ELEMENTS FINAL - Bags vs. Cashius - BAGS WINS 7-4

[Meth]

Topical!

Maximum 64 lines

Due Thursday 11:59 pm pacific

Topic:

“Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting.”
- Cormac McCarthy


Cashius @rocket ninja pirate slayer

[Cashius]

30 years old, physician...bed side manner of Mother Teresa
Makes a mint, but down to earth...his closet full of nothing but sneakers
He's been practicing for 5 years. The top of his class at Stanford
Obviously quite the catch, but most women are not gonna pass his standards
But it was Wednesday during his rounds..he saw the lady sitting in bed
He can't remember why she was there, only how she made the linens look fresh
A gentle touch, prescription pad, then he moved to a light joke
The next week they were at a local bar talking music, movies, and life goals
Months of courting, meet the parents, a platinum link and a locket
A true gentleman...nothing up his sleeve, just a diamond ring in his pocket

She wanted a short engagement. No purpose waiting...this man is her dream
So, it's a wedding at the little church, brother's speech, his grandmother's ring
She wants to honeymoon far away...While he'd prefer to lay low
It was worth the cake though...Spent the whole month sunning in Turks and Caico's
She was a perfect homemaker. Cooking, cleaning, and sex...
He'd walk in the door, eat his dinner, and she'd let him beat it to death
To him, she's the real mccoy...filled a void. Fuck this life alone
A budding career, over flowing bank account, a loving wife at home
He was at work when he got her call, and we'll leave it at this...
Their first year of marriage couldn't have been better...'til she peed on a stick

Re-do the will, increase the insurance, tell their family and friends
Start the name discussion...he was glad to contend for "Gabby" and "Trent"
The next week he's driving to work, there's sleet...better go slow
He hits his brakes, they've been cut, his life ends in a telephone pole
She gets the 911 call, takes a breath, gasps and tries to stutter
He's in the street bleeding and that lying slut is at home with wire cutters
Go figure...this gold digger made him die without a legacy
She saw his money, weaved her web, and lied about the pregnancy

Now, obviously that hoe is an insect...
With dough as an instinct, ended homie's existence
But at least he died happy, without knowing the difference

[Ghost1]

I bus yo head trick!

I bus yo head!

I bus yo head trick!

I bus yo head!

Then im awake......an when im awake....

i feel like i left a dream to the chill of death....

So i breathe for a milisec & see thru the silhouette
From a beastly gorillas neck, wen i squeeze in can u hit 10?
GET THE FUCK OUT MY WAY DORIS.
jesus, shes the reason for prilosec. If she was bulimic id be upset
cuz then we couldnt see this unbelievable living wreck
treat the fridge like an achievable mission threat.
Thank you doris, i nod....and start to think as i breathe again.
I wish....
i just wish for one day
These heathens knew how i REALLY percieved them then.....
Maybe theyd see.....
THEYRE SO FUCKING SELFISH.
I mean look at their means to a squeamish end
They act weak
But only cuz they think
that the meek will step up to recieve what the demons left
But to me?
their inner demons are equally evil an streaming from discontent
I see the false allegiance begin to weaken from being so indirect
An with that fleeting beacon...
Just breathe....
Let me reflect.
FUCK THOSE COWARDS.
everytime i dream im in full effect....if i wake from my sleep?
Then i cheated death.
If im able to beathe? Then im living less
But dont u see?
What they see....
Is worth nothing ......if u cant see what they see the best.
DORIS DID U HIT TEN! ??!
Ingenious!
Now i can see it,
We're so alike
Our agreements r a bill of debt, i kno it seems egregious .....
Still i bet
If u bolt down our reason w/ a philips head
u could watch what u speak an see we're Bill and Ted.
Excellent.
What a brilliant blend
A wish is worthless if u get to see it redeemed
Cuz then the search just ends
Hope is gone.
So what will we see when the earth is dead?
I plan to just sleep
where i can be free
and reach perfectness.
GET THE FUCK OUT MY WAY DORIS!!!!
but i dont say it.....
i would never....
I simply thank the bitch.....
Throw on sum gangsta shit
and head to my dreams to be at peace so i can feel again.....

I bus yo head trick!

I bus yo head!

I bus yo head trick!

I bus yo head!

[NYCSPITZ]

Both of you misinterpreted McCarthy's quote, which obviously alludes to enjoying the journey toward a firm goal; the goal is not the means to an end...the goal is obviously to enjoy the journey itself.

