ATT Round One: MMLP vs Inno - OPEN FOR VOTES!

[sral]

https://i.makeagif.com/media/10-05-2024/-zEvYf.gif

Welcome, boils and ghouls, to the AOWL TAKEOVER TOURNAMENT 2024!

We have eight competitors with their eye on the semi-finals round. Only four will progress. Do you have what it takes to survive?

Due Dates:

Verses this week are due Thursday and will be open until Sunday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit: 16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:

https://i.ibb.co/BsQrPYS/IMG-2080.jpg (https://imgbb.com/)



MMLP Inno

[Inno]

Check

[MMLP]

523
An introvert amongst all the invertebrates.
Who would seldom ask for any help,
tides would begin to turn, altering my inner workings,
shaping the hands that I was dealt.
Required no backbone to stand up for myself or my streaky neighbours.
Basking in this pelagic environment of freedom chasers.
The clumpy coral reefs were radiant with the weedy ageless algae scattering the scenery,
It was a sea of green for acres on this continental plate.
Would frequently dream of greatness, wishing to be the one that got away!
Often contemplating as to what’s above, on the other side.
Our state abode, a commonplace in which over compensated the status quo.
Meaning the offer in my change of role was justified.
So I’d brush aside, those who wouldn’t fly with me as I pushed the furthest.
My approach, unsportsmanlike as glowing summer skies seeped through the water’s surface.
The light above the murkiest bight was the eye-opener in truth.
A multipurpose mollusc now imbued with resolve and no moment to lose.
Finding a fund of purpose, hope was totally renewed.
With a clear motive to pursue then its mission complete.
My wish was to flee, but as I focused on the blue.
That’s when I noticed a balloon which gleamed, it was my golden opportunity
Awarded with an open ticket to freedom, with the target ahead.
Without skipping a beat, I would depart from the rest.
As this monstrous fleshy, cherry tomato ascends through the air bubbles and froth.
Was a martyr who harnessed the strength to conquer the depths whilst thrusting aloft
Jumping along the mass of the ocean with a rapturous leap
but at what cost?
This watery coated glass was my ceiling that I’d shattered to pieces
But as I breached the aquatic region, I began struggling to gasp
Arms fully clenched, wrapping all these tentacles and clutching on the band.
Open-mouthed when coming across land, I was soon in awe.
Without knowing this gulp, would be my last
It turned out all to be a sham. Consortiums, be careful what you wish for

[Inno]

Why do the lost search to be found?
Always reaching amongst the crowd
seeking for destiny in a different world.
Perching themselves along stars that don't belong to them.
Trying to breach a new horizon on a whim.
Is it a useless task to want something different
To change the stripes giving to another pigment.
Evolution tells us it's human nature,
Change is imminent and always consistent.
Is that why it's such a difficult target
They tell us aim to be ourselves,
That statement couldn't be more ironic.

For most the road trekked is solid stone
The path taken chosen long before your born.
But destiny is such an uncertain theme
If destiny is certain then what's the use of a dream
For what then do humans reach for the stars
When the dreams you grip onto only leave scars
Only create more wounds wanting to heal
Puncturing through hopes thin vale
Until you find yourself another cog in the wheel.
Among the gallons of water, another drop in the pale.

Monotony takes control and it's routine
Tick goes the tock lost in pendulum' swing.
How funny a thing, life is a character in your comedy.
Laughing at your fickle dream of changing the theme.
Mocking the stupid hope you cling to
Destiny is so heavy, is it worth it to sink to?

If losing my self is the only way to be found
Then I'll search for an eternity with my ear to the ground.

[Etherwave]

This is a great battle. Both fire.

