Week 7 - Title Match - Mr. J (5-1) vs. Frank (4-2) - FRANK WINS 8-2

[Mike Wrecka]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png
Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic

http://i.imgur.com/wo3PE8o.jpg



Good Luck Mr. J Frank

[Mr. J]

As I start to drift off...I can no longer feel pissed off
feeling this lost, all I fear is the risk...nah
I fear the sick awe that could be given in an instant
Am I the one who will be living with this stint
this stunt, the willingness inside me to give up
live up to the expectations, the same I lifted up
aiming at the bigger picture, the one that's mixed up
scattered behind a front... this is it...huh?
what did you expect from the urban myth?
don't act if you are unfit, essentially undeserving
nervous, I figured experience was for the earnest...
the early bird chirping, boosting hope in the uncertain
shit...another miscued guideline
another reason that continuously wasting my time
that's why I can't walk away feeling like "I tried"
dealing with reasoning as I yelled, I cried
turning a blind eye to reality, assumptions gone...
I'm waiting for a point to come across
so I wandered off...
as the echoes behind the trees call for God..
a higher power, something else to call it off
another obnoxious thought
sincerity provided with it's own clarity
not fully understanding actions severity
thinking...is this where we share the dream?
searching for a conversation in parity
sweat, tears, battling insularity
mistaken..mistook my form of rarity
walked away and then buried it carefully...
executing the uses of polarity
if you think you'll escape without judgment
that all your choices have amounted to nothing
then you truly have another thing coming
you're the problem, so sly...so cunning
the fact you are free is utterly disgusting
manipulating the system, then running...
how could you, HOW COULD YOU...my emotions are erupting
the scene of the crime is where we conclude
where my sick, twisted, fantasies come true
where the truth clashes with the untrue
I succumb to, an accusation from misguided gumshoes
rifle blasts from the nearby meadow
where we could hear the loss of innocence echo...
the PTS is to dramatic to let go...
I been on the run ever since I left home
the legend continues, and the beast bellows
since 1958, I been able to surpass thought
& continue to live as the unfounded....Sasquatch

[Frank]

The maple syrup oozed from my fathers canteen on a mountain of pancakes.
The chimney carried the fumes through the drowsy valleys that surrounded the landscape.
Burly yawns, from a beard of brothers, grizzly groggy – making sounds that the bear makes.
Mothers coffee grounds into a manmade mini oil spill, the kitchen a fountain from the fan-blades.

Down in the spare caves, the mother and her cubs toss and turn, while the hounds wait, howling in serenade.
The fly fishermen’s lure skips – skimming, rippling, into the mouth of a trout of seven shades.
A butterfly drifts proudly with finesse and grace around, in and out of November rays…
The sparrow barrels in and pounds the suspenseful space, penetrating - less than ounce of aggressive rage.

The Trees here are 70 to 80 years old, now they're at an adolescent stage.
Their at an evanescent age susceptible to tiny beetles - spreading plague.
Clouds of insects prey upon these trees like, their being drowned in pepper spray.
These beetles wipe out several acres every day – a deadly strain – profound pest,
From the Appalachians to the Aspens down to the Everglades
It’s not getting cold enough to kill the beetle who survives the winters milder temperatures due to the weather change.
The size of a grain of rice, embeds itself with jowls of feathered fangs.
Filled with glycol, a natural anti-freeze – it leaves a blue telling stain

Once largely protected from the grave beetle cause of the altitudes shielded by cold shelter, the fate
Of these trees are nearing functional extinction in large portions of the nether range.
When catastrophic fires meet torrential rains -
The forest grows at an exponential rate…

It’s sobering to see a whole mountainside drained of life from the ledge of a plane.
The scattered cottages on the outskirts embezzled in flames; the scent of resinous haze.
The steam rising from the mop bucket; couple capfuls of pine sol, chemical vape.
The ecosystem cleansing itself of the beetle and its skeletals frame.

If A Tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear does it still make a sound?

Or is the sound of beetles all you hear while you head for the gate.
Branches, dead in your wake, everywhere you step and it breaks.
The deer jumps out in front of you bucking – bluffing – before it gently escapes...
Nestled in the face of the tree, the beetle gorges to its stomachs content and decays.
A little bit of the oxygen in the room was just kept and encased, misplaced, distressed, you awake?
If you wander out in the forest you may never be found, you better stay.
20 miles into town, they say you can hear our dogs barking on a clear November day.


now where are they..


