The Old Man

[Mr. J]

Satisfied by small talk and well wishes
Dreamers intertwined in selfishness
Rain fell and sits as cover for the tears cried
Sense of wonder, insecurity & fear inside
Eyes paralyzed, static cling feel the shock.
Mafia concrete with stone to fill a sock
Battling between meals or not, chills are fought
Waves so silent you could hear a thought.
No sense to the deck, a high to be peering off
Enough flow to catch a cold due to the weather
Learned the talk with the stone of Rosetta
Stay cloaked with drinks coated in Amaretto
Shambled on the rocks built from a pebble.
Mind on a swivel with a bad fashion sense
Exaggerated action within the passive tense
Passing hits in this joint at this point lacks it's ends
Bluntly immaculate so enjoy then crash in 10.
Time to catch the wind & pray for second hand
Focused on self with a low attention span
In an instant grams hit the floor with the dinner
One survivor at best so it's pick the winner
Carry a scythe in winter blocking opportunity
While idealists sail off in thoughts of scrutiny
A loss for who? And see the jump then clean
A broken entry playing sentry to home and sea
Such lunacy, to cut them out.............end scene.

[Adverse]

I didn’t really follow the storyline here, but the imagery you presented it all with was great, the first half was my favorite and how you set up the picture was good I just had trouble following the storyline. My favorite piece was

“Enough flow to catch a cold due to the weather
Learned the talk with the stone of Rosetta
Stay cloaked with drinks coated in Amaretto
Shambled on the rocks built from a pebble.
Mind on a swivel with a bad fashion sense
Exaggerated action within the passive tense
Passing hits in this joint at this point lacks it's ends
Bluntly immaculate so enjoy then crash in 10.”

Keep writing man