MmLP

As this monstrous fleshy, cherry tomato ascends through the air bubbles and froth.
Was a martyr who harnessed the strength to conquer the depths whilst thrusting aloft
Jumping along the mass of the ocean with a rapturous leap
but at what cost?
This watery coated glass was my ceiling that I’d shattered to pieces

This is the best part of your verse to me. The imagery and vocabulary were your strong points here. The flow was slightly choppy to me but you made up for it in creativity and vocab as I mentioned. But the part I quoted had the greatest flow

You did really amazing especially with such a non descriptive image to go off. Really great drop!

Inno

When the dreams you grip onto only leave scars
Only create more wounds wanting to heal
Puncturing through hopes thin vale
Until you find yourself another cog in the wheel.
Among the gallons of water, another drop in the pale.

This got better and better as it went on. I got the feeling you began as a sort of freewrite until a story formed in your mind. And it came together very well. Even the pathless feeling in the beginning flowed very well and you developed a complete and coherent verse and I really fucked with it.

This comes down to rhythm to me as both pieces had their strengths and weaknesses, but mvgt Inno

[Candy]

m:
loved the approach the style right off the bat the rhyme through stretched at times was never forced and your narration was off the hook.. this tight little writers voice that really puts you in the characters shoes as so they would say.. your description was fire even though the story was lacking it was still present.. i like that the little sea urchin just wanted to fly.. it takes some time even in evolution but it was a cute take and a well delivered child like story that matched the pictured.. well done..

in:
the inner workings of this piece is dope tighter structure but not too tight again.. the narrators piece of mind really was clean and interesting, inelegant which gave for a smooth read.. i love the puzzle this characters facing about dreams soo relevant to everyday life.. well done.. i love its life lesson.. pretty sweet overall verse very compound clean and fun to read with a dark overtone..

vote = inno

close because of rhyme structure was nearly identical in parts the only real determining factor was the style and delivery of such.. i think inno just edged it out with his more topical based piece in this one

[Headless Verseman]

h

[Dominate]

This was my favourite topic/image of the round by far. It’s whimsical and lends itself easily to a really fun verse with a direct interpretation, but can also symbolize something more abstract and work just as well for a moodier more philosophical entry. It’s cool that we got one of each here.

MMLP -
Like others I was a little thrown by the unconventional rhyme schemes at first. Headless is right though - they are not absent, just organized differently to the norm. Re-reading sections again after realizing where the rhymes are (and remembering to pronounce some words with an English accent), it’s fine. And in fact the rhyming is quite strong for the most part, often dense and multi layered. I do think a more consistent, predictable, “bouncy” rhythm would have suited the tone of this piece better though.
Onto the content, - this was so fun. The narrative flow and vivid imagery were really engaging. A lot of the descriptors were good, but “multipurpose mollusc” and “fleshy cherry tomato” were both absolutely fucking delightful. Then there were also little wordplays like the backbone line that were well done, and some Easter eggs like referring to the yellow coloured balloon as a golden opportunity. This was an absolute pleasure to read.


Inno -
It’s interesting that you also employed a non standard rhyme scheme here. Your shorter lines and more consistent rhythm made that easier to follow from the jump though, and the rhythm/placement of line breaks suited the more poetic, introspective tone of this piece well. The rhymes themselves were fine, but not quite as good as MMLP.
Content wise, I think exploring philosophical questions like this can be risky, even without the constraints of meter and rhyme. It requires a delicate touch to not fall into either cliched writing or pontification. There’s a lot of ways for me to get the urge to roll my eyes in verses like this, but you succeeded completely in avoiding it. You raise some interesting questions about the nature of destiny, dreams and self identity. Like MMLP you also had lines that were clever plays on elements of the picture, like “breach a new horizon” and the use of water based idioms “drop in the pale amongst gallons of water”, “is it worth it to sink to?”.

This was a really good battle. Both verses were quite good, but really different. Which makes this kind of an apples vs oranges situation, and difficult to choose a winner. Mechanics wise I’d score this a tie - MMLP had the better rhymes but Inno had a rhythm that better suited his piece and one which was more consistent and easier to follow. Content wise it’s less about quality of writing and more about what *kind* of writing the voter wants to read. Is it a fun, story driven interpretation of the image, or to dive into broader existential questions about meaning and change?