To be real I thought both pieces lacked depth and had an incredibly simple structure. Didn't really enjoy either but judging from battles, I read Cashius' and felt ehhhh bags probably got this. But then bags busted out some really wack chorus not in keeping with his white ethnicity, and the structure was god awful. I was disappointed here but I think cashius took it pretty easily with a relatively coherent but badly written verse.

V/ cashius

[Certain]

Before I even start breaking down these verses, let me say that I can respect that both of you managed to keep showing up to this horribly dragged-out tournament. I checked in on it a few times, and your performances stood out.

Also, let me say that my man NYCSPITZ is actually wrong about the topic. It's part of Cormac McCarthy's All the Pretty Horses, and it's a commentary on the world as it is vs. the world as we wish it were. The full quote (http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/412511-in-the-end-we-all-come-to-be-cured-of) brims with cynicism. But I really like this as a topic because it's so open-ended. One person could interpret it as another phrasing of "means to an end," while another could take NYCSPITZ's version and aother could see the intended meaning. Just because McCarthy used the quote in one context does not mean he used it in its only or best context. All topics should be judged in vacuums, outside their understood relevance. Last week in this league, topics were famous paintings, and the best verses transcended the paintings' contexts in favor of creating new backstories.

Anyway, I'm in the mood to talk about writing. So I'm going to talk about your writing. And I'm probably going to talk about it more than you're used to having your writing talked about because battling doesn't really lead to real feedback beyond whether a punch is original or played, worded effectively or sloppily. But I hope you both will consider writing more outside of battles, be it for a league or in the Open Mic forum.

Cashius: This is about as direct as storytelling gets. You came up with an original story and set about telling it from beginning to end with no frills or experimentation. It's probably the safe route in this situation, as most of your experience is in battling and you're going against a veteran who has succeeded in topical leagues.

You have a heavy hand in your writing. Nothing is left to the imagination, and there really isn't much poetry here. You tell instead of showing a lot with lines like, "Makes a mint, but down to earth...his closet full of nothing but sneakers." I love the second part of that as a character trait. It's original and says a lot. But you could have set that concept into the story instead of the backstory, something like describing his crisp, new sneakers coming to a halt when he sees her. You do the same thing again at the end of the first stanza. Instead of saying "months of courting, meet the parents, a platinum link and a locket," build on the images and create a scene of how she wore the locket the first time she met his parents. This is something you seem in the habit of doing throughout the verse ("perfect homemaker," "start the name discussion"), and it's redundant and cuts into the creativity of some of those details. You don't need to set every line up when you're writing a story the way you do with a battle.

I thought you could have done more in general to make your verse interesting. I read your swag-and-flow verse, and it was obvious that your ability with rhyme schemes is excellent, but you pulled back here. That makes sense in a story format because it's so easy to get lost in the rhymes, but there are other ways to get creative. I liked "nothing up his sleeve" line, which sort of felt like a good display of what your style could be. You're a creative thinker in terms of wordplay and punchlines, and there's no reason not to translate that ability across styles a little.

Because you opted to tell your story straight, the onus was on how good that story was. And it wasn't great. Your characters were a little vague, but you gave them some background, with her rushing the marriage and demanding the gaudy honeymoon and him wearing sneakers and being wealthy but humble. But we didn't get enough about them to really become emotionally invested. Names can go a long way in humanizing characters in a story.

I also had a pretty big point of contention with the plot: Cutting the brakes is a pretty horrible way to attempt to kill someone. Even high-speed car accidents aren't fatal that often, and if your brakes were cut, wouldn't you notice pretty quickly? You're either backing out of the driveway or stopping at a sign or making that first turn. The questionable nature of that murder weapon was more obvious because of how abrupt the shift came. In one couplet, he went from getting into his car to dying, and in the very next couplet, we find out she's behind it. There's more you could have done, perhaps a return to the same hospital where they met as he's on his death bed? Perhaps she didn't cut his brakes but instead he got into an accident and when she found out he'd be paralyzed and decided to smother him in that hospital?

I am not trying to rewrite your story, just to rethink it a little. The truth is that you told this story very directly, and you handled yourself in that style perfectly fine. You really shined with the last line, which brought home the connection to the topic (in the intended McCarthy sense). In the broad sense, I thought your approach to the topic was very strong. But I think you have more in you as far as the writing of the story itself.

Rocket Ninja Pirate Slayer: This tournament is the only place I've read any verses from you, and if memory serves, you were no-showed in the storytelling round. So I haven't seen this side of your writing ability before. I'm not completely sure how to react to this, then.

