Week 4 - Mike Wrecka (1-2) vs. YDK (1-2) - YDK WINS 4-3

[Mike Wrecka]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png
Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic


Moon


Good Luck YDK

[YDK]

Check I guess....no topic?

[Mike Wrecka]

check

[YDK]

I gotta pocket full of sunshine;
A mind full of clouds.
Lungs filled with laughter;
My conscience dulls the sounds.

Living life, simplicity, brain storms, epiphany
Learned to love the lonesome road
that being born had given me.
Cold sweats in a cool room,
Appreciate the full moons.
Dance with demons, destroy, upheave em;
Leading them back to a fool's tomb.
I'm cancerous; I'm just draining surroundings,
The thought of me dying alone is astounding...
Where in the hell would you be without me?
Living out nightmares as you're sleeping soundly.

Contradicting contradictions suppressing suspicions,
I imagine me loving you, then i cancel the visions.
Acting unruly as a matter of fact you can sue me
For bending backwards for bastards that can't handle me moody.
I don't try to be cool see, people push an they pull me,
In so many different directions that I just ignore all the bull steeze.

I gotta pocket full of sunshine;
A mind full of clouds.
Lungs filled with anger;
My conscience dulls the sounds.

Living life, monotony, trying not to stop and freeze,
Ignoring all the notions
since emotions have all forgotten me.
Cold sweats in a cool room,
Appreciate the full moons,
They're a constant reminder that one day
I'll resign to a fools tomb.
Mind splattered with pieces of anti-matter like thesis'
Brain waves exploding such a beautiful sequence.
Insanities a catastrophe in the eye of the sane,
I yearn for understanding so in the sky I remain.
Follow me onward into the tomb as I smile,
Because my horroscope is cancer, but you can call me moon-child.

[Mike Wrecka]

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore



there was a plumber and his brother, working extra slow,
having a bummer of a summer in New Mexico,
other workers had gone home, they were next to go,
finally they could head east and have some pizza, cooked by professionals,
then one day while on a call, to fix a leak,
they met a woman from Georgia, that seemed out of their reach,
but she was friendly and said lets meet again to speak,
so one of the brothers convinced the other, to stay a few more weeks,
they hung out a bunch of times, the relationship bloomed,
went to hippie festivals and ate mushrooms,
always had fun together, used to race go carts,
until someone became jealous and tried to pull them apart,
this other guy was a monster, always took what he pleased,
and what he wanted was the girl to fulfill his needs,
this troubled the plumber, caused him great dismay,
what if this fiend was successful in trying to steal her away,
and to make matters worse, he was twice his size,
what chance did he stand?, if he had to fight this guy,
so he trained until he could break bricks with his hands,
and practiced parkour traversing dangerous lands,
playing capture the flag, it really started to add up,
he got a lot bigger, and actually began to feel tough,
but this attention to getting stronger, left the girl abandoned,
so she sought solace in the other man's mansion,
the plumber was so mad, he kicked his pet turtle in a damn tantrum,
then said "Lets a go!" and began advancing,
when he got to the house, he was on a mission,
and easily evaded the security system,
went up to the window and started to listen,
the girl said she wanted to leave but was being imprisoned,
so he burst through the door without even trying,
the other guy took out a gun and started firing,
there was no where to go, no where to hide,
so the plumber used his parkour, zig zagging side to side,
didn't run away, he ran towards the heathen instead,
knocked him down and stomped on his head until he was dead,
took the girl by the hand, said you will always be mine,
and treated her like a princess ever since that moment in time


as he sang
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore

[Just Write]

Contradicting contradictions suppressing suspicions,
I imagine me loving you, then i cancel the visions.
Acting unruly as a matter of fact you can sue me
For bending backwards for bastards that can't handle me moody.
I don't try to be cool see, people push an they pull me,
In so many different directions that I just ignore all the bull steeze


i liked the up until you said bull steeze, that just sounded very elementary to me. the rest of the piece was good but just seemed more on the simple side and it got kind of boring after awhile.