-Frank

[Adonis]

Going to be blunt and honest here, I did not enjoy either. Frank, I've personally never been a fan of long bars or paragraph form because to me it cheapens flow while also showing the error in flow more than regular bars. The story was a decent, good description and ovverall pace. To me though, from point A to Z, there just wasn't much. Hated 'grizzly groggy' fyi. The first two stanza's were simply dope. The detail in the daily happenings of a mountain and river. I wish that was the full concept. The fire was equally cool, but how you posed the question, brought up the topic of mankind, I just didn't know about that. Felt like you wrote a good verse, you were cruising, lost in the writing, then thought, I need a closer. And shat the last bit out. All in all a solid verse, I actually enjoyed it more than I first thought, mainly because of the massive amounts of imagery, hated flow as the syllables were damn near doubled in spots and just hard to catch in general.

MrJ. Near middle to end you switched flow which I enjoyed. The begining didn't seem like your style. Read as if youu tried to flow where usually its just so natural. that and you so often have a fresh take on a topic I grew to expect it, but this concept was a bit shallow and well, easy to think of IMO. All in all not the best of you. Work, final 3/4 had that seamless and easy to read flow

V/ frank better concept/execution on concept where J had better flow, but not through out. Close vote, slightly giving to frank in grand scheme of things.

[Geno]

Excellent champ match.
Was everything that one should be

Mrj
I read your verse a couple times before frank showed up. I was really digging it. Your mechanics, as I said recently in an OM of yours.. are very fun to to read lately.
My gripes are.. I don't like how you personalized this. When I look at that picture I see everything but a personalized verse. You did well though. And it had some pretty nice concepts and lines that I was feeling. Also.. I hate to nitpick about this, because everyone knows that for one, I'm a personalized writer who speaks from anintrospective point of view a lot.. but also -I. Rarely flex my ability to use rare vocabulary anymore.. and that's a problem I had here. I noticed that in a lot of areas, imo anyway.. you got into a really deep thought and dropped a really weak word or two into play that just fel it was drop of the ball concerning execution. I mean, some of the concepts you brought to the table were outstanding and then it was like I had no choice to forget what you were trying to say because the use of a certain word just grabbed my total attention and made me cringe.

Ie
don't act if you are unfit, essentially undeserving
nervous, I figured experience was for the earnest...
Earnest made me cringe so hard that everything leading up to that word was lost for me. And that entire opening sextion was teetering from really dope back to just dope all the way up to that point. Does that make sense? I hope it does, because I need you to understand that I'm only being critical because your the man rite now and I'm trying to leave you thoughts that the man should be left with so that he can improve a touch.

Anyway.. this happened throughout the verse and I was just like man.. why the fuck did he do that, was it for lack of a better word? Which I doubt. Then I started to realize something. And I was like, man.. I have this hunch that mrj keystyled this in a briefly editorial mode. In other words you wrote whatever came to mind, and when you came to an area like "earnest" you just grabbed the first unrepeated rhyming word you could and completely sacrificed everything you know is rite in hopes that the reader would never mind what just happened. Am I on point with this thought?
Maybe. Maybe not. But asside from all of that, I think your shit is dope and I'm a fan dude

Frank
I don't even know to begin being upset with you. I mean, really I'm not. You paint such a picture perfect view of this scenario. From the human perspective all the way down to the wildlife and cause of a dying landscape. It was excellent. Ii guess my only true grip was the unneccessary extension of some lines that you layed, which is sort of a typical frank display.. but sometimes, throught this verse, or maybe only narrowed down to a few spots... you just really packed a lot into one line that could have been broken up and found the same touch or impact that it did being a super line.
Asside from that, I think your touch for internals and scheming are truelly top notch. I definitely understand what you mean by :your too tame: in referrence to a geno verse. I think your quite the opposite tbh and would love to see some personification at some point from you. Your a painter with words.. but the canvas never seems to express how franks feeling inside, only the characters.. it leaves a little bit to be wanted from point of view. Doesn't at all take away from how well you write though

This battle was excellent.
Myvgt: frank this week. I feel like he was able to capture a world that most people couldn't see solely by looking at the picture, but once read -you could look back and say wow. That could really be what's going on rite now in that picture and we don't really know

Mrj wrote a dope verse, but I feel he fell from the true topic of the picture and he had a lot of negatives going on in his verse for me that simply took away from the entire impact of what he was going for.
Still a good display though, respect to both

V/frank

[Certain]

Mr. J: The big-twist approach is easy to do but difficult to do well, and I think you fell into one of the most common trappings of it: ambiguity. This verse felt all over the place, particularly with the many run-on sentences and unfinished thoughts. Had you told the story of the Sasquatch and its exodus from society without revealing the twist, this concept probably would have worked much smoother. But because you went with a stream of consciousness, the verse was very off-putting on first read and really only slightly more revelatory on the second and third. Sure, there were hints dropped throughout the verse, but they didn't create a deeper picture. When I reread after learning the twist, I connected a few things but didn't completely rethink anything the way these big-twist endings are supposed to work.

