WEEK VII: ACTIVATE SELF vs Innovator[ACTIVATE SELF WINS]

[Inno]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 8

Verses are due FRIDAY at 11:59 EST

Voting ends SUNDAY at 9:00 EST

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words

Voting on 3 battles is required.


Topic: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126253

ACTIVATE SELF vs Innovator

Goodluck!

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Good luck killa.

[Inno]

ACTIVATE SELF

https://i.imgur.com/MrdLMUE.jpg

[Inno]

waves rush in washing clean any memory off the canvas.
new hues blossom across a sky creating a new atlas.
a serene sonnet of blues & yellows play in blooming cues.
while the wind, brimming with hope plays a soothing tune.
light as a feather floating among the countless clouds
as far as the eye can see, as much as boundless allows.
the sun warm, gleaming across the landscape aimless.
those waves once violent now somber in a tame dance.
light as a feather floating helpless in a trance.

but...

now those waves flooded with memories cover the canvas entirely
swimming through the past, each key moment plays in its entirety.
a fathers lessons on how good enough isn't good enough!
a mothers obsession with the oceans and white doves.
a fifth grade crush with a smile across the the classroom.
as a feeling of " oh my good she just smiled at me" consumes.
a bully's fearful gloom pierces into the view, and joy swoons.
and a dreadful feeling of fists' comes into queue.
those would always end with a mothers touch and a "you ok?"
and a warmth settled in this metaphysical play.

but....

a river once shallow, now knee deep as each step gets heavy
as the flood of memories serge through my minds levy.
finding comfort in the divine light of the suns gaze
drifting towards the center almost begging for the flames.
a dove breaks the skyline, changing the focal point of my view.
and that warmth once again brings out loyalties truth
"you've always had wings, flying' always been in you"


taking a leap towards the dove my grasp falls to the wind
diving deeper into this river of memory & past life whims.
and suddenly feeling weightless i can feel the ripples
under each finger tip as the water consumes my visuals.
like the dove i flap my arms back and forth
trying to reach the surface with the pure pray of hope.


and as all the memories fade away, only one stays.
"hey! my little dove, you ok?"

[Inno]

ACTIVATE SELF

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Preferred viewing: NC Dark

The east wing of the copper-toned facility was a sleek
and eco-friendly structure, comprised of recycled glass plates
That provided panoramic views of the scenic landscape
A suspended walkway, that streched high above a slow winding river
to supply a transparent bridge between the coleridge and clinic
It was cold in September, though the snow hadn't fallen
but those autumn winds blew, and shook the oak, spruce
& ponderosa trees at the bottom, near a Rocky Mountain lodge
where each staff member lived in a modernized cottage
At the far end of the crossing was a holographic guide
of a model's height and size, who had a beautiful complexion
and some aqua blue eyes, her bosom was impressive & impossible to hide
behind her pixelated dress, which was virgin shaded white
and curvaceously designed, she was basically a "dime"
As that verbage would suggest: a perfect version of her sex
A simulated Kristine leahy without makeup and more breasts

"Hello, gorgeous."
"Hi, I'm Beth."
"Nice to meet you. My name's Jeff."
"I'll escort you, mind your step"

Next the sliding doors opened and she told me to go left
Blown away and so impressed with the incredible inside
full of high tech features that were geniusly devised
The interior was white - ultra modern - WiFi lights
and a wired-in device that could monitor my mood
and compute my vital signs via sensors in the room

"Is this facility brand new?"
"We just finished it in June."

Replied the flickering assistant as the interfance grew

"If my appearance seems unsmooth or electrically confused
it's the instruments and tools and the signals they produce
near essential base equipment that's intrinsically infused
with the system's CPU & a neural network that is intricate & huge."

As a student, I like Newton, tried to visualize the rules

"You exist inside a cube?"
"That's invisible to you."
"Than it's kind of like a soul?"
"Artificially induced."
"And this image is all coding?"
"Although, limitless as 'YOU', because my program's algorithm
is as infinite as two ... intersecting loops horizontally construed."
"That's an introspective view and admittedly acute."

She seemed really quite assumed as she quickly interjected with...

"What is it that you do?"
"I'm the founder of a school called the Human Institute."
"I just googled what you meantioned. Your initiative is listed
as, 'Trying to find God through the gift of Quantum Physics'."

Her inquisitive pursuit was both interesting and cute
she continued with a question that was innocently shrewed

"And what brings you to our clinic?"
"I've heard rumors you've invented..."
("Well, the principal inventor is really Dr. Schreber.")
"...a 'Morpheus Machine'. That can augment a thought
and re-engineer the scenes of a memory or dream."
"It's a serious procedure. Are you sure we should proceed?"

Said a silver-haired senior
(who looked good for 63)
wearing cybernetic glassess
and a 'Dark City' tee
with a long labcoat
over sharp diem jeans
that he cropped at the bottom
near his posh Nike sneaks

"Hello, Dr. Schreber. So finally we meet."
"I know Mr. Barish .. of what it is you seek."

He stared me in the eyes

"I advice you to rethink...
because this scientific treatment is entirely unique."
"Does it wipe my mind clean?"
"Of every single thing that was Bryan and Denice."
"I'm resigning in a week.Then I'm flying right to Greece
to live my life on a beach, that resides in between
...Mykonos and Crete in the ol' Aegean Sea.
Where my anonymity will ensure I'll never be
greeted by mementos of my murdered wife and teen."

"I have heard you and I see
that you mean what you speak."
...He sent me to his lab...
"Would you please take a seat?
...I did what I was asked...
"You'll be sleep in a blink."
...He slipped on the mask...
"When this sequence is completed
you'll be free of all your grief
...but first you need to think
of a perfect Memory."

I see Bryan at the beach."tie your shoes", said Denice.
The summer sun sinks and a dove gets released. Then suddenly there's peace...

Delete.
https://i.imgur.com/MrdLMUE.jpg
Cast: Jeff Barish, B.E.T.H. (Biometricly Engineered Transrobotic Hologram), Dr. Schreber

[2tripple0]

okay dope battle here both were written very well I have no idea how to explain either one really the first just seemed like a poetic version of the topic in question whereas the second story had more depth and storylike features to it... hmm for me I think the first one was a bit simple for me kind of done to death on sites like this whereas self activates was much more intrinsic and seemed like a lot more thought was put into it... I mean where he came up with this idea to have like perfect memories and shit like that it was cool on the other hand inno had some cool stuff in there too I liked the way he was able to paint the picture so clearly in my mind... it really brought to life the idea of the topic which was cool for what it was... anways for me I think the deep thinking rooted machine dream induced shit was just a bit more imaginative for me and very creative and I really liked the idea of it... so without kind of taking a dig at inno I think im going to have to vote for self activate in all honesty... so yeah....

vote: self activate

[Inno]

innovator
this was cool, tied to the topic really well, and the whole sort of life flashing before the kids eyes tying back into why he was leaping for the dove in the first place, then tying from the memory into telling the reader who's behind him and there to help him up was dope af.

activate self
I'm assuming you wrote this on a phone or just didn't spell check lmao it threw me off a few times, but your usage of white space to force the reader to read at the pace you intended is on point, the colour shifting was cool cuz it added an extra pause where you mentally thought "ok now the subject is reacting, now he's talking, now he's listening".
there was a bunch of little gems, but

He sent me to his lab...
"Would you please take take a seat?
I did what I was asked...
"You'll be sleep in a blink."
He slipped on the mask...

was the stand out to me.

I think innovator did great, but the style that activate self pretty consistently brings (and not just that he's putting in a bit of flair in the sense of colours) wins out for me.

mvgt activate self