UPN Zuch
09-16-2021, 10:51 AM
Good evening. The following is just projections if for whatever reason a civil war breaks out. You’re gonna want guys on your side that you know can get it done. These picks are in order from best to worst so there’s no mistake when it comes time to draft your boarder squad.
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Pick #1
1. Amen- Lmaoooooo just kidding this guy is a fucking loser
HLB (High Level Boarders)
Blue Bayou - Probably the top pick here. This man is not only handsome, but he is a high-level boarder (HLB). Has had one of the best text careers of anyone that’s ever existed. Has great taste in music, movies and women. If you are lucky enough to get the top pick, you draft this man and don’t look back. Pros: sexy, good writer, HLB level Cons: is a midget
Answer - I told Answer that there was some blow back for ranking him this high, but he just wasn’t hearing it. The resident deaf guy comes in at #2. He lurks the discussion forum mostly these days and will drop a novel-length reply about dandruff shampoo if he believes Head & Shoulders isn’t getting the respect it deserves. A top-notch writer, with comedic timing and an apparent book in the works. If you’re looking to fill a hole in the discussion department, while also getting some bars here and there, draft this HLBer and pick up a sign-language interpreter in the later rounds for correlation. Pros: funny, great speller Cons: deaf, has a lisp, is black
Dull Boy - He is a cool cat. Good writer, good discussion head. If you end up taking Dull in the draft you are going to get a consistent winner who will not embarrass you in any category. More than solid pick.
Bags - this guy could be higher. He has legendary discussion forum skills. Probably my personal top pick just because he will ether literally anyone and do it in creative ways. This man is known to body low level jobbers like amen and other people too that I can’t think of but just take this guy if he falls to you. You won’t regret it.
UserName - this fat fuck will check all the boxes for you. Especially if you leave food in one of them. He can change your discord font for you, make you laugh, and board at a high level in discussion. You can add “writer” back in his repertoire as he is back in SC. At pick 3 you are getting a Jack of all trades. Pros: nice guy, good writer, OG HLB Cons: high sugar intake
Fracture - Frac and User are interchangeable. One of the all-time greats. OG HLBer. This guy can write bars one day, and the next he’s at the Holiday Inn sleeping with his secretary. You want to take Fracture here if you travel a lot. He can get you discounts at almost any shitty hotel chain from Tulsa to Bangor, Maine. Pros: white, hotel perks, good roaster Cons: was black
Sharp - Look Sharp should be higher but I’m sorry I’m not editing this shit. Top 3 pick but I’m putting him in the HLB tier anyways. A1 mod and friend. This guy is a photoshop god and we all know that’s the best humor. Would have been a legend on UPN probably. Reminds me of James Barosh minus the fsggot ness.
Dave- guy is a dope writer and high level comedian. Good taste in movies and doesn’t just sit in discord all day wearing out his welcome. His presence is always timely and fresh.
Hush - rounding out our HLB tier we have the model of consistency. HOF writer and great in discussion when he makes an appearance. He is probably higher in this tier but like I said most of these are interchangeable.
MLB (Mid Level Boarders)
1. Amen - Okay no more games this is where Amen is. Near the to... lmaooooo syke nah this guy is human garbage
Seth - Seth is right on the cusp of HLB tier, however he finds himself beefing with Barc a little too much. Good writer, consistent in the forums and discord, is a scientist even though I’m not sure that counts for anything. Could be a first round pick if you think he will stop wasting his time in childish beef.
Aero- one of my favorites. This guy hasn’t written a real verse in a long time. Aero is sort of black which brings diversity to any squad looking for government assistance. Knowledgeable in stocks and fat white women. Dresses well and is kind of like Zelph except not retarded. Aero is the perfect pick at the top of round 2 if you can get him.
Uh oh - this guy will boost morale during team parties. Have a poor guy to girl ratio? Fear no more. You are drafting him for his tinder stable. He will bring girls ready to fuck, as long as you can get them to keep their shirt on. He’s a Trumper and anti-bad so yes he is low IQ but a terribly nice guy and good boarder.
Destroyer - solid writer, funny in discord and participates somewhat regularly in discussion. If you are conservative I would take him high to give your squad some progressive undertones. Look out for the occasional “wtf” verse in the battle category. But overall he will come with it.
Spree - Lobster king. Decent writer and active in the community. This guy is hit and miss in discussion but mostly hit. Lives on discord so you know you will score participation points.
Mac - I’m giving Mac MLB status simply because he’s good looking and is super nice. If you’re going to draft Mac on your team make sure you do not let him sign up for battle leagues. He’s not ready yet. Also do not let him vote because he’s foreign and understands zero pop culture references.
Adverse - he’s a good pick at MLB if your squad is low on mod powers. Actually I’m not even sure he’s a mod but he did run a league once. Pretty average in most categories but at least he’s not a minus player. That’s important on a board that has active members such as Amen and other people.