For me, it’s the former in this instance.

I’m voting for MMLP.

[Scar]

MMLP - dope. i have to echo Headless comment on the flow. I thought the flow was dope. its subtle but its there in abundance. So i take it that this verse is about our penchant to rise above where we are and on the way we discards those who prefers a more modest or stationary lifestyle, thus giving of a vibe of...

My approach, unsportsmanlike

but really youre just trying to better self. i dug the concept and really dug the flow. well done, brozzy.

inno - i'll touch on the rhyming first. Its very clean but very basic in the beginning. Then you switched the flow to some dope shit. dug it! I really liked the concept also. a sliver of the destiny vs choice debate which i always appreciate. dope. my only qualm was i didnt really get where you stand in the debate. I may have been there but it was a bit ambiguous in my eyes.

vote/Inno. I think flow and rhyming wise it was pretty neck and neck but i felt inno's verse was a more interesting read so i cast my vote to him

[symetrik]

MVGT MMLP

MMLP
Best lines:
Awarded with an open ticket to freedom, with the target ahead.
Without skipping a beat, I would depart from the rest.

there's a few couplets that are dope like this, this was just my fave. I couldn't land on any full four that did it for me - you have a weird internal rhyme/ending rhyme interrupt pretty often and it was damaging the flow for me.

I think this was a really great literal take on the topic, while also giving it meat and depth, but still maintaining significant focus on the simplicity of the topic.

dope work.

Inno
best lines:
Monotony takes control and it's routine
Tick goes the tock lost in pendulum' swing.

this had a few rhymes that fucked me up - difficult target / be more ironic took me a bit to find, and shit like that interrupts a smooth read.

this was a little more abstract (but in a bad, neutral, bland way) take on the topic and did you no favours against a more colourful/vibrant topic.

despite the rhymes that threw me off, this was BOTW for me.

[sral]

THIS ONE IS CLOSE! We got anyone else around to help vote on this one?

[sral]