You took the McCarthy quote even more directly to its intention. My reading was pretty clear, that this was the story of you going to work and putting on rap music to escape the inane existence of a day job with fat bitches like Doris clogging up the elevator. There was some humor with the Doris stuff, and I was glad to see that shine through from your general boarding personality. The frustration with the idiots around you felt very real.

The general cynicism did not. There was a long stretch in the middle of the verse where you were trying to establish motivation for escapism, but it rang mostly hollow. you were vague and mostly even metaphorical, with the talk of demons and capitalism and religious beliefs. None of it was fleshed out enough to feel genuine, particularly not in the context of an elevator ride with Fat Doris on your way to the 10th floor where you work. You could have created a few more elevator-riding characters to symbolize those frustrations and bring it all home because as is, this didn't seem like a very natural train of thought.

The "I bus yo head" stuff was an interesting way to approach the escapism angle, and I didn't mind it at all. I had sort of a "Whoop That Trick" vibe going in my head the whole time. But that context pretty much only existed at the very beginning and very end of the verse, without any fleshed out details. That's not a major problem, though, because I think the idea was that the concept would be relatable for pretty much your entire audience. We know the context for listening to rap music to escape the world because we live that life as much as you do. You could have done more, but I don't think you had to. I do predict some people will dislike that part immensely.

But what stood out about this verse was the use of sounds. You had a lot of assonance and a wide variety of rhyme schemes that were admirable. In some spots, they probably carried the verse a little more than is ideal, taking away from the content. But you mixed that in with some standout thoughts and concepts. The concept of wish fulfillment being a curse is nothing new, but you executed it well in a quit hit right as the verse was winding into the escapist part for maximum impact.

Basically, what I found here was a very good writer who didn't put his whole heart into constructing the verse with care. You had a good concept and approach to the topic, then let the rhymes and a few vague outlines of a concept carry you to the finish line. It's not what it could have been, but you managed to outwrite Cashius' more fleshed-out story because you showed more deft writing ability. And frankly, I thought your approach to the topic was slightly better, if less creative. This was a very relatable effort that built on your audience well. If you'd spent more time constructing it, it could have been something special.

Vote: Rocket Ninja Pirate Slayer

[Dominate]

Lol I was gonna say

If that's the quality of feedback you get in this league ima have to start doing topicals


I thought Bags won

I thought Cash was too direct, there was nothing that really made you think or stop to consider a line, it was just blunt storytelling. And for that, I thought the story wasn't great... Kind of cliche - great guy meets woman who seems great but runs out to be a murderous gold digger... There was no depth to the characters... And the brake cutting death was too abrupt.... The lines themselves were smooth and some were clever like the diamond in his pocket thing... But overall I wasn't feeling the story

Bags concept was fresh... At least to me, I don't read many topicals... And I thought he did an adequate job with it. It kept me interested the whole way through... Vocab and rhyme schemes were good, although it felt like the rhymes were dominating the content in parts... Feel like some punctuation could have helped distinguish which parts were thoughts and which parts were 'out loud' and made it a smoother read... Overall I thought it was not bad... I dug the more poetic approach over cash's direct one


Bags

[Just Write]

ok this was a pretty good battle actually. you both should sign into the league. i thought cashius had great thing going through two verses then kinda lost steam and rushed through the second half of it. maybe rushing to meet the deadline or something but it was still a great read just thought it could have ended more smoothly. bags your format was fucking horrible and hard to read but i enjoyed the piece more than i disliked the format, you had some pretty clever lines scattered, the bolting down w/phillips head and the bill and ted/excellent lines being my favorite. i think cashius while writing a good piece came a little too plain where as bags got pretty creative in his writing, not the easiest vote but i think bags got my vote

[Clutter Buck]

Bags the homie, but Cashius got him here IMHO.

Superior writers voice throughout those first two stanzas, mixed up well with the punchline style he has, but not overdone. Class at Stanford/ pass his standards was a dope couplet to me, could have quoted a whole lot, right up until “‘peed on a stick” he had me reading almost on auto-pilot, that’s top quality writing right there, he admittedly let himself down slightly towards the end and with the way he closed it out but I don’t hold that against him too much, for me it didn’t take away from the things he did well, and the character development was solid in those first two, I think my problem with the final third was that it felt a bit rushed and everything seemed to happen so quickly where as if he had paced it out like the beginning, people may have felt it moré, but then again I suppose the entire thing would feel like it was happening in quick succession so hitting fast-forward may have been a deliberate choice. Only Cashius knows what, but I thought he came sick, can’t take much away from him.

