Week 7 - Genocide (1-2) vs. ZYG (0-1) - ZYG WINS 4-1

[Mike Wrecka]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png
Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic

http://i.imgur.com/tDpFesC.jpg


Good Luck Genocide ZYG

[zygote]

SPECULATIVE HYPOTHETICAL: DIFFERENT POSSIBLE LIFEFORMS.
Imagine a small super-dense planet with a huge gravitational pull.
The highest peaks on this planet are only a few hundred meters tall.
But still life evolves, and the life suits its conditions,
Introducing the “Flat Back” - the dominant species in this planets ecosystem.
It is an organism that grows no higher than centimeters in height,
Gathering energy from the thick atmosphere and the photosynthesis of light.
It is an extremely efficient viscous liquid, nothing solid is contained,
By flattening out internal gaseous sacs it can change its density to float millimeters above the planets metallic terrain.
Life is slow when the gravity is so, but perception of time is relative,
And time moves along just nicely from the Flat Backs perspective.

Now imagine a large aquatic planet, its oceans depths are hundreds of kilometers in size,
The planet is extremely cold and both its crust and mantle are completely formed out of ice.
Introducing the “Fungal Biped” - on this planet it’s the most numerous organism,
But why would bipedalism evolve in the ocean? Surely four limbs aren’t the most efficient way to swim?
Fungal Bipeds don’t swim, they walk along the sea floors surface,
And for this purpose their bodies have evolved to be almost perfect.
They are so far underwater that no other predator can test them,
And the huge pressure from the ocean floors depths doesn’t affect them.
Their “bones” are made from cartilage, and all their internal organs are fully collapsed all of the time.
There is no perception of the sky or sunlight from the ocean floor, so each Fungal Biped is blind.
They are aquatic humanoids that feed off geothermal heat and volcanic vents,
They communicate via a series of inaudible sonar clicks to organize annual mating events.
Life is fast when you only live for about ten years, but this is no problem for them,
Ten years is a lifetime from their perspective, a fulfilling lifetime from beginning to end.

Imagine this final planet, which is not a planet but rather an extra-solar ice asteroid,
Introducing the “Proto-virus” – by itself it is not life, because certain elements are void.
The Proto-virus started its journey after a supernova shifted a distant asteroid belt from its territorial group,
It germinated our earth, which at that time was filled with molten lava and primordial soup.
Over time, self-replicating qualities in the virus combined with the strings of proteins and amino acids chains,
It formed an early type of DNA called RNA, a self-replicating device that was our first ancestor in a primitive way.
All life is relative, reflect on these speculations; 3 different locations and 3 different types of life,
The point is that life can come in different forms, and humans are just another type.

[Geno]

The Realest Shit I Ever Wrote.
Part 2: Fifty Shades Of Grey.

You see this lump in my hands, or you totally blind?
This bitch is pregnant, and I don't even know if its mine
But its fine, cause in my heart I don't care for the kid
And all I ever think about is how to burry this bitch
The adversary she is, need an axe -pole, or capsule in'er mouth
I wanna end thier fucking lives, no shadow of a doubt
I'm sorry -I blacked out, i think I'm losing my mind
The picture doesn't quite describe this illusion of mine
Knowing I was stupid inside, way I lift her legs and slayed
I fucked her once for every page in fifty shades of grey
Hey -I'm a man, what you expect in the heat of the moment
And she's a woman, should've known she had ulterior motives
Ion't totally hate kids, don't get me wrong from this grudge
I'm a parent, I have a six year old daughter I love
But all the above's different, the new bitch is ugly to see
And all she has is a case of wanting money from me
rapes government cheese, plus she want support for this runt!?
Well fuck that, I think my tax money's more than enough!!
You say the babies more important than us, but your lying you bitch!!!
Saw an ovulation ap in your phone, you were trying for kids!!!
Meanwhile... I keep these thoughts of mine bottled inside
Even noticed a smile pass through our photographers eyes
Fucking idiot is probably blind, while I'm twisted with hate
The only person who knows how I feel is this bitch that I date
Its a myserable state, how can't she feel the tension I hold
I'm a ticking time bomb, hoping that our friendship explodes
Corodes, and the shrapnel tears her fucking stomache in half
Dumping the trash, killing a fetus that I never wanted to have
Blunt with the facts, but never meant for this shit to harvest
Fuck this verse, and for the record -this picture is garbage

[Mr. J]

This was a nice battle, I felt that both came with different translations of their topic
I felt like this combination of work was wayyyy different then what I had expected
which is great for both writers, both doing a totally unique approach on the pic

Geno, I felt that your take on this matched up with the first
which was dope, although I feel that if someone missed out on the first
they would need to take a step back and read into it, they may miss the point
but your flow was on point the structure of it was well done
and it kept me motivated to continue reading, I hope you are adding more to this
sequels I guess you would say...

ZYG, you always progress through a piece at a different pace
your ideas stand out when you really want to bring the topic to light
your piece seemed a little more abstract to me than anything
which I enjoyed because it's always more open to interpretation
you let the reader decide if what you do will sink in, you have a nice approach
I'm feeling that the transitions are what held your piece together
it came across very fluent to me...nice work