Regulator Dope girl [MENTION=944]Answer Headless Verseman Objective Mike Wrecka Genocide oats Witty Etherwave namesake Defy Gravity Aesthetic Fig Nigma Plot Dove Dozer patrown Atheist Scripter YDK Zenland Pinot Grij Just Write Ink breathless @lexicon @shogun dinero @storyteller Cope Alice Rude @runade Ullr Sammy SELF activate ACTIVATE SELF @zyg TYSON ThisisDAM @mordycai Just Write @vivdlyvague Nigma Echo Amen Suthaveli King Ra. bleak asylum Blas Lenox John Dillinger Lucipher Howlz Dynomight Big Bolo Razah @infiltrate Mr. J Score Maximus Exis Artifice @jit Lyme da Zeez SMaSH Prozac Ryno Wuxia Split Eight @woosah wasim Defiant Greed CopyPat david stern razor burns Camp Bell timeless Stranger Cormier @windu Listen kannon Dominate Zen trajik Arid Systemic Infection oats @bane baby Saila Awww Shit Slechtn Zaddy @legion Coup Insanevillain e11even @wear shhh emurgencee The Law Alice White Tom Og smokinstein Concrete Adverse BigSoundz neutral Wise Wiggles H4ZE Bladed Thesis JustRap Bad Lieutenant Dragon Spoken Lyfzaa Gamble Clout josh s Chyeahhh!!! Scar fraze Gunzo DMS Capital J Immolate dyedinthewool Mitch Culture BraGGin Rights Joko Lyriscologist Live heat Vapeo HalfTab Illume Quarter O Mediocrity Nice rothschild iR0N tHUND3R Mr.Sinister voidformula Angkor Malachi Hamato Yoshi Egocentric Matriarch Foxx 330 Exoduzt Brass Body ShysT Xces Venom IamBenT Ox Sn00p BR Joe Split SiK namix Mr. J Adverse Red glare @jux Toil ill nik-A @zee dee RichardCorey @jonathan mercy sacrifice Soulstice @pulse Cimmerian anime_boners wasim @topicaldood5 Saint @label Kiki fairydance2000 Eviscerate CRB WZA Brenn Clayray fresh Texcellence Mc Hype Mike rips Mics Verb Bender Abakus Ttothe2 HighEngineChief @logicprops Aqwafina Badweather DexLabb Batty Neighbor Poodz cyph her CJ the Poet thewinnerallday Kin Megacito EtH @erebus gitto138 Richard Schwartz Alphadog Free blueflamez Paradigm Eŋg beegee Nicasso SupaDave AndyHiro Mercy KOSMOSIS @n10tional malice Hiatus Phanes SpookyDeep KennyCerealBowl enigma Lost in Thought Scrollz holocene Luc Chang Rugged Jus @ wickid ribbit Mutilate Truth Iscariot Devil Ammo Maniac DerogatedD FreezyCT mayniuhh King Soul Gina Blaccalicious emcee squared Nameflip Half Wit It Vlad Dearg Kold Breeze Phawnex Marc_Tesla MadVerbs Darius Da Terrible Cool Hand PiE Coup Da Villain Bodey Tre the ABC Dorian Sykonaut Dabble MC Reza Rhymesake FLOOR LINED Otto Peighlaught JESODIST Just Belief maurko Thryjoe MystyEyez pamelnane Final Boss WRATH Adonis Ness Do Not Reply Gunplay Deluzion Elemental P Problumatic Immaculate Darker Ego cousin heat Sovereign @crooked ways Sunny BodySnatcher iLL ScriptureZ Wutzit Tewya Pronotfound Introvert Immolate Kenny Vammy Qualm Surplus Debut MC Prozac Jayson Fresh HollaFrontOG Wise Wiggles HalfTab Sharp UnoQuattroThres grindin Breh321 C Raw EndSane Flak Loose Logic fenix osiris J C @lyric ali VENgeanc willymuff2 super pimp trillionaire Jimbo Matricks Anjahl voidformula Nice Smooth Pyro fuckoff FR33KtheG33K Scripter Neal Rigga Boredom Defy Gravity jdeek Anonymous Rawn MD Figgly Wiggly pup Mael 143 Deranged Change Brain Thief Arsenium CymbiCort Tic Sho Money EMG Nahhh Celph Taut Kaeo Seru Kscott2 Cashius MarylandMade Gazette Albert Rhymestein Big Tree Word @dancake Joel Venom High Voltage Dust trap. Slowhands Atomic Advocate Minds Battle Hymns Jessica InCizion BottomUp Raps Rap Maestro Greed Lotto Smirk El Muffin @pulse Larkin ALIEN @wise @sutherland @blak tha don Xquisite sound Deon MetaSin @c. Gaffle @ideals @servical @calefaction @plague KempoMRK @sir bling @odds @odd ways King David @dolla @morehits Final Chapta @jowelz Marcus Aurelius @phuck yew Sintro Cunt Meth Alphabet @young philly @arch Swerve h.t @vivify @phryme @catalyst @deception Seyance Tettris @lefty @murda morris @maabsta @snatch @n. Tavarez @lyrs Ronic Plot Creasey Utmost Xnub Decibel @142 330 Abakus ACTIVATE SELF Adonis Advocate Aero Aesthetic Albert Rhymestein Alice Alice White @alen knight Alphadog Ammo @andy hiro Angkor Anjahl Anonymous Answer Aqwafina Arid Arsenium Artifice asylum Atheist Atomic Bad Lieutenant Badweather Battle Hymns Batty beegee Bender big baby Big Tree BigSoundz Blaccalicious Bladed Thesis bleak Blue Bayou blueflamez Bobby D Bodey BodySnatcher Boredom BottomUp Raps BR Joe BraGGin Rights Brain Thief Brass Body breathless Breh321 Brenn Brian Bryan brokenhal0 BWHAHA Bxyunggritty

