Week 7 - Vulgar (3-1) vs. Pancakebrah (3-1) - PANCAKEBRAH WINS 8-1

[Mike Wrecka]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png
Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic

http://i.imgur.com/27RHBwA.jpg


Vulgar PancakeBrah

[PancakeBrah]

Chicago, 1974

http://i.imgur.com/27RHBwA.jpg

Photograph by John H. White

“Would you mind if I took a picture?”

Lester had the rock knuckles. Dry skinned, with the creamsicle polo.
And street charisma. Scene stealing when he preened in the photo,
with a hand full of gel caps. Half-fiend, fueled by his dreaming in proto-,
the only path he knew was the L tracks. A walking ode to the motto
“Play the hand your dealt.” In turn this street was the road that he’d follow
to which he deemed as his dojo, lessons soaked through the bottle.
Earned his stripes, for dolo, although most the ribbons were Blue Pabst,
and half the trash was lotto tickets he scratched and tall necks he threw back,
driving his El Camino through the grotto, now riddled with new jacks.
It was his block. And he knew that.

Marlon walked as a bundle of tics. Bumbling. He fumbled with wit.
His tongue unequipped for quips and hand unfit with stumbling writ.
Described as happy, actually naïve. Comfortably numb to the shit.
Actively looking for passive relief, Summer time basked in reprieves,
looking for a good time regardless of the number of quids.
Relapsed. Lost to the beat, as addicted as any addict that breathed.
He just passed through the streets. Grasped to the ridge.
Simple. Getting high enough to ignore the past that he lived,
Boundless. Loosely wound, street walking as a fountain of nerves,
in his only pair of jeans, and a yellow sweater he found on the curb.

Smoke curled in poofs. Bar tattered, same as the roof.
Conversation unfurled uncouth. Bar talk, chattered lies same as the truth.
Lester, one seat. Marlon the next. One confident, the other was less.
The lame, and the spur of the boot. Next to one another in front of the booths.
Depressed, midday drinking. What else is there to do?
Slunk in his seat, Marlon turns. “Hey, can I bum a square?”
“Sure, kid” Lester thumbs his pair of jeans and pulls a marb one Hundred, bare.
“I’ll smoke one with you.”

As soon as they’re out the door it’s
“Would you mind if I took a picture?”
“Sure, kid.”
And it’s a Pulitzer for John H. White, for the still that he’d get
of two people who had never met,
aside from a cigarette, a neighborhood, and skin that’s tinted.
For a newspaper that probably wouldn’t waste the text to have their obits printed.

[Vulgar]

The Aghast Poets


FrazierJoe'sdiscountTennesseeTitans

Not your average Doppler radar catamaran
Back of his hands barrel black as the sands
Tactically bland, never called to the draft
Babylon was his caste, halcyons in the stash
Madame Rogers was baaad, sadists knockin' on glass
Gladys moppin' up hash into compactable shiest
bitter music of the musky peppermint soul Afrika Spice
half of our lives spent in the brig
jazz in the bathtub, dents in Temecula sinks
led where the peregrine drinks, bipolar Rameses in a goblet
couldn't walk out the door, damn knees full of cobwebs
Behold Copper Rah, the powers of a chockfull of flesh
rarely forgetting the time with a cuckoo clock on his chest
shimmered Ca'ba's on decks, mottled opera was mesh
The streets of Osaka were wet - tongue dry, no habla ingles
too many fools question Aquaman's sex, let's dispel the myths
Helterskelterishfeelings when pelting shellfish skeletons
on a belt called the paleolithic coefficient crescent
boast a smith&wesson to hold a pilgrim's essence in hand
London breadbin, Brooklyn market, coastalpsychefunk
dethrone the mighty ducks - clotheslines endowed in Nike chucks
Light me up! Gimme air! Bring sweat beads on a necklace if possible
This chieftain's unconquerable;
bubbled guts & impregnated molecules
Notoriety - POOF! Lied to the youth as Oxfam hassles the boys
Enter the blackest of voids - hakuna matata pacts for our ploy
we play eternal Mancala with the sandcastles destroyed

