Week 7 - Mike Wrecka (2-4) vs. Zenland (2-4) - MIKE WRECKA WINS 7-1

[Mike Wrecka]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png
Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic

http://i.imgur.com/7OKoxOb.jpg



Good Luck Zenland

[Zen]

The slow day's night that suddenly became bright; The chronicles of Christian; the vile creation - a pile of Haitians; good while of statements with piles. No. It's wait; See,; no it's the sun....Yes. May - be.


Love me. Taste me. Make you blush in a daydream on the cusp of a thrust it must so it may seem like its brushing the dust of your face. See, hear listen with clear vision, it's near piers glistening, isn't it dear Christian? Yes, yes it is. It's clearly vivid, isn't it? Listen, I know this is strange but it's supposed to be crazed you know this. I'm saying, See it does so it must, ain't it? I'm crushed into dust flushed up with a gush gazing at the sun touching us like a brush. It's touch. Aggravated. It's enough to please and soothe. Relief. Recluse - glued to the seat in my room creeping one evening at noon going nuts so much that I'm angry. Grab the Mercedes. You're dad Is waiting on the path that we're taking and i suspect with much regret that is aggravating. It's sad to say it see? I happened to pass the hat dear baby. He's all yours. Welcome back. Here, wait please. Oh no. Lost. We're faded. Confiscated. I'm obligated. Y'all better make it don't pause here. Wait. See, it peaks at noon, it's leaving at dusk in a gush of the musket tumbling and dumped in a tub of sudden eruption and lushed, no blushed at the bursts, no the firsts in spurts that purged the herds that spurred through the day dreams it must so it may seem its gone way too fast. It's an honest fact. Big bomb exact - ly. Reactions happen - nig with a flash of synapses collaps - ing on literal infractions it's a little its actual it's factual it's absolute fact. See, we're back and it's happening. I'm holding you. Birth, my baby boy. My first, my thirst that's craved has at last been slain see. It's fascinating. Yes it's a fact I've had a baby, with a lack of facts, actually, fuck its aggravating her mother discovered the path I'm taking so she snapped and with that it happened I know dad, she had to be taken. Don't worry. Don't be mad. I'm waiting on change, baby. But things have been strange lately. Slightly deranged. Okay. Yeah. Maybe. It's up. Save. I lust, no blush in this daydream. Goodbye to you. Good luck. Look up. See my lust...My apologies. It's obviously, See that I must. What? You're nuts you leave me this instance. These winds - yes. Breath it. Believe it. It's just, well it's the reason you must. Goodnight my love. I'll see you at brunch. :)

[Mike Wrecka]

http://i.imgur.com/7OKoxOb.jpg




driving down the highway on a quest to find,
something completely different than what we left behind,
heading from the chaos, cause unless the signs,
are all wrong then we are seriously pressed for time,
had to leave the city, had to do it fast,
grabbed my girl, got in the car and just hit the gas,
running away from familiarity although I miss the past,
traveling towards the unknown watching the system crash,
listening to the radio while the transmissions last,
worried and home sick so I hope these symptoms pass,
feeling like a victim under this circumstance,
spent my days as a prisoner of the working class,
now all I got to show for it is the love of my life,
we pull over as I embrace this escape with my wife,
in this cornfield staring out at the horizon,
realizing that this exodus was executed with excellent timing,
as an explosion lights up the sky its perfectly clear,
that soon radiation while spread throughout the atmosphere,
but at least we evacuated the radius of the initial destruction,
they didn't target farmland with this missile eruption,
everything we owned is gone, everyone we knew is dead,
the broadcast said to stay put but we hit the road instead,
this isn't the end of our story, its just the beginning,
we are survivors that will fight just to keep on living,
but for now we cant rest, we have to stay moving,
the silence between us is melodic and rather soothing,
initially proving that we don't want to look behind,
plan to be road warriors that can be found between the yellow lines,
that all comes to a halt as the car comes to a stop gently ,
it seems that the gas tank is now completely empty

[timeless]

It's an honest fact. Big bomb exact - ly. Reactions happen - nig with a flash of synapses collaps - ing on literal infractions it's a little its actual it's factual it's absolute fact. See, we're back and it's happening
Zen, I absolutely hate your structure. Shit, ive been off and on rap boards for nearly 15 years now and I've prolly vote against 95% of the people who displayed their verses in that frame. Its just so hard to keep a flow certain. Youre the exception, although a couple times I lost my pace and had to backtrack, it was all good because line for line it just kept getting better and better. I want to say this structure works for this type of writing, but I couldn't tell you. whatever works better for you I guess

Mike, I was feeling where the story was going until I just came to a complete stop at the end. Felt like it should've been anticipated a little more, you know? like where are they now? etc. Your rhyme scheme was basic, nothing really too intriguing or catchy. Line for line, you kept it pretty basic.

