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View Full Version : How many lines till you understand who I am?


Mike Wrecka
01-30-2013, 08:36 PM
Who I am is revealed in the last line




being on top of the world, is a difficult thing,
forced to endure the attack that every day brings/
so if it seems im alright, cause im covered in ice,
it only means that you value something, other than life/
take a closer look, my life is an open book,
dig a little deeper and see just what these vultures took/
truth is im diminishing and nobodies listening,
they just cruise on by, and see me glistening/
when they should be petitioning, how much more can I take,
inside I feel shattered, im starting to break/
contemplate and decide, im not even alive,
flooding whole cities with the tears that I've cried/
sometimes its implied, that none of its real,
but the inconvenient truth will soon be revealed/
when im gone, im not gone, for you its much worse,
im a glacier of ice melting, cleansing the Earth/

Geno
01-30-2013, 08:59 PM
You went in on this homie.

Had a strong feel of an emotional attatchement in a some of the lines.. I felt like every other bar was just strong man. Definitely seems like your really meaning what your saying in here.felt like the second half really picked up after a pretty solid start.

Value something other than life and tears that I've cried lines were the standouts for me. Keep blessing fam. Hope everything is good with you

Mike Wrecka
01-30-2013, 09:18 PM
haha geno im good. im actually speaking from the perspective of a glacier melting . understand who I am? im a glacier

Mike Wrecka
02-01-2013, 01:23 PM
^

namix
02-16-2013, 10:07 AM
This was an easy, and dope, read! I liked the story, the flow of the plot - and the revealing at the end. I would even say that you should drop the "who i am is revealed at the end" preface -- keep that "element" of surprise man... OR, if so inclined, you could just start your verse by saying "who am i?" and then get to it.

Great story, especially for how quickly you built it up, drew us in, and concluded it.

Good appreciation for the technical components of writing. solid flow throughout.

and GREAT allusion throughout. appreciated the references to the topic at hand - some more subtle and some more obvious than others --- which is IMPORTANT. some people fall down by going too subtle and never connecting with a broad audience, some people pendulum swing and go too obvious never really appealing to the depth of an audience --- but you had enough of both to bring them in, and even allow a reader to potentially 'see something new' in a second read.

Even liked how you worked in "inconvenient truth" without over-defining why you used the phrase. that is the shit that makes certain readers feel like they stumbled across something special (not saying that the movie itself or something is that amazing lol, but the approach in general is what lets someone REALLY connect with a writer's work, because not everyone who gives this a quick read will pick it up -- its a good approach in general).

and how about this:
so if it seems im alright, cause im covered in ice,
it only means that you value something, other than life/

bam. that was dope. there is good depth to that line, real good depth. very poetically written - with a solid and easy breezy flow going with it.

i gotta check out more of your shit too - i liked this, and can see you have depth. I read a drop by Rawn MacDon that made me want to get my flow on -- and your drop here made me want to compliment that flow with some deeper message told through solid 'story-telling'

nice read homeslice!

Hush
02-16-2013, 10:37 AM
Short sweet and concise. Good job.

Mike Wrecka
03-11-2013, 08:55 PM
good looks. more feeds?

Just Write
05-31-2013, 12:40 PM
I really liked this, it was creative and had a double meaning behind it. props. uppin for feed

IamBenT
05-31-2013, 05:33 PM
LOL so dope, who knew a glacier could be so eloquent, give that cold ass dude a record deal!

naw on the real, love the wordplay here, the subtle hints, in alot of ways its like those riddles we grew up reading in elementary school but with a hip hop element to it, and definitely on that awareness tip.

Mike Wrecka
05-31-2013, 09:37 PM
thanks for the feed and big up to just write for the uppage

Mr. J
05-31-2013, 10:28 PM
This was nice back in my topical day I could write like this..
in fact I was almost back into the swing of things too before NC crazhed
You didn't have to make the beginning so obvious
based on your description at first it was easy to catch on
the ending is basically what sealed the deal..title was lol status k
regardless nice drop keep it up

Objective
06-01-2013, 11:41 AM
At first I thought the opening lines seemed kinda dull, I guess I should have read it more carefully cuz I didn't really think about the shit you were saying, I was just reading it, hah. But your closure was dope as hell. Enjoyed your opener a lot more on the second read-through and the rest of your verse as well. Well crafted verse with no overly dramatic hocus pocus in terms of the lines. Easy, short and dope read. Keep it up MW.

Mike Wrecka
08-14-2013, 05:59 PM
hello

Lars
08-14-2013, 06:07 PM
Im only just now seeing this, glad it was bumped, such a lot done in such a few lines. Really well thought out and executed here bro, your writers voice drove it forward too.

I can't figure how to post quotes from my phone right now but this reminded me of an E2 piece about him being the Earth, those that know of him know that's a huge compliment for me to have given you.

Keep that pen moving!

Vulgar
08-15-2013, 12:19 AM
Cool read, Wrecka. Something chill and to the point without going over the top. No artificial ingredients. Thanks for the read.