly engage me. Still, a solid piece, well done.

Symetrik
I found the story here fascinating. A disease has ravaged earth and that disease is spread by mice. The protagonist is a cat who spends his whole life hunting the mice, but feels like he is making little impact, as loved ones die, and he gradually becomes more twisted and bitter. In the end he passes the torch to a new hunter and dies from the disease that the mice carry. I thought the world was well-built with a mood well established.
Unfortunately, I thought the technical aspects of the verse were not as impressive. Some of the wording seemed off, like the stanza with "would lead to Rodentian nose". It is unclear whether he is following a trail of cheese left by the mice, or he laid the trail as a trap, but either way, saying it would lead to Rodentian nose is very awkwardly worded at best. I'm not going to go through line by line, but there are a fair few examples of wording like that, which I assume was done for rhyme. I also found the rhyme and flow to be a little inconsistent, particularly in the first two stanzas. Some parts were dope on that front though. Your second last stanza, that starts with "There's small mice..", the first two lines of that worked beautifully.
Anyway, I liked this, nice job.

I found this to be a tough battle to vote on. I thought Symetrik had the more interesting content, but Diablo's content was still solid enough. Diablo's technical writing here was stronger than Symetrik's. In all, I thought Symetrik had higher highs, but also lower lows, as Diablo was consistent in all areas. I'm never quite sure where to vote in instances like that. I guess I'll go with Symetrik, because I was more engaged in his verse, despite the technique not being quite at the same level as Diablo, but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm in the minority because Diablo didn't really have any weaknesses in his verse.

Vote - Symetrik

[Problumatic]

I felt like Diablos was structured cleaner and overal displayed a sort of more discriptive affect than Symertiks. Diablo’s was very creative in the fact he shaped it as a tree. It was really outside of the box. Both has fine imagery and fine articulation. Symerick’s verse got very interesting towards the middle for me and he never slowed down while Diablos was simply consistent as someone already mentioned. Beautiful pieces from both but I have to give it Diablo. Dope work.

[For Battling]

Diablo - Yo this was dope as hell, well I mean I’ve only read like 3 topical in my entire life, both from dead man, so I’m not too experienced but this shit was nice. You definitely should try your hand at text bsttling. I think you’d make some noise for sure. Anyways, you had a nice rhythmic flow in this verse and the multi usage was definitely on point. Everything was crisp and some good imagery was presented. 9.7/10

symmetrik - This shit was nice too bro, you definitely nailed your topic and got your point across. Everything flowed nice and I enjoyed the read! The only thing I can honestly say is I felt cheated towards the end, as if you began to rush a bit to finish. Overall this was great but not stellar. 9.1/10

Such a close battle but I’m going with Diablo