sober

[Eŋg]

the mind stops.
we confuse stasis for backwards movement,
i've got unused basics. acting prudent
but these fundamentals are built on shaky terrain
- whose falling? truth calling,
does her gentle lilt ache me again,
or chase in the vein a beat that resounds
of a feeling i've floundered to forget.
tell me how your pulse speaks
and its pound you reject?
now it's false speech as the sound you respect.
white-knuckle grip bound around your neck, shit.
my trouble is you still don't have to accept it.
but i'm choking, too.
broken; knowing enough
to have this sobering overview
where hope isn't holding you up.
suppress all the pain till the notion erupts,
you find a good fit from the moulds that are cut:
the caskets, the cradles, cold are their touch.
serpent-mouth sews itself shut.
skin shed, instead: change is the nobler of loves
for oneself.
yet we talk about the colour of whose lives matter,
…aren't we all made up of matter?
as if we can’t shatter the illusion
in the hues of our skin and realise that we are kin
bound by the movement of the same fluid through our limbs.
that colour's blood-red,
over colour blood sheds,
o brother! undead we live life defining
ourselves by divisive lines on
maps ancestors drew -- for people we never knew,
so sever truth
if you’re not willing to serve what’s right.
i mean... we’re all living imperfect lives,
yea we struggle, but is there purpose in our plight,
would Sisyphus know what the burden’s like?!
in a word – he might. It’s absurd I write all of this,
performing more for myself than I do my audience.
there’s a voice that observes, sometimes I’m absorbed with it,
plucking all my past experiences and it’s auditing,
am I sincere or in fear; real or fraudulent?
does my shrinking ego recoil at the thought of it?
If solely obsessed with appearances,
what self-love is there for the core within your ripe heart?
the mind starts.

[Lenox]

I can relate. Good shit

[Current faggot]

I liked these meaningful drops. You showing a talent for approaching serious content...I like it man.

[Geno]

I reallly fucking dig your wording man. Ur one of my favorite artists to read here because you write with a certain knowledge of words im not always familiar with and your wording is very precise when it comes to syllable counts and placement. This was a nice piece. A bit different from what im used to reading from you. Nice change up write moar.

[Exis]

but i'm choking, too.
broken; knowing enough
to have this sobering overview
where hope isn't holding you up.
suppress all the pain till the notion erupts,
you find a good fit from the moulds that are cut:
the caskets, the cradles, cold are their touch.
serpent-mouth sews itself shut.
skin shed, instead: change is the nobler of loves
for oneself.
yet we talk about the colour of whose lives matter,
…aren't we all made up of matter?

^^Shit, idk what to say...what an awesome section.

Can you like put a foot wrong? Maybe pivot outta this section & return when I feel so non insignificant...Lol.

Great read @Eng

Stay dope my friend.

[Eŋg]

thnx

hunger me.

[2tripple0]

Hmm idk man decent lines i guess fucking you really made me quite impressed i guess with your writing er whatever but what i really took from the piece just at a first glance reading and how i felt after reading it once anyways was that it was just an impressive piece that kind of made me feel like yeah your structures nice and you can handle a line somewhat although at points i was like what does this have to do with the topic sober??? I dont know it was a bit too complex to figure out which is okay i guess sometimes but i dont really get how lenox is like yeah i related to that.... its like genocide said you were using language that he doesnt really undrstand or get which is cool sometimes cause you can kind of take it to mean anything.... for me hat doesnt really work though i didnt really understand the story is all i mean i guess i could read it again but i just feel it would have taken me in a completely different direction than i initially thought.... sorry man but for me i just feel you could have done more with the topic sober.... what do you mean is being sober better/worse and what as the reader am i actually trying to understand about being sober..... however you do know how to write a very engaging line that makes the reader feel yes his guy actually knows what hes doing... thats a good thing you just need to kind of really get your story to the point that yes i learned something from this story yes this guy really taught me the pros and cons of being sober er whatever.... just my opinion anyways your a good writer keep dropping bro...

[dead man]

Yea what he said

[Mediocrity]

the mind stops.
we confuse stasis for backwards movement,
i've got unused basics. acting prudent

What does this mean?

but these fundamentals are built on shaky terrain
- whose falling? truth calling,
does her gentle lilt ache me again,
or chase in the vein a beat that resounds
of a feeling i've floundered to forget.
tell me how your pulse speaks
and its pound you reject?
now it's false speech as the sound you respect.
white-knuckle grip bound around your neck, shit.

