Lenox vs Mr. J

[Inno]

NWL:Season I: Week V



Verses ares due: FRIDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Voting ends: SUNDAY at 11:59 PM EST

Line Limit: Minimum:10 lines, Max: 30

Voting on 2 battles is required.


TOPIC:

https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-74aad9a8a11eebf3ffafdfadfcba9469-c

GOODLUCK.

Lenox Mr. J

[Lenox]

I admire your work so it’s an honor to battle you
Mr. J ext granted

[Lenox]

last sip
.
.
.

Sanity’s grip concealed from an acid casualty. As reality morphs into premature sanitation. Doctrine of death signed, forever a world that consumes abnormality. Suit made of darkness, warlord of alchemy. Hell’s alignment laminates the sky from fallen angels of apathy. The gatekeepers aware of unholy trinity. Souls go through portals with no hope, remorse or dignity. So the Folk Lord continues. third eye opened, to those of depression and sorrow. Decaying carcasses left over for the crows of a second tomorrow. Another sip, life’s shortened into minutes, yet no retort or resent when I dissemble a bottle. D-Training home, Every passer by cemented with demons. just to get home from work, and hope for the pleasantry of dreaming. The devils tendencies leave me left for assembly & meaning. But I lay silent, without a rhyme or reason. Time keeps ticking as I wait for my final out of body experience. First comes violent teething.
The frontal lobe & cortex disconnecting from my nervous system, what’s inside me’s bleeding.. skin chipping away, with a face so frail, even my fibers crushed, all by the doings from the intruders of hell.

[Mr. J]

Check. Prolly need an ext til tomorrow.

[Mr. J]

Forgotten tendencies. The issue continues.
Point me to the correct venue, what am I getting into?
Scattered souls boil in a bowl of something off menu.
What else can I get you? Between the bone & sinew.
Check please...it's time to clock out, time to drop down..
Pressure rises and now one begins to give their heart now.
Time stops, there is nothing more to be said from here on.
What is right appears wrong. With a lack of clear thought.
Scrambled signals with a greasy grip on the overfed.
When the weight is killing you this is how it's supposed to end

[Adonis]

Lenox - I remeber this name for a long time ago, and I hope it is you, but I assume you meant "folklore?" Maybe you are new, though folk lord technically works, just not A+.

This story was a acid trip not really gone wrong, but gone right in the sense that I wouldn't expect anything less, right?

So he tripped balls and saw demons on subway or in street passing by. I enjoyed the paragraph format, and though it flowed in it's own way, you did not allow the rhyme scheme to dictate your stories path, you, instead, flowed when the opportunity arouse, otherwise, "stuck to the script" as it were. Solid context pertaining to topic, execution beyond that I rather enjoyed. Good read overall IMO.

Mr. Splif - FuKK man, that was actually good.

A story from Grimm Reapers perspective, where he is actually retelling the story of hell no?

I loved the ending, reaching that breaking point where we all give in, that's how it is supposed to end??? Wrong, that's how it will forever continue....But I see what you did with the short space, I wish you expand on shit man. This is honestly a good conecept that I could spend two days on and flesh a fucking gem out, but I too have an infatuation with creating...



v/ So while I enjoyed both as far as reading goes, I wish Jay expanded more and wished Lenox had more meat to it. In terms of lenox, I feel like he had a trip and story done, in terms of J, I feel he told more of a complete story given his rather profound ending of subtle toruture being how it is supposed to be. So while this is a tough vote.

I enjoiyed Mr. J in the slightest of margins

[Razah]

Hell’s alignment laminates the sky from fallen angels of apathy.

nice. folklore**

That line stood out to me. Overall, this was pretty okay. I think a better structure would make for a smoother read. The rhyming was probably the best part about it. I think with a more intriguing rhyme scheme, things would just come off better. The piece was pretty simple, to be honest. I think the overall context was good, it just came off basic due to the technicalities of the verse. If you brushed up on all these little aspects, I think you're capable of writing some pretty slick stuff.

Mr. J, cool verse.

Time stops, there is nothing more to be said from here on.
What is right appears wrong. With a lack of clear thought.

Even though the rhyme is a little off, going from first bar to the internal was a strange transition, but followed by the end rhyme, it came together pretty smoothly. The closer wrapped things up pretty well too. Besides that, I wasn't really impressed.

Mr. J dropped a decent verse compared to an okay verse. Technically, Mr. J's just read better since it was put together better. As far as content, I'd go with Lenox but overall, Mr. J was just more solid. Not sure if the extension was granted but,

vMr. J