Week 3 - Certain (2-0) vs. patrown (2-0) - CERTAIN WINS 6-2

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png
Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic

http://i.imgur.com/CkctBq0.jpg

Good Luck patrown

[patrown]

pearl looked out the only window and peered at a vacant mat,
wishing her time was taken, but she patiently sat,
on a mattress with clean sheets, wipies, shades drawn tight.
she liked it there. it's where she'd stay all night.
a product of parents conduct or a red light distraction,
it's still sometimes the only way for social interaction.
other days, bumps and grinding kept her head simmering,
and a withering mind left her soul shivering.
survived her mothers death, heard her voice clear as day,
"there's nothing else left for you honey.."
..through tears she used to say.

using fears to guide the way through life's bitter frontiers,
she paved the road to perdition as a slave for a period,
celebrated the rag, renovating her pad for the experience,
rearranging her house of whores made it feel mysterious.
bags of tricks grew snakes she blew that spit on command,
or for five bucks she'd go full contact with hands.
but walking the walk left her legs with spots and bruises,
fought a losing battle that soon interrupted her sessions,
with hysterical fits of laughter ending in hard learned lessons,
amusing Rus, who watched her settle into a rut, her depression.
so he waited til he knew she couldn't fight back,
finished and grabbed her keys, left no chance to react.
stopped a scream with a glancing blow and grabbed at her throat,
pinched both sides so hard her tongue made her choke.
time hung for a moment before her chest heaved and she gasped,
rus spoke, "that's the last time you'll ever talk back, I promise."
she just bowed her head and said "Ok," astonished.

never liked the blow, before he served her the purest,
now her only hopes circled around spoons, she's nourished,
with protein by lonely dope fiends in tattered clothing,
covering her beloved furniture with splatters slowly.
now she's feasting on crumbs of ceiling acoustic,
searching for the self she lost, feeling useless and depleted.
confused and hopelessly defeated for reasons she couldn't fathom,
never sober enough to remember being capable of orgasms,
searching for lost morsels, tossed morals in a trash can with infants,
remorsefully crawling on hands and knees her only gainful instinct.
some customers finished before attention was away from the deed,
just a word and he'd usher Pearl back to bed, make the water bleed,
plunger pushing deep in her arm, never thought to leave.
only time she'd ever smile in the end was for a hot shot,
drifting slowly into a scene with her mother, playing hop scotch.

[Certain]

Julia always had better breasts than me.
They were smoother, perkier, came to rest with ease.
She'd flick her hair. The boys would sit and stare.
She'd toy and coyly lick her lips with care,
never overt, but always spinning sinful dares.
We'd been friends for 12 years, since that day in recess
when we'd agreed that we both hated teachers.
Fated rejects, well, until the boys started to notice.
Soon she was flooded with invites to parties they hosted.
Julia brought me with her to the keggers and raves,
until soon I, too, had boys all begging for lays.
Popularity tints the libido. Pretty by association.
Sipping wine through broken makup.
Splitting time with Joe and Jacob.
We were seniors, handed over the right to party.
I found resentment washes clean with a Sprite-Baccardi.

Julia always had better taste than me.
She found a room so close you could practically taste the beach.
Senior week: waves and weed, shots and cock, beer and bikinis.
Trying to face the week as a straight release of stress,
I instead found myself chasing Steve's caress.
Steve sat behind Vicki in history last semester.
He'd transferred to our school this past September
for some sort of basketball deal. And he'd fast enamored
every girl who'd pass him and squeal over his massive member.
When Vicki introduced us, I knew the game was on,
but my confidence was up from Joe, Jake and Ron.
Steve had this great style, and you don't expect taste from jocks,
but all I wanted from his clothes was to take them off.

Julia always had my bests interests at heart.
She made sure our place and Steve's were inches apart.
Besides, she was banging Kyle, Steve's teammate and roomie,
so it was convenient to do me the favor of leaving us two be.
Steve was tough, though, so I borrowed Julia's sexiest skirt,
combed my hair out long, pouted lips, ready to flirt.
Kyle answered the knock on the door.
"Steve? He's in his room. It might be locked, but I'm sure
he wouldn't mind if you dropped by to give him a visit."
So I walked across the living room, grab the handle and twisted.