C Raw Camp Bell Capital J Cashius Celph Taut Cereal Cereal_Killa Certain Chyeahhh!!! @cinmerian CJ the Poet Clayray Clout Cody Phoenix Concrete Cool Hand CopyPat corleone Coup Coup Da Villain cousin heat CRB CrookedWays Culture Current faggot CymbiCort cyph her Da BattleMasta Patrick Dagel Darius Da Terrible @darker eho Darth Yoda Dave david stern razor burns dead man Dearg Debut MC Deffinition Defy Gravity Deluzion Deranged Change DerogatedD Destroyer Devil DexLabb Diode DjFlame DMS Dominate Dope girl Dove Dozer Dragon dull boy Dust dyedinthewool

e11even EbadiBeats Echo Ego Egocentric El Muffin Elemental P emcee squared emurgencee EndSane enigma EtH Etherwave Eviscerate Exis Exoduzt Eŋg

fairydance2000 fathead Fig Figgly Wiggly Final Boss Flak FLOOR LINED Flow FLOW. Foxx FR33KtheG33K Frank Frank Metts Frankie the Machine fraze FreezyCT fresh Friend Zone Fred Zim fuckoff

Gazette Geno Ghost1 Gina gitto138 God Of War Greed grindin Gunplay Gunzo H4ZE Half Wit It HalfTab Hamato Yoshi Headless Verseman Hiatus High Voltage HighEngineChief HollaFrontOG holocene House of Leaves Hush

IamBenT ill nik-A iLL ScriptureZ Illume Immaculate Immolate InCizion Ink Inno Introvert iR0N tHUND3R Izzy Reef J C JaysonFresh jdeek JESODIST Jessica Jimbo Joel Venom john hensley Johnny 6-feet Joko josh s Just Belief Just Write JustRap Kaeo Seru Kenny KennyCerealBowl Kiki Kin King Soul Kold Breeze KOSMOSIS Kscott2 kungfugrip Lecture Lenox Listen Live heat LOGIC PROPS Loose Logic Lost in Thought Luc Chang Lucipher Howlz Lyfzaa Gamble @lyric ali @lyrisologist Mac MaCe MadVerbs Mael Malachi Malevolent Maniac Marc_Tesla MarylandMade MAS GRĀV Master Rock Matriarch Matricks maurko Maximus mayniuhh Mc Hype Mediocrity Megacito Mercy Mike rips Mics Mike Wrecka mimic Minds Miss Netcees Mitch MMLP Mr. J Mr.Sinister Mutilate MystyEyez N10tionalMalice Nahhh Nameflip namix Natural Neal Rigga Neighbor Ness neutral Nicasso Nice Nigma NYCSPITZ oats Objective Orc Otto Peighlaught Panelnane Paradigm patrown Pent uP Phanes PiE Pinot Grij Plot Poodz PotatoSackLegend Problumatic Pronotfound pup Pyro Qualm Quarter O @rahim Rap Maestro Rawn m.d. razor wayans damon blades Red glare Reza Rhymesake ribbit Richard Schwartz ROETHLISBERGER Rojo187 rothschild Rugged Jus Ryno sacrifice Saila Saint Sammy Scar Scripter Scrollz Sharp Sho Money EMG Shredder ShysT SiK Sinacog Slechtn Slowhands Smod of War Smooth something Soule Soulstice Split Split Eight Spoken SpookyDeep sral StarFaggot Strikta Sunny SupaDave super pimp trillionaire superboy estar legend Surplus Sykonaut symetrik Template Terror wrist testube Texcellence Tha Pastor Reach Yeah The Law THE REAL CAPTAIN OBVIOUS The youngest boss. theMuzzl3 thewinnerallday ThisisDAM Thryjoe Tic TIGERSPITZ timeless Tom TOP iLL DRAGSTER TWO trap. Trag. trajik Tre The ABC Darian Truth Iscariot Ttothe2 Tyler Black UnbornBuddha Unfukwitable Universe UnoQuattroThres Vammy Vapeo VENgeanc Venom Verb veritas VersAstYLe Vlad Void voidformula Vulgar White LGI Wickid willymuff2 Wise Wiggles Witty Word WRATH Wutzit Tewya Wuxia WZA Xces YDK Zaddy ZeeDee Zen Zombie zygote