MoulinRougewasn'tfarfromMotorCity

clobs and globs of evergreen mint histamines flit the screens
in tinted sheen as Clint christens scenes -
Mitch Green's mittens greased individually
these lips mean business, deans of college walk around debatin'
deflated egos start imitating island festival balloon-launch pads
with Pluto gone, we've gone mad, lost all desire to live
all licenses to kill the dark side using white light beams
mounted on a ship heralded Apartheid, parts tied up
Delicatessen hairnets discarded as a barren anthem bleeds
Lycanthropy, life's canceled season debuting Lambo-dreams
HotelRwandaSwimmingPoolTales - all about the Benj(Idi)amin's
injured as well; fraudulent insurance delivered to Illadelph
bet your British briskets I'm livin' well
the water's risen in bayou syndicate's inner hell
lamplight on locquacious urban sidewalks - skin fizzin' like ginger ale
Gentlemen decommissioned or sent to jail
not from stealing schillings from the cupboard
but for scramblingcitypollutionlaws, by litterin' the gutters

[timeless]

pancakes verse had a lot of choppy parts to it but it definitely had me connecting to the photo a lot more then vulgar did.

'Marlon walked as a bundle of tics. Bumbling. He fumbled with wit.
His tongue unequipped for quips and hand unfit with stumbling writ.'
best bar by far, I like how you took the approach from the photographers perspective, shit was interesting. Out of curiousity, Have you seen this photo before? or looked it up? never heard of john white.

And it’s a Pulitzer for John H. White, for the still that he’d get
of two people who had never met,
aside from a cigarette, a neighborhood, and skin that’s tinted.
For a newspaper that probably wouldn’t waste the text to have their obits printed.
Loved the ending.

led where the peregrine drinks, bipolar Rameses in a goblet
couldn't walk out the door, damn knees full of cobwebs
Behold Copper Rah, the powers of a chockfull of flesh
rarely forgetting the time with a cuckoo clock on his chest
shimmered Ca'ba's on decks, mottled opera was mesh
The streets of Osaka were wet - tongue dry, no habla ingles
vulgar, your verse was dope but it seemed like you wrote 75% of this without even seeing the topic first. it took awhile for me to catch on. lots of creative wordplay, just not a direct delivery.

vote = pancake

[Mike Wrecka]

sick battle. props

pancakebrah - when I assigned this topic to you guys it was at random. and when I set the thread I really wondered, what the fuck could someone do with this pic. I would have struggled with it. you took it and ran. really created a dope concept here. two people that have never met taking a pic to represent African americans in the ghetto at this time period. maybe all you wrote is true. maybe you researched the picture and its all true. I don't know and im not taking the time to find out, im just gonna take the verse for what it is. if it isn't a true story its a testament to your wit and storytelling that Im considering that it might be. really enjoyed it. if you didn't throw in the they just met briefly after the guy asked for a cigarette part it wouldn't have been nearly as effective. its kinda of like peoples paths cross all the time, sometimes they interact and in this instance they were frozen in time together. intriguing. the writing was well, vulgarish. I think you had so much vulgar on the mind you sub consciously channeled his essence. it was longer bars than I usually read from you. and that to me is vulgary. but you brought your signature storytelling and vivid imagery. I felt like I was there, I saw the sights, I heard the sounds, I smelt the smells. that's your gift. and its a good one. mechanically it wasn't incredible but it was very very good. but that is to be expected in a story. it was complex however and that was appreciated. I did get a slight chop here and there. very slightly though. great stuff


Vulgar - vulgar you described each person to us in a way that was similar to what Ghostface does. using random phrases and linking them together in a way that seems cohesive. it was fun to read. it just was a little too abstract for me. .

Helterskelterishfeelings when pelting shellfish skeletons
on a belt called the paleolithic coefficient crescent
boast a smith&wesson to hold a pilgrim's essence in hand

helterskelterishfeelings when pelting shellfish skeletons? man I don't know what that means. your stuff is over my head. dumbing down verses in order to reach more people is something I actually work hard at. consider it. dont get me wrong this would sound amazing on a track. and would be a phenomenal OM. and is a very dope topical for this league. but your opponent brought a more cohesive and interesting telling that your lyrical acrobatics couldn't overcome. insane vocab though. as always. props my friend.


vote - pancakebrah

[Pent uP]