Lars - King of cringe. This guy will remind you of the low level leagues he’s won via no show time and time again. I would never draft him on my team, but if you’re looking to add some accomps to the trophy case and don’t care whether they’re real or not, take this torture porn faggot from hell and don’t look back.
White Earl - Trailer park trash but in a kid rock kind of way. He’s a threadmaker. The threads are normally not good but he’s a volume shooter. He’s Gilbert Arenas but with less range.
Wanderer - he is getting better at battling no doubt. Battling is dead though. This guy is barely here anymore but all it takes is a league sign up thread and he will show up with a tiny head and uneven limbs ready to write. If you are going to draft wanderer you need to make sure you already have Mac so that the handsomeness level doesn’t take a hit.
Pakistani hand cannon - this is controversial. Many have him at LLB status but I’m going to put him here strictly for his troll presence. Which is, average. He is a bonafied hater of all things. He will pop up in any thread to let you know it sucks. I respect it.
Zelph- Look, let’s be honest. He ran NBL into the ground. He no-shows and troll leagues and tourneys on the reg. An absolute cancer to all things text. He barely makes MLB because of his many alias’. If you draft him you are getting 9 other average boarders without even knowing it. This pick will give you a deep bench.
Amen
INF - nice guy, been here a long time and has built rapport. I have yet to understand a bar he’s written, but I heard they can be good. Take him to bring some depth to your depression stats. This man will keep your whole camp grounded.
LLB (Low Level Boarders)
Amen- We FINALLY made it to this fucking loser. Haha yeah right keep dreaming fsggot
Ouch- this guy is retarded, poor, an embarrassment to his family, can’t spell. Avoid at all costs
Sinacog- they gave this guy his own thread just so he wouldn’t wander out in public. If you end up having to draft him to avoid Amen then at least he brings volume writing.
Dope girl - Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
Brokenhal0- Saw a verse from this guy once. Wild.
Snitching is gangsta- I mean this is just tradition. The OG LLB from UPN. I actually started to like this guy but this is only right.
ALB (Amen Level Boarder)
Amen- there can only be one. The bottom of the barrel existence of the NC stable. Look, if you have the last pick and all that’s left is this pile of pure fsggotry then my suggestion is to Chris Benoit your entire roster. There’s really no way you will last with this guy running around with a keyboard. Call him hot potato because if the music stops and this guy falls in your lap you are a goner. The only positive with having him on your team is purely ironic. A low level troll who someone might accidentally not understand what he’s saying and not sock you points. Other than that this guy spreads the sheet with negatives. He doesn’t battle. Thank god, F for humor F for discussion, banned from discord F for body fat.
That is the NC draft projections for you guys. Make sure to get your boards ready.
.
.
.
.
Pick #1
1. Amen- Lmaoooooo just kidding this guy is a fucking loser
HLB (High Level Boarders)
Blue Bayou - Probably the top pick here. This man is not only handsome, but he is a high-level boarder (HLB). Has had one of the best text careers of anyone that’s ever existed. Has great taste in music, movies and women. If you are lucky enough to get the top pick, you draft this man and don’t look back. Pros: sexy, good writer, HLB level Cons: is a midget
Answer - I told Answer that there was some blow back for ranking him this high, but he just wasn’t hearing it. The resident deaf guy comes in at #2. He lurks the discussion forum mostly these days and will drop a novel-length reply about dandruff shampoo if he believes Head & Shoulders isn’t getting the respect it deserves. A top-notch writer, with comedic timing and an apparent book in the works. If you’re looking to fill a hole in the discussion department, while also getting some bars here and there, draft this HLBer and pick up a sign-language interpreter in the later rounds for correlation. Pros: funny, great speller Cons: deaf, has a lisp, is black
Dull Boy - He is a cool cat. Good writer, good discussion head. If you end up taking Dull in the draft you are going to get a consistent winner who will not embarrass you in any category. More than solid pick.
Bags - this guy could be higher. He has legendary discussion forum skills. Probably my personal top pick just because he will ether literally anyone and do it in creative ways. This man is known to body low level jobbers like amen and other people too that I can’t think of but just take this guy if he falls to you. You won’t regret it.
UserName - this fat fuck will check all the boxes for you. Especially if you leave food in one of them. He can change your discord font for you, make you laugh, and board at a high level in discussion. You can add “writer” back in his repertoire as he is back in SC. At pick 3 you are getting a Jack of all trades. Pros: nice guy, good writer, OG HLB Cons: high sugar intake
Fracture - Frac and User are interchangeable. One of the all-time greats. OG HLBer. This guy can write bars one day, and the next he’s at the Holiday Inn sleeping with his secretary. You want to take Fracture here if you travel a lot. He can get you discounts at almost any shitty hotel chain from Tulsa to Bangor, Maine. Pros: white, hotel perks, good roaster Cons: was black
Sharp - Look Sharp should be higher but I’m sorry I’m not editing this shit. Top 3 pick but I’m putting him in the HLB tier anyways. A1 mod and friend. This guy is a photoshop god and we all know that’s the best humor. Would have been a legend on UPN probably. Reminds me of James Barosh minus the fsggot ness.
