Forever’s Never Enough

[ACTIVATE SELF]

DOL VERSE

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/pw/AM-JKLVI4g-aaAwraIWZG6tOBziYxrmH3L1pV6-05J0egwICQoN6c21wUvAd2Uxda66hD44t6VUuONQJo0fpi-rxP5VSOiaQw1ybBhJz-eF9y3bp8sx5mK4_Eg0GR4bvTzuf5B3Pz0R-XfZ37i6ASHNdBxyH-g=w400-h600-no?authuser=0
It was a moment of freedom
pure
intoxication
and lust.

Bliss.

No interruptions
no budgets
nor meetings to discuss.

Just a swallow of wine,
rain kissing the streets,
as Billie Holidays sings,
“There’s nothing sweeter than me”.

Ambient jazz: the trolley tram rattles the tracks
blowing it’s horn like a brass Patterson sax.
Going nowhere fast on the Coltrane in the city
Just me and my Cindy slowly dancing to Dizzy.

A poetic release; so romantic and sweet.
she’s holding me close while I’m plucking her strings.
“Killing her Softly” with subtle intrigue.

Love suddenly seems
so obtainably near
as cloudy skies open up
and the sun reappears.

The song comes to a pause.
The needle’s lifted and stalled.
And at the end of it all
we are simply in awe
at the tune that we made
on Bourbon St and LePaul
on that musical day
in the middle of fall.

[Adverse]

Honestly this was amazing

Flowed beautifully through and through and painted an amazing picture, there’s pieces I run across that make me think “I have no business doing this” and this was definitely one of them

[Eŋg]

i'll be back

[Scar]

super cool! short and sweet.

[Vellum]

The killing her softly line wasn’t only dope but also brought me back to the days of The Fugee’s washing me away in a rip tide of nostalgic memories. Beautiful vocabulary but more importantly choice of words. Imagery vividly played a movie in my mind. I also love the emotion my favorite part was

Love suddenly seems
so obtainably near
as cloudy skies open up
and the sun reappears.

It’s not that I thought it was technically better than the rest of the piece but the way it shared emotion that’s relatable to mostly everyone I’m sure. It was like a breath of fresh air or finding out that all hope wasn’t lost after all.

I got no negative criticism. That was a great time, keep it up!

[Alice]

Thought this was, simply put, beautifully written. I don’t think I read a verse as “poetic” as this by you before so it’s even more impressive. Also loved the killing me softly reference as it also fit the theme while still maintaining that obvious, nostalgic evocation. The ending was vividly descriptive and brought everything together really well with that poetic-tale. Hope to see this kind of approach more from you.

[PancakeBrah]

~ambient jazz~

[Pharaohs Army]

Good stuff.
I liked it all but I'll highlight a couple lines where I loved the rhyme.

Ambient jazz: the trolley tram rattles the tracks

A poetic release; so romantic and sweet.

Great openers for the stanzas. I enjoy those quick rhymes more than long bars with end-rhymes that take forever to get to.

Good tone of jazz and romance.