Pancake -- the characterization was excellent in this piece. I would've almost gone a different route with "Marlon" but thats just because I personally see something different in his face then you did -- nothing wrong with what you did though. The pacing of the words was also developed very meticulously. You even brought back rhyme schemes as inners a line or so after they seemed to have diminish: that's usually something that bothers me, but it was so well worded where I didnt notice it unless i was focusing on the rhymes themselves. Also you used 3-line "bars" which I thought was very weird, but still, because of the wording, worked. The only flaw I saw was in the ending. From "midday drinking" on it was like you got a text message from some which that was wondering if you were free later and you went "oh look im gonna be done in 13 seconds." The rhymes started to fall apart (multi's stopped being so well written, if it all used), the wording started to fall apart ("hundred, bare", "skin tinted", "obit"), and it almost didnt have enough closure for me. I really like the concept you went with but I feel you didnt really exploit it well enough - what does it mean to your audience, or you, that the picture of these two newly acquainted people won a Pulitzer? what does it mean to society? How does it reflect on society? Does it? You just dropped it there. I know what my opinion is, and you did a good job of making me consider the ramifications, but you didnt give me anything to bounce it off of.

Vulgar - I'm gonna shotgun and then reflect because this kind of piece doesnt (yet) make linear sense to me. Right of the bat I'm confused. What in the hell does a catamaran have anything to do with anything going on? Next, I dont see a halcyon or stash, and neither of these people look Babylonian; from this point forward I'm disregarding the topic. Are you using the sweat beads to play your eternal mancala with? I would've thought that as a cool concept you missed the chance to touch on. Whats with the PhrasesWithoutSpaces? That shit is weird and annoying. Anyways; there's a great deal of scattered thought here. I went from Japan to paris to detriot (thats motor city right?), and I gleaned into different walks of life. Which is actually probably how you are connecting to this picture. This picture is just a walk of life - and as scattered as your verse seems from the bring, to the deck, to the islands, to the industrial streets, to the urban sidewalks, it is just as powerful as this picture. With that background now instilled in me this piece makes a lot more sense and allows me to find your observational imagery and dissections powerful. cool. I found some really powerful lines that I give merit to based on how into your characters your have to be to write (IE the hairnet/lycanthropy). In retrospect loved the imagery once it all came together.

Overall -I felt vulgars verse was less technical more tactical in terms of how he went about writing it. There was a method in his madness that I found through having to really think about what he was doing. Pancake took a literal approach, a technical approach, and created a backstory to something we would see in a magazine and never think about twice. "Oh there's a spread about the south side, and that is a picture from there." It opened up the human experience and gave us more than a glimpse into the picture. It underlined a lot of potential ideas such as fate, luck, misconceptions - and that's kinda where the verse failed because we never got to know what the writer thought - but it succeeded in getting us to make our own judgement. Vulgar was able to take a picture and make a thousand. His creativity and imagination really shone here - making a tactical scatter plot of events, occurrences and nuances around the world fit into the paradigm of a random photo. That's really what I wanted out of pancake's verse - I wanted to find HIS stance on this picture. Fantastic writing from the both of you

vote - Vulgar

[ThisisDAM]

Pancake, nice take. Kinda where I would go, although I had another idea to add. I like your style, aside from some of the rhymes felt off & it seemed you tried to find any word that kinda rhymed & wrote it. I'm probably explaining this wrong but I'm exhausted, haha. Good verse tho, I'll be reading your stuff now. Vulgar vulgar. Honestly, I don't know how you write this stuff. But honestly, it hurts you too. You write a lot of shit people reading are gonna be like huh, we may not be as evolved as you, ha this was dope but you lose me at times. Most topicals you do I thoroughly enjoy & even go back & read more, but this one lost me. Vote pancake here

[zygote]

For PB, enjoy the use of title and by-line to create a context for this picture. That is one refined way to respond to the stimulus, not just writing in response, but actually taking the picture and integrating it into the context of your submission. Conceptually this was very nice, and it seemed like an attempt at that style of so-called ‘Gonzo journalism’ but the last part made me realise that was perhaps not what you were attempting. E.g., “And it’s a Pulitzer for John H. White, for the still that he’d get
of two people who had never met,
aside from a cigarette, a neighborhood, and skin that’s tinted.
For a newspaper that probably wouldn’t waste the text to have their obits printed.“ I kind of feel like if this part had been omitted, instead of a commentary on injustice/exploitation the submission would have been more effective as simply an outsider giving a first person retelling.

