Witty vs Knucklehead[WITTY WINS]

[Inno]

NWL:Season I: Week I



Verses are due: FRIDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Voting ends: SUNDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Line Limit: Minimum:10 lines, Max: 30

Voting on 2 battles is required.


TOPIC:

http://bsnscb.com/data/out/210/27044023-war-wallpapers.png
Witty vs Knucklehead

[Witty]

Hi.

[~RustyGunZ~]

skrrtt

[~RustyGunZ~]

mission accomplished, time to celebrate as the ash falls
barbecue warmed up, over the platter we dash salt
got so caught up in war stories the burgers turned to asphalt
all flesh is harmonious & sung in g7 with g7 as the audience
another decade another conflict, hope is the embodiment
volume turned down so i can toast to health & happiness
family traditionalism is sacred, something that can't be scantiness
but if no one has to answer, contradiction is instantaneous
pretending no one will survive makes it easier to be passionate
about turning family dinner into something gaseous

[Witty]

The pain - The mourning - The death and despair
Hate in the veins...message impaired
We came in a blaze of glory, and bathed in the flames
Danced in the ashes, reveled in the carnage
As we thought of each other as the devil incarnate
You saw me as deceitful, I saw you as the beast
To you I was a dog, to me you were the leash
So - weapons drawn- let the battle commence
Sunset to dawn, dismantle each bedraggled defence
Never pausing to allow empathy an entrance
Hate wins wars...no love...all there's meant to be is vengeance
We have...essentially, a penchant for entropy and tension
Endlessly inventive with our tactics and strategies
You zig when I zag, I come back at you savagely
You throw dirt in my face, I kick while you're down
When your hurt, I'm in heaven...thrilled by the sound
We fight to near death, so fucking rude and obnoxious
You're bruised and I'm nauseous, unmoved and incautious
So sure these bullets we shoot are full of the truth
My trigger's reality...when I pull it, there's proof
Now here we lay, broken and slain
Unable to do anything other than soak in the pain
I look at you, and smile...you laugh at the sight
As we inspect the aftermath of the fight
Our relationship's a mess...and there's no easy clean
As we whisper the sorry's we don't really mean
We exist in this cycle of war...this grief...and this gloom
So for now....
We put down our weapons
But keep them loaded
...We'll be needing them soon.

[uh-oh]

YO

knucks piece was cool. i kind of hate voting on topicals because i always feel like there is some hidden meaning im missing when in reality it just sorta is what it is. but i got like a war gives a bad taste vibe with the celebration and a shitty meal burnt on a grill thing going haha. it was short and the flow switches kinda threw me as a reader but word.

witty your shit was dope. i dug the whole entropy and entrance scheme and it flowed into the tactics and strategies scheme seamless. overall it was a cool piece with the whole going to war with your girl theme. i dug it.

i thought witty's was better.

vote witty

[Lobo for the kill]

Knucklehead your wording was great. Lyrically you're winning this hands down.
"barbecue warmed up, over the platter we dash salt
got so caught up in war stories the burgers turned to asphalt"

This line was so vivid..so real..and painted a picture of the horrors of war using a barbeque setting that i want to vote you the winner for this line alone. But the piece treds off and never lives up to the aforementioned line.


Witty you dont have a line that moves me. Your piece was more of a story of the horrors..the cause and effort and the end of war but still holding your gun close because its never truly over. Written from the perspective of two opposing faction fighting and reacting to each other.

Witty took the battle but mostly because he put up more of an effort and fleshed out his story a little better. Knucklehead started with a bang then fizzled out

[Lucipher Howlz]

Knuck: I loved your take on the picture. The way you interpreted the picture was fucking great. It stood out and went against the norm of what it was "suppose" to be. I thought all your lines were well written and went exactly how you wanted them to go with your perception of the pic. I love shit like this. Only thing is you should have written more. The concept you had could have been more developed and expanded upon. You could of got me with concept but it fell short verse wise.


Witty: The concept for your verse was what I would expect from the picture. The only difference was you had a pretty good ending to your verse. I liked it it. It was more creative than I thought it was gonna be and when it came to the flow of your lines it was on point. Nice drop


Overall: I loved Knucks concept a lot better it was out side the box and that's what I look for. Only thing is he didn't pounce on it. He dropped a short verse unfortunately. Witty's verse was more common but he had more times to show his rhyme skills. and his ending was what really got my vote. Painted a picture in my head.


Vote: Witty

[Diablo]

I hate these war pics.

They almost dictate the way the verse has to go to an extent. Sure, there’s a few ways they can be ‘flipped’ to an extent. A game of toy soldiers rather than an actual war. A relationship (which I’ve done) or the usual soldiers point of view is a hero or a the villain conflict. Conflict drives good writing, so essentially that’s the route you want to go down somehow with these things but then you also don’t want to retread common ground so you want to somehow put a fresh spin on it. But they’ve been done, as I said, so it’s difficult.

Knuck has the by far better approach here in terms of his originality and not tackling the picture directly. The trouble he had here was that it lacked development, it was too brief, and it didn’t have that conflict I mentioned to drive it’s narrative. If he had done more of a story piece with some kind of conflict like wanting to best his neighbours BBQ last summer and out do him somehow and ultimately burning the entire yard down along with the neighbours fence or some shit, it could have done more. Trying to do too much with the scheme can hurt as well which maybe he’s also guilty of here.

Witty had a tried and tested route, but his writing and wording is always very crisp and concise. It unfolded well, not so much a story route either here and more a traditional “topical” in a sense similar to what Knuck did, which made this interesting. A story would have probably served both writers better in truth. Anyway, Witty didn’t have as good a concept but he excelled in terms of execution and the actual mechanics behind it and that can’t be overlooked here from a technical standpoint.

This is closer than it seems, and I often favour the more creative take but Knucks was a little too short and underdeveloped here for me to give it the nod over a solid showing from Witty with a decent idea that’s been done before (possibly unknown to him?). Witty didn’t have a terrible idea by any means, it’s just I’ve seen it utilised similarly before to a war topic so I personally steer clear of it. I gave Witty the nod here.