Vote = Zenland

[patrown]

zenland - you bounce back between different methods of rhyming, and it's fairly entertaining. actually - one of the more "enjoyable" reads i've encountered recently. as far as my own personal strange sense of enjoyment is concerned - i really did enjoy this, blockagraph. buut..what someone else say earlier? parapeligraph? lmfao at that one. no hate.. allllll love..
run on sentence of the year -
See, it peaks at noon, it's leaving at dusk in a gush of the musket tumbling and dumped in a tub of sudden eruption and lushed, no blushed at the bursts, no the firsts in spurts that purged the herds that spurred through the day dreams it must so it may seem its gone way too fast

yeeh! get some my dude. slain see, fascinating. i like how you roll. it sounds pretty fucking good. id like to freestyle with you. that shit would be enjoyable. but as a topical piece i really just don't feel it as a whole my dude. i used to rhyme alllllot and it never came out as enjoyable as i think this is. freal.seriously you are the peoples champ imo. love to hate on you rhyming your ass off. just conceptually, cant really read too deep into it bro. sorry. try and string a single theme throughout your entire paragraphs. better yet, please.. start using your enter key some more. its not that i dont feel you, or see you, i just read some really good stories from you when you were in a slightly different place. focus. take a downer. relax. its okay.we will still be here when you do so - and will likely be saying the same things. much love bruh. that spurratic steez at the end - idk. i guarantee you won't be arriving to brunch. thats all i'm saying. haha. keep doing you.
mike wrecka - carried the rhyme like a fucking champion of champions here..

grabbed my girl, got in the car and just hit the gas,
running away from familiarity although I miss the past,
traveling towards the unknown watching the system crash,
listening to the radio while the transmissions last,
worried and home sick so I hope these symptoms pass,

siick. enjoyed that. just for the sheer joy of well executed insertions of assonance... that was an enjoyable passage. all in all its like the walking dead meets the cold wars worst nightmare. pretty fuucking smooth though.
you hit the picture spot on. great story telling. development was definitely more than decent.

/v mike wrecka - told a better story. rhymed a little better. did a whole lot more. superior approach. although i did like zens flow, the way he threw around his style.. i enjoyed mikes piece as a whole and am giving it the due praise it deserves with a 100% sure vote in his direction.

[Geno]

Great battle.

Zenland has a cool verse. His paragraph thing really fucked him though tbh. I feel like he was just rhyming and completely went astray from being able to execute a propperly thought out and directed concept. In other words, you can't propperly lead an idea into another idea when your subjecting yourself to the rhymes and flow of a verse. This was my style for years and I bounce to it for fun once in a while.. but I left it for those reasons and found that I can capture my concepts much better with a different style and format of writing.

Mike. Tbh, you took this fairly easily imo
Thought you captured the flow well, your settups and deliveries were great and added to a well executed delivery and impact of what your message was. This was, to me.. the difference between the tortoise vs the hair.. mike was the tortoise and brought his usual display of mechanics and well crafted writing, everything the reader expects in a mike verse, compared to a hair:zenland.. who's trying to perhaps show off a little in hopes of leaning the reader in his direction because of good flow and syllable play. I think that failed though

V/mike

Cool battle, think about my criticism though zen. I'm just trying to help bro

[ThisisDAM]

Okay. First read of this paragraph form, don't like it. Although. I think if mastered completely, it would be great. I liked the verse tho, it seems you do have skill & I can sense it. With this one I couldn't get into it like I wanted to. Mike had a decent verse, I like your style actually. Only nitpick the ending didn't feel complete. It needed more in the middle. I'm sorry to cut this short, but I'm way too exhausted to detail. I give this to Mike

