Fuck it...

[Witty]

Fuck it...

I smile in the void, laughing in dooms dungeon
Napping at noon, smashing the snooze button
Asking the booze for the passion to actually do something
Then gradually get off of my ass when the moon's coming
Hoping people praise me for how crazy with words I am
Then write some lame, weak ass verse that ain't even worth a damn


Fuck it...

Ever stare at your reflection? Deep in your eyes?
And see the evil inside?
Are there demons that thrive
By feasting on your weakness and pride?
Are they feeding you lies?
Or just trying to reveal the deceit that you're eager to hide?
I try to relax and chill, but havoc's still on top of me
I'm gagging on the jagged pill of honesty
Maybe it's not a lie
Maybe I'm delusional and stupid, inept
Maybe my demons are just the truth that I refuse to accept.

Fuck it...

[ACTIVATE SELF]

The last line was killer…super poignant. The whole verse was pretty dope though. Loved the flow and moments of self deprecating introspection. Fire.

[Dominate]

The tone of this is like you just threw something together, but actually it’s quite polished and cohesive. Gagging on the jagged pill of honesty was nice. Write more pls.

[Dominate]

Do you want to have a battle or collab on something where the deadline is like 2+ weeks?

[Mike Wrecka]

This short piece has a lot of depth to it. And it’s very well written. You tend to be at your peak when writing from a first person perspective, ala deadman. Nice job.

[Witty]

Do you want to have a battle or collab on something where the deadline is like 2+ weeks?

It would be a pleasure.

Either is fine with me, whatever you want to do.

[PancakeBrah]

"The furies are at home
in the mirror; it is their address.
Even the clearest water,
if deep enough can drown."
-RS Thomas via Disco Elsysium

First six lines were elegant and well rhymed and the whole piece made me happy to read it. Third line was the kill shot.

[oats]

This is very good, I enjoyed reading it quite a bit. Loved the first four lines, just perfect rhyming and cadence while still pushing the feeling forward.

[Witty]

I am genuinely surprised and humbled that you all took the time to read and comment on this.

I've known you all a long fucking time. I respect you all a lot. Thank you.

Now fuck off.

<3

[Geno]

Fire. Loaded with syllable swag. Its pieces like this that make me want to actually write a real verse from time to time. Been so long. Glad to see you active bro. Appreciate the words in the last thread i dropped.

This piece,
Seems like you dealing with a lot of the same demons i used to deal with man. Heavily influenced by the dark side and the devil in your ear just thumping away at you regularly. Man.. this shit was me on an everday and night basis years ago, and honestly not even that many years ago at that. Crazy how far ive come since then and how painful it is to read some of my older shit realizing how dark of a place it was actually and honestly coming from. Scary. Hopefully your in a better headspace than this piece suggests. Write it down if your not, share it, it helps.i can always relate to this type of drop. Peace homie

[Witty]

Thank you my friend.

I'm not in as bad of a place as this piece suggests. Emotions are transient in nature but I am, in general, doing quite well.

[Urban Dialect]

fire read

[Zen]

Ever stare at your reflection? Deep in your eyes?
And see the evil inside?
Are there demons that thrive
By feasting on your weakness and pride?
Are they feeding you lies?
Or just trying to reveal the deceit that you're eager to hide?
^^Loved all of this, Witty, but especially this section.

You were always understated in your writing (and also underrated imo), but when you actually read your works, there is always a good message there with solid mechanics throughout.

Glad to see you’re still at it, old friend. Hope all is well on your end.

[Witty]

Ever stare at your reflection? Deep in your eyes?
And see the evil inside?
Are there demons that thrive
By feasting on your weakness and pride?
Are they feeding you lies?
Or just trying to reveal the deceit that you're eager to hide?
^^Loved all of this, Witty, but especially this section.

You were always understated in your writing (and also underrated imo), but when you actually read your works, there is always a good message there with solid mechanics throughout.

Glad to see you’re still at it, old friend. Hope all is well on your end.

Fuck it's good to see you post here. It makes me super fucking happy to know you read and enjoyed this. It was written in 15 minutes or so but I'm quite pleased with how it turned out. There are few things that could have been better but I'm relatively happy with it.

Thank you for the kind words my friend. I tell anyone who will listen that you're one of the best writers I have ever seen do this. I hope you still write in some form because it would be a shame for the talent you have to not be out there.

Love you forever and always brother.

[Headless Verseman]

i love the dickriding faggots that will say this was good

[Witty]

Me too they're my favourite.

[Witty]

Up past sinacogs worrying mental illness.

[Witty]

...

[JESODIST]

[JESODIST]

[Bodey]

We should collab sometime when I’m not allowing long hours of work to chip my soul away

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

ambivalent (shoutout to eng) feelings about this one tbh

not sure why. lets see if i can get to it.

i like the candour more than anything. eh, more than "like" tbh. its something i find increasingly rare...with everything, period. even the attempts to be honest are dripping in fraudulence. anyway i digress in this bitch lol back on point...

seems kinda raw, unpolished for most part - i like that. but certain wording just throws me off & i dont like.

iunno if its a flow thing, or just that a few lines (the wording in particular parts) seems contrived - which i wouldnt say are excessivley so - but married with the energy of the verse being kinda of a raw - not that deep, but not that shallow, lemme talk myself type shit - expressive one (atleast to me) it becomes more highlighted.

yeah, its the "get off my ass when the moons coming - praise, crazy w words i am - worth damn" those three line i really dont fuck with. at all.

you write technically fine. like, more than fine. very well. i think thats my issue w it - in those three lines it feels like the conveying of the honesty/emotion etc was sacrificed for keeping it technically sharp. its something ive always disliked in 99% who write on forums. so if it sounds like garbage, dont sweat it.

im trying to say it sounds "forced" but actually trying to explain it rather than just cite the usual bollocks "flows good, good multis, was abit forced" etc lmao

i understand its a dance between the two. & you marry the two fairly well here dont get me wrong. & the aim is truly to sacrifice neither, granted. but if im gonna sacrifice one over the other its always always always always gonna be the "technical"...i.e if i phrase comes to me, & perfectly encapsulates how i feel / what i trying to convey - but it doesnt fit the mould or "scheme"...im likely keeping it, fuck the scheme lol & sometimes that shit can hit harder.

