WEEK VI: ACTIVATE SELF vs Razah[ACTIVATE SELF WINS]

[Inno]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 8

Verses are due MONDAY at 11:59 EST

Voting ends WEDNESDAY at 9:00 EST

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words

Voting on 3 battles is required.


Topic: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126253

ACTIVATE SELF vs Darker Ego

Goodluck!

[ACTIVATE SELF]

In. Good luck.

[ACTIVATE SELF]

"The 'End' is almost near and I'm not sure how I know this
I just feel it in my bones and in my sleep I see explosions
My middle name is Logan and that's close enough to Moses
Plus, my cousin's name is Noah, so in a way I'm "chosen"(?)".

"Oooh, religious hocus-pocus ..."

"No, Joseph, I'm not joking, I'm just trying to think and focus
And make sense of this psychosis ... inside my broken head."

"Bro, even though you're loco ...
Let's take it from the top, every night you go to bed...."

"...And have this reocurring dream where I'm hiking up a mountain near the mouth of a ravine
It's a picture perfect scene, birds are chirping in the trees, perched high above the the creek
While the turf beneath my feet is a skirt of fireweed & purple Bee Orchids, all surrounded by a green
Breathtaking stretch of a never-ending forest, that produces fresh air like the sourthern tip of Portland
With a subtle hint of orange and a pine-needle smell, that I taste on my tongue every time I inhale
As I hike up the trail the Sun sinks and melts right beneath the blue sky, making room for the Moon ...
That'll bloom in due time, just as soon as the hue of the overcast fades, and the firmament is ready
For the lunar escapade; I continue on my way 'til I reach a plateau and what I see down below
Is a glowing spectacle, a city full of light that illuminates at night as the traffic shines bright
on the highway that lines the entire downtown, which is likely several miles from my current locale
And this circumstance allows, a perfect point of view, cause the purposeful and proud .. ubanized corral
In the middle of the valley is about to go KAPOW, as an earthbound missel hits the center of the ground!!!
I am totally astounded (in a horrified sense), it goes soundless for a smidgen than an orange storm emits
An enormous fire pit from the depths of the metro, that's so forcefully intense, that it forms a swarm of winds
Full of thermal radiation that destroys the whole grid, in a vaporized fashion leaving skyscrapers stripped
To their bare min·i·mums ... and men burnt to crisps ... without a single living one ... to tell of the events
Caused by Kim Jong-un and his North Korean bomb that will propagate a war and cause a nuclear response."

"Well, Gotdamn, Scottie, I'm happy it's a dream and you're not really Nostradamus ".

*Turns to news channel 4*

"Emergency Alert: Donald Trump declares war."

https://www.planetdeadly.com/wp-content/uploads/licorne-nuclear-test.jpg

[Inno]

Razahs verse

http://i63.tinypic.com/2qu4uhh.jpg

It begins, like a verse from its start
No direction at all, until I merge with my thoughts
It's a surge which is purged by the dark
My brain understands & tries to converse with my heart
But it's drowning in terror & submerged with a shark
He talks & I listen- Then I yearn to depart
Got a glimpse of a monster who sees murder as art
Feels holier than thou, He might've emerged from the ark

... Sometimes we don't talk
& I know you wish you saw me more
There's times when you don't think of me
But I'm the one you've fallen for
Would I come across your mind
If you found yourself lost at shore
I'd be the only friend you had
- Yet, I'm all the evil that you've thought before ...

It feels like- The lake was filled by tears I've cried
What started as a walk just to clear my mind
Turned into realization & I had my fears defined
How long have I ignored you- All these years deprived
Time to rid of all the darkness, with the light in me
I've listened to your vicious words- & I agree
Am I the one to blame if I knot the noose
Forgive me..
For not asking for forgiveness, I've decided to let the monster loose.

[Inno]

Self vs Razah


Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight battle of the no-show opponents matched together, I guess! Self: First thing I noticed about this verse (and your Open Mics) is the style always changes. This one the lines appear longer than usual, but when reading it’s very easily to catch the flow and implied cadence to me. When I read the name Logan I immediately thought Wolverine because I’m a comic book geek. Lol. I’m glad you didn’t take it that way after such an early possible “reveal”. The current event of the topic makes this a very real prospect and one we’ve all no doubt considered at this point. The imagery was where you really excelled this week, picking up the senses of not just what was there but how it smells and tastes. It was a deft touch from your pen and really brought the reader closer to the action than a lot do. Kudos on that.

Razah: Your flow was much more ‘my’ style this week, the shorter brisker lines really showcased that, especially with SELF taking a more longer lined approach this week to fit more in. The two of you offered up different styles, and takes, and strengths in different areas (for me). I thought Razah had the better flow, it was cleaner and said more with less, the scheming as well this week worked better in Razah’s favour and that’s evident with the multi-string he carries right throughout that first passage. It set the tone, there were no wasted words, it was very clean and distinct and I enjoyed the opening line which drew me into the tale. The spoken section in the middle didn’t really do a lot for me, I guess? And the ending was almost polarising because while I liked it and it closed things out nicely enough – I wanted more. I wanted the monster to go somewhere. I wanted him to be a bigger asshole than he turned out to be. I’m glad he didn’t want forgiveness, or you didn’t want forgiveness if we’re looking at it as if this is you you’re writing about and not the image in the picture (which is what I think you were getting at!) I love verses that transcend the picture and go deeper than what is seen in the “topic” it was wrote to. There’s more to them than what’s taken on value, and transcending the topic(s) is what you both did here. I’ve seen some refer to it as “building a world” around the picture and felt both did that, but Self did it to a better degree even if his execution wasn’t as cleanly done as Razah’s. This is tough for me, as I said, preference comes into it with this vote and I favoured the shorter lined flow of Razah’s over the more descriptive and imagery filled Self piece this week.