Baggatron came ill with the mechanics, really carried that rhyme under and over throughout this, the idea of him almost going Postal is one we can all no doubt relate to also and I love that universal appeal to his piece, it’s something I often look to find in my own work, and I appreciate what he did there to the fullest. The tie up was slightly a let down, everyone loves a good ole gorefest afterall, but in not doing it it’s only reflecting what so many of us have done in that same position I’m sure haha! The characters weren’t as developed as in Cash’s piece, I’ve not even the remotest idea of who “Doris” was/is/how she felt/acted etc which as a topical head is important to me. I just feel overall that Cash had more appeal to his verse, even if his idea wasn’t as original as Bags take may have been. Cash won this IMHO.

[Split]

Bags

bags did his thing. bags also had some dope rhymes, achievable mission threat was sick. it was also cool how it was legit... not some fairy tale ass shit or had some retardo plot twist at the end. But, the bit after the chunker's inner demons didnt fit right. it was like you/ main character jumped straight into some long-winded back and forth about the meaning of life.. it felt like you didnt know where to go after that fat bitch missed floor 10, and you just started preaching.

it had its moments, but landed some weird spot between gangsta rap, comedy piece, and Namix-parable-on-why-you-are-dumb-and-he-is-smart. structure was more questionable than the Skittles and drank holder on Aero's Cannondale, and kinda made it more obvious how you didnt know where the fuck your next rhyme was gonna end up. chorus was ghey. cool lines mixed in, and had some funny moments. Okay use of topic but seemed kinda forced. notbad



Cashmoola.

decent verse all-around. you wrote about a bitch who took advantage of some dude. it was cool, had some quotables but not as many as Bags. it was kinda made to be a plot heavy verse, but the plot was the only thing that wasnt up to scratch.. twist was wicked dumb because you couldnt have seen it coming or anything, that bitch just killed that dude. boom. story over. the only take-away is a mix of, don't be a cool dude, and that girl was a bitch. Also, it was a mad superficial take on the topic.



V/ Bags

[symetrik]

Cashius: good storyline, good structure. no outstanding lines to me.

bags: decent flow, weird structure (that I didn't hate).
favourite line: I simply thank the bitch.....
Throw on sum gangsta shit

all things considered, bags was a bit easier to read and made me think a lot more (and re-read), whereas cashius had a super easy and straightforward storyline and read, as well as structure.

gunna have to go with cashius for the more solid piece.
vote: cashius

[PancakeBrah]

Cashius-

Uneven verse. On the technical side of things you had some standout bars with some fresh wording, rhymes, and delivery. There were a couple spots, though, where I could tell you were just filling in words and rhymes to get to your next plot point or truly inspired piece of writing. As for the story itself, it was okay. My only problem is that you played the foreshadow card so hard it was obvious halfway, if not before, through the verse that things were going to go pear shaped for our doctor friend. I'm reminded of this Simpson's clip;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_NnsRerGDY

You focused on the happy lifestyle so much that the reader knew what was going to happen. That can be salvaged, sometimes. The way you organized the twist, though, was also a weak point. It happens 2/3's of the way through and the reader just shrugs and says 'yup'. The end is a tack on to relate to the topic. This type of twist is hard to pull off originally for an audience who's used to reading text topicals/open mics. It's been done to death. The only way to make something like this work is with characterization; flesh out the doctor and the wife and make the reader actually give a shit about them. Give them nuances and character traits through subtle wording. But here, we go from exposition to the beginning of the relationship, to a marriage, to a murder in the span of a dozen or so lines without really knowing shit about the characters aside from their occupation, social status, and linen acumen. Even the characterization you do draw is one dimensional. Model wife, everything you want. Doctor hard up on his luck with women until he finds the right one. There's no meat to it.

I know I'm sounding extremely negative. I don't mean to be. You can only do so much with so much time to write for this. But a bit more nuance would've gone a long way here. Like I said; there was clever wording and rhymes sprinkled throughout this piece. Overall, though, it missed for me.

"She wants to honeymoon far away...While he'd prefer to lay low
It was worth the cake though...Spent the whole month sunning in Turks and Caico's"

Favorite line. Slick, clever.

Bags-

Pretty good. Touched on a lot subjects, got a little wayward for me at points, but you brought it home. The thoughts directed at Doris were a perfect capturing of the mundane rage induced by minutiae. The overall idea of the piece isn't something original or innovative, but you added personality and a touch of reality to the proceedings. You could almost read this is as 'Bags Attitude towards Netcees'. When you tried to get philosophical it got to be a bit pedestrian. The characterization, wording, and rhythm of the piece made up for that, though.