so he trained until he could break bricks with his hands,
and practiced parkour traversing dangerous lands,
playing capture the flag, it really started to add up,
he got a lot bigger, and actually began to feel tough,
but this attention to getting stronger, left the girl abandoned,


MW,
i am one of the biggest mario kart fans out there, really enjoyed this and how you modernized it into your own. enjoyed every bit of it.



both pieces were good, one was better. mvgt=MW

[Adonis]

YD - Flow was butter up until "Cool see, pull me, bull steeze" Still flowed well, just weak rhymes there. So, I liked the verse, but didn't love it. For the most part I enjoyed the flow. Plenty of inners and multies to go around. I'm not sure if youre a vet, but this verse showed enough for me to realize that you can one day be elite if you hone the talent and style. I think your writers voice is dope and extremely voter friendly. The concept of you being the moon was dope, although you could have done soo much more with it. Either way, nice verse in the end. I enjoyed it and see many good things in your writing and very few bad. Elevate.

Magic Mike - lmfao, yes, I can make myself laugh. I see the use of multies in the begining and can't help but think you listened to some voters last week and for it...Kudos on that, not many people actually head the advice and attempt to use it as motivation."Trying and firing" doesn't work FYI. I understood this was Mario very early on, nice drop. Flow wise as always solid, a few hiccups as in simple wordings still, but I enjoyed it. The first had humor, which Ironically I'm not a fan of, but I see the appeal so don't hate when people choose to use it. all in all, an extremely well rounded verse that didn't really lack in any area.


OH man, I think I might catch flack for this vote, but it was close call.

On one hand, I liked the style of YDK, and enjoyed the flow but felt he came a bit short as his concept was super ill, but he didn't do enough with it. On the other hand, MW had a humorous verse which is different than the usual Sad story, with nice flow but honestly did not use the topic at all... Aside from the opening and closing 2 bars. With that said

V/YDK

MW's had a better verse in my eyes, but only slightly. After I weigh the use, or lack of use, of said topic the scale tipped in YDK's favor slightly

[Angkor]

this was a great battle and should be in contention for BOTW.

YDK - i must say, my friend, you go a lot better! The rhyming was very crisp. I also dig the concept. Initially i thought the idea was of a cancer ridden patience as he/she comes to term with the illness (using all kind of dramatic imagery to paint the emotional turbulence the character was probably going through). Then i read Adonis's vote and thought hmm...maybe it was a personification piece lol. Either way, it was a great read, bud.

Mike Wrecka - VERY creative. I love how you were able to convert the fantasy landscape of the game to the grittiness of the real world. Everything fits. From plot to characterization, it was definitely a great adaptation. Technically speaking, it wasn't as good as ur opponent. It was a bit basic in terms of rhymescheme and rhymes. But i like to believe that the simple execution was a play on the whimsical appeal of the kid-friendly game. So i will take it as such.

Vote - Mike Wrecka. Although i thought YDK has improved astronomically, i had to give the vote to Mike for a very very well thought out concept. i'd even go as far as to say that if the technical aspect were a little better, i could've easily been a HOF verse. Kuhn, u my dude and i see u being quite a force if u keep up this level of writing. Excellent battle, guys. salute.

[Zen]

YDK- This was a very, very nice piece of work. I'll start off with the mechanics and then give a breakdown on how I interpreted it. Your word usage was impressive especially the contradictions line which is an excellent example of perfect alliteration, but then a few lines later you use bull steeze which the others pointed out as being a negative as well. It brought a little humor to me but it took away the seriousness I felt this piece brought. Now I interpreted this as a stoner (pocket full of sunshine is slang for weed) and you are stoned out at night staring at the stones, i.e. typical stoner lol. I might be wrong but that's what I took from it. Good drop though man.