Julia always had to be the first in everything we did.
She was on top of Steve, tits out and swinging. BITCH!
I stormed out. Stormed down the stairs. Stormed through the lobby.
Ripping every shred of clothing she'd ever lent me off my body.
I stormed out past the boardwalk, past the staring bitches and bros.
At one point, saw Vicki. She tried to give me some clothes.
But I needed to be clean. I needed release. That's what this week was for.
Julia chasing after me, as though I'd ever forgive this cheating whore.

Julia never let me down.
Julia didn't mean to let me drown.

[Just Write]

patrown,
the cadence on the whole first verse of your piece was just beautifully executed. i really love the poetic view and writing form. i'm not very good writing that was. im more straightforward i guess. anyways i dug the whole piece although the first verse was my favorite


Certain,
that piece was half homo, lol jk. nah gave me a few lol's though. i really enjoyed the first half of this and then it kinda fell off for me somewhere around her walking in the room and then storming out, felt like i wanted more. it just didn't end well for me.


despite me not exactly agreeing with how the ending laid out i still think i enjoyed certains piece more because it less a little more reader friendly and less "interpret me". both brought it and this is definitely the hardest vote ive made this week. MVGT=Certain

[Certain]

I lead 1-0. Thanks.

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23374
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23372
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23373

[Inno]

hmm interesting battle.

pat.

first thing that jumps out at me is the poetic vibe...man this was riddled with it
and I enjoed it so much lol..very welcomed..it was subtle, smooth and well written
that first stanxa sets the mood just right and really kicks off the story in a great place.
I also liked the focus in your piece.. I loved how you covered dam near the entire pic.
I must say I liked how you put in your piece parts of the pics..like the pearl and the wind blowing parts...thought that was clever bro..


certain.

well I gotta say that is prolly one of the better stories of the week..it had everything..character devolpedment...suspense...emotion lol..I mean this was fucknig dope
and tbh it made it even more dope because you made the story off of that picture..i would
have never thought of that...I mean it reminds the reader of the picture which is an old scene yet you write about it as if its a new scene..i.e the sring break references..man
I thought that was some reall cool shit man..really made me enjoy this that much more.


overall..

seems like you both write somewhat similar story..or maybe its because both are about a woman I dunno maybe not...anyway...pat brought a more poetic abstract piece while certain droped a storyline that was just outstanding...great opening sequence...dope climax and can I be honest for bit though I forgot to mention this in your verse breakdown...ending was a bit predictable...soon as she walked up and asked for steve lol..I knew what was up..i mention this because even though I saw it coming it was still an outstanding ending to the story..it was fitting almost...though the last 2 lines....I dunno WTF those mean....but again I thought you took this...great battle fellas.

cert.

[Zen]

patrown- This verse was excellent man. Truly. Some lines were a bit mismatched in terms of syllable count but that's just me being picky. The story of this packed allot emotion and was well executed. The only real complaint I have on this, and its a small complaint, the rhymes were just a little too simple for my taste. Besides that, great drop my friend.

Certain- As the other two guys mentioned, your verse was more "reader friendly" which means it was a lighter read...until the end. Julia's a bitch. How you gonna fuck your friends crush and then let her drown herself? Fuckin people these days. But as far as critique goes, this was very poetic and a very enjoyable read. I honestly haven't read a verse from you I haven't liked yet. Great work man.

Honestly, out of all the battles I've read so far this week this is the toughest to vote on. Patrown you've came along way since last season man, but in the end I have to give this one to Certain for the more enjoyable read. My pick for BOTW. Great job fellas.