Razah gets the nod.

[Adonis]

Self - I enjoyed the alternate reality aspect, you delved into a world and stayed focused. Some lines were very long and some lines rhymed mid sentence, which I'm not a big fan of honestly, though, on occasion it can be utilized well, sparingly. The story was cool, you started in a theraputic session of sorts and weived into a dream that was nestled in reality. A for warning to those oblivious and lost within the time scape of a cell phone. The dependecy we created is real, I bet none of us have 4 phone numbers memorized.


Raza - I wish you focused more on a singular topic, cause either one you touched on could be a stand alone work. The first is the writer realizing the darkness inside of himself, because, he finds out he enjoys writing about the dark and sadistic to be judged by his peers in the mighty AOWL. This thought is worth a million words and is very cathartic. The second concept was a conversation between the narrator and a monster who turns out to be himself. While he's wrestling with suicidal thoughts, more details are revealed. So the two concepts are linked, but could have been stand alone thoughts expanded upon and held a stronger effect in my eyes really.


This is a difficult verse, you each are at a literal deadlock in my eyes. One is longer and created a world a little better, while the other was shortened had more of a concise finished product. Raz had the better flow, I'm not typically a fan of long bar, but self did a good job in all honesty, I just felt his overall flow was just a notch below AZ's. What it boils down to for me is this.... Razah had the more enjoyeable verse, but I liked the actual story and content of Self's more. His verse was more captivating, beit because he wrote in a manore closer to an actual novel or not. So in the end, though this is a tough vote, I do feel like Self did a bit more to garner my vote.


v/Activate

[For Battling]

Activate- Yo this was dope as hell, well I mean I’ve only read like 2 topicals in my entire life, both from dead man, so I’m not too experienced but this shit was nice. You definitely should try your hand at text bsttling. I think you’d make some noise for sure. Anyways, you had a nice rhythmic flow in this verse and the multi usage was definitely on point. Everything was crisp and some good imagery was presented. 9.9/10

Razah - This shit was nice too bro, you definitely nailed your topic and got your point across. Everything flowed nice and I enjoyed the read! The only thing I can honestly say is I felt cheated towards the end, as if you began to rush a bit to finish. Overall this was great but not stellar. 8.8/10


Vote ACTIVATR

[Inno]

before I read, I'm hype for this battle.

activate self
first of all, "high above the the creek" haha.
aight, I realllllly dig your pieces. you have the flow smoothness down that makes me think everyone's nods towards my usual flow are gonna head to you soon. I haven't read a tonne of your stuff, but I've noticed (from what I have read) a lot of dialouge/inner thoughts (inner monolouge? that's the word) and it's neat. the only thing that I have to say about this piece really is: it was overwhelming. like, the opening was clean af. maybe a bit of a slip on the flow of "moses" line, could have been tightened but that whole section up until "and have this reoccuring..." was a reallllly good pull into the piece. then the big paragraph hit (don't get me wrong, the flow was still on point) but I got lost in the flow and the scene and I sort of lost my place. (not had to re-read just, wasn't sure if I missed something).
the problem that I'm having is, I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing (cuz I remember the outline of the details without rereading, I know where he was and what he saw, etc.), because it makes for a certain like "well it was a lot but boy did it fly right by"
that said, I'm going to consider it a negative, because I think the same effect could have been achieved with a narrow scope/quicker time table on exposition with the same luring scheme/style as the first section. it was well written, it just was an overload after the REALLY clean intro.

razah
maybe the second piece I've seen from you... but pretty sure the first so I didn't really know what to expect, besides that I knew activate self is a threat. I really like end/slant rhymes, and you did that well. I have issue with "drowning in terror and submerged with a shark" because it makes it sound like being submerged with a shark wouldn't be terrifying lmao. other than that, I liked this piece, it hit the topic pretty well (as did active self's but I mean), and it didn't go too far beyond the topic. a sort of vague "swamp/lake monster" type thing, touching on the guy's stance where he's not really... too spooked. he looks more like "warily ready to run" type of shit, as if he knows the creature or brought it there or something. it was shorter/simpler and held a consistent pull through the whole peace, the ending seemed sudden but uh hello this is sym hi I love sudden endings.

mvgt razah

[Inno]

Activate Self
I thought this was an interesting spin on an apocalyptic-style verse. Our protagonist is describing a dream he has had about the end of the world, that feels to him as though it might be prophetic. Then, at the end, we see that the President has made a decision that makes it seem as though that dream will become a reality. Disturbingly likely to be honest. The real strength of this verse, to me, was the slow build up in the dream to the eventual apocalyptic event. Really setting the scene, describing a beautiful landscape that will be destroyed.
The rhyme was pretty basic, with not many multis, and only really having inners either. Having said that, it still flowed fairly well.
This was a nice piece, I liked it.

Razah
This verse was intriguing and I'm not sure that my read of it is correct. My interpretation is that this piece is about a man coming to terms with his own dark side. He has suppressed that side of himself for a long time, ashamed of the monster he knows is within him, but he can longer hold it back. I like the idea, but there wasn't enough action for my taste in the piece. It doesn't mean I need characters physically doing anything, it just means I need to feel like the verse is progressing towards something, and I wasn't feeling that here.
Good use of multis here, nice rhyme and flow. Good wording and just strong mechanics all round, like always.
Nice work.

Both good pieces here. Razah had superior mechanics while Activate had the stronger content. I think the gap between the content was bigger than the gap between the mechanics, and I was simply more engaged by Activate's piece so he gets my vote this week.

Vote - Activate Self