Your writing also was a bit off. I mentioned the run-on thoughts, where you didn't complete images and sentences. That may have been intentional, but it was off-putting because the verse's content itself already was flowing all over the place. It also was a big change from the way you normally write, which features more contained thoughts and lots of wit. This writing felt very disconnected. The rhyming definitely picked up at "so I wandered off," which was good becasue there were a few weak points early.

You're a lot better than this verse showed. I think you might have executed better with a more constrained outline and more markers, to cut into the rambling a little bit. Don't get me wrong: This is a good verse that would have won many battles in this league. But you're in the championship match against one of the favorites, and having not read Frank's verse yet, I'm not sure this will cut it.

Frank: Did you let ZYG write your verse for you this week? That's not an insult, and there obviously were trademark differences. I liked seeing this side from you, stepping away from traditional narratives to drop something unusual. The take on beetles was both exceptionally creative and very directly relevant to the topic, and you executed it well.

I could have done without the first stanza. That part felt as though it was written before you'd completely settled on what you were going to write, and while I am guessing you were digging for a connection between maple syrup and the trees, it simply wasn't executed well enough to be affecting. Instead, the introductory paragraph felt a bit like a misdirection, which turned into a distraction as I looked for the circle back that only sort of reconnected at the end with the line about the dogs. Had you included the dogs in the opening stanza, that might have been a nice touch and way to close, but as is, it felt like it was thrown in to justify the first stanza.

There were a few small hiccups int he writing, particularly lines that should and could have been shortened because of clunky wording. The first line of the fourth stanza really stood out as awkward. But you mostly were able to jam a lot of information into a tight space in a way that made sense. Yes, there were major parts of this verse that felt like a rehashing of the Wikipedia page of the mountain pine beetle, but that's acceptable because you were providing background for us.

Again, I thought this verse was rather impressively conceived. It wasn't as natural or smooth as your more straightforward stories, but the difficult concept made that acceptable. I think your directly really paid off this week in contrast to Mr. J's vague approach, and the contrast made it easy to see who won this battle.

Vote: Frank

[e11even]

Mr. J- Oh shit. I was looking for a connection for like forever, and you didn't disappoint. This dragged on a little long for me, as the tempo and mood got kinda stale. The rhyming kept it interesting enough, and I'm glad I kept reading. If this had a few interesting switch-ups this could have been even more dope. Great job.

Frank- This was a very interesting story development style. It wasn't polished, but I believe I saw the intent in the context and how it flowed. Your topic of choice, while very out of the ordinary, was executed with what seemed to be a lack of genuine interest. The writer's mood transcends the work into a tangible bundle of literary emotion, but this came off very bland and flat. I feel like there were plenty of opportunities here to capture something worth holding on to, as there were plenty of emotion gaps that could have been utilized to bring out the life in the cause that this piece seemed to be intended for. All in all, as a longwinded writer myself, I think that with the little that was accomplished despite the length of this piece, It could definitely have come harder in less lines and more focused toward grabbing the reader and piquing their interest. Good verse overall, though.

I was a little disappointed this battle didn't go AS hard as I expected, seeing as how both you guys are heavyweights (lyrically, of course). The fact that neither truly had that enthralling factor I look for in every battle, I had to look more toward how sound the story, lyrical structure, and overall playout of the piece delivered. With that in mind, MVGT Mr. J for having more focus, better connection to the reader, and far better brevity:potency ratio imo. Thanks for showing, guys...

[breathless]

Well, honestly, this sorta disappointed me as a champ match, sadly, I was expecting absolute amazementbeing who was facing off. Pretty much the major breakdowns have been said, so I'll keep it short and sweet.

J, the entire piece, until the literal last word, I had no clue what it was about. But, after realizing it was a personalized piece from Sasquatch, I got it, and I sorta liked it, there were plenty of relative nuances... But, this flow was not the usual masterpiece I'm used to from you, the reusing the same word, ehhh, should not have been done... Sasquatch ain't from the hood, he's from the wood, the rest of it was fairly decent, but, just, decent...