Dave- guy is a dope writer and high level comedian. Good taste in movies and doesn’t just sit in discord all day wearing out his welcome. His presence is always timely and fresh.
Hush - rounding out our HLB tier we have the model of consistency. HOF writer and great in discussion when he makes an appearance. He is probably higher in this tier but like I said most of these are interchangeable.
MLB (Mid Level Boarders)
1. Amen - Okay no more games this is where Amen is. Near the to... lmaooooo syke nah this guy is human garbage
Seth - Seth is right on the cusp of HLB tier, however he finds himself beefing with Barc a little too much. Good writer, consistent in the forums and discord, is a scientist even though I’m not sure that counts for anything. Could be a first round pick if you think he will stop wasting his time in childish beef.
Aero- one of my favorites. This guy hasn’t written a real verse in a long time. Aero is sort of black which brings diversity to any squad looking for government assistance. Knowledgeable in stocks and fat white women. Dresses well and is kind of like Zelph except not retarded. Aero is the perfect pick at the top of round 2 if you can get him.
Uh oh - this guy will boost morale during team parties. Have a poor guy to girl ratio? Fear no more. You are drafting him for his tinder stable. He will bring girls ready to fuck, as long as you can get them to keep their shirt on. He’s a Trumper and anti-bad so yes he is low IQ but a terribly nice guy and good boarder.
Destroyer - solid writer, funny in discord and participates somewhat regularly in discussion. If you are conservative I would take him high to give your squad some progressive undertones. Look out for the occasional “wtf” verse in the battle category. But overall he will come with it.
Spree - Lobster king. Decent writer and active in the community. This guy is hit and miss in discussion but mostly hit. Lives on discord so you know you will score participation points.
Mac - I’m giving Mac MLB status simply because he’s good looking and is super nice. If you’re going to draft Mac on your team make sure you do not let him sign up for battle leagues. He’s not ready yet. Also do not let him vote because he’s foreign and understands zero pop culture references.
Adverse - he’s a good pick at MLB if your squad is low on mod powers. Actually I’m not even sure he’s a mod but he did run a league once. Pretty average in most categories but at least he’s not a minus player. That’s important on a board that has active members such as Amen and other people.
Lars - King of cringe. This guy will remind you of the low level leagues he’s won via no show time and time again. I would never draft him on my team, but if you’re looking to add some accomps to the trophy case and don’t care whether they’re real or not, take this torture porn faggot from hell and don’t look back.
White Earl - Trailer park trash but in a kid rock kind of way. He’s a threadmaker. The threads are normally not good but he’s a volume shooter. He’s Gilbert Arenas but with less range.
Wanderer - he is getting better at battling no doubt. Battling is dead though. This guy is barely here anymore but all it takes is a league sign up thread and he will show up with a tiny head and uneven limbs ready to write. If you are going to draft wanderer you need to make sure you already have Mac so that the handsomeness level doesn’t take a hit.
Pakistani hand cannon - this is controversial. Many have him at LLB status but I’m going to put him here strictly for his troll presence. Which is, average. He is a bonafied hater of all things. He will pop up in any thread to let you know it sucks. I respect it.
Zelph- Look, let’s be honest. He ran NBL into the ground. He no-shows and troll leagues and tourneys on the reg. An absolute cancer to all things text. He barely makes MLB because of his many alias’. If you draft him you are getting 9 other average boarders without even knowing it. This pick will give you a deep bench.
Amen
INF - nice guy, been here a long time and has built rapport. I have yet to understand a bar he’s written, but I heard they can be good. Take him to bring some depth to your depression stats. This man will keep your whole camp grounded.
LLB (Low Level Boarders)
Amen- We FINALLY made it to this fucking loser. Haha yeah right keep dreaming fsggot
Ouch- this guy is retarded, poor, an embarrassment to his family, can’t spell. Avoid at all costs
Sinacog- they gave this guy his own thread just so he wouldn’t wander out in public. If you end up having to draft him to avoid Amen then at least he brings volume writing.
Dope girl - Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
Brokenhal0- Saw a verse from this guy once. Wild.
Snitching is gangsta- I mean this is just tradition. The OG LLB from UPN. I actually started to like this guy but this is only right.
ALB (Amen Level Boarder)
Amen- there can only be one. The bottom of the barrel existence of the NC stable. Look, if you have the last pick and all that’s left is this pile of pure fsggotry then my suggestion is to Chris Benoit your entire roster. There’s really no way you will last with this guy running around with a keyboard. Call him hot potato because if the music stops and this guy falls in your lap you are a goner. The only positive with having him on your team is purely ironic. A low level troll who someone might accidentally not understand what he’s saying and not sock you points. Other than that this guy spreads the sheet with negatives. He doesn’t battle. Thank god, F for humor F for discussion, banned from discord F for body fat.
That is the NC draft projections for you guys. Make sure to get your boards ready.