Dope flow yo

my trouble is you still don't have to accept it.
but i'm choking, too.
broken; knowing enough
to have this sobering overview
where hope isn't holding you up.
suppress all the pain till the notion erupts,
you find a good fit from the moulds that are cut:
the caskets, the cradles, cold are their touch.
serpent-mouth sews itself shut.
skin shed, instead: change is the nobler of loves
for oneself.
yet we talk about the colour of whose lives matter,
…aren't we all made up of matter?
as if we can’t shatter the illusion
in the hues of our skin and realise that we are kin
bound by the movement of the same fluid through our limbs.
that colour's blood-red,
over colour blood sheds,
o brother! undead we live life defining
ourselves by divisive lines on
maps ancestors drew -- for people we never knew,
so sever truth
if you’re not willing to serve what’s right.
i mean... we’re all living imperfect lives,
yea we struggle, but is there purpose in our plight,
would Sisyphus know what the burden’s like?!
in a word – he might. It’s absurd I write all of this,
performing more for myself than I do my audience.

Dug this part as well

there’s a voice that observes, sometimes I’m absorbed with it,
plucking all my past experiences and it’s auditing,
am I sincere or in fear; real or fraudulent?
does my shrinking ego recoil at the thought of it?
If solely obsessed with appearances,
what self-love is there for the core within your ripe heart?
the mind starts.

Good topic and great writing bro good job

[Zen]

serpent-mouth sews itself shut.
skin shed, instead: change is the nobler of loves

Nice. Very good shit.

[Introvert]

Excellent use of enjambment. Your control of the reader is A+.

"does her gentle lilt ache me again,
or chase in the vein a beat that resounds
of a feeling i've floundered to forget."

Jesus christ.

"the caskets, the cradles, cold are their touch.
serpent-mouth sews itself shut.
skin shed, instead: change is the nobler of loves:

PFTTT.

I wish there was something I could offer in the form of constructive feedback, but the wording, cadence, control... it's all there. Excellent drop.

[Eŋg]

appreciated guys. particularly 2000.

[Lenox]

Reread this again cuz it got bumped. Great pen. We gotta collab

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Delete.

[ACTIVATE SELF]

the mind stops.
we confuse stasis for backwards movement,

Do "we", Eng? Do "we" really?

i've got unused basics. acting prudent
but these fundamentals are built on shaky terrain
- whose falling? truth calling,
does her gentle lilt ache me again,
or chase in the vein a beat that resounds
of a feeling i've floundered to forget.
tell me how your pulse speaks
and its pound you reject?

The imagery is so jumbled up, disjointed and discombobulated. Like a drunken mind trying to make sense of the world. And .... somehow this works.

now it's false speech as the sound you respect.
white-knuckle grip bound around your neck, shit.

I think the inclusion of the word "bound" is unnecessary and makes the line that contains it read a tad clunky.

my trouble is you still don't have to accept it.
but i'm choking, too.
broken; knowing enough
to have this sobering overview
where hope isn't holding you up.
suppress all the pain till the notion erupts,
you find a good fit from the moulds that are cut:
the caskets, the cradles, cold are their touch.
serpent-mouth sews itself shut.
skin shed, instead: change is the nobler of loves
for oneself.

This section gave me pause. I had questions about what somethings were striving to say. But then ... I meditated on their possible intent and formulated my own interpretations. The end result: I dug it.

yet we talk about the colour of whose lives matter,
…aren't we all made up of matter?

Dismissive and willfully aloof. But also clever, intuitive and scientifically correct.

as if we can’t shatter the illusion
in the hues of our skin and realise that we are kin
bound by the movement of the same fluid through our limbs.
that colour's blood-red,
over colour blood sheds,
o brother! undead we live life defining
ourselves by divisive lines on
maps ancestors drew -- for people we never knew,
so sever truth
if you’re not willing to serve what’s right.
i mean... we’re all living imperfect lives,
yea we struggle, but is there purpose in our plight,
would Sisyphus know what the burden’s like?!
in a word – he might. It’s absurd I write all of this,
performing more for myself than I do my audience.
there’s a voice that observes, sometimes I’m absorbed with it,
plucking all my past experiences and it’s auditing,
am I sincere or in fear; real or fraudulent?
does my shrinking ego recoil at the thought of it?
If solely obsessed with appearances,
what self-love is there for the core within your ripe heart?
the mind starts.

