wait

[dead man]

let's sit
down at the table. breadknife carve us a piece
talk to me, honestly like we could have ideally
coffee carafe pouring softly, tar-black, raw sugar stevia
heartache paraphernalia, now this is feeling familiar
moths in our teeth. wasps underneath. honey, be safe
one foot in the grave, another wanting to wait
lemonwater and grapes. Marty McMaraschinos with shakes
driving-thru Susie's, in Chevy Sonics we ate
in sheer wonder. heater blasting windows open a crack
so we can smoke and laugh and gauge each other's reactions
etched dressers in x-acto in an act of defiance
CD drives, album booklet lyrics stereo wires
crossed paths configure lives - there's a novelty line
with a million-plus dilemmas out there common as mine
calming storms, bending iron into copper and diamond
filter melancholia and call it a rhyme
agnostic in his apathy for thoughtful design
i'm carbon and wine. a bloodbag marked for retirement
godless swine. propaganda artist markerboard signage
faux-revolutionary marching in silence. alone at last
episodic memory blink bulb and a flash
i only hope it lasts. it's all moving too fast
wait. look
i'm just a space cadet who's craving direction
i'd tie my own strings to be your marionette
i've been carrying burdens we've never really addressed
burying my deathwish under daily dependence
there's gotta be an exit here i'm already bored
i'll wait until you tell me you're gone

thanks

[PancakeBrah]

More nostalgia, or at least about older nostalgia, than usual and all the better for it. Dilemma and marionette lines were the best but it's all good.

[big baby]

all is well.

crossed paths configure lives - there's a novelty line
with a million-plus dilemmas out there common as mine
calming storms, bending iron into copper and diamond
filter melancholia and call it a rhyme


i like this here. it's very in depth and straight to the point where, it's relatable, commonplace enough for anyone to take certain meaning.


i'm just a space cadet who's craving direction
i'd tie my own strings to be your marionette
i've been carrying burdens we've never really addressed
burying my deathwish under daily dependence
there's gotta be an exit here i'm already bored
i'll wait until you tell me you're gone

i liked this, butmy only
qualm would be addressing the atypical ending. you're gone, and poof. the story ends, the poetry ends, everything ends on a cliche ending. while it's a great part of the piece, it still has that nagging common effect, where i think it doesn't have its utmost potential. the space cadet comparison is very real and intense. it's probably the first time where you weren't atleast slightly cryptic while also having a sense of self deprecation and awareness. the sacrifice. i think in moments like these, that the writing and emotion is at its rawest. raw meaning, no filter for it to go through. it feels realer.

enjoyable.

thanks