sral
01-12-2021, 02:30 PM
I haven’t been completely honest with you all previously, but this time it’s different.
Hear me out.
Around 3 years ago my wife and I lost a child through miscarriage. I took a couple weeks off work; it was a terrible time as I know some of you can relate to losing a child. Anyway, long story short, on my eventual return to work - as I was the highest ranking official - I was in charge of registering all infant deaths, stillbirths etc that hadn’t been done in my absence, and they had accumulated.
I returned to work, having lost my own child, only to be faced with upward of 20-30 deaths of a similar scenario. It was all too real. Too much, too soon, maybe. I don’t know if a phased return or whatever would have helped more, but being thrown straight back in at the deep end like that felt cold and compassionless. I decided then and there the line of work was not for me any longer. I wanted out. I was done. I handed in my notice at work, agreed to work my notice period, took all my remaining annual paid leave off and started looking for a new job elsewhere. A fresh start. A chance to reinvent myself even.
There was no dismissal, no sacking, no gross misconduct. Just a man leaving via resignation and moving onward and upward with his life and family.
At the time I didn’t feel able to share this insight into my personal life with you all; especially regarding our miscarriage, I still hadn’t really brought myself to accept it. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I had never experienced anything like this before. The sense of loss. The helplessness. I was lost. I needed to find myself again. Truth be told I haven’t watched a single horror movie since that very day.
I sold the majority of my collection, the remaining few disturbing titles I removed and binned the cover art before placing the discs in inconspicuous DVD cases like Alpha Dog and Willy Wonka remake with Brad Pitt then gifted them to our local charity shop with the disturbing film discs inside.
It’s not my finest moment, and I’m not proud of it, but I wanted them gone and at the time it seemed like an inconspicuous way of disposing of them quickly. I wanted them gone; and fast. I wanted rid of them all. I didn’t want them in my life anymore. They weren’t “me”. I completely lost the love I once had for them. You guys were right. I thank you for that.
It was a difficult time for me, for sure, a period of transition like no other. I wanted to tell you all, but as is often the reality with myself and my writing I chose instead to base my reality within the frame of a fictional framework so as to distance myself from it somewhat.
The loss of “my job” was in fact the loss of my child. It was my way of opening up to you all without having to come out and say as much. It was still too raw at that point. I couldn’t bring myself to discuss it, not directly at least. I felt vulnerable and weak. I couldn’t bring myself to speak to anyone about it. Stupid alpha male macho egotistical bullshit.
I tried to move on. I quickly settled into a new job, with a new start, and a new me. Destroy and rebuild. There were ill-wishers here that wanted to poke fun at my career choice and downplay it, no name in particular stands out, there were several detractors that wished to revel in my apparent misfortune not realising the truth was harder than they realised. I was a broken man, piecing himself back together, one day at a time. It’s been almost three years now that I’ve lived horror-free. I used the proceeds from my vast horror collection, 28,000+ titles, many of them rare collectibles to buy my family a new (bigger) home and I don’t miss it at all. I am reformed. I’ve worked tirelessly for the past three years and am now company director in my new job. The future is once again looking very positive for me.
I’m pleased to have turned my back on the darkest period of my life.
Thank you, gentlemen. To anyone that feels I owe them an apology, I’m sorry. Let’s build together again.
Tl;dr: LARS IS BACK
Hear me out.
Around 3 years ago my wife and I lost a child through miscarriage. I took a couple weeks off work; it was a terrible time as I know some of you can relate to losing a child. Anyway, long story short, on my eventual return to work - as I was the highest ranking official - I was in charge of registering all infant deaths, stillbirths etc that hadn’t been done in my absence, and they had accumulated.
I returned to work, having lost my own child, only to be faced with upward of 20-30 deaths of a similar scenario. It was all too real. Too much, too soon, maybe. I don’t know if a phased return or whatever would have helped more, but being thrown straight back in at the deep end like that felt cold and compassionless. I decided then and there the line of work was not for me any longer. I wanted out. I was done. I handed in my notice at work, agreed to work my notice period, took all my remaining annual paid leave off and started looking for a new job elsewhere. A fresh start. A chance to reinvent myself even.
There was no dismissal, no sacking, no gross misconduct. Just a man leaving via resignation and moving onward and upward with his life and family.
At the time I didn’t feel able to share this insight into my personal life with you all; especially regarding our miscarriage, I still hadn’t really brought myself to accept it. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I had never experienced anything like this before. The sense of loss. The helplessness. I was lost. I needed to find myself again. Truth be told I haven’t watched a single horror movie since that very day.
I sold the majority of my collection, the remaining few disturbing titles I removed and binned the cover art before placing the discs in inconspicuous DVD cases like Alpha Dog and Willy Wonka remake with Brad Pitt then gifted them to our local charity shop with the disturbing film discs inside.
It’s not my finest moment, and I’m not proud of it, but I wanted them gone and at the time it seemed like an inconspicuous way of disposing of them quickly. I wanted them gone; and fast. I wanted rid of them all. I didn’t want them in my life anymore. They weren’t “me”. I completely lost the love I once had for them. You guys were right. I thank you for that.
It was a difficult time for me, for sure, a period of transition like no other. I wanted to tell you all, but as is often the reality with myself and my writing I chose instead to base my reality within the frame of a fictional framework so as to distance myself from it somewhat.
The loss of “my job” was in fact the loss of my child. It was my way of opening up to you all without having to come out and say as much. It was still too raw at that point. I couldn’t bring myself to discuss it, not directly at least. I felt vulnerable and weak. I couldn’t bring myself to speak to anyone about it. Stupid alpha male macho egotistical bullshit.
I tried to move on. I quickly settled into a new job, with a new start, and a new me. Destroy and rebuild. There were ill-wishers here that wanted to poke fun at my career choice and downplay it, no name in particular stands out, there were several detractors that wished to revel in my apparent misfortune not realising the truth was harder than they realised. I was a broken man, piecing himself back together, one day at a time. It’s been almost three years now that I’ve lived horror-free. I used the proceeds from my vast horror collection, 28,000+ titles, many of them rare collectibles to buy my family a new (bigger) home and I don’t miss it at all. I am reformed. I’ve worked tirelessly for the past three years and am now company director in my new job. The future is once again looking very positive for me.
I’m pleased to have turned my back on the darkest period of my life.
Thank you, gentlemen. To anyone that feels I owe them an apology, I’m sorry. Let’s build together again.
Tl;dr: LARS IS BACK