Mike Wrecka- LOL. I had a feeling after they went to Georgia it was gonna be about Mario. Princess Peach, very creative there. Also tying this topic into the topic with That's Amore is again very creative. That shit would have never crossed my mind so you win the creative side of this battle. As far as the mechanics of this went, I can't remember anywhere where there was a major fault really. Pretty solid drop and I enjoyed this shit. Well done.

This battle is actually very hard to vote on tbh, but I've got YDK with the upset in a very, very, very, very close battle.

[breathless]

Vote YDK

Mike, your style is awkward, and this pizza piece was cheesy
But, you actually had a few high points, when you introduced the girl from Georgia setting up the rhyme scheme I was like, oh no, this fucker's gonna say peach, he better do it clever... But, nope, no peach... If you did that on purpose, I'm impressed, do more shit like that, like, setting up a predictable cliche line and switching it up... Nice

But then...
so she sought solace in the other man's mansion,
the plumber was so mad, he kicked his pet turtle in a damn tantrum,

I honestly almost stopped reading here, this is ridiculous, bad ridiculous, coulda been pulled off with some perfect lyricism, maybe even just "in another damn tantrum" to add some multis

It wasn't terrible, I mean, it was a story, but yea...


YDK, your lyrical ability is on the point of the point, like this gave me the vibe of sittIng around a campfire with Atmosphere and he's like, yo, check out this shit I wrote earlier...

The hook was a nice touch, you used it right too, skipping the spot where a bridge would go in song form, not too much or too little, goldilocksed that shit
Although you didn't have two generic characters with corny names and an irrelevant setting, I felt this was a good take on the topic, standard, but you did it with creative flourishes of wordsmithery
I think people here are quite stuck on the story style, this is a song, this is hip hop, and this is a pleasant difference

[Certain]

YDK: I'm 95% sure you were personifying the moon here, but this verse was really all over the place. Your lines had a lot of disconnect. Every read through provides even more confusion, frankly. I'd be happy to hear some form of explanation from you because I may simply be missing things. There were some fine turns of phrase and good rhymes, but they never quite coalesced into a greater work. Still, I think there were some strides here. I liked the second stanza most, and I don't know if that was an intentional nod to Aceyalone or not, but it was cool though it didn't make much contextual sense.

Mike Wrecka: I hate when this happens. You had the clearly superior verse here. But your verse had nothing to do with the topic. My feeling was you had this creative idea for a verse and felt the need to fit it into a league instead of just posting it in Open Mic. That might theoretically work had you waited for a more relevant topic, perhaps something about fighting a bully or saving a damsel in distress. I can't say the verse was ever laugh-out-loud funny, but it definitely brought a lot of smirks to my face. It was clever as shit. But I didn't see how the topic was incorporated aside from a quoted Dean Martin line that isn't even really about the moon.

Vote: YDK

[patrown]

YDK - well, the piece is thoroughly dark. you hit the topic fairly well, but i didn't dig the repetition. mostly because i couldn't pull any additional information, or meaning from it. i like some of the points you made, and where you went in the end though. especially..
Insanities a catastrophe in the eye of the sane,
I yearn for understanding so in the sky I remain.

i can relate to that. and this line is especially powerful.
since emotions have all forgotten me.

also liked the phrase "horroscope." you let a lot open to interpretation, like who this is address to, which i was wondering about after the, "where in the hell would you be without me," line. i think focusing in on the self and not including the audience in it could have helped you make a more effective statement. if you were to make a solid point about the state of mind you were exploring, and given me something to walk away with, you may have had the /v.

/v Mike Wrecka - i enjoyed your modern twist on the story. you were very effective including so many expects of the game into the piece. including that famous song's line was, imo, very creative. where some rhymes were lackluster, your approach really came through to end with a very solid piece. favorite lines..
so she sought solace in the other man's mansion,
the plumber was so mad, he kicked his pet turtle in a damn tantrum,

that got a laugh out of me. clean execution throughout. nice piece.