Dancing Mad

[Mr. J]

Pitiful....








Yet I applaud the effort, it's not often I off an expert
a pathological liar, squandering lectures...lost in a desert
searching for water, something to copulate pleasure
make it easy for them to get in, I operate censors
send bars where need be, cut off speech & leave bleeps
heart moniters & IV's, knee deep in Paris sir, wee wee
take a roll of TP, reverse time & walk the trail with tears
you young'ns is cradled in fear, listen like you fail to hear...
I'm observant as a wordsmith, determined to deter, quit...
play you like a violin, pluck each string til' it's curtains
life's a beach for you neurotic mermen...the robe I'm emersed in..
makes me nervous...I'm Poseidon motorboating the horizon
there's nothing you could hide in, nowhere to run, dive in...
wave as you ride in...say hi and send the best of regards
bury all hope until you could tighten up...take a lesson from the Gods
take depression with the odds, then call in the mornin'
lighten up, it ain't about what you eat, it's all in the portion
keep feeling yourself & like Cronus swallow your kids....








call it an abortion

[zygote]

Good rhyme scheme at the beginning. Stylistically it seems to be influenced by the user deadman/Black D. but you have done the format justice here. Perhaps the "leave bleeps" and "deter, quit" rhyme schemes were not as strong when compared to the other rhymes you employed. Also, the quatrain seems to work better than the x2 rhymes for this format, it kind of builds up momentum as you are reading it.

[Mr. J]

Interesting take on how my verses are inspired
strange....yet interesting

[Split]

makes me nervous...I'm Poseidon motorboating the horizon
there's nothing you could hide in, nowhere to run, dive in...
wave as you ride in...say hi and send the best of regards
bury all hope until you could tighten up...take a lesson from the Gods
take depression with the odds, then call in the mornin'
lighten up, it ain't about what you eat, it's all in the portion
keep feeling yourself & like Cronus swallow your kids....



lmao at the ending, dope shit q

[Mr. J]

Thanks Split

[Zen]

The flow on this was fucking perfect. You gotta nice "fuck you I'm better than you style". I say that in a good way of course. I think if you tried swag and flow out you'd do pretty good for yourself. Keep dropping J.

[Kaeo Seru]

I like the way you carry your flow here. i wasnt feeling the Leave bleep, wee wee and deter quit lines from the way they rhymed. but other than that this is a solid piece. nothing over the top blow your mind but a smooth read.

[Mr. J]

I fear some people are incapable of catching the pauses & such
deter *pause* quit...you say it correctly it slants well into the next section
then again...who knows...more fun to arrive

[beegee]

heart moniters & IV's, knee deep in Paris sir, wee wee

hahah what???
loved the multis in this piece
this was such a different verse.
would love to hear audio.....