Frank, straight up, this was really interesting, but, terribly boring, so many things were covered, but not completed. If it would've stayed on the climate change keeping the bugs around destroying the forest, with that much insightful and intelligent detail, this would've been so much better to me...

Vote - Frank

[symetrik]

Mr. J
decent use of multi-syllabics, but there didn't seem to be a strong focus point that really attracted my devout attention.

favourite lines:
aiming at the bigger picture, the one that's mixed up
scattered behind a front... this is it...huh?

Frank
great imagery and camera work (if you see what I mean), and although I didn't like the heavy focus on the beetles for the piece itself, I did like it for the topic, therefore it works.

favourite lines:
[qoute]The sparrow barrels in and pounds the suspenseful space, penetrating - less than ounce of aggressive rage.[/quote]
Branches, dead in your wake, everywhere you step and it breaks.
The deer jumps out in front of you bucking – bluffing – before it gently escapes...

vote: frank

[Diode]

Didn't like either of these.

Mr. J was performing an exhibition match on generic topical vocabulary then threw it a "twist" that failed miserably at the end to force the picture into his already written verse.

Frank's was a better story but good lord was the rhyme scheme basic. I felt like I was reading a high school poem more than anything. The imagery was good in spots, though overly reliant on it for the sake of rhyming things / filling space.

In the end, this is a topical league. Mr. J stuck to the topic in name only. Frank at least made the effort.

v/ Frank

[patrown]

mr. j - i took the whole piece as .. dissapproving reality. in a way. "this is it.. huh?" almost as if you portayed the sasquatch as human fault personified. my favorite lines..

sincerity provided with it's own clarity
not fully understanding actions severity
thinking...is this where we share the dream?
searching for a conversation in parity
sweat, tears, battling insularity
mistaken..mistook my form of rarity
walked away and then buried it carefully...

just feel like your flow was executed perfectly here and that set also seemed to embody your underlying tone very well. honestly, i would have liked your syllable count to have been bumped up 3-5 per bar. it would not have hurt you at all... and in the end, i did feel like i wanted more. that's never a bad thing, but here.. i either missed something or wasn't satisifed. good piece though. missing something i can't quite discern.

frank - enjoyed everything. rainbow trout are pretty good - but you exploited that fish's name for your advantage perfectly here. really enjoyed that for some reason.
favorite lines..

It’s not getting cold enough to kill the beetle who survives the winters milder temperatures due to the weather change.
The size of a grain of rice, embeds itself with jowls of feathered fangs.
Filled with glycol, a natural anti-freeze – it leaves a blue telling stain

also enjoy how you carried the rhyme from everglades to skeletals frame. i didn't notice it until i went back and tried to see why it sounded so pleasant. well, that didn't hurt at all. i can say that much with confidence. but how you ENDED? what? this feels "present." as if i could taste it's meaning. but i don't know what it is. great fucking story. wonderful imagery. great use of long syllable counts.. you said a lot, and said it well. where you ended? i don't know. sometimes leaving them wanting more isn't an attribute. but here, it was executed perfectly. great piece.

/v frank - i have to say - this really was a great display of different approaches and think mr. j could have taken this easily with some development. j's piece said more with less, but frank's undertones had a feeling of finality that j's twist didn't quite measure up to in the end. great battle though. thanks to both.

[Inno]

mr j

I thought you droped a reall smooth piece herethat seemed to flow effortlessly. you had grea word choice thorught out and it really carried that awesome flow through out. I honestly thought the use of your mutis and your abliltiy to have that cohesion withing the story was dope...you rhymed your ass of but at the same time you never forgot the theme and progression of your story. twist was cool and a bit predicable but I enjoyed it a lot so props.

frank.

great story and dope fucking imagery you used the picture and created something from it which I thought that ws cool..a scene, a mood..it was dope to say the least...you packed alor into every line and I thought at times it was very nice but at times it seemed to drag the along and really hault the momentum of the piece...it was cool story great imagery like I said, painting a scdne that really fir the topic...cool shit man.

overall tho I think I like Js verse a bit more I thought tho his line was much shorter than franks he seemed to pack just as much content as frank did..both dropped some evilly dope shit but I think J mechanics and storyline took thid for me.

J

[NYCSPITZ]

Mr. J dope twist, I like your laconic use of language..the flow and wording was dope I was bobbing my head to it as I read and rapping some out loud. Frank I've never seen you write like that homie. Good departure from the norm and a testament to your versatility that you can adapt to a different style. Some of the language you used was awesome and you wielded the weapon of suspense differently here than in other pieces.

v/ frank