Victor vs John Dillinger[JD WINS]

[Inno]

NWL:Season I: Week III



Verses ares due: FRIDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Voting ends: SUNDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Line Limit: Minimum:10 lines, Max: 30

Voting on 2 battles is required.


TOPIC:

THIS WEEK IS HAIKU GUNBAR WEEK PRETTY SELF EXPLANATORY. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DONT KNOW WHAT A HAIKU IS. ITS A JAPANESE FORM OF POETRY CONSISTING OF 17 TOTAL SYLLABLES.FIRST LINE IS 5, SECOND LINE IS 7 AND LAST LINE IS 5. SINCE ITS ONLY 3 LINES, THIS WEEK YOU HAVE WRITE 3 SEPARATE GUNBAR HAIKUS, SO A TOTAL OF 9 LINES. PRETTY EASY. VOTING WILL BE EXPLAINED IN THE MAG.

GOODLUCK.


Victor John Dillinger

[Victor.]

Feel trigger happy
The stick empty ya insides
Bang, your a piñata


Long scope . Curry range
Shot in your face , no defense
Was the game winner


Gun too big to lift
Rented a uhual to bring it
The fees were crazy

[John Dillinger]

Gat aimed at ya throat
Uzi & the pistol both
Nine millimeter

Blasting a few rounds
Assault u & ur crew down
Rifles stay on me

Gun Bar God, it’s fact
One to the eye’ll make Hush
Double back, ‘Read Caps’

[Big Bolo]

Not sure if this was JDs first time with haikus if not probably first with this topic. I think he did pretty good. But I even read both twice and both times just seems like hush been doing this shit for years...i may not like hush that much but this was real cool to read, maybe I'm really high but to me it seemed almost like hush made it rhyme, when looking at it, it obviously doesn't...maybe that's the inner point to creating a good haiku? Whatever..cool shit from both vote hush

[Sharp]

I'm torn

gunbar vs gunbar, I'd give hush the distinct edge, but as far as technical writing goes, JD was definitely cleaner. imo, you can be flexible with the syllables but its always better to go under the syllable count - more usually feels clunky. Thought that JD making 2 out of each 3 lines rhyme was unnecessary but it made the first one a smooth read

The fact that the first letter of each row spells out 'gun bar god' is kind of impressive to me, in that it's a chain email style trick but it didn't feel like a single line suffered at all - felt weirdly natural for setting that up.

Again, torn, cause there's a strong case to be made for both, but I give Dillinger the edge for the technical skill in the writing but still being fun to read. Hush still had an okay showing so I could see votes going his way (also idk how this league works)

v/JD

[Adonis]

Vic: First Haiku ends in 6, my last name martinez and "piñata" is 3 syllables. U-haul line was 'simple' syllable long.

Content: You strung together 3 haikus to actually flow cohesive. You had nearly a complete and linear stanza fluid. Good shit overall


JD: LOL. Bodied. I got nothing negative other than you gotta fukin accomp. with a 0 win record. cheers. burn on3


v/ J Dil

[Inno]

JD wins