@everyone

[Dope girl]

Close battle
both verse depth Complexity in both verse
I felt like MMLP verse overall more creative compare to Inno

Vote-MMLp

[sral]

h

I’m not entirely sure why Headless is attempting to disrupt proceedings by editing out his vote, but here is was:

Before I vote- I want to dispell the myth that mmlp had a bad flow or rhyme scheme- he didn't, he just chose a mix of aabb and abab which if you are only used to reading text rap it isn't as intuitive, but if you read poetry and the like you see far more of it and can appreciate the tempo and cadence



----


MMLP

I really enjoyed your direct approach. It was kind of a weird topic photo- and you did really well with it.

ABAB Rhyme scheme

An introvert amongst all the invertebrates.
Who would seldom ask for any help,
tides would begin to turn, altering my inner workings,
shaping the hands that I was dealt.

I like the start, the irony of "shaping the hands that I was dealt" when you don't have any hands.


Required no backbone to stand up for myself or my streaky neighbours.
Basking in this pelagic environment of freedom chasers.

I really enjoyed these two lines- "streaky neighbors"- I'm assuming was an ink reference, I could be wrong but that's how I read it. Loved the 2nd line- pelagic- I think most people only know the general understanding of it being "open ocean" but it goes far more specifically to not on the bottom, and not on shore- but in between. I fish for pelagic fish lol one of my favorites being milkfish. They eat algae flies.


The clumpy coral reefs were radiant with the weedy ageless algae scattering the scenery,
It was a sea of green for acres on this continental plate.
Would frequently dream of greatness, wishing to be the one that got away!
Often contemplating as to what’s above, on the other side.
Our state abode, a commonplace in which over compensated the status quo.

I love the visuals of "clumpy coral reefs", "weedy ageless algae"


As this monstrous fleshy, cherry tomato ascends through the air bubbles and froth.
Was a martyr who harnessed the strength to conquer the depths whilst thrusting aloft

This was really great

The only part I didn't really enjoy was the ending- I didn't think it was rushed or incomplete, just that it didn't finish as nicely as you started and continued throughout.

8.5/10 I thought mixing up the rhyme scheme was a nice break, and you had great visuals. I also loved the directness in telling a story from the photo.

----

Inno

To change the stripes giving to another pigment.
Evolution tells us it's human nature,
Change is imminent and always consistent.
Is that why it's such a difficult target
They tell us aim to be ourselves,
That statement couldn't be more ironic.

I thought this was the best part of your entire piece. change stripes another pigment- that was cool. change is constant, ie consistent.


For most the road trekked is solid stone
The path taken chosen long before your born.
But destiny is such an uncertain theme
If destiny is certain then what's the use of a dream

I don't like how disconnected this piece feels towards the source material. I'm for all abstractions, but I don't feel the anchor point with this. It just seems like a stream of consciousness/free verse. I also don't like it starting with a road less travelled flip.

Monotony takes control and it's routine
Tick goes the tock lost in pendulum' swing.

Back to being really well written- I thought this was really cool. It's still feels disconnected, but I like the two lines and the way you wrote them.


7.3/10 I thought this was a mix of some really cool lines and a lot of nothing else, it just feels like an after thought to the photo.


Vote MMLP

[sral]

4-3 MMLP

Can we get any more?

[sral]

Sorry guys. I tried for you. MMLP wins 4-3.