[zygote]

For Zenland, it is great to see you continue in this way from your last week’s submission. I know you are supposed to judge these contests as self-contained entities, but it is hard to when considering the context of your previous attempt. It is easy to write paragraph format is just exactly the same as line format without the ‘enter key’, but when you actually attempt it, it is a different feeling. This week you have synthesized the format of writing with the themes. Some criticisms though, too many small words and small phrases giving a disjointed tone. I feel like full sentences with commas and conjunctions instead of the full stops and one word sentences would have been more effective. Also, it perhaps needed a stronger thread drawing through the whole submission, it is good to focus on details in the writing, but also having a clearer underlying ‘string’ tying these details together is good as well.

For MW, that is a really cool observation, to see the sunset in the background is ambiguous. A sunset can be such a big cliché thing but you show how it can also be interpreted as an explosion. It gives the image a lot of power, it is documenting the moment of destruction. Also the ending was 100% excellent, I enjoy the ending that is ambiguous without being a cliff-hanger. Ambiguity seemed to be a big theme in this writing from you. E.g., the ambiguity of the sunset vs bomb, the ambiguity of the ending, and the moral ambiguity of the main character (“spent my days as a prisoner of the working class,
now all I got to show for it is the love of my life,” – is he bitter or is he happy?). Some good things to chew on in this submission. Voting for MW.

[e11even]

Zen- Fuck you. Drugs bring out this insanely deep rhyme machine that doesn't even attack topics- you swallow them. this paragraph had me sentence tracing and backtracking, making sure i didn't miss anything. If not ramblish, this was pretty fuckin superb in how you made your words dance, with rhymes transitioning so effortlessly throughout. IMO some of the imagery came off a lil too abstract-ish to get an immediate grasp, distracting from the flow of the piece. I think the drugs give you a power you could dominate with if you embraced this aggressively rhymed style and focused it.

Mike- Although I'm not entirely a fan of straightforward writing (something i'm doing more of, myself), this was a well formed thought and memoir. I appreciated this for its tackling of the subject straight-on, as opposed to roundabout storylines with plots that dilude the message. The imagery could have been more in-depth, and a little more engaging, as it felt a little detached from the emotional distress and overall feel of this sort of situation. I tend to favor pieces that capture the emotion and mood of that moment in time, and this was one of the few things this piece lacked. Geat job with your subject matter. I imagined the exact same when I saw this picture.

This battle was decent. You both had each other's verse achille's heels (Zen had amazing flow vs. Mike's great story and ending). But I felt the engrossing factor was a little bit off, whereas I didn't feel a whole lot besides what was implied here:

Mike- "now all I got to show for it is the love of my life,
we pull over as I embrace this escape with my wife,

everything we owned is gone, everyone we knew is dead,
the broadcast said to stay put but we hit the road instead,"

Zen-"Birth, my baby boy. My first, my thirst that's craved has at last been slain see.
It's fascinating. Yes it's a fact I've had a baby, with a lack of facts, actually, fuck its aggravating
her mother discovered the path I'm taking so she snapped and with that
it happened I know dad, she had to be taken."

At the end of the day, I feel like I'm torn in half. MVGT Mike for having MORE of what I believe it took to take this.

[Adonis]

Zen - some decent lines and thoughts but I still feel. Like you get caught up in rhyming. "Flushe up with a gush gazin" gush gazing?? Idk bro, you did this a couple times, seems like rhyme becauuse the rhyming possibility is there. Story was cool, a bit hard. To follow but moved on quickly. I liked the verse, but not semi close to your. Ability IMO.

Mike good read, some small errors were "while"/ will and "just hit the. Gas", just wasn't necessary imo.story had pace, not complex with rhyme at all, but it read well..I will say this, if you put it into actual sentence read this... "heading from the caos, unles thhe signs are wrong cause then we are seriously pressed for time". When I read that a sentence and not broken up bar I. Don't like it, it didn't work.


Vote Mike, his verse was just better, smoother, easier to read.

[Frank]

Vote to Mike Wrecka

Both these writers were at the cross roads, 2-4. with a chance to steal the show ,catapulting the winner, burying the loser. With that said, one writer seized the opportunity. The other blew it.

Looking forward to this match in the future