Pretty good battle. I have Bags taking it.

[YDK]

Honestly I've never read a cashious verse before but I honestly liked it. The whole story was kinda generic but it did have a story and half decent character development. There weren't many multies but the flow was still smooth enough but overall the last few lines really put I all together an left me with an enjoyable ending to a kinda plain Jane verse. Not bad overall tho bro.
bags rocket nigga nigga man, I wasn't impressed bro, really you beat me in the story telling semi finals with an awesome verse, but that talent did not shine here in my eyes. You took a unique take on the topic an had a lot of multies but...that was about it. The structure was all over which I don't mind as long as it flows...which it did...but it all was really just rhyming words with a minimal relevancy to anything else
I gotta vote for cashius on this for the more coherent verse.
vote cash

[Certain]

Bags leads 5-4.

[Meth]

First to 7 must win by 2

[King Ra.]

Two very different approaches here, but one stood out more than the other to me.

Cashius, you managed to put together a good story but there are some things that didn't resonate well and others that did. First off, mechanically, you were pretty solid, and this read fairly smoothly. I liked some of your play on words but you also had some bad ones. What really took away from this being a very well written piece is the content & direction. You had some lines that could have been written much better in the sense to bring more imagery and life rather than being simple phrases that just... rhyme. And there are parts that read more like swag & flow than a topical, and this outweighed the few that actually synced well together. What is a bigger downfall for me though, is the ending part. Where it just came about rather than having some sort of back drop to what made the woman do what she did. On top of that, that ending reads off more of from the man's perspective, which I believe a different voice should have been used, perhaps the woman to enhance it, IMO, or a narrator, it could have better made up for that unfinished plot to that ending. I thought your story as a whole was put together and flowed nicely, but those hiccups kept it from being even better.

Bags, I remember back in the topical league on the original netcees reading some of your pieces, and I feel you had a bit of an advantage coming into this one. I always felt you brought a fresh style, very unique from everyone else, though, it has it's bumps like in this piece here, but where Cashius lacked, you gained. Firstly, I wasn't feeling the "I bus yo head trick". I know it's your idea to how you wanted to open, but maybe you could have done it in a way that would mesh well with your story, which I feel was conceptually on a high level. I have a thing for "dreams" and when I have opportunities to write a story that I can use that realm, I go for it. And I liked what you did here. The guy uses "dreaming" as his escape from his reality, living with this woman named Doris I suppose, who he apparently loves & hates, hate more so than love. I liked how you disguised it though, this concept of him dreaming, because instead of showing what he is dreaming about, you describe his feelings towards this Doris, which I thought is pretty creative. Your piece flowed just as well as Cashius' but I feel your concept and creativity here was better. You also had some wording that could have been done differently just like your opponent where it seemed for swag & flow, but there wasn't much of that once you get into the meat of the story. You could be hit and miss with topicals but here was one of your better pieces.

All in all, Cashius told the more rounded story from beginning to end, but I felt that it was missing the creativity, especially conceptually as Bags piece was. The ending was the main fault whereas while the opening and ending parts of Bags story wasn't really necessary, everything was put together very nicely & I liked the creative direction more so than the basic storytelling from Cashius side of the fence.

MVGT: Bags. Good job by both competitors.

[Frank]

topic:Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting.

cashius
30 years old, physician...bed side manner of Mother Teresa
Makes a mint, but down to earth...his closet full of nothing but sneakers
^mother teresa chewing mints is all i see when I look at this line. drastic fluctuation in ideas/imagery. the two just don't go together lol. makes a mint is some cool lingo though.
He's been practicing for 5 years. The top of his class at Stanford
Obviously quite the catch, but most women are not gonna pass his standards
But it was Wednesday during his rounds..he saw the lady sitting in bed
He can't remember why she was there, only how she made the linens look fresh
^nice visual
A gentle touch, prescription pad, then he moved to a light joke
The next week they were at a local bar talking music, movies, and life goals
Months of courting, meet the parents, a platinum link and a locket
A true gentleman...nothing up his sleeve, just a diamond ring in his pocket
^summary style, progressive flash of segments