& its not due to lacking in one are or the other. i dont. & im not suggesting you do either. its that i value one more than the other.

Or just trying to reveal the deceit that you're eager to hide?

strong.

resonates. "demons" (whatever that is to you), a hoe, a foe, a opportunist, aspects of your the psyche etc get at you where your weak. shit can be painful - there's a want to avert or match the energy on some grungy shit etc. except, maybe in their fuckery, they inadvertently highlight somewhere you're lacking that you were previously unaware of. perspective.

havocs still on top of me. i just like the way that phrased. the following jagged pill of honesty - same. i fuck w it.


salute, you prick.

[Witty]

ambivalent (shoutout to eng) feelings about this one tbh

not sure why. lets see if i can get to it.

i like the candour more than anything. eh, more than "like" tbh. its something i find increasingly rare...with everything, period. even the attempts to be honest are dripping in fraudulence. anyway i digress in this bitch lol back on point...

seems kinda raw, unpolished for most part - i like that. but certain wording just throws me off & i dont like.

iunno if its a flow thing, or just that a few lines (the wording in particular parts) seems contrived - which i wouldnt say are excessivley so - but married with the energy of the verse being kinda of a raw - not that deep, but not that shallow, lemme talk myself type shit - expressive one (atleast to me) it becomes more highlighted.

yeah, its the "get off my ass when the moons coming - praise, crazy w words i am - worth damn" those three line i really dont fuck with. at all.

you write technically fine. like, more than fine. very well. i think thats my issue w it - in those three lines it feels like the conveying of the honesty/emotion etc was sacrificed for keeping it technically sharp. its something ive always disliked in 99% who write on forums. so if it sounds like garbage, dont sweat it.

im trying to say it sounds "forced" but actually trying to explain it rather than just cite the usual bollocks "flows good, good multis, was abit forced" etc lmao

i understand its a dance between the two. & you marry the two fairly well here dont get me wrong. & the aim is truly to sacrifice neither, granted. but if im gonna sacrifice one over the other its always always always always gonna be the "technical"...i.e if i phrase comes to me, & perfectly encapsulates how i feel / what i trying to convey - but it doesnt fit the mould or "scheme"...im likely keeping it, fuck the scheme lol & sometimes that shit can hit harder.

& its not due to lacking in one are or the other. i dont. & im not suggesting you do either. its that i value one more than the other.



strong.

resonates. "demons" (whatever that is to you), a hoe, a foe, a opportunist, aspects of your the psyche etc get at you where your weak. shit can be painful - there's a want to avert or match the energy on some grungy shit etc. except, maybe in their fuckery, they inadvertently highlight somewhere you're lacking that you were previously unaware of. perspective.

havocs still on top of me. i just like the way that phrased. the following jagged pill of honesty - same. i fuck w it.


salute, you prick.

I agree, the 'moon's coming line' and the 'crazy with words I am' line really don't sit well with me either. I regretted those lines as soon as I read this back. As I said this was written in a matter of minutes, I just wrote some lines and posted them. If I took the time to edit I am quite sure those lines would have been discarded. I appreciate the analysis and feedback and I agree.

Thank you.

[Witty]

"I understand its a dance between the two. & you marry the two fairly well here dont get me wrong. & the aim is truly to sacrifice neither, granted. but if im gonna sacrifice one over the other its always always always always gonna be the "technical"...i.e if i phrase comes to me, & perfectly encapsulates how i feel / what i trying to convey - but it doesnt fit the mould or "scheme"...im likely keeping it, fuck the scheme lol & sometimes that shit can hit harder."

This is a really really important point. I spent years doing the exact opposite. I became so focused on the technical aspect that my verses became formulaic, predictable and devoid of any substance or depth. Which I'm pretty sure is why I lost my love for writing.

[JESODIST]

Six one six
Im a beast coming out of the River Styx
Twisted and Wicked sick
Breaking ya Rib like a stick
Stabb ya hip with a piece of twig,
My dick is one you can't seem to lick
This isn't magic this isn't a trick
Im a demon that possessed pretty rick
Think ya slick with an axe and pick
I havk your shit leave you in half you bitch
Getting ripped with a tyrant whip laugh you snitch
Record the process of you rotting on a ditch,
Now your soul in the abyss forgotten like a Myth,
There is nothing you can do
Im a pelican blue that leave you severed in two,
More than several not just a few
Let me release some demons thinking it through

[Alice]

So nice to be reading your work again! Just wanted to say I loved the directness and rawness of this, and how you still embedded a poetic tone without it coming off as over the top or whatever. That’s a beautiful balance to keep. Jagged pill was a stand out to me too but the openness & truthfulness of it all was the highlight. Thank you for sharing

[Witty]

So nice to be reading your work again! Just wanted to say I loved the directness and rawness of this, and how you still embedded a poetic tone without it coming off as over the top or whatever. That’s a beautiful balance to keep. Jagged pill was a stand out to me too but the openness & truthfulness of it all was the highlight. Thank you for sharing

Thank you Alice, that means a lot.

I hope you're well, love you always <3

[Witty]

We should collab sometime when I’m not allowing long hours of work to chip my soul away


Sorry thought I replied to this.

Shout any time you want to. I'm not here every day but when I see your message I'll put something down and send it your way.