WEEK VIII: Nick James vs AV 12

[Inno]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 8

Verses are due THURSDAY at 11:59PM EST

Voting ends SUNDAY at 9:00PM EST

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words

Voting on 3 battles is required.


Topic: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126253

Nick James vs AV 12

Goodluck!

[Nick James]

wat up tho

[Nick James]

Just Another Day on the Moon


what a day for those who have died to make a way
a leap for human race, a step towards a chance to leave this place
the media grew to a swarm, their cameras let loose in a storm
their lights flashin off this giant white suit ill now use to perform
ive gone over my lines, atleast a few half dozen times
I cant speak for the group i have enuff trouble managin mine
i know im not the darin type, to think im actually scared of height
i guess everything shuld be alright as long as I am careful right?
I trust in my country, my group and my team
I cant help but feel lucky, to tell the truth its a dream
I grab hold with a struggled grip n climb on board this mother ship
problem is there rlly isnt much to it, inside its barely big enough to sit
they fire the engines n I hear this tireless whimperin
my partner is shiverin, I remind myself ill be sure not to mention him
we take off as I feel a pull in the seat, a roll of my feet
this has been our goal for a week, no one can speak
with all the windows shut I cant help but feel im stuck
i have to kneel n duck just to find out all but one wont open up
but there it is, the view is clear. the bluest sphere
what we all knew was there, it just looks too weird
the farther we go the smaller it grows
theres a landing approaching n all of us knows
in a matter of minutes I hear the chatter diminish
I hear us crash at the finish and look back at the remnants
no damage, not a break or a crack. i take a breath after that
I can feel it in my neck and my back, for a moment I forget where im at
the door opens to a rocky surface, I tell myself to not be nervous
I take one small step then say my line, one more leap then change my mind
we all have that moment that we wait to find,
I said what I said and sealed my place in time
the rest was easy,
I knew it was great
as I walk off the moon.. into studio 8

[AV 12]

Sorry... I thought I checked in. My bad man. Nice job

[Inno]

AV 12 you got until tomorrow midnight to post

[15th]

Nick. Honestly that was top notch topical writing. The syllables match up on a beat too. Hopefully your opponet shows up so its not a wasted verse. I will go in his place of they want

[Nick James]

thnx bro.

i dont mind, go head.

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Just Another Day on the Moon

What's that like? Let us find out.

what a day for those who have died to make a way
a leap for human race, a step towards a chance to leave this place

Okay, I see you working in the the whole first man on the Moon angle via the slick allusion to Neil Armstrong. I like that.

the media grew to a swarm, their cameras let loose in a storm
their lights flashin off this giant white suit ill now use to perform
ive gone over my lines, atleast a few half dozen times
I cant speak for the group i have enuff trouble managin mine

Lol. I already know where this is headed. I think. I hope. I pray that it is.

OAN

The flow is sound and the imagery is strong enough that I can form a picture of the media frenzy in my mind. I'm loving this so far.

i know im not the darin type, to think im actually scared of height
i guess everything shuld be alright as long as I am careful right?
I trust in my country, my group and my team
I cant help but feel lucky, to tell the truth its a dream
I grab hold with a struggled grip n climb on board this mother ship
problem is there rlly isnt much to it, inside its barely big enough to sit
they fire the engines n I hear this tireless whimperin
my partner is shiverin, I remind myself ill be sure not to mention him
we take off as I feel a pull in the seat, a roll of my feet
this has been our goal for a week, no one can speak
with all the windows shut I cant help but feel im stuck
i have to kneel n duck just to find out all but one wont open up

You're taking me there, bro. I'm in the ship and in the mind of your astronaut. The flow is butter and the wording is just as good. Not super complex, but not remedial either. It's plain, but in away that carries the reader from scene to scene without having to interrupt the read, by trying to figure out what's happening due to overly descriptive language/adjectives.

but there it is, the view is clear. the bluest sphere
what we all knew was there, it just looks too weird
the farther we go the smaller it grows
theres a landing approaching n all of us knows
in a matter of minutes I hear the chatter diminish
I hear us crash at the finish and look back at the remnants
no damage, not a break or a crack. i take a breath after that
I can feel it in my neck and my back, for a moment I forget where im at
the door opens to a rocky surface, I tell myself to not be nervous
I take one small step then say my line, one more leap then change my mind
we all have that moment that we wait to find,
I said what I said and sealed my place in time
the rest was easy,fat wife
I knew it was great
as I walk off the moon.. into studio 8

Lmao great ending. I knew where this was heading along, and I'm glad that you chose to lead us down this path. I also love how you laid bread crumbs and tiny clues for us to follow. In retrospect I think that was borderline genius.

For example:
"this giant white suit ill now use to perform
ive gone over my lines, atleast a few half dozen times
I cant speak for the group i have enuff trouble managin mine"

"to think im actually scared of height"

"I grab hold with a struggled grip n climb on board this mother ship
problem is there rlly isnt much to it, inside its barely big enough to sit"

"this has been our goal for a week"

"I hear us crash at the finish and look back at the remnants
no damage, not a break or a crack"

"I take one small step then say my line, one more leap then change my mind"

^^people have to be aware of the conspiracy theory/history to catch that. Clever.

So, I assume you subscribe to the urban legend that the U.S. Government enlisted Hollywood and director Stanley Kubrick to fake the Moon Landing footage, huh? Lol. Personally, I myself, wouldn't doubt if that were true.

In any case, this was an exceptional verse. It was thoughtfully constructed and very well executed. You gave us clues to it's conclusion, took us inside the psyche of Mr. Armstrong, showed us what the ship looked like, and provided sufficient suspense and an appetizing twist at the end. Plus, your flow was butter from start to finish. I have no qualms. Props to you, my dude. It was dope.