^This was all bravo worthy text. You went in. I loved the introspection, questions raised, philosophy employed and vulnerability you wrote with.

Nice read amigo.

[Mr. J]

Man, reading this right now has left me all kinds of fucked up.
I enjoyed this, as a reader I can relate to the emotion you convey.
its poetic mannerisms evoke something that make ones eyes widen.
recollection of connecting events are something common it seems
different variation of course, but this is an overall amazing piece.
the way you lead into the next rhyme is fun to witness.
its a roller coaster based on a roller coaster

[Pharaohs Army]

but i'm choking, too.
broken; knowing enough
to have this sobering overview
where hope isn't holding you up.
suppress all the pain till the notion erupts,
you find a good fit from the moulds that are cut:
the caskets, the cradles, cold are their touch.
serpent-mouth sews itself shut.
skin shed, instead: change is the nobler of loves


this part has a dope flow

[Eŋg]

yea i can flow pretty well

self, i owe you one

thanks.

[Sinacog]

I thought this was a good read, English.

Your general over-view on things is quite stylish; - you have good rhythm, and rhyme scheme to control your language. Language was pretty nice, you have philsophical under-tones that could be advanced upon have you read more books or something; - but this was nice with it. You could really shine if you up your vocabulary in places, and shine with more colorful language - but this was nice. I do like the topic you choose to ride with; - was decent in it's merit. Ending was cool in it's way..nice job man..keep writing...lol...

[Immolate]

i'm never sober.

she said get over yourself
but i can't. and i'm too drunk to rhyme
fucked your aint. aunt w/e. what was her name i aint have the time to remember it.


niggas pocket watching like a time piece
my teeth glistening
semen on her teeth, better rinse the shit
mouth wired shut so i cant complain
was gonna kill him but he was a no life asshole.
life is pointless like a circle.


run up in yr crib car sick..
abduct your bitch like a martian
shout out butler.
i mean,...whats her name? yr mexican mother.
shoutout my butler.

in love with the city and i can't wait to see her
maidenfed, yea, my prostitutes eating.

you dont get that cuz you not on the circuit i stream with.

exterminate your crew they all bugged

you a flaming star like a comet
Ellen Degenergis ass dumb bitch.
duckie thot.

Been got getback
geekin like steve jobs
where's your moms kickback?
thats my shotty on my arm. pow pow.

was that your kid in your arms?


"I can't help it, I can't help it, I was young and I was selfish
I made every woman feel like she was mine and no one else's
And now you hate me, stop pretendin', stop that frontin', I can't take it
Girl don't treat me like a stranger, girl you know I seen you naked
Girl you know that I remember, don't be a pretender"

-fuck the pain away

winning at the game of thrones
so much coke you should call me john snow
lionel messi. scoring on these hos.

mumble wrap like pharos.
see that bullet? watch it let go.

THIS Bitch on Desiigner drugs, i just fucked a black & white like a panda.

tackle all offensive lines, can't stand ya.

high-waisted sobriety test. flirted with the bitch at the police offices.
pretty sure i coulda nailed her.

after you said "Hey," and she took the words right outta your mouth
the Black Widow got you ate up on the web for thinking you fly

wish it was as easy to feed kids as it is to make one
wish it was easy to do life as it is to take one
i was chilling in the club, batter up a little buzz

i was 16 when I lost my OG he took a shot to the head I'm not talking OD


money talk like a payphone

cut heads like a barber shop

see me looking sleepy cuz I'm tired of these motherfuckers
on god

[Eŋg]

Sinacog i will read more books so that my lexis might rival your erudition

Immolate that is just what i needed bro thanks for reminding me why i write

[ACTIVATE SELF]

And how is your sorority, sir?

[asylum]

cool drop, wanted to snap my fingers a little but i didn't want to sprinkle pixie dust on ur sobriety.

u got bars doe? kick sum frees sometime ? down

[Immolate]

Sinacog i will read more books so that my lexis might rival your erudition

Immolate that is just what i needed bro thanks for reminding me why i write

keep mention my name in yr post

[Immolate]

thats great tho man i love to hear that