For Vulgar, reading yours is more like an exercise in the sum of all parts greater than the whole, to write a criticism like “the references do not apply to this picture” I think is incorrect and missing the whole picture. E.g., “we play eternal Mancala with the sandcastles destroyed.” It connects to the picture on a thematic level, not a descriptive level. The same is true for other references after a bit of thinking tangentially. However, I feel like this one is missing the political/social underlying themes you usually work into it. Normally, there will be some comment on environment, corruption or wealth redistribution (which could have worked considering right half of the picture) and you kind of addressed that with the ending “but for scramblingcitypollutionlaws, by litterin' the gutters” but perhaps not enough for full effectiveness. Voting for PB.

[symetrik]

pancake
really good connection with the topic, and amazing storyline
favourite lines
Marlon walked as a bundle of tics. Bumbling. He fumbled with wit.
His tongue unequipped for quips and hand unfit with stumbling writ.

Depressed, midday drinking. What else is there to do?
Slunk in his seat, Marlon turns. “Hey, can I bum a square?”
“Sure, kid” Lester thumbs his pair of jeans and pulls a marb one Hundred, bare.
“I’ll smoke one with you.”

aside from a cigarette, a neighborhood, and skin that’s tinted.
For a newspaper that probably wouldn’t waste the text to have their obits printed.

as previous mentioned, sick closer too.

vulgar
i dig the fuck out of this type of writing, but it just doesn't hit back home to the topic for me.
favourite lines:
Behold Copper Rah, the powers of a chockfull of flesh
rarely forgetting the time with a cuckoo clock on his chest
shimmered Ca'ba's on decks, mottled opera was mesh
The streets of Osaka were wet - tongue dry, no habla ingles

London breadbin, Brooklyn market, coastalpsychefunk
dethrone the mighty ducks - clotheslines endowed in Nike chucks

Enter the blackest of voids - hakuna matata pacts for our ploy
we play eternal Mancala with the sandcastles destroyed


vote: pancake

[patrown]

pancake- you really focused on the image itself here. i can appreciate that. there were a few places i was just left guessing, and intended to come back.. so here i am.
fumbled with wit? what? does quids rhyme with reprieves? i thought it was pronounced like squid. anyway, "Simple. Getting high enough to ignore the past that he lived," heeey i did that. i can relate with that. yellow sweater may be interpreted a couple of different ways. but i found meaning in that most might not have. i like how you word things. i can't really say this line was fantabulous, or another line was splendiforous, but altogether.. it's just a kind of unorthodox eloquence i truly do appreciate.

Lest one seat, Marlon the next. One confident, the other was less.

i just like how you roll is all. that's all i can really say, cake. i like how you roll here. and your approach at your picture could have given you the /v without pulling it off as well as you did against anyone but vulgar. set yourself up for success. great piece.

vulgar- i don't know what you were getting at, without reading the votes. and after reading the votes, i still can't make any sense out of most of it. it's not that it was written badly, because it looks great. sounds good. rhymed well.. bounced around a lot though. i would have to understand all of the references and phrases and words.. (i did look up every word i didn't know - to no avail) i just can't make any sense of it. some of my favorite lines..

with Pluto gone, we've gone mad, lost all desire to live
all licenses to kill the dark side using white light beams
mounted on a ship heralded Apartheid, parts tied up
Delicatessen hairnets discarded as a barren anthem bleeds
Lycanthropy, life's canceled season debuting Lambo-dreams

i enjoyed how you worded this and it's general tone. as far as the entire piece goes, i will be coming back to it on a better day and trying to give a to through again.. pull it apart, make sense of it all for myself. very nice drop. just way over my ahead.


/v pancake i understood his verses relation to the picture more. if i had been taking my vitamins or not drinking as much as i do, i would likely have voted the other way. so sorry to ding you on my aptitude vulgar, but i guess in the end.. the audience isn't always on your level.

[NYCSPITZ]

cool battle. I liked pancake's his was more of a cohesive story. Vulgar's was great too but like others mentioned too much scattered thought. V has a dope mind but this was a lil too abstract for me, I mean artistically I liked it better than pancake's but there were lots of times you just lost me tbh. Like pent mentioned right off the bat catamaran doesn't fit in with the picture and you have this quick flitting energy to the piece that doesn't fit with the pic as well as cake's. For the better story and consistency I'm giving this to cake

[Frank]

One of the biggest let downs in recent history. I felt Vulgar did his best split 8 imitation. Pancake brahs a country bumpkin , he wrote this like it was his first time seeing a black person .

You could tell neither had the soul or experience to effectively transcribe that picture.

Voting for pancake brah