I feel that my vote boils down to what seems more fluid
what carries a more resonating vibe for me, and I feel like I have to give it to ZYG
ZYG came with a very descriptive, well weaved view on the world
a open minded ordeal what seemed to suit my preference at the moment
I really enjoyed Geno's verse as well, but I felt that it became too...idk...angry
I have no problem with it at all both came with great verses...
I just felt like ZYG delivered a more thorough verse...nice battle fellas

v/ZYG

[Mike Wrecka]

dope battle. two very different takes on the topic. Zyg went scientific geno went realistic emotional story mode

zyg - this was mechanically pretty mesmerizing. as far as the direction you took the topic I was impressed. very creative take on the creation of life. I found it to be entertaining on many levels. it was thought provoking. that is imo how life did start on this planet, from some type of life form landing here on an asteroid or meteorite. good shit good verse. you did take a bit of a robotic take once again though


geno - you went for the more predictable approach to the topic. but you packed it with a ton of emotion and had a real solid flow throughout. it seemed to hit close to home for you. it was real. and it had that audio friendly cadence that I enjoy. reminded me of some slim shady talking about kim tracks. good stuff

overall- really hard battle to vote on. totally different directions taken. two real good verses. one read like a text book but was a really unique take on the topic. the other read like a venting diary page and was packed with emotion. overall I think that the smoothness of genos cadence takes it for me.


vote - geno


thanks for the reads

[Vulgar]

ZYG - Bahahahaha, you are unique in this world of busting rhymez. Solid take on the topic, comparing the life cycle and geography of three different planets and tying them together. Decent writer's voice, a bit monotone. A bit text-bookie. Not contrived though, like some Discovery Channel universe documentaries can tend to be. You with the voice of Neil DeGrasse Tyson would make this one more memorable. Just reading it isn't really complementary of a charismatic, vibrant telling.

Genocide - lmao. You could've done so many things with this pic, fam. This verse was well composed but ultimately it felt stale to me from the beginning because I knew where it was going. Nothing innovative or unexpected was offered on the table. Writing-wise, Zyg was even with you, so you didn't have him in that aspect.

Vote - Zygote

[Certain]

ZYG: Your approach to this strange genre of poetry is the most interesting I've seen. I skimmed through the voters' explanations before even beginning my own, just to see if they tackled your unique indifference to rhyme scheme, rhyme depth and cadence. They didn't, and I think that comes largely because the three votes come from three members very familiar with your approach and your vast abilities.

We all know you basically can outrhyme any of us. Your ability with any style has been well-documented. That rightfully gives you a bit of leeway in crafting your own, highly original style. I think this style works because it puts the emphasis on the content even more than a more straightforward style, such as Mike Wrecka's. Your thoughts are on display clearly, and when they're as unique as they were in this verse, that works.

But I do wonder if they couldn't be presented in a cleaner manner from a prosaic perspective. I have less of a problem with the "internal gasceous sacs" line that ran ridiculously long than I do with this turn of phrase: "all their internal organs are fully collapsed all of the time." The wording there is sloppy and overly wordy, as though you're trying to stuff extra syllables in just to avoid having too many lines in a row that work with a semi-conventional cadence. I know research papers often are wordy, but "their internal organs are collapsed all of the time" would have worked and kept things moving a bit better. Your redundancies are my biggest complaint about your style: "inaudible sonar," "lifetime" twice in the same line, a heavy use of -ly adverbs, etc. I think to really maximize this style, cleaner writing (and grammar, for the record) would be a big plus.

But I liked this verse, mostly because the entire concept is remarkably creative. Going against Genocide, who tends to take the straight line when available, this kind of twisted concept was really smart. You broke down in simplified but not simple terms the existence of two forms of life that don't actually exist, then a third that does. I was particularly impressed by your representation of evolution. And your writing, redundancies aside, was very clear and instructive. The matter-of-fact tone fit here in a way it doesn't always. You know what you're doing.

Genocide: It's incredible how deep the contrast is in this battle. Your verses in this league have been nothing but emotion and flow. That's right in your wheelhouse as much as writing about science is in ZYG's. But this verse seemed a bit contrived to me. Taking the aggressive stance toward the pregnancy could have been interesting as a start, but you never really moved beyond it. That made this feel like one note and didn't give it the emotional depth that last week's much better verse (which would have worked for this topic, though not quite as direclty) showed.

All that could be overlooked if the writing were a bit more inspired, though. And that's where I think this verse really fell short. When you're working with a well-worn topic, you have to come up with something new or unique to say, but even your violent imagery was rather standard fare. The rhyme scheme was actually stripped down from what I'm used to for you, though the flow remained very fluid aside from the line beginning with, "The adversary she is," which didn't work and clunked things up right as I was finding a rhythm. The best line in the verse was about the ovulation app, which was one of the few moments you allowed yourself to get specific.

What you had here was basically a writer well-versed in angry writing, leaning on his crutch. And that's a shame because even if you weren't a fan of the picture for whatever reason, I think it suited you. You showed last week that you can write about paternity and fatherhood well, and this was a case where you didn't need to go outside of yourself and still could have won this battle. But you seemed to be uninspired, and it showed. I really disliked the last line, even knowing your tendency to break the fourth wall in verses. Blaming a bad topic always is lame, but blaming a bad topic in your actual verse is particularly lame, especially when the topic isn't bad.

Vote: ZYG

[patrown]

zygote - your verse is full of meat. plenty to chew on. somehow i enjoyed the late rhymes. you said so much with each bar - it really is a feat in and of itself. i didn't truly dislike syllable counts, but at times i was a bit thrown off. more and less have their ups and downs, but i think more worked for you here. i enjoyed the small details.. like the sea floor walking creatures with the compressed organs.. who comes up with this stuff? zyg.

genocide- brutal man. brutal. very honest though. that's some real content. i will back certain's point about the last line. could've done without that. some of the language was very abrasive, but that's okay. i can't really complain about any aspect of your verse except for a couple of spelling errors. and they didn't effect my vote at all because everything was easy to comprehend.

/v zyg - i feel he told the more intricate tale. better mechanics. more abstract approach to the topic, which is the more difficult of the two chosen. since zyg did pull it off so well, it's not very hard for me to make this decision. still, two great pieces. thank you both for the reads.

[Certain]

This battle could use votes.