She wanted a short engagement. No purpose waiting...this man is her dream
So, it's a wedding at the little church, brother's speech, his grandmother's ring
She wants to honeymoon far away...While he'd prefer to lay low
It was worth the cake though...Spent the whole month sunning in Turks and Caico's
She was a perfect homemaker. Cooking, cleaning, and sex...
He'd walk in the door, eat his dinner, and she'd let him beat it to death
^story telling in an orderly fashion
To him, she's the real mccoy...filled a void. Fuck this life alone
A budding career, over flowing bank account, a loving wife at home
He was at work when he got her call, and we'll leave it at this...
Their first year of marriage couldn't have been better...'til she peed on a stick

Re-do the will, increase the insurance, tell their family and friends
^the technique reminds me of ''rewind'' - same kind of flow
Start the name discussion...he was glad to contend for "Gabby" and "Trent"
The next week he's driving to work, there's sleet...better go slow
He hits his brakes, they've been cut, his life ends in a telephone pole
She gets the 911 call, takes a breath, gasps and tries to stutter
He's in the street bleeding and that lying slut is at home with wire cutters
Go figure...this gold digger made him die without a legacy
She saw his money, weaved her web, and lied about the pregnancy

Now, obviously that hoe is an insect...
With dough as an instinct, ended homie's existence
But at least he died happy, without knowing the difference
^powerful closing line. she was the black widow

all in all was a similar story to many you've told in this forum before. this style/cadence of yours is genuinely unique on the forums. it is the stoytelling in an orderly fashion.




Bags
I bus yo head trick!

I bus yo head!

I bus yo head trick!

I bus yo head!

Then im awake......an when im awake....

i feel like i left a dream to the chill of death....
^the foreword is signature bags. already shifted between 2 different worlds.

So i breathe for a milisec & see thru the silhouette
From a beastly gorillas neck, wen i squeeze in can u hit 10?
GET THE FUCK OUT MY WAY DORIS.
^doris, the thing? heh
jesus, shes the reason for prilosec. If she was bulimic id be upset
^lol reason for prilosec
cuz then we couldnt see this unbelievable living wreck
treat the fridge like an achievable mission threat.
Thank you doris, i nod....and start to think as i breathe again.
I wish....
i just wish for one day
These heathens knew how i REALLY percieved them then.....
Maybe theyd see.....
^good lucid like reflection.
THEYRE SO FUCKING SELFISH.
I mean look at their means to a squeamish end
They act weak
But only cuz they think
that the meek will step up to recieve what the demons left
But to me?
their inner demons are equally evil an streaming from discontent
I see the false allegiance begin to weaken from being so indirect
An with that fleeting beacon...
Just breathe....
Let me reflect.
FUCK THOSE COWARDS.
^lulz
everytime i dream im in full effect....if i wake from my sleep?
Then i cheated death.
If im able to beathe? Then im living less
But dont u see?
What they see....
Is worth nothing ......if u cant see what they see the best.
DORIS DID U HIT TEN! ??!
^the style of in which the question marks and exclamation marks are set up it leads me to believe the writer isn't sure if he's dreaming or not.
Ingenious!
Now i can see it,
We're so alike
^doris is your world, digustingly hideous as she may very well be, she is still your world - you wish she wasn't face it that whale is your future.
Our agreements r a bill of debt, i kno it seems egregious .....
^egregious? not sure what the means but sure sound like some trailer trash shit is going down
Still i bet
If u bolt down our reason w/ a philips head
u could watch what u speak an see we're Bill and Ted.
^you wish you could have the same relationship with her you have with lil nigga
Excellent.
What a brilliant blend
A wish is worthless if u get to see it redeemed
Cuz then the search just ends
Hope is gone.
So what will we see when the earth is dead?
I plan to just sleep
where i can be free
and reach perfectness.
GET THE FUCK OUT MY WAY DORIS!!!!
^you are trying to find your happy place
but i dont say it.....
i would never....
I simply thank the bitch.....
Throw on sum gangsta shit
and head to my dreams to be at peace so i can feel again.....

I bus yo head trick!

I bus yo head!

I bus yo head trick!

I bus yo head!

^Not sure how to interpret this other than your world awaiting you in your dreams - where sometimes nightmares like doris happen and you really wish you were dreaming - but were you? was it? although this is written in child like scribble it has a subtle depth to it. a sort of sleepwriting

this battle was your finals, but it read like a week3 battle. just goes to show the AOWL is where you really find out who the best really is. both writers did their thing, the better written piece is cashius - hands down. up until the end of cashius verse he was on the money with his descriptions - towards the end it doesn't quite come together as I would've liked. bags interpretation of the quote is the real x factor here. littered with half awake segments that make you question reality? at the end of the day,

mvgt bags