John Dillinger 1-0 vs Ryno 1-0 - RYNO WINS BY NS

[Sharp]

BA Summer League

Due Thursday, July 11th

Minimum - 6 lines
Max - 10 lines
Line limit can increase if both agree
24hr ext to be granted by opponent

NO biting
NO swaying
NO feeding
Don't edit after your opponent has posted
2nd person to post can't edit after the first vote comes in
Don't be an idiot
Don't use your opponent's pic unless it's a pic battle
Agree on a line limit or match the first to drop

John Dillinger Ryno

[Ryno]

i'll shoot a text to ya hood, let ya homies know u'll be dead in seconds
no iphone, i'll put an aero through this square just to spread the message
sweet talk ya slut, if the balls in my court she'll be slurpin on some cock
irony at its finest, im the rebound guy that'll have the bitch posted on the block
make a choice, shootout or bare knuckle? step & im boxing u off a whim
if he chooses the gun overhand, its cuz he's tired of catching them on the chin
i've got a tag team that'll shake the Net, give a call & im sprayin this clown
this aint free agency, but for the right contract i'll bring both the K's to ya town
tittie fk ya broad w/ the gat, if i unload watch her chest get diminished
quit w/ the gimmicks, i'll 'torch her' rack & break her back like a Lex Luger finish

u suuuuuuper trash

[Zuo]

i'll shoot a text to ya hood, let ya homies know u'll be dead in seconds
no iphone, i'll put an aero through this square just to spread the message
you had me staring at my iMessages for about 20 mins, I don’t see it
sweet talk ya slut, if the balls in my court she'll be slurpin on some cock
irony at its finest, im the rebound guy that'll have the bitch posted on the block
ehh pretty basic here. Decent
make a choice, shootout or bare knuckle? step & im boxing u off a whim
if he chooses the gun overhand, its cuz he's tired of catching them on the chin
feel this was a bit forced, aside from that it’s a cool concept
i've got a tag team that'll shake the Net, give a call & im sprayin this clown
this aint free agency, but for the right contract i'll bring both the K's to ya town
this was cool
tittie fk ya broad w/ the gat, if i unload watch her chest get diminished
quit w/ the gimmicks, i'll 'torch her' rack & break her back like a Lex Luger finish
alright

[Answer]

i'll shoot a text to ya hood, let ya homies know u'll be dead in seconds
no iphone, i'll put an aero through this square just to spread the message

The first thing is I'm not sure why you wrote "aero" instead of "arrow" since I don't really see any tie-in to aero. But also, I think you could've made it a little more concrete that you're talking about the "share" icon with some kind of reference to it in the set-up. Either way this is a cool concept that I felt landed, but I think it could've been a bit stronger if it work reworked.

sweet talk ya slut, if the balls in my court she'll be slurpin on some cock
irony at its finest, im the rebound guy that'll have the bitch posted on the block

this is cool, no real complaints.

make a choice, shootout or bare knuckle? step & im boxing u off a whim
if he chooses the gun overhand, its cuz he's tired of catching them on the chin

something about this is just recursive and the slingshot method wouldn't cause you to "catch anything on the chin". i think the wording could've been better

i've got a tag team that'll shake the Net, give a call & im sprayin this clown
this aint free agency, but for the right contract i'll bring both the K's to ya town

i like the overall idea here, it would be cool but my biggest hand-up is that nobody would rightfully call Kevin Durant or Kyrie Irving "K" for short. Just kinda something you made up yourself to make the wp work

tittie fk ya broad w/ the gat, if i unload watch her chest get dimished
quit w/ the gimmicks, i'll 'torch her' rack & break her back like a Lex Luger finish

this was cool, I dig the old school wrestling bars but I wouldn't refer to tittie fucking someone with a gun as "torching" her, so that's kinda weird


overall solid verse, just a few things I thought could use fine tuning

[Sharp]

i'll shoot a text to ya hood, let ya homies know u'll be dead in seconds
no iphone, i'll put an aero through this square just to spread the message
Aero was misleading, unless there's a connection to Aero, which there isn't. Cool bar overall
sweet talk ya slut, if the balls in my court she'll be slurpin on some cock
irony at its finest, im the rebound guy that'll have the bitch posted on the block
clever, but my first reaction is being the rebound guy isn't much of a boast. Still a quality bar
make a choice, shootout or bare knuckle? step & im boxing u off a whim
if he chooses the gun overhand, its cuz he's tired of catching them on the chin
I get it, but I'm not feeling this kind of flip lately
i've got a tag team that'll shake the Net, give a call & im sprayin this clown
this aint free agency, but for the right contract i'll bring both the K's to ya town
without 'net' in the setup I would've been lost. I agree with Answer, this was close to not being understood
tittie fk ya broad w/ the gat, if i unload watch her chest get diminished
quit w/ the gimmicks, i'll 'torch her' rack & break her back like a Lex Luger finish
only kind of works both ways. Not bad, not great to me, but again, I'm not particularly feeling that kind of punch lately