[Mike Wrecka]

cool battle. sorry gonna make this quick

patrown - nice verse. the prostitution story was well done. it was pretty straight forward. the rhyming and mechanics were sound. even though in a few parts you seem to just make a line and not have it rhyme anything but I could look past that. good verse

certain - good job bringing all those character into the fold without the story getting convoluted. this was also pretty straight forward. basic rhyming nothing dazzling or out of this world here. strictly a realistic narrative. I liked the last stanza, felt some emotion there. good work

overall- I liked certs better. they were very similar and closely matched verses. but it though certains was just a tad better. thanks for the reads.

vote- certain serpent

[breathless]

Pat, you took the relating a picture to a story to a whole nother level, subtle too, didn't notice it til halfway through, rereading made it better. There were a couple odd spots where you displacex the end rhyme, but,you did it right, real nice

Certain, I'm not sure what the relation to the picture was aside from titties... But, you did a superb job on the story style, until the end. The conclusion was somewhat lacking though, it was like someone ripped out the last chapter of a good book.

Vote patrown

[YDK]

Nice story telling from both here. Patrown I thought did I great job with imagery and back story, flow was good also. Not much left for imagination cuz it was a piece that didn't ever really climax. It was just a steady line instead of a piece that peaks. In general tho you did well writing and using the picture. Good shit man.
Certain I thought you had a really smooth flow and halfway origion story an take on it but for me it was a bit of a reach to how it correlated with the picture. Just because there's females n a male doesn't mean the story represents the picture fully.your verse was really strong overall but this is a topical battle an I felt patrown used the topic a bit better.
Vote. Patrown

[Frank]

Patrown. Sweeping saga; with that said... more broomstick than epic. I thought the cinderella spin on the aphroditte time period was far fetched as far as accuracuy.

pearl
great name choice - accentuates the photo nicely.

wipies -- lol

red light distraction, --I like the word association.

sensed some emotion towards end of first stanza - opportune time to open the flood gates there imo

rag/pad similies - more wipies?... waiting for a quicker picker upper line.

-- they pay this girl to throw the hands? little abrasive there

-- a lot of missing transitioning rhymes

i dont give a fuck about rus. vague name choice - odd couple this rus and pearl

simple rhyme schemes - but the progression is decent.

time hung for a moment before her chest heaved and she gasped,

good imagery

dope fiends were going to her for protein shots? ?

lost morsels, tossed morals -- nice wordplay

drifting slowly into a scene with her mother, playing hop scotch.

?????

based off the picture it's a shot in the dark. As it stands it's a dull syringe that can't break through the skin no matter how close the vein throbs. Pearl is pretty tough though - I give her her props. ditch rus

Certain.

Talk about characterization. This verse was like watching Robin Byrd (channel 35 at 2 in the morning type shit) I commend you. You are a daringly confident writer who relishes in exhibiting total love for his characters. You Live vicariously through these sluts with sheer will power. The audacity and edginess remind me of early Adonis, late Cereal Killah of the last league. Very provactive. You embody the role and channel the emotions through unbiased funneling doing what is right by the story, by any means, never caught in super ego. You have a classical traditional style that rings bells from the leagues of past. I am not very familiar with your writing but your last 2 pieces have been to the threshold of human emotion and back. You are a welcome addition to this website and to this league, Welcome. The story, itself, basic, but the way you told it was bold, light hearted and compelling. Julia never let me down. Well done.

MVGT. Certain

[patrown]

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23379
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23375
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23372
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23373

[e11even]

Oh shit. Ummm... wow. Great battle this week guys! The best I've read thus far.

Pat- This was an amazing verse. This painful journey felt essential on a broader level than the perspective depicted, and that felt really cool. This story felt intimate, accessible despite some abstract ideas, and definitely emotionally connecting for the reader. I liked this more than a little bit and I hope you keep this ambition strong next drop. Thumbs up.

Certain- This shined... this shined beautifully. The start was conventional and harmless, yet very deceiving in its intent. This story was well told, completely accessible, and felt completely faithful to something real. The finishing pieces were pretty great, the twist was absolutely necessary to make this a great piece. Good job.

Awesome battle. You both brought it, and this was surprisingly closer in feel than I expected. Shock value played a major role this time around, where the more captivating turn of events won